School Jokes

It was the first day of school after the summer vacation. As a school bus driver it was time to pick up the children and take them home. At the end, somehow one little girl remained on the bus. Thinking she had missed her stop, I started driving slowly back and asked her to let me know if any of the houses looked familiar. The girl sat smiling in the yellow school bus and shook her head whenever I asked her if she recognized a house. I decided to go back to the school and ask for her address. When we arrived, she got off the bus and started walking away.
'Wait! We have to go inside to find out your address!'
'I live right there,' she answered, pointing to a house across the street, 'but I always wanted a ride on a yellow school bus.'

Little Robbie's second grade teacher was playing with the class an alphabet quiz.
'Robbie, what comes after "O"?' she asked.
Robbie replied, 'Yeah!'

Maths teacher: Where is your homework?
Student: I lost it fighting this bully who said you weren't the best maths teacher in the school.

A guy died and went to Heaven. Up there he was the third person in line at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter was taking his lunch break, so an other angel was admitting the newcomers into Heaven. Trying to be a little bit more strict, the angel ordered them to tell their former occupations and yearly salaries.
The woman, who was the first in line said, 'I was an actress. I earned $1,500,000 last year.'
The angel let her in.
The man behind her said, 'I earned $170,000 last year as a lawyer.'
The angel was thinking for minute, but then let him in as well.
The guy started, 'I only earned $9,000 last year...'
'Oh,' the angel interrupted, 'and tell me, what subject did you teach?'

Teacher asks the naughtiest boy in class, 'Tell me Frederick, why is the globe flattened only at the Poles and not anywhere else?'
Frederick replies, 'I did not do anything, I swear miss. The globe was in the same condition last year!'

A schoolteacher was sitting at her desk reading a magazine when her first-grade class came back from lunch.
Ginger informed the schoolteacher, 'Vincent went to the principal's office.'
'Why? I don't know what happened,' said the teacher mused.
'Because he is a following person,' replied Ginger.
'A what?'
'It came from the loudspeakers: "The following persons have to go to the principal's office..."'

The teacher asks her class, 'If you feel you are stupid, please stand up.'
The class is shocked when they see Jasmine stand up.
The teacher asks Jasmine, 'Why are you standing up?'
She replies, 'I did not want you to feel alone.'

My daughter told me, just before opening the door in the morning, that she had to take a plain, white T-Shirt to school because the teacher was going to iron an anti-drug message on it.
I madly swept through my daughter's wardrobe only to find nothing usable. The best option was a T-Shirt that already had something printed on one side. My daughter took that one. That afternoon, when she returned home, happily showed me her T-Shirt.
On one side it said: "Families are Forever"
And on the other side: "Be Smart, Don't Start."

Q: What is the difference between a teacher and a train?
A: The teacher says: "Get that gum out of your mouth". The train says: "Chew, Chew!"

Q: Do you find television educating?
A: Definitely. Every time someone turns on the TV set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Q: Why does every major university maintain a department of mathematics?
A: It is cheaper than putting them in the system for a normal salary.

Q: What will you get when you divide the circumference of your jack-o'-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi.