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Travel Jokes

A vagabond in the Middle Ages found a roadside inn. It was the "Lancelot and the Dragon". As it was raining and he was hungry and exhausted, he entered.
'Good evening! Could you spare some leftover food?'
The innkeeper's wife looked at his dirty face, worn-out, muddy clothes and his shaggy hair.
'No way!' she shouted.
'Could I have a sip of beer?'
'No way!' she shouted again.
'Could I please sleep in your stable at least?' begged the vagabond.
'No way!' shouted again the innkeeper's wife.
'Please, can I ...?'
'What the heck?' interrupted the the woman, not allowing him to finish.
'... that can I have a word with Lancelot?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A man was driving down the highway when his mobile rang. His wife warned him, 'Honey, be careful, there's one car going in the wrong direction on the highway. It was in the news.'
The man replied, 'Thank you darling, but it's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

An old lady called the Miami airport to book a ticket. 'I want to fly from Miami to Rhino, New York.'
The agent was loss for words. He asked again, 'Are you sure? Is that the name of the city?'
'Yes, what flights do you have?' asked the client.
After some searching, the agent answered, 'I'm really sorry madam, I have looked up every airport code, but I can find Rhino nowhere.'
The client was impatient, 'Oh don't be so gawky! Everyone knows where it is. Check on your map!'
The agent took a map of the state of New York and finally offered, 'You mean Buffalo, don't you?'
'That's it! I knew it was some kind of big animal,' was the reply.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

My friend was learning aviation safety, and they arrived to the topic of health and safety in the air transport industry. He asked his instructor about the safety benefits of a twin engine aircraft.
The answer was simple: 'If one engine fails, the other will take you to the scene of the accident.'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

The real meaning of travel agency descriptions:

No extra fees = No extras available.
Explore on your own = At your own expense.
Options galore = Nothing is for free, pay extra for everything.
Old world charm = No phone, no TV, no sockets in the room.
Romantic = There is no TV, no radio, only one bulb.
Tropical = Rainy.
Gentle breezes = In hurricane alley.
Bird watchers paradise = The paint of your car will never be the same.
Majestic location = A long drive from town, at end of a bumpy dirt road.
Secluded hideaway = It is hard to find even with your GPS.
Only minutes from the airport = By helicopter.
Standard = Sub-standard.
Deluxe = Barely Standard.
Superior accommodations = One complimentary chocolate on your pillow, free shower cap.
All the amenities = Two chocolates, two shower caps.
Just like home = No Maid service.
Light and airy = No air conditioning.
Picturesque = There is a theme park next to it.
24-hour bar = Ice cubes at additional cost when available.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

An Arab diplomat was visiting the U.S.A. for the first time. He was wined and dined by the State Department.
The Grand Emir was unused to the salty American foods, and from time to time he sent his manservant, Abdul, to fetch him a glass of water.
But after several rounds, Abdul came back empty-handed.
'Abdul, you sandy son of a bald camel, where is my glass of water?' demanded the Grand Emir.
Abdul said thousand pardons, felt miserable, and stammered, 'White man sit on well.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The flight was on the runway when it stopped and returned to the gate. After an hour long flight delay, it finally took off. A worried passenger asked the stewardess, 'What was the problem, why was this flight delayed?'
'The pilot heard a strange noise from the engine.' she explained. 'It was not easy to find a new pilot.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

NASA was preparing for the mission to the moon. They did some astronaut training near the Navajo Indian reservation.
On their last day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew.
The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question which his son translated, 'What are you doing in these big suits?'
A member of the crew replied, 'We are planning a mission to the Moon. We are practicing here.'
The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with them. The astronauts agreed and the old Navajo could send a voice message.
After the recording, they asked the son to translate the message. He refused.
The NASA crew then called in an official government translator. He could translate message: "Watch out for these guys, they will steal your land."
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Two friends, Lucas and Steve, went on a trip to Europe. They really enjoyed their time there.
When they got back, Lucas met up with his other friend, Jessica, to tell her all about it.
'One of the first places we went to was the Cathedral of Notre Dame in Paris. It was really neat.'
'Wow! Did you go in?'
'No, we couldn't, since Steve is a cripple. But after we did go to visit the leaning tower of Pisa. That was really great!'
'Fantastic! Did you go up inside it?'
'No, unfortunately we couldn't, since Steve is a cripple. But we went to visit the Big Ben after. In London, England.'
'Cool. Did you go up to the top?'
'No, we couldn't, since Steve is a cripple. But after we did attend mass at the Vatican.'
'Wow, really? What happened?'
'Well, the Pope made the sign of the cross, and George dropped his left crutch, and then his right crutch!'
'Amazing, what happened then?'
'George fell on his bum. He is a cripple, you know!'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Russian are viewing the famous painting of Adam and Eve walking in the Garden of Eden.
'Look, they're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are in France,' mused the Frenchman.
'No, look at their calm, their reserve,' disagreed the Englishman, 'The Garden of Eden must be in England.'
'Look, no clothes, no shelter,' the Russian pointed out, 'they have only apple to eat. They are being told this is paradise. Clearly, this is in Russia.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

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