School Jokes

We were asked to write down our answers to a few questions at my sociology class.
'Next question,' continued the instructor. 'How would you like to be seen by the opposite sex?'
I was about to write my answer when a young blonde next to me asked, 'How do you spell "intellectual"?'

The schoolteacher spent the entire hour reading about the Cape buffalo to her class. After she finished, she said, 'It's your turn kids, name some things that are very dangerous to get near to and have horns!'
Little Ginny spoke up without any hesitation, 'Automobiles!'

Maths teacher: Where is your homework?
Student: I lost it fighting this bully who said you weren't the best maths teacher in the school.

No offense, but your aim is so bad you threw the ball in P.E. class for the floor, and missed!
No offense, but your sister has been in the same grade for so long that everybody thinks she is the teacher!
No offense, but your armpits smell so bad the teacher gave u an A for not raising your hand!

'Finn, how can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?' asked the teacher.
'Just don't bite any,' replied Finn.

My teenage daughter was incredibly nervous as she took the wheel for her first driving lesson. As she was pulling out of the parking area, the instructor educated her, 'Turn right here, and as a reminder, you have to let the people behind you know what you are doing.'
So my daughter turned to the others sitting in the back seat and announced loudly, 'I am going right.'

One day the grammar teacher asked for a short story about family from the pupils, and they had to use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First, he called on little Mary, who responded with, 'On the weekend my father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'
'Very good, Mary,' replied the teacher. He then called on little Tommy.
'My Mum planned a beautiful birthday party and it turned out beautifully,' he said.
'Excellent short story about family, Tommy!'
Then, the teacher called on little Jeremy.
'Last Sunday, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant. He said, "Oh that is beautiful, just beautiful!"

A literature teacher often wrote short comments on student essays. She was working late one night, and as the time passed, her hand became tired.
The next day, after class, one of her students came to her and asked, 'I cannot make out these short comments you wrote on my paper.'
The teacher took the paper, and after staring at it for a minute, she replied, 'Oh, it says that you have to write more legibly!'

My son was doing a project on 70's rock groups. He had to write an essay, so he asked me to name 2 of them.
'Yes!' I said.
'Who?' he asked.
'There you go,' I replied.

- There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.
- A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
- Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
- There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
- The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
- All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.
- In most advertisements, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.
- A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
- Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
- An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
- Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
Now I know everything!