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Workplace Jokes

Dolores, the Brazilian maid announced to Mr. Rogers and his wife that she was quitting.
When they asked why, she replied, 'I am in the family way.'
Mrs. Rogers was devastated, and asked who it was.
The Brazilian maid replied, 'Your son, and your husband.'
Mrs. Rogers went totally crazy and demanded an explanation at once.
The Brazilian maid replied, 'So, I go to the living room to clean it and your son say: "You are in my way". I go to the dining room to clean and your husband say: "You are in my way." Well, I am in the family way, so I quit.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A security man had a dream. His boss' plane crashed in it. When he woke up he called his boss immediately to tell him to skip the business trip and do not take the flight.
The boss listened to him for some insane reason, and decided to skip the business trip.
The next day, according to the security man's words, the plane crashed.
The relieved boss met the man in his office. First, he gave him a reward, but then he fired him.
'I warned you to skip the business trip. Why are you firing me?' asked the security guy.
'You were sleeping on the job,' replied the boss.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A guy wanted to build a career in writing. He wanted to be a great writer, whose stuff will be read by the whole world, and people will react to on a truly emotional level. He wanted a career in writing to make people wail, cry, scream, feel burning anger, howl in pain and desperation.
So now he is working for Microsoft, writing error messages.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A Scotsman, a Spanish guy and a Chinese fellow were hired at a construction site.
The foreman pointed out a big big pile of sand and said to the Spanish guy, 'José, you are in charge of sweeping.'
The foreman turned to the Scotsman and said, 'You are in charge of shoveling.'
Then he turned to the Chinese guy and said, 'You are in charge of supplies.'
Then the foreman added, 'Now, I have to go and leave the site for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that big pile of sand.'
When he returned, the big pile of sand was untouched.
He asked the Spanish guy immediately, 'Hey, why didn't you sweep any of it?'
'I no have no broom. Chinese fella in a charge of supplies, but he no here, and I no could find him anywhere,' answered the guy.
Then he asked the Scotsman, 'And you? I told you to shovel this pile.'
The Scotsman answered, 'Aye, lad, but couldnay get meself a shoovel! Chinese fella in charge of supplies, but ah couldnay find him either.'
The foreman was really angry now and stormed off towards the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy.
Just then, the Chinese guy jumped out from behind the big pile of sand and yelled, 'SUPPLIES!!!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Q: What happened to the chemist who fell into acid?
A: He was absorbed in work.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

An accordion player was driving home from a show. He stopped at a local store for some beverages. While standing in the queue to pay, he remembered that he locked his car doors but he left the accordion on the back seat in plain view!
The accordion player rushed out only to realize that he was too late.
The back window of his car was smashed and someone had already dropped in two more accordions.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A man walked into an ice cream shop.
'Hello, I'd like some chocolate ice cream.'
The scooper replied, 'I really am sorry sir, but we're out of chocolate. Wouldn't you like something else?'
'Sure, I'd like some chocolate ice cream,' he said.
'I am sorry, but we don't have that. Would you like to try a different flavor maybe?' asked the scooper.
'Okay. I'd like some chocolate ice cream.'
'We do not have that. Maybe a different kind of ice cream?'
'I want some chocolate ice cream.'
'Look, sir, can you spell the "van" in vanilla?'
'V-A-N,' spelled the man.
'Could you spell the "straw" in strawberry?' continued the scooper.
'S-T-R-A-W.'
'And can you spell the "freak" in chocolate?
'But there is no "freak" in chocolate!'
'Finally, that is exactly what I've been trying to tell you!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A foreman sent out two groups of workers to put up telephone poles along a new highway. He asked them to report about the phone pole installation at the end of the day. The groups were gone all day and returned at sunset. The foreman asked the leaders how many poles they had installed.
The first reply was twelve. The foreman smiled and said, 'Not bad, not bad.'
The second reply was three. The foreman astonished, 'Three! Is that all day long?! The other group installed twelve!'
'Yes,' the leader answered, 'but you should have seen how much they left sticking out!'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

After I got off my bus, I realized that I had left my vintage yellow purse on a seat. Later I called the bus company and was relieved that the driver had found my purse.
When I went to pick it up, a few off-duty bus drivers surrounded me. One of them handed me my vintage yellow purse along with a box containing the contents of my purse.
'We are required to inventory lost wallets and purses, I think you will find everything there,' he explained.
I started to put my belongings back into the purse, and the man continued, 'I hope you don't mind if we watch. We all tried, but none of us could fit everything back into your purse. We really would like to see how you do it!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

I was volunteering one summer at the Boy Scout Council office. One day, a NATO professional staff member talked about the NATO phonetic alphabet in the camp. She was casually dressed, not in her usual uniform.
She said that she had learned it some years ago and started to recite it.
'Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta, ...'
When she got to the letter "U" she had to think for a while and asked for help.
I offered her a hint, 'What aren't you wearing today?'
'Underwear?' she replied.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

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