School Jokes

A guy saw a beautiful girl in the university corridor, so he asked, 'Have you got any overdue library books? 'Cause, you got fine written all over you.'

Q: Why did the bully go to beauty school?
A: To tease hair.

The Bible school teacher took over a class. He asked little Linda, 'Who broke down the walls of Jericho?'
Little Linda replied, 'It wasn't me, I swear!'
The teacher was taken aback by the lack of basic Bible knowledge. He went to the school principal and informed him about what had just happened.
The principal replied, 'I know Little Linda very well. She and her whole family is reliable. If she said that she did not do it, then I, as principal, know that this is the truth.'
Outraged, the teacher went to the regional dead of education. There he also told the story.
After listening the regional head replied, 'I cannot see why you are making such a big hassle out of this. Simply go, get three quotes and fix that wall!'

- There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
- A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
- Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
- There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
- The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
- All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.
- In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
- A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
- Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
- An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
- Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
Now I know everything!

The teacher asks her class, 'If you feel you are stupid, please stand up.'
The class is shocked when they see Jasmine stand up.
The teacher asks Jasmine, 'Why are you standing up?'
She replies, 'I did not want you to feel alone.'

The housewife went to the market to buy Alaskan salmon and olive oil.
'How much is it?' she asked the merchant.
'16 euros,' he replied..
'16 euros! For what?' asked back the lady.
The merchant explained, 'The Alaskan salmon is 8 euros, and the olive oil is also 8 euros. So together it comes to 16 euros.'
'I know different. To the best of my recollection, 8 and 8 is 14.'
'What are your saying?'
'As far as I know, 8 and 8 is 14. Look, I had already had 5 children when my first husband died. When I married again, my second husband also had 5 children from his first wife. After getting married, we had together 3 children. So each of us had 8 children, and together we had 13 ! So, you see, 8 and 8 is 13.'

One day a teacher asked one of her students, 'Who signed the Declaration of Independence?'
The little boy didn't know the answer. He was asked again and again on the next days, but he just couldn't learn, did not know the right answer.
Finally, the teacher called the boy's father to her office.
'Your son won't tell me who signed the Declaration of Independence,' she complained desperately.
'Come here, son. Sit down,' said the father. 'If you signed that crazy thing, please now admit it and then we both can go home.'

Q: How many philosophers do you need to change the light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the light bulb, and the other not to change it.

A physicist, a chemist and a mathematician were shipwrecked. They managed to swim to a desert island.
'Is there any food on a desert island?' they asked each other.
As they walked on the beach they found a can. This made them so happy, the chemist and the physicist came up with many inventive ways to open the can.
Then suddenly the mathematician got a bright idea and said, 'Assume we have a can opener.'

A biologist, an engineer and a mathematician are trying to find the best of the cattle fencing solutions for their cows, but they only have a very limited amount of building material. First the engineer starts to make a circle fence with the material. He says it is the fastest and the easiest solution.
'No, it is not a good cattle fencing solution,' stands up the biologist, 'I have a better idea.'
He takes the fence and makes a square-shaped pen, showing that the most of the green grass can be involved in that shape.
Then the mathematician speaks up, 'No, there is an even better way.'
He proceeds to construct a tiny little fenced-in area around himself, then declares, 'I define myself to be on the outside.'