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Sports Jokes

Q: What do you need to shoot in order to win a professional golf tournament?
A: Tiger Woods.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

Once there was a guy that went skydiving. He jumped out of the plane, but soon discovered his parachute is torn.
His companion asked, 'Wanna race, buddy, eh?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A doctor, a priest and an engineer were waiting for a particularly slow group on the golf course.
'What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 20 minutes! This slow play on the golf course is unacceptable.' said the engineer.
'I don't know, but I've never seen such a slow play!' said the doctor.
'I'm gonna ask Hector, the caddie,' said the priest. So they went to him.
'Hey, Hector, what's with that slow group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?'
'Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our golf course and clubhouse from a fire last year, so they can play here for free anytime,' replied Hector.
The group was silent for a moment.
'That is so sad, I will say a special prayer for them tonight,' said the priest.
'I'm going to contact my friend, who is an ophthalmologist and see if there's anything he can do for them,' said the doctor.
'Why cannot they play at night?' asked the engineer.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A man was hiking in Canada, when he spotted a shiny bottle in a small cave. He picked up the bottle, opened it, and to his surprise, a Genie popped out.
'Master, you have released me from this shiny bottle I was trapped in for centuries. I am happy to grant you three wishes! Ask anything!'
The man was thinking for a moment and said, 'I wish the The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup, the Toronto Blue Jays win the World Series and The Toronto Raptors win the NBA title.'
The Genie was thinking about this for a moment and then jumped back into the shiny bottle.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

'Billy, I thought I told you to keep an eye on your little brother, where is he?' asked the father his son.
His son replied thoughtfully, 'Daddy, if he knows as much about canoeing as he thinks he does, he is out canoeing then. Well, if he knows as much about canoeing as I think he does, he is out swimming.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man went to buy jogging shoes. To his surprise, there was a huge variety of them. While trying on a basic pair, he noticed a small but confusing feature, a pocket on the shoe. He and asked the clerk about it.
'Why is there a little pocket on the shoe, here on the side?'
'Oh, that's for spare change. When you jogged too far, you can call your wife to pick you up.'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Two old men, Sam and Brad, were sitting on a bench feeding pigeons.
'Do you think there's football in heaven?' asked Sam.
'I don't know. But let's make a deal! If I die first, I will come back and tell you if there's football in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same.'
They agreed on it, but sadly, three months later, poor Sam died. One day soon afterward, Brad was sitting on the bench, feeding the pigeons by himself.
He suddenly heard a voice whispering, 'Brad! Brad!'
'Sam! Is that you?'
'Yes, yes,' whispered Sam's ghost.
'So, is there football in heaven?'
'Well,' started Sam, 'I have got good news and bad news.'
'I want to hear the good news first,' said Brad.
'Well, there is football in heaven.'
'That's just great! What news could be bad then?'
Sam sighed and whispered, 'You are the goalkeeper on Tuesday.'
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'If our parachute doesn't open, nor the reserve parachute, how long do we have until we hit the ground?' asked the beginner from the professional skydiving instructor, who always took the time to answer all the silly questions.
He gave his answer this time, too, 'The rest of your life.'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

Ole went to the Olympic Games.
'Are you a pole vaulter?' turned a lady to him while sitting on a bench.
Ole replied, 'No, I am Norwegian and my name is not Valter.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish and he will rest in a boat and drink beer all day.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

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