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Travel Jokes

An Arab diplomat was visiting the U.S.A. for the first time. He was wined and dined by the State Department.
The Grand Emir was unused to the salty American foods, and from time to time he sent his manservant, Abdul, to fetch him a glass of water.
But after several rounds, Abdul came back empty-handed.
'Abdul, you sandy son of a bald camel, where is my glass of water?' demanded the Grand Emir.
Abdul said thousand pardons, felt miserable, and stammered, 'White man sit on well.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A vagabond in the Middle Ages found a roadside inn. It was the "Lancelot and the Dragon". As it was raining and he was hungry and exhausted, he entered.
'Good evening! Could you spare some leftover food?'
The innkeeper's wife looked at his dirty face, worn-out, muddy clothes and his shaggy hair.
'No way!' she shouted.
'Could I have a sip of beer?'
'No way!' she shouted again.
'Could I please sleep in your stable at least?' begged the vagabond.
'No way!' shouted again the innkeeper's wife.
'Please, can I ...?'
'What the heck?' interrupted the the woman, not allowing him to finish.
'... that can I have a word with Lancelot?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The pilots and the cabin crew felt severe vibration during their intercontinental flight. The captain decided to make an emergency landing in Iceland, and switched on the seat belt sign. However, the vibration stopped immediately.
Everybody was confused until a passenger came out from a lavatory and admitted that he had been jogging in place to stay fit.
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

At wintertime, some days before Christmas, my flight was delayed due to weather conditions. Since they needed the gate for another flight, the aircraft was backed away from the gate. We were then told the new gate number, so everyone went there, only to find that a third gate had been designated for us. Finally, despite the chaos, everyone got on board.
'Dear passengers, we apologize for the inconvenience caused. Your flight was delayed due to weather conditions, but now flying is safe. Our destination is Houston, if you are not on your flight by accident, please go back to the information desk now,' announced the stewardess.
A red-faced, embarrassed pilot emerged from the cockpit, carrying his bags.
'Sorry, excuse me,' he said, 'other plane.'
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(So far it's 4.67 point, based on 3 ratings)

An old man was eating in a diner. Three wild motocross riders marched in. As they passed the old man, the first pushed his cigarette into the old man's boiled eggs, then laughed harshly and took a seat at the counter. The second motocross rider picked up the old man's milkshake and spit into it. The third poured the salt into his coffee before joining the others at the counter. Without saying a word to the laughing mob, the old man put his money down, and left the diner.
One of the riders said to the waitress, 'Not much of a man, was he?'
The waitress answered, 'Not much of a truck driver either apparently. He just went over three motorcycles with his truck!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Join our frequent near-miss program
Do not hesitate to ask about our out-of-court settlements
The kids will love our inflatable slides
Bring a bathing suit
If you think it's so easy, get your own plane
Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you
Which will fall faster, our stock price or our planes?
We may be landing on your street
Terrorists are afraid to fly with us
A real man lands where he wants to
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

The charter suddenly stopped, turned around and returned from the airport runway to the gate. After two hours of waiting, it finally took off.
A troubled passenger asked the stewardess, 'What was the problem, why were we returned from the airport runway and why did we wait that much?'
'The pilot was bothered by a strange noise he heard from the engine,' explained the stewardess, 'and, you know, it took a while to find another pilot.'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician were traveling by train through Hungary, when they saw a black sheep on a field.
'I see that Hungarian sheep are black,' said the engineer.
'Hmm,' said the physicist, 'I suppose you mean that some Hungarian sheep are black.'
'No,' said the mathematician, 'we only know is that there is at least one sheep in Hungary and at least one side of that one sheep is black!'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A young guy wanted a new haircut before vacation. He booked a trip to Rome, Italy. His barber didn't hold back his comments, 'Rome? Why would anyone go there? It's crowded, dirty. Full of tourists and loud Italians. You're crazy to go there. So, how are you getting there?'
'I am taking Air Italia,' replied the guy. 'I got a great fare rate!'
'That is a shitty airline. Their planes are dirty, old, the stewardesses are ugly and they are always late. So, where are you staying at?'
'I will be at the International Ibis in the city center.'
'That is a dump. The worst hotel in Rome. Small rooms, overpriced. So, what will you do there?'
'I am going to go to see the Vatican and I hope to see the Pope.'
'You and a million other people trying to see him!' laughed the barber. 'Good luck on this trashy trip of yours. You're going to need it.'
A month later, the young guy again came to the barber for his new haircut. The barber asked him about his vacation in Rome.
'It was amazing,' answered the guy, 'not only was I on time in one of Air Italia's brand new planes, but as it was overbooked I was upgraded to first class. The food and champagne were wonderful, and I had a beautiful stewardess. The hotel was fantastic! After its redesign, now it's the best hotel in the city. There, due to overbooking, I got the presidential suite.'
'Sounds exciting,' murmured the barber, 'I am sure you didn't get to see the pope.'
'Actually, I was lucky as never before, as I walked the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder. He explained that the pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and I was chosen. I could step into his private room and ten minutes later the pope walked through the door! I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me.'
'Really?' asked the barber in his surprise. 'What did he say?'
'He asked where I had got the trashy haircut.'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

A college student was heading home for the Christmas holidays. When she got to the airline counter, she showed her ticket to Washington.
As she gave the agent her luggage, she said, 'I would like you to send my yellow suitcase to Alaska, and my white suitcase to Sweden.'
The puzzled agent said, 'I'm sorry, we can't do that.'
'Really? I am so happy to hear that because that's exactly what you did last year!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

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