Puns Jokes

'Doctor, Doctor! Please help me! I keep thinking I am a vampire!'
'Necks please!'

Q: How did the Vikings send secret messages long ago?
A: By norse code.

Q: What did one earthquake say to the other earthquake?
A: It is all your fault.

Never say anything about anybody until you walk a mile in his or her shoes. Because after, when you are a mile away, you have got the shoes, and you can say literally whatever the hell you want.

We know that Columbus believed the world was round while others believed it was flat. Christopher Columbus never knew he was right.
We know that he reached an undiscovered continent we know as America now. Christopher Columbus never knew he was the first explorer.
Recently documents revealed what Columbus actually said on returning from his first voyage. The first words were: "I will bet I am the first man who ever got nineteen hundred miles on a galleon."

Two atoms are running down the road and they run into each other. One asks the other, 'Are you all right?'
'No, I've lost an electron!'
'Are you sure?'
'Yes, I am positive!'

Q: On what should you put the statue of your cat?
A: On a caterpillar.

Q: Which object has four wheels and flies?
A: Garbage truck.

Q: What did Tennessee?
A: Whatever Arkansas.

I just leave my friend's answering machine message here:
"I am only here in spirit at the moment, but if you leave your number and name, I will get back to you as soon as I am here in person."