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Travel Jokes

A young guy, who wants to travel all around the world, signs on to a cargo vessel to be trained as a helmsman. After mastering the classroom exams, he starts his practical training at the wheel of a vessel. In his first lesson, the helmsman instructor gives him a heading, and the young guy holds to it. Then the instructor orders, 'Come starboard.'
Knowing immediately which way starboard is, the guy hurries to his helmsman instructor. He has a puzzled look on his face. The wheel now is swinging freely. The instructor asks politely, 'Could you bring the cargo vessel with you?'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

A cruise ship sank in the middle of the ocean. Three men managed to get in a lifeboat. They floated around for days without any water or food. One morning a golden lamp floated up to the lifeboat. One man could reach it. He pulled the cork, and a genie appeared.
'I will grant each of you one wish,' said the genie.
'I wish I was home with my family,' said the first man. Then he was gone in an instant.
'I wish I was home with my girlfriend,' wished the second man. He was gone in an instant, too.
The third man looked around, and his face saddened.
'I am kind of lonely now,' he said. 'I wish my two friends were here with me again.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

The reception of the Portsmouth hotel got a call from their French guest. He wanted room service for some pepper.
The concierge asked politely, 'White pepper, or black pepper?'
The French Guest replied, 'Toilette pepper!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passed through a harsh storm. The turbulence was terrible, and things went even worse when one wing was struck by lightning. One woman in particular lost it.
In her fear, she stood up screaming, 'I'm too young to die! I want my last minutes on Earth to be special! I've had a lot of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a real woman! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a real woman?'
For a moment, there was silence. Everyone was staring at her.
Then, a man stood up. He was tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and black eyes. He started to walk slowly to the woman, unbuttoning his shirt.
The woman was breathing heavily as the stranger approached.
He removed his shirt. Muscles rippled across his chest as he reached her.
He extended his arm holding his shirt to the woman, and said, 'Iron this!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

I have a friend who is a Boeing 747 pilot.
I said, 'Hi Jack!'
He shot me.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

Two drivers came to a narrow street in the old town where only one car could cross at a time. One driver leaned out his window and shouted to the other, 'I never back up for jerks.'
The other driver put his car in reverse and shouted back, 'That's ok, I do.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

It was mealtime on the longest low cost flight.
'Would you like dinner, Sir?' asked the flight attendant.
'Well, this is the longest low cost flight, what are my choices?' he asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

The patient woke up in the bed.
'I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?' he exclaimed.
'You've had a serious traffic accident. You crashed with a train,' replied the doctor.
'What happened?' asked the patient.
'You have to calm down. I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?'
'Please, please, the bad news first.'
'Your legs were injured badly. We couldn't save them, we had to amputate both.'
'My dear god, that's terrible! What's the good news then?'
'There's a guy in the next room who heard about your serious traffic accident and made a very good offer on your shoes.'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A radical feminist was getting on the bus when, just in front of her, a man got up from his seat.
She thought to herself, 'Here is another man. Nice. Trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a defenseless, poor woman his seat.'
With that thought she pushed him back onto the seat.
A little later the man tried to get up again. The feminist on the bus was insulted again and refused to let him up.
Finally, the man said, 'Look, lady, I have get up, please. I'm a mile past my stop already and I have to go to work.'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A mountain guide in Iceland had to do the same trails over and over again. He loved nature, but just got tired answering the same silly questions. One time an Indian tourist became overwhelming. They were walking through a mountain valley that was full with rocks.
'How did these rocks get here? What happened here?' asked he Indian tourist.
'They were brought down by a glacier, sir,' replied the mountain guide.
The tourist looked the mountain and said, 'I don't see any glacier.'
'Oh, really?' said the jaded mountain guide. 'Probably it has gone back for more rocks.'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

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