School Jokes

Four high school boys wanted to sleep more on a Monday morning, so they skipped classes. After lunch they arrived, and told the teacher that they were late due to a flat tire.
Much to their relief the teacher smiled and said, 'Well, you missed today's test. Nevertheless, take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper.'
She waited for them to sit down, and after she dictated the first question, 'Which tire was flat?'

A biologist, an engineer and a mathematician are trying to find the best of the cattle fencing solutions for their cows, but they only have a very limited amount of building material. First the engineer starts to make a circle fence with the material. He says it is the fastest and the easiest solution.
'No, it is not a good cattle fencing solution,' stands up the biologist, 'I have a better idea.'
He takes the fence and makes a square-shaped pen, showing that the most of the green grass can be involved in that shape.
Then the mathematician speaks up, 'No, there is an even better way.'
He proceeds to construct a tiny little fenced-in area around himself, then declares, 'I define myself to be on the outside.'

The engineer thinks that his equations are an approximation to reality.
The physicist thinks reality is an approximation to his equations.
The mathematician does not care.

Little Cindy comes home from her first day of school.
Her mother asks, 'What did you learn at school today?'
Little Cindy answers, 'Not much, to be honest. They want me back tomorrow.'

The First Philosophy Law: For every philosopher, there is an equal and opposite philosopher.

The Second Philosophy Law: They are both wrong.

A schoolteacher was sitting at her desk reading a magazine when her first-grade class came back from lunch.
Ginger informed the schoolteacher, 'Vincent went to the principal's office.'
'Why? I don't know what happened,' said the teacher mused.
'Because he is a following person,' replied Ginger.
'A what?'
'It came from the loudspeakers: "The following persons have to go to the principal's office..."'

Q: How many philosophers do you need to change the light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the light bulb, and the other not to change it.

Why being a chemist is good?

1. You prefer to get your course credits the hard way
2. Access to 100% pure ethanol
3. You never have to worry about what you're doing on Friday night, because you will work in the lab.
4. You will know how to completely dissolve the bodies of your enemies
5. Permanent goggle marks cheaper than a tattoo.
5+1. Because it's pHun!

My daughter told me, just before opening the door in the morning, that she had to take a plain, white T-Shirt to school because the teacher was going to iron an anti-drug message on it.
I madly swept through my daughter's wardrobe only to find nothing usable. The best option was a T-Shirt that already had something printed on one side. My daughter took that one. That afternoon, when she returned home, happily showed me her T-Shirt.
On one side it said: "Families are Forever"
And on the other side: "Be Smart, Don't Start."

Time it would take you to drop...

...from the top of the Mount Everest: 2 1/2 minutes

...from the top of the Eiffel Tower: 7 seconds

...from the top of the Great Pyramid in Giza: 6 seconds

...from the top of Big Ben: 5 seconds

...asleep reading this joke: ZzzZZzzZzzzz