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Travel Jokes

The real meaning of travel agency descriptions:

No extra fees = No extras available.
Explore on your own = At your own expense.
Options galore = Nothing is for free, pay extra for everything.
Old world charm = No phone, no TV, no sockets in the room.
Romantic = There is no TV, no radio, only one bulb.
Tropical = Rainy.
Gentle breezes = In hurricane alley.
Bird watchers paradise = The paint of your car will never be the same.
Majestic location = A long drive from town, at end of a bumpy dirt road.
Secluded hideaway = It is hard to find even with your GPS.
Only minutes from the airport = By helicopter.
Standard = Sub-standard.
Deluxe = Barely Standard.
Superior accommodations = One complimentary chocolate on your pillow, free shower cap.
All the amenities = Two chocolates, two shower caps.
Just like home = No Maid service.
Light and airy = No air conditioning.
Picturesque = There is a theme park next to it.
24-hour bar = Ice cubes at additional cost when available.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

A vagabond in the Middle Ages found a roadside inn. It was the "Lancelot and the Dragon". As it was raining and he was hungry and exhausted, he entered.
'Good evening! Could you spare some leftover food?'
The innkeeper's wife looked at his dirty face, worn-out, muddy clothes and his shaggy hair.
'No way!' she shouted.
'Could I have a sip of beer?'
'No way!' she shouted again.
'Could I please sleep in your stable at least?' begged the vagabond.
'No way!' shouted again the innkeeper's wife.
'Please, can I ...?'
'What the heck?' interrupted the the woman, not allowing him to finish.
'... that can I have a word with Lancelot?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Q: Moses wandered in the wilderness for forty years, why?
A: He wouldn't ask for directions.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A man was driving down the highway when his mobile rang. His wife warned him, 'Honey, be careful, there's one car going in the wrong direction on the highway. It was in the news.'
The man replied, 'Thank you darling, but it's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Moving to Africa means you no longer have to associate bridges or rivers with water.
Moving to Africa makes you withstand 110 degrees without fainting.
Moving to Africa converts hot chilies to mouth coolers.
Moving to Africa gives you the privilege of making tea anywhere.
Moving to Africa enables you driving a car only with two fingers in July.
Moving to Africa teaches you that the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
Moving to Africa shows you that what is like getting hot water out from both taps.
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An American tourist was in Moscow for a week. He had to get rid of a large bag of garbage from his an apartment. He searched and searched, but didn't find any place to the large bag of garbage. Finally he decided to go down one of the side streets to dump it there.
Yet, he was stopped by a Moscow police officer.
'Hey you, what are you doing?'
'Hello, I have to throw this garbage away,' answered the tourist.
'Oh, look, you can't throw it away here. Follow me,' the policeman offered.
He led the tourist to a beautiful garden with green grass, colorful flowers, and freshly cut hedges.
'Here you can dump it.'
The American shrugged and threw his large bag of garbage.
'Thank you officer. This is very nice of you. Is this Russian courtesy?' asked the tourist.
'No. This is American Embassy.'
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The monastery was built high upon a cliff. The only access to reach it was by way of riding in a big bicker basket which was pulled up by several monks to the top. The ride over the rocky, sharp-edged terrain was steep, and in a big wicker basket was terrifying indeed. One brave visitor wanted go up. Roughly halfway he frightened and turned pale seeing that the rope by which they was being pulled was rather frayed and splitting. He frantically asked the monk who was seated next to him in the basket how often they changed the rope.
Thinking for a moment, the monk replied, 'Whenever it breaks.'
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A radical feminist was getting on the bus when, just in front of her, a man got up from his seat.
She thought to herself, 'Here is another man. Nice. Trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a defenseless, poor woman his seat.'
With that thought she pushed him back onto the seat.
A little later the man tried to get up again. The feminist on the bus was insulted again and refused to let him up.
Finally, the man said, 'Look, lady, I have get up, please. I'm a mile past my stop already and I have to go to work.'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A train crashed into a car and pushed it nearly three hundred meters in a terrible accident at a railroad crossing. Thankfully nobody was killed, but the car driver took the train company to court. At the trial, the trainee train driver, who was in charge, insisted that he had given obvious warning by waving his lantern back and forth for quite a long time. He even demonstrated how he had done it and convinced the court. The suit was dismissed.
'Congratulations,' said the lawyer to the trainee train driver when they went out finally of the building, 'you were great under cross-examination.'
'Thank you,' he replied, 'but I was frightened to be honest.'
'Why?' asked the lawyer.
'I was extremely afraid he was going to ask if the lantern was lit!'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

My colleague took off with his family to see the country. When he returned, I asked how the family caravan holiday was spent.
'Todd,' he replied, 'have you ever spent almost a month in family caravan with those you thought you loved?'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

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