School Jokes

The housewife went to the market to buy Alaskan salmon and olive oil.
'How much is it?' she asked the merchant.
'16 euros,' he replied..
'16 euros! For what?' asked back the lady.
The merchant explained, 'The Alaskan salmon is 8 euros, and the olive oil is also 8 euros. So together it comes to 16 euros.'
'I know different. To the best of my recollection, 8 and 8 is 14.'
'What are your saying?'
'As far as I know, 8 and 8 is 14. Look, I had already had 5 children when my first husband died. When I married again, my second husband also had 5 children from his first wife. After getting married, we had together 3 children. So each of us had 8 children, and together we had 13 ! So, you see, 8 and 8 is 13.'

Little Robbie's second grade teacher was playing with the class an alphabet quiz.
'Robbie, what comes after "O"?' she asked.
Robbie replied, 'Yeah!'

Time it would take you to drop...

...from the top of the Mount Everest: 2 1/2 minutes

...from the top of the Eiffel Tower: 7 seconds

...from the top of the Great Pyramid in Giza: 6 seconds

...from the top of Big Ben: 5 seconds

...asleep reading this joke: ZzzZZzzZzzzz

No offense, but your aim is so bad you threw the ball in P.E. class for the floor, and missed!
No offense, but your sister has been in the same grade for so long that everybody thinks she is the teacher!
No offense, but your armpits smell so bad the teacher gave u an A for not raising your hand!

A guy died and went to Heaven. Up there he was the third person in line at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter was taking his lunch break, so an other angel was admitting the newcomers into Heaven. Trying to be a little bit more strict, the angel ordered them to tell their former occupations and yearly salaries.
The woman, who was the first in line said, 'I was an actress. I earned $1,500,000 last year.'
The angel let her in.
The man behind her said, 'I earned $170,000 last year as a lawyer.'
The angel was thinking for minute, but then let him in as well.
The guy started, 'I only earned $9,000 last year...'
'Oh,' the angel interrupted, 'and tell me, what subject did you teach?'

We were asked to write down our answers to a few questions at my sociology class.
'Next question,' continued the instructor. 'How would you like to be seen by the opposite sex?'
I was about to write my answer when a young blonde next to me asked, 'How do you spell "intellectual"?'

'Mum, Mum, some kid at school called me a sissy today!' complained the boy.
'And what did you do?' asked the mother.
'I hit him on the face with my purse!' replied the boy.

A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician were just chilling in the park and watching the crowd. Across the street they saw a woman and a man entering a building. Five minutes later they appeared again together with a third person.
'Oh no, an error in measurement,' sighed the physicist.
'They have multiplied,' said the biologist.
'If now one person enters the building, it will be empty again,' concluded the mathematician.

A little girl came home on Friday afternoon, who has just finished her first week of elementary school.
'This is a waste of time,' she complained to her mother, 'I cannot read, I cannot write, and they do not let me talk!'

Q: How many philosophers do you need to change the light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the light bulb, and the other not to change it.