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Sports Jokes

A kind but a bit retarded soccer player died and went to heaven.
'There are too many people in heaven so you have to answer three questions to enter,' said St. Peter.
'Okay, no problem,' replied the soccer player.
'What two days of the week begin with the letter "T"?
'Today and tomorrow, it was easy.'
'Hmmm, I didn't think of that, this is not entirely correct, but I'll give it to you,' said St. Peter and continued, 'How many seconds are in a year?'
The soccer player replied, 'Twelve. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc.'
'That wasn't what I was thinking, but I'll give it to you, however I feel again, that this is not entirely correct answer. But go for the last question, what is God's first name?'
'Howard,' came the reply.
'How on earth did you get Howard?' asked St. Peter in his surprise.
'Well, it's easy. Our father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name.'
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A man was hiking in Canada, when he spotted a shiny bottle in a small cave. He picked up the bottle, opened it, and to his surprise, a Genie popped out.
'Master, you have released me from this shiny bottle I was trapped in for centuries. I am happy to grant you three wishes! Ask anything!'
The man was thinking for a moment and said, 'I wish the The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup, the Toronto Blue Jays win the World Series and The Toronto Raptors win the NBA title.'
The Genie was thinking about this for a moment and then jumped back into the shiny bottle.
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Q: Why did they stop the leper hockey game?
A: Because there was a face-off in the corner.
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In case you don't succeed at first, skydiving is not for you.
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'Do you know, what is the difference between a Norwegian and a tandem kayak?' Erik asked Mikkel.
'No, I don't know,' replied Mikkel.
'A tandem kayak will tip sometimes' explained Erik.
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Q: Why are penguins the best race drivers?
A: Because they are always in the pole position.
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He was strong, but such a brainless Thai fighter, that when he was driving to the airport and he saw the sign: "Airport Left", he turned around and went back home.
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Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man went to buy jogging shoes. To his surprise, there was a huge variety of them. While trying on a basic pair, he noticed a small but confusing feature, a pocket on the shoe. He and asked the clerk about it.
'Why is there a little pocket on the shoe, here on the side?'
'Oh, that's for spare change. When you jogged too far, you can call your wife to pick you up.'
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish and he will rest in a boat and drink beer all day.
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Q: What is ugly and evil and bounces?
A: A witch on a trampoline.
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