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You are here: HomeJokesChristmas Jokes

Christmas Jokes

A little boy returned from Sunday school with a whole new Christmas story in his mind. He had learned all about the three Wise Men from the East who brought gifts to the Baby Jesus.
He was excited, couldn't wait to tell his parents this whole new Christmas story.
As soon as he arrived home, he immediately began to talk.
'Today I learned all about the very first Christmas in Sunday school! Back then there was not a Santa Claus, so three skinny man had to deliver all the gifts, on camels! And the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Rudolph wasn't there yet with his nose so bright, so they had to follow a big spotlight in the sky to find their way around!'
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Two daughters played in a Christmas pageant at their church. That evening, at dinner, they argued who had the more important role in the Christmas pageant.
Finally the eleven year old said to her younger sister, 'Well, you just ask Mommy. She will tell you that it's much easier to be an angel than it is to be a virgin.'
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A college student was heading home for the Christmas holidays. When she got to the airline counter, she showed her ticket to Washington.
As she gave the agent her luggage, she said, 'I would like you to send my yellow suitcase to Alaska, and my white suitcase to Sweden.'
The puzzled agent said, 'I'm sorry, we can't do that.'
'Really? I am so happy to hear that because that's exactly what you did last year!'
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Why a Christmas tree is better than a wife?

1. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of your truck.
2. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you watch soccer all day.
3. A Christmas tree doesn't care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.
4. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you have an artificial one in the closet.
5. When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the street and have it taken away.



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Christmas Carols and Psychiatric Challenges

Schizophrenia: Do You Hear What I Hear?

Narcissistic: Hark the Herald Angles Sing About Me

Dementia: I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

Multiple Personality Disorder: We Three Queens Disoriented Are
Borderline Personality Disorder: Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

Manic: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and...

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder: Jingle Bells, jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells...

Personality Disorder: You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell You Why

Paranoid: Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me
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A man was in no shape to drive after they had a Christmas party at the office. So he wisely decided to leave his car parked and walked home. As he was walking along with uncertain steps, a policeman stopped him.
'What are you doing out here at 3 a.m.?' asked the policeman.
'We had a Christmas party at the office, now I am going to a lecture,' replied the man.
'And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?' asked the policeman.
'My wife,' replied said the man.
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A husband was in trouble giving Christmas gift to the mother-in-law, who constantly nagged him and gave him lectures. He decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
The next year Christmas came again, but this year he did not buy her anything. The mother-in-law was upset.
'Why didn't you buy a Christmas gift for me?' she asked.
The angry son-in-law replied, 'Well, last year I bought you one, but you still haven't used that one!'
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My husband is working at a computer company. As a Christmas gift from the management the employees got silver cufflinks. One with "Ctrl" the other with "Esc" engraved on them.
I think this is an apt present for the men, reminding them of the two things they can never have.
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Q: What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a detective?
A: Santa Clues.

Q: What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
A: Santapplause.

Q: Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
A: Santa Jaws.

Q: Why does Santa Claus like to work in the garden?
A: Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe.

Q: Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas?
A: They both have "Sandy claws".

Q: What is Santa Claus called when he takes a rest while delivering Christmas gifts?
A: Santa pause.
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Q: Why is the desert lion everyone's favorite animal at Christmas?
A: Because he has sandy claws.
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