Sports Jokes

Q: What is ugly and evil and bounces?
A: A witch on a trampoline.

Q: Why are penguins the best race drivers?
A: Because they are always in the pole position.

A kind but a bit retarded soccer player died and went to heaven.
'There are too many people in heaven so you have to answer three questions to enter,' said St. Peter.
'Okay, no problem,' replied the soccer player.
'What two days of the week begin with the letter "T"?
'Today and tomorrow, it was easy.'
'Hmmm, I didn't think of that, this is not entirely correct, but I'll give it to you,' said St. Peter and continued, 'How many seconds are in a year?'
The soccer player replied, 'Twelve. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc.'
'That wasn't what I was thinking, but I'll give it to you, however I feel again, that this is not entirely correct answer. But go for the last question, what is God's first name?'
'Howard,' came the reply.
'How on earth did you get Howard?' asked St. Peter in his surprise.
'Well, it's easy. Our father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name.'

Q: If you have a UVA football player and a Virginia Tech football player in the same car at the same time, who drives?
A: The state trooper.

Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man went to buy jogging shoes. To his surprise, there was a huge variety of them. While trying on a basic pair, he noticed a small but confusing feature, a pocket on the shoe. He and asked the clerk about it.
'Why is there a little pocket on the shoe, here on the side?'
'Oh, that's for spare change. When you jogged too far, you can call your wife to pick you up.'

Josh came to work on Monday and his colleagues asked him how his weekend was.
'I was playing golf on the weekend,' he answered.
'How was it? Did it go well?' they asked.
'I hit two of my best balls,' he replied.
'Tell us about it!'
'I stepped on a rake.'

Q: What is the difference between a snowwoman and a snowman?
A: Snowballs.

Frederick had been playing golf for five years, and he had the finest equipment. However, his technique never improved a bit.
As his friend, Rick, watched him playing, he promptly drove a brand new golf ball into the lake at the first hole.
He drove another new golf ball into the woods at the second hole.
He lost a new golf ball in another part of the woods at the third hole.
'Why don't you use an old ball?' Rick asked.
'I have never had an old ball,' replied Frederick.

Q: Why did the witch want to join the football club?
A: Because they were looking for a new sweeper.

Q: Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
A: So you can tell them apart from feminists.