School Jokes

The local high school had a strict rule on school attendance and absence. Parents had to call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Judy decided to skip school one day. Instead, she wanted to go to the mall with her friends. She waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself.
'Hi, I'm calling to report that Judy is unable to go to school today. She is ill.'
'Oh, I'm sorry to hear that,' replied the school secretary, 'According to the school attendance and absence rule I have to fill in a form. Who is this calling?'
'This is my mother.'

We were asked to write down our answers to a few questions at my sociology class.
'Next question,' continued the instructor. 'How would you like to be seen by the opposite sex?'
I was about to write my answer when a young blonde next to me asked, 'How do you spell "intellectual"?'

My daughter told me, just before opening the door in the morning, that she had to take a plain, white T-Shirt to school because the teacher was going to iron an anti-drug message on it.
I madly swept through my daughter's wardrobe only to find nothing usable. The best option was a T-Shirt that already had something printed on one side. My daughter took that one. That afternoon, when she returned home, happily showed me her T-Shirt.
On one side it said: "Families are Forever"
And on the other side: "Be Smart, Don't Start."

It is not easy to describe what a bad dresser classmate is, but if you saw it running across your kitchen floor, your father would immediately hit it with a broom.

'I think you have your shoes on the wrong feet,' said the teacher.
'I don't think so. These are the only feet I have,' replied the pupil.

My bad dresser classmate was so proud of the way he looked, he invited himself to the prom.

The teacher said to my bad dresser classmate to do something about his shirt tail hanging out. So my classmate took off his trousers.

A guy saw a beautiful girl in the university corridor, so he asked, 'Have you got any overdue library books? 'Cause, you got fine written all over you.'

Little Robbie's second grade teacher was playing with the class an alphabet quiz.
'Robbie, what comes after "O"?' she asked.
Robbie replied, 'Yeah!'

Oh my dear Lord, hear my anxious plea,
My calculus is killing me.
I know nothing of 'dx' or 'dy',
And I probably won't until the day I die.
My dear Lord, help me in this hour,
As I take my case to the highest power.
I care not for glory or loot,
Just please help me find one square root.
And please Lord, please let me see
One passing mark in organic chemistry.
Oh such a thing I constantly dread
I would just as soon join the Marines instead.
Lord, give me a sign
You have been listening all the time.
Lead me out of this constant coma
And please give me a shot at my diploma.

'What's 6 and 9?' asked the teacher.
'6 and 9 is 15,' replied the pupil.
'That's good,' said the teacher.
'Good? That's perfect!' replied the pupil.

After twenty years of high school teaching, I though I have already heard every reasons for not having homework, until one mother sent me this note: "Please Mrs. Smith, excuse Eva for not having her homework. Our dachshund had puppies on it last night."

Why being a chemist is good?

1. You prefer to get your course credits the hard way
2. Access to 100% pure ethanol
3. You never have to worry about what you're doing on Friday night, because you will work in the lab.
4. You will know how to completely dissolve the bodies of your enemies
5. Permanent goggle marks cheaper than a tattoo.
5+1. Because it's pHun!