Thanksgiving Dinner Tips
No.1: When dad is not looking, pop old recorded football games in the VCR. Make sure it is set to the last minutes of the game. When dad comes into the room, turn off the VCR and turn on the regular TV.
No.2: When everyone says what he or she is thankful for, say, 'I am thankful I didn't get caught.' Refuse to say anything more.
No.3: Bring a date that only talks about the abusive and tragic conditions at turkey farms.
No.4: Take two fully loaded plates to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender. Take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it is the brand new Thanksgiving Weight-Loss Shake.
No.5: During mid-meal turn to mom and say loudly, 'See Mum, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey expired. You were worried for nothing.'
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