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School Jokes

It is not easy to describe what a bad dresser classmate is, but if you saw it running across your kitchen floor, your father would immediately hit it with a broom.

'I think you have your shoes on the wrong feet,' said the teacher.
'I don't think so. These are the only feet I have,' replied the pupil.

My bad dresser classmate was so proud of the way he looked, he invited himself to the prom.

The teacher said to my bad dresser classmate to do something about his shirt tail hanging out. So my classmate took off his trousers.
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A guy saw a beautiful girl in the university corridor, so he asked, 'Have you got any overdue library books? 'Cause, you got fine written all over you.'
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'If I give you a dollar,' quizzed the teacher, 'and you ask your father for two dollars, how much money will you have?'
'One dollar,' replied Penny.
'You don't know basic math, sweetheart,' said the disappointed teacher and shook her head.
Little Penny shook her head, too, and said, 'You don't know my daddy.'
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Oh my dear Lord, hear my anxious plea,
My calculus is killing me.
I know nothing of 'dx' or 'dy',
And I probably won't until the day I die.
My dear Lord, help me in this hour,
As I take my case to the highest power.
I care not for glory or loot,
Just please help me find one square root.
And please Lord, please let me see
One passing mark in organic chemistry.
Oh such a thing I constantly dread
I would just as soon join the Marines instead.
Lord, give me a sign
You have been listening all the time.
Lead me out of this constant coma
And please give me a shot at my diploma.
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The teacher asks her class, 'If you feel you are stupid, please stand up.'
The class is shocked when they see Jasmine stand up.
The teacher asks Jasmine, 'Why are you standing up?'
She replies, 'I did not want you to feel alone.'
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A physicist, a chemist and a mathematician were shipwrecked. They managed to swim to a desert island.
'Is there any food on a desert island?' they asked each other.
As they walked on the beach they found a can. This made them so happy, the chemist and the physicist came up with many inventive ways to open the can.
Then suddenly the mathematician got a bright idea and said, 'Assume we have a can opener.'
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'Mum, Mum, some kid at school called me a sissy today!' complained the boy.
'And what did you do?' asked the mother.
'I hit him on the face with my purse!' replied the boy.
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One morning a strict father was trying to wake up his son, 'Wake up now! It's high time to go to school.'
'I want to stay in bed, I don't want to go to school,' the son answered.
His father said, 'Give me then two reasons why you don't want to go to school.'
'OK. Firstly, all the children hate me there. Secondly, all the teachers hate me there.'
'No, these are not good enough,' the strict father replied.
'Fine, fine,' the son replied, 'You give me then two good reasons why I should go to school.'
'Firstly, you are 50 years old. Secondly, you are the principal of that school.'
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A biologist, an engineer and a mathematician are trying to find the best of the cattle fencing solutions for their cows, but they only have a very limited amount of building material. First the engineer starts to make a circle fence with the material. He says it is the fastest and the easiest solution.
'No, it is not a good cattle fencing solution,' stands up the biologist, 'I have a better idea.'
He takes the fence and makes a square-shaped pen, showing that the most of the green grass can be involved in that shape.
Then the mathematician speaks up, 'No, there is an even better way.'
He proceeds to construct a tiny little fenced-in area around himself, then declares, 'I define myself to be on the outside.'
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How can you prove that the Crocodylus niloticus is longer than it is wide?

Step 1: Prove that the crocodile is longer than it is green.
Look at the crocodile. It's long on the top and on the bottom, but the green part is only the top. So, the Crocodylus niloticus is longer than it is green.

Step 2: Prove that the crocodile is greener than it is wide.
Look at the crocodile. It's green along its length and width. But it is wide only along its width. So, the Crocodylus niloticus is greener than it is wide.

Consequently, the crocodile is longer than it is wide.
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