Who Is Who?

Lawyer: who writes a 15,000 word document and calls it a "brief."

Accountant: who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

Auditor: who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.

Banker: who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Economist: who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

Statistician: who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

Actuary: who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.

Schoolteacher: who used to think he or she liked children.

Programmer: who solves a problem you didn't know you had, in a way you don't understand.

Mathematician: who is the blind man in the dark room looking for the black cat which isn't there.

Diplomat: who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you'll look forward to the trip.

Topologist: who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut.

Professor: who talks in someone else's sleep.

Consultant: who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.

Psychologist: who watches everyone else when a beautiful woman enters the room.