Political Jokes

A man walked up to the White House and shouted to the guard, 'I would like to speak to Bill Clinton, the president!'
'Hey, Bill Clinton is no longer the President of the United States. George Bush is the president,' replied the guard.
This happened three days in a row, and finally the guard yelled back aggressively, 'I have told you several times! Bill Clinton is no longer the president. George Bush is the President of the United States!'
The man said, 'I know, I know, I just like hearing it!'

The U.S. President was walking in the garden of the White House on a beautiful snowy day, when he saw that someone had urinated on the snow. It could be spelled out: "The President Sucks." In his fury, he called the secret service to find out who had done it. In two hours, they came to him.
'There is some bad news and worse news. The bad news is that this is the Vice President's urine.'
'Oh my god, how could he do this to me? You told me there were some bad news and worse news. What could be worse than this?'
'This is the first lady's handwriting.'

Q: What did Saddam want for Thanksgiving?
A: Turkey.

Q: What is the design error in being Bill Clinton for Halloween?
A: You cannot get door-to-door with your pants around your ankles.

The lawyer was reading out the testament of a rich politician to the people mentioned in that.
"To my loving wife Gerda, who stood by me in the best and worst times, the house and $5 million."
"To my daughter Rebecca, who looked after me in illness and kept the political party going, the new yacht, the party leadership and $2 million."
"And to my cousin Ken, who hated me, and went against my party, who argued with me and thought I wouldn't mention him in my testament, hey, you were wrong: Hello Ken!"

Q: How do ethnic jokes start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.

The politician heard that most people are murdered within 15 miles of their home. So he made a political movement and moved.

Alice dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter is kind of bored, so upon passing the entrance test, he offers to show the new soul around. She thinks it is a great idea and accepts the generous offer. St. Peter shows her all the sights: the water pools, the tennis court, the library, the restaurant and finally, an enormous room full of clocks.
'What's the story of these clocks, Peter?'
'Everyone on earth is represented here, in this room full of clocks. They show how much time a person has left on earth. When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to Heaven's Gates to be judged.'
Alice thinks this makes sense, but notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others. She asks why that is.
'Every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds up the clock.'
Alice notices one clock in the center of the ceiling. On this clock, both hour hands are spinning at an incredible rate.
'What has happened with that clock above?'
'Oh, that is,' St. Peter answers, 'Bill Clinton's clock. We decided to use it as a fan.'

My neighbor asked me on his grill party why I was such a dedicated republican.
'My father and grandfather were republicans. I am carrying on the family tradition of being a dedicated republican.'
'Is that your reason?' said my angry neighbor, 'What if your father and grandfather had been chicken thieves?'
'Then I'd be a democrat like you, I guess.'

There were three politicians, stranded on a remote, desert island. For their surprise, they found a bottle with a genie in it on the beach.
'Because there are three of you, you each get only one wish,' announced the genie.
'Only one wish? Then I want a superyacht!' said the first politician.
BOOM! The superyacht appeared!
The second politician said, 'I want two billion dollars!'
BOOM! All the money appeared!
'If I have only one wish, I want to be irresistible to women!' said the third politician.
BOOM! He turned into a chocolate bar!