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Workplace Jokes

Q: What does the vampire have at ten o'clock every day?
A: Coffin break.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A public worker was cutting the grass near the railroad. He saw a train coming. He dropped all his tools and ran down the line. He ran as fast as he could. The next thing he knew, he was waking up in a hospital bed.
'Why didn't you just run up the grassy hill to be in safe distance?' the doctor asked him.
The public worker replied, 'What were the chances running up? I couldn't outrun it on flat land!'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

An engineer was looking for a new job for better salary. He was sure he'd have no trouble finding a new position, because there was several engineer job advertisements in the area. He e-mailed cover letters to all the potential employers and attached his CV to each one. Two weeks later, he was dismayed. He had not received even one request for a job interview. Finally he received a message from an employer. It explained a lot:
"Your CV was not attached as stated. However thank you for the list of the boats on sale."
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

Three engineering students were chatting about the possible designer of the human body.
The first said, 'It was an electrical engineer, I am sure. The nervous system has thousands of electrical connections.'
The second said, 'No, the designer of the human body was a mechanical engineer. Just look at the structure of the joints!'
The third said, 'Guys, I am pretty sure it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste channel through a recreational area?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A man walked into an ice cream shop.
'Hello, I'd like some chocolate ice cream.'
The scooper replied, 'I really am sorry sir, but we're out of chocolate. Wouldn't you like something else?'
'Sure, I'd like some chocolate ice cream,' he said.
'I am sorry, but we don't have that. Would you like to try a different flavor maybe?' asked the scooper.
'Okay. I'd like some chocolate ice cream.'
'We do not have that. Maybe a different kind of ice cream?'
'I want some chocolate ice cream.'
'Look, sir, can you spell the "van" in vanilla?'
'V-A-N,' spelled the man.
'Could you spell the "straw" in strawberry?' continued the scooper.
'S-T-R-A-W.'
'And can you spell the "freak" in chocolate?
'But there is no "freak" in chocolate!'
'Finally, that is exactly what I've been trying to tell you!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

I was volunteering one summer at the Boy Scout Council office. One day, a NATO professional staff member talked about the NATO phonetic alphabet in the camp. She was casually dressed, not in her usual uniform.
She said that she had learned it some years ago and started to recite it.
'Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta, ...'
When she got to the letter "U" she had to think for a while and asked for help.
I offered her a hint, 'What aren't you wearing today?'
'Underwear?' she replied.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

After I got off my bus, I realized that I had left my vintage yellow purse on a seat. Later I called the bus company and was relieved that the driver had found my purse.
When I went to pick it up, a few off-duty bus drivers surrounded me. One of them handed me my vintage yellow purse along with a box containing the contents of my purse.
'We are required to inventory lost wallets and purses, I think you will find everything there,' he explained.
I started to put my belongings back into the purse, and the man continued, 'I hope you don't mind if we watch. We all tried, but none of us could fit everything back into your purse. We really would like to see how you do it!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Q: How can I have my family history traced, if I can't afford it?
A: Run for public office.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

'Is there any reason you could not serve as a juryman in this case?'
'I do not want to be away from my job that long.'
'Can they operate without your work?'
'Yes, but I do not want them to know it.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A carefully managed, northern lumber company wanted to hire lumberjacks with professional skills. One day a skinny, short man showed up with his axe. The head lumberjack took one look at the short man and told him to leave.
'Give me a chance to show my lumberjack professional skills,' he insisted.
'Ok, can you see that enormous redwood over there?' asked the head lumberjack. 'Take your axe and cut it down.'
The skinny man went to the tree, and in four minutes he was back. 'I cut the tree down,' he said.
The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes, 'Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?'
'In the Sahara Forest,' replied the skinny man.
'You mean the Sahara Desert,' corrected the lumberjack.
The short man laughed and answered back, 'Oh you are right, that's what they call it now!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

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