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Sports Jokes

A kind but a bit retarded soccer player died and went to heaven.
'There are too many people in heaven so you have to answer three questions to enter,' said St. Peter.
'Okay, no problem,' replied the soccer player.
'What two days of the week begin with the letter "T"?
'Today and tomorrow, it was easy.'
'Hmmm, I didn't think of that, this is not entirely correct, but I'll give it to you,' said St. Peter and continued, 'How many seconds are in a year?'
The soccer player replied, 'Twelve. January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc.'
'That wasn't what I was thinking, but I'll give it to you, however I feel again, that this is not entirely correct answer. But go for the last question, what is God's first name?'
'Howard,' came the reply.
'How on earth did you get Howard?' asked St. Peter in his surprise.
'Well, it's easy. Our father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A doctor, a priest and an engineer were waiting for a particularly slow group on the golf course.
'What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 20 minutes! This slow play on the golf course is unacceptable.' said the engineer.
'I don't know, but I've never seen such a slow play!' said the doctor.
'I'm gonna ask Hector, the caddie,' said the priest. So they went to him.
'Hey, Hector, what's with that slow group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?'
'Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our golf course and clubhouse from a fire last year, so they can play here for free anytime,' replied Hector.
The group was silent for a moment.
'That is so sad, I will say a special prayer for them tonight,' said the priest.
'I'm going to contact my friend, who is an ophthalmologist and see if there's anything he can do for them,' said the doctor.
'Why cannot they play at night?' asked the engineer.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

The game of choice is basketball for unemployed people or maintenance level workers.
The game of choice is football for frontline employees.
The game of choice is tennis for middle management.
The game of choice is golf for executives and CEOs.
Summary: The higher you are in the hierarchy, the smaller your balls are.
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A man was hiking in Canada, when he spotted a shiny bottle in a small cave. He picked up the bottle, opened it, and to his surprise, a Genie popped out.
'Master, you have released me from this shiny bottle I was trapped in for centuries. I am happy to grant you three wishes! Ask anything!'
The man was thinking for a moment and said, 'I wish the The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup, the Toronto Blue Jays win the World Series and The Toronto Raptors win the NBA title.'
The Genie was thinking about this for a moment and then jumped back into the shiny bottle.
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Papa Bear and Mama Bear had serious marital problems. They decided to divorce, and Baby Bear had to choose between them.
The judge asked him, 'Would you like to live with your father?'
Baby Bear replied, 'No, because Papa Bear beats me every day.'
'Okay, then do you want to live with your mother?'
'No, she beats me even more times.'
The judge was a bit confused and saddened hearing this. 'Well, you have to live with someone, and since your parents have marital problems they will divorce soon. Is there any relatives you would like to stay with?' he asked.
'Yes,' answered Baby Bear, 'with Bonnie Bear and Bobby Bear who live in Chicago.'
'Are you sure they will treat you well?' asked the judge.
'Oh, indeed,' replied Baby Bear, 'the Chicago Bears don't beat anybody.'
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Q: Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
A: So you can tell them apart from feminists.
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Q: Why did the witch want to join the football club?
A: Because they were looking for a new sweeper.
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Q: What do fishermen and hypochondriacs have in common?
A: None of them has to catch anything to be happy.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish and he will rest in a boat and drink beer all day.
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Q: Why did they stop the leper hockey game?
A: Because there was a face-off in the corner.
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