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Travel Jokes

My colleague took off with his family to see the country. When he returned, I asked how the family caravan holiday was spent.
'Todd,' he replied, 'have you ever spent almost a month in family caravan with those you thought you loved?'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A vagabond in the Middle Ages found a roadside inn. It was the "Lancelot and the Dragon". As it was raining and he was hungry and exhausted, he entered.
'Good evening! Could you spare some leftover food?'
The innkeeper's wife looked at his dirty face, worn-out, muddy clothes and his shaggy hair.
'No way!' she shouted.
'Could I have a sip of beer?'
'No way!' she shouted again.
'Could I please sleep in your stable at least?' begged the vagabond.
'No way!' shouted again the innkeeper's wife.
'Please, can I ...?'
'What the heck?' interrupted the the woman, not allowing him to finish.
'... that can I have a word with Lancelot?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

I was flying from Mexico to Chicago. We had to stop in Dallas on our way to fill up the fuel tank. The stewardess explained that there would be a delay, and if we wanted to get off the aircraft, we could, but have to come back is 45 minutes.
Everybody got off the plane except one elderly man who was blind. I could tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him. I also saw that he had a seeing eye dog.
'Mark, we're in Dallas for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?'
Mark replied, 'No Sam, thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch her legs.'
All the people who looked up came to a complete stand still when saw the pilot walk off the plane with the seeing eye dog. The pilot was even wearing sunglasses.
The passengers rushed to the information desks where they not only tried to change planes, they also were trying to change airlines.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Read some pre-flight safety briefing quotes, to keep on mind:

"There may be 30 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 6 ways out of this aircraft."

"Should the cabin lose air pressure, oxygen masks will fall off from the overhead area. Place the mask over your own nose and mouth before assisting children or adults acting like children."

"As we prepare for the take-off, please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are fully upright. In their most uncomfortable position."

"Last one off the plane have to clean it."

"Weather at our destination is 40 degrees with some broken clouds. They will try to have them fixed before we arrive."

"Thank you for flying with us, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Northern Airlines."

"We do have a smoking section. If you must smoke during the flight, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the plane."

"Folks, we have reached our flight altitude now. I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the airplane till we land, it is a bit cold outside."

On one particular flight the pilot had dropped his plane onto the runway really hard. The airline's policy required the first officer to stand at the door, smiling, while the passengers exited. He had a hard time looking into the passengers' eyes.
Finally everyone had gotten off, except for one elderly lady. She asked, 'Mind if I ask you something? Did we land or were we shot down?'

After a windy and bumpy landing, the stewardess announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Michigan. Please stay calm in your seats with your seatbelts fastened, while the taxi takes the Captain far from the airport."

"As you exit the plane, please gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave spouses or children."
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The pilots and the cabin crew felt severe vibration during their intercontinental flight. The captain decided to make an emergency landing in Iceland, and switched on the seat belt sign. However, the vibration stopped immediately.
Everybody was confused until a passenger came out from a lavatory and admitted that he had been jogging in place to stay fit.
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A guy stopped at a rural gas station. He filled his tank and also had a coffee there, so he had the time to look around. He saw two men working along the roadside. The first would dig a hole and then move on. The second came along behind and filled in the hole.
'Hello, can I ask something?' he asked the roadside workers. 'I must ask, what are you doing?'
'Well, we work for the government,' the first man said.
'But one of you is digging a hole and the other is filling it up. This is insane, aren't you wasting the government's money?'
'You don't understand, mister,' the second replied. 'Normally there's three of us. Bill digs the hole, John sticks in a tree and I put the dirt back. You know, we cannot stop doing our job, just because of John's sickness.'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Two friends, Lucas and Steve, went on a trip to Europe. They really enjoyed their time there.
When they got back, Lucas met up with his other friend, Jessica, to tell her all about it.
'One of the first places we went to was the Cathedral of Notre Dame in Paris. It was really neat.'
'Wow! Did you go in?'
'No, we couldn't, since Steve is a cripple. But after we did go to visit the leaning tower of Pisa. That was really great!'
'Fantastic! Did you go up inside it?'
'No, unfortunately we couldn't, since Steve is a cripple. But we went to visit the Big Ben after. In London, England.'
'Cool. Did you go up to the top?'
'No, we couldn't, since Steve is a cripple. But after we did attend mass at the Vatican.'
'Wow, really? What happened?'
'Well, the Pope made the sign of the cross, and George dropped his left crutch, and then his right crutch!'
'Amazing, what happened then?'
'George fell on his bum. He is a cripple, you know!'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

An elderly lady was sitting next to the Pope on an airplane. They were flying in a storm, above snowy mountain peaks, and the plane was being rocked by some severe turbulence. She was horrified so she turned to the Pope and asked, 'Father, can you do something about this?'
To which the Pope answered, 'Sorry, I am in sales, not in management.'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

Join our frequent near-miss program
Do not hesitate to ask about our out-of-court settlements
The kids will love our inflatable slides
Bring a bathing suit
If you think it's so easy, get your own plane
Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you
Which will fall faster, our stock price or our planes?
We may be landing on your street
Terrorists are afraid to fly with us
A real man lands where he wants to
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: Which is the highest building of Transylvania?
A: The Vampire State Building.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

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