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Due to my back problems, each night I lie on the floor and do some exercises. Once at a hotel, as I started my exercise, there was something under the bed. It was a small card, saying: "Yes, we clean under here, too."
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

An airline pilot was scheduled to take a flight from San Francisco to Mexico City. The weather was too bad to allow the usual, on-time departure. When the sky was finally clear, the pilot asked for take-off permit. He was very upset to hear that he had another serious flight delay due to the increased airport traffic. Sometime later he decided to ask for a direct route to Mexico City to reduce his delay.
Halfway across the continent he was told to turn East. Knowing that this turn would now will crash his whole flight schedule, he inquired harshly about the reason. The controller replied that the reason was noise abatement.
The pilot went furious and said to the controller, 'Look buddy, I am already way behind my schedule, in a serious flight delay, I really do not see how I could be causing a noise problem for the people when I am over 5 miles above them!'
In a calm voice, the controller replied, 'I suppose you have never heard the sound of the collision of two 747 aircrafts!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A train crashed into a car and pushed it nearly three hundred meters in a terrible accident at a railroad crossing. Thankfully nobody was killed, but the car driver took the train company to court. At the trial, the trainee train driver, who was in charge, insisted that he had given obvious warning by waving his lantern back and forth for quite a long time. He even demonstrated how he had done it and convinced the court. The suit was dismissed.
'Congratulations,' said the lawyer to the trainee train driver when they went out finally of the building, 'you were great under cross-examination.'
'Thank you,' he replied, 'but I was frightened to be honest.'
'Why?' asked the lawyer.
'I was extremely afraid he was going to ask if the lantern was lit!'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

A man was traveling to the mountaintop monastery. He hiked up on the steep flight of stairs, knocked on the door, and said, 'I hiked up here to see your beautiful and sacred place, but it is dark now, could I stay here for the night?'
The monks graciously accepted him and gave him a delicious dinner. As the man tried to fall asleep, he heard a weird sound. The next morning, he asked the monks of the mountaintop monastery what the sound was.
'We can't tell you, as you are not a monk,' they replied.
The man was disappointed but thanked them anyway the warm welcome before he left.
A few years later, the same man was traveling to that area again. He decided to visit the monks. They again accepted him, fed him, and he could stay there again for the night. And he heard the same weird noise that he had already heard years earlier.
The next morning, he asked what it was, but the monks of the mountaintop monastery said, 'We can't tell you, as you are not a monk.'
The man replied, 'All right, all right. My friends, I am eager to know. If that is the only way tell me, how do I become a monk?'
The monks said, 'You must travel and see the earth and tell us how many leaves there are and the exact number of morning dew drops. When you find these, you will become a monk.'
The man set about his task. Forty years later, he returned and knocked on the door of the mountaintop monastery.
'I have traveled and saw the earth and have found what you asked for. There are 168,111,235,698 leaves and 324,358,139,054,114,883 morning dew drops on the earth.'
The monks of the mountaintop monastery replied, 'Congratulations! You are a monk now! We shall show you now the way to the sound.'
The monks led the man to a wide wooden door, 'The sound is right behind that door.'
The man reached for the knob, but the door was locked. He said, 'It's funny, but may I have the key?'
The monks gave him the key, and he opened the door. Behind the wide wooden door there was another door made of stone. The man demanded the key to the stone door, and the monks gave him. After opening it, he found an other door made of emerald. He demanded the key from the monks of the mountaintop monastery. They gave it to him. After opening, he found an other door made of ruby. And behind that door there was another door made of titanium, and behind that one there was a golden door.
Finally, the monks said, 'This is the last key to the last, golden door.'
The man unlocked the door excitedly, turned the knob, and behind that door he was amazed to find the source of that weird sound.
But I cannot tell you what it was because you are not a monk of the mountaintop monastery.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

At wintertime, some days before Christmas, my flight was delayed due to weather conditions. Since they needed the gate for another flight, the aircraft was backed away from the gate. We were then told the new gate number, so everyone went there, only to find that a third gate had been designated for us. Finally, despite the chaos, everyone got on board.
'Dear passengers, we apologize for the inconvenience caused. Your flight was delayed due to weather conditions, but now flying is safe. Our destination is Houston, if you are not on your flight by accident, please go back to the information desk now,' announced the stewardess.
A red-faced, embarrassed pilot emerged from the cockpit, carrying his bags.
'Sorry, excuse me,' he said, 'other plane.'
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(So far it's 4.67 point, based on 3 ratings)

The flight was on the runway when it stopped and returned to the gate. After an hour long flight delay, it finally took off. A worried passenger asked the stewardess, 'What was the problem, why was this flight delayed?'
'The pilot heard a strange noise from the engine.' she explained. 'It was not easy to find a new pilot.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The reception of the Portsmouth hotel got a call from their French guest. He wanted room service for some pepper.
The concierge asked politely, 'White pepper, or black pepper?'
The French Guest replied, 'Toilette pepper!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Moving to Africa means you no longer have to associate bridges or rivers with water.
Moving to Africa makes you withstand 110 degrees without fainting.
Moving to Africa converts hot chilies to mouth coolers.
Moving to Africa gives you the privilege of making tea anywhere.
Moving to Africa enables you driving a car only with two fingers in July.
Moving to Africa teaches you that the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
Moving to Africa shows you that what is like getting hot water out from both taps.
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Join our frequent near-miss program
Do not hesitate to ask about our out-of-court settlements
The kids will love our inflatable slides
Bring a bathing suit
If you think it's so easy, get your own plane
Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you
Which will fall faster, our stock price or our planes?
We may be landing on your street
Terrorists are afraid to fly with us
A real man lands where he wants to
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

A young guy, who wants to travel all around the world, signs on to a cargo vessel to be trained as a helmsman. After mastering the classroom exams, he starts his practical training at the wheel of a vessel. In his first lesson, the helmsman instructor gives him a heading, and the young guy holds to it. Then the instructor orders, 'Come starboard.'
Knowing immediately which way starboard is, the guy hurries to his helmsman instructor. He has a puzzled look on his face. The wheel now is swinging freely. The instructor asks politely, 'Could you bring the cargo vessel with you?'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

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