Puns Jokes

We know that Columbus believed the world was round while others believed it was flat. Christopher Columbus never knew he was right.
We know that he reached an undiscovered continent we know as America now. Christopher Columbus never knew he was the first explorer.
Recently documents revealed what Columbus actually said on returning from his first voyage. The first words were: "I will bet I am the first man who ever got nineteen hundred miles on a galleon."

Q: What kind of money do fishermen make?
A: Net profits.

I just leave my friend's answering machine message here:
"I am only here in spirit at the moment, but if you leave your number and name, I will get back to you as soon as I am here in person."

Q: What does one wall say to the other wall?
A: I will meet you at the corner.

The night before Christmas the family went early to sleep. They were suddenly awakened by an explosion in the middle of the night. They ran outside and saw the outside toilet in a million pieces, with Santa Claus in the middle. He was shaking his fist at Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer: 'You silly reindeer of mine! I said the SCHMIDT house!'

Q: What is the season to be on a trampoline?
A: Spring-time.

Q: What happened when the cat swallowed a coin?
A: There was some money in the kitty.

In the Claus family St. Nicholas is the main Claus.
His wife is a relative Claus.
His children are dependent Clauses.
The Dutch aunt is a restrictive Claus.
Santa's elves are subordinate Clauses.

Q: Why is the desert lion everyone's favorite animal at Christmas?
A: Because he has sandy claws.

'Lulu, in the park this morning I was surrounded by lions!'
'Lance, surrounded by lions, in the park?'
'Well, dandelions!'