Puns Jokes

Q: What is the season to be on a trampoline?
A: Spring-time.

A girl walks into a grocery store in the city center and asks the shopkeeper if he has any nuts. The shopkeeper replies, 'No, madam.'
'And do you have any dates?' she asks.
The shopkeeper replies, 'Madam, if I had any nuts I would have dates.'

Q: Which object has four wheels and flies?
A: Garbage truck.

Q: What does one wall say to the other wall?
A: I will meet you at the corner.

The night before Christmas the family went early to sleep. They were suddenly awakened by an explosion in the middle of the night. They ran outside and saw the outside toilet in a million pieces, with Santa Claus in the middle. He was shaking his fist at Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer: 'You silly reindeer of mine! I said the SCHMIDT house!'

Q: Have you heard about the blind circumcisor?
A: Yeah, he got the sack.

A mushroom went to the bar and sat down to order a drink. The bartender walked over and said, 'I am sorry sir, but we do not serve your kind here.'
The mushroom sat back and asked, 'Why not? I am a fun guy!'

Two atoms are running down the road and they run into each other. One asks the other, 'Are you all right?'
'No, I've lost an electron!'
'Are you sure?'
'Yes, I am positive!'

One day, Brutus Bunny was hopping through the field, snatching all the voles and peck them.
The good fairy appeared, and told him, 'Little Brutus Bunny, this is evil! Stop it, or Mother Nature will turn you into something gooney!'
Brutus Bunny just laughed.
The next day, Brutus Bunny was again hopping through the field, snatching all the voles and peck them.
The good fairy appeared again, and repeated, 'Little Brutus Bunny, this is evil! Stop it, I say, or Mother Nature will turn you into something gooney!'
Brutus Bunny just laughed again.
The next day, Brutus Bunny was still hopping through the field, snatching all the voles and peck them.
This day Mother Nature appeared. And BAMMM, Brutus Bunny was turned into an ugly goon, so he would never to terrorize voles again.
What is the moral?
Hare today, goon tomorrow.

Never say anything about anybody until you walk a mile in his or her shoes. Because after, when you are a mile away, you have got the shoes, and you can say literally whatever the hell you want.