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Sports Jokes

Top 10 Signs you aren't watching a real baseball game:

1. The hitter as the kid who sold you a hot dog a couple minutes earlier.
2. Every time a player slides into second, he busts his hip.
3. When umpire yells: "Strike 3!" the hitter looks at him as if the dude's speaking Greek.
4. They keep shouting: "Do over!"
5. They just can't scratch themselves like professionals.
6. First base: Siskel. Second base: Ebert.
7. Players constantly adjusting each other's cups.
8. You overheard the coach yelling: "Run, Forrest, run!"
9. They play like the Mets.
10.Game stops when some lady in a house near the stadium shouts: "Dinner time!"





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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach him how to fish and he will rest in a boat and drink beer all day.
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Jack decided to take his boss, Frank to play 9 holes in their lunch break. While both men were playing excellent they were quite often held up by slow golfers, two women.
Jack offered to talk to the women and see if they can speed it up. He got about half of the way, but there stopped and jogged back. His boss asked what the problem was.
'So, turns out that I know the slow golfers. One of those women is my wife and the other my mistress,' admitted Jack.
Frank just shook his head at Jack and started toward the women determined to finish his round of golf. Soon he stopped, too, and turned around.
'What's wrong?' asked Jack.
Frank replied, 'It is a small world Jack, and you are fired!'
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Q: Why are penguins the best race drivers?
A: Because they are always in the pole position.
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The football team was about to finish their daily practice session when a large, feathered creature, a big turkey walked onto the field.
The players were more puzzled, when the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and then ran right through the defensive line.
When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, 'You are awesome! Sign up for the season, please, and I will see to it that you get a huge bonus.'
The turkey replied, 'Forget the bonus. Does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?'
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There were two fishing-enthusiasts in a boat under a bridge. They were fishing together on a Saturday morning, as always.
When a funeral procession went through the bridge, one of them looked up, stood up, took off his cap and bowed his head. After the procession crossed the bridge, the man put on his cap, picked up his rod and continued fishing.
'That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you,' said the other fishing-enthusiast.
The first replied, 'I guess it was the right thing to do. I was married to her for 44 years, after all.'
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Q: What is the difference between a snowwoman and a snowman?
A: Snowballs.
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Josh came to work on Monday and his colleagues asked him how his weekend was.
'I was playing golf on the weekend,' he answered.
'How was it? Did it go well?' they asked.
'I hit two of my best balls,' he replied.
'Tell us about it!'
'I stepped on a rake.'
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A young guy, who was also a devoted golfer, found himself with a few hours to spare one Sunday afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in seven holes before he had to go home.
Just as he was about to start, an old gentleman appeared and asked if he could accompany the young guy as he was golfing alone. He didn't want to say no, so he allowed the old man to join him. To his surprise, their game was quite fast.
Finally, they reached the seventh hole, where the young guy found himself with a tough shot. There was a high pine tree right between his ball and the seventh hole.
After a few minutes of debating how to hit the shot, the old gentleman said, 'You know, I had hit the ball right over that pine tree when I was at your age.'
With that, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, but it smacked into the top of the pine tree and it stuck there.
'Of course, when I was at your age, that pine tree was only two feet tall,' commented the old gentlemen.
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Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man went to buy jogging shoes. To his surprise, there was a huge variety of them. While trying on a basic pair, he noticed a small but confusing feature, a pocket on the shoe. He and asked the clerk about it.
'Why is there a little pocket on the shoe, here on the side?'
'Oh, that's for spare change. When you jogged too far, you can call your wife to pick you up.'
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