Political Jokes

Q: What is the design error in being Bill Clinton for Halloween?
A: You cannot get door-to-door with your pants around your ankles.

The CIA, the FBI, and the LAPD are all trying to prove that they are the best at their jobs, especially at arresting criminals. The U.S. President decides to test them. He releases a red fox into a forest and has each of them try to catch it.
The CIA goes first. They have to be sly as a fox. They place animal informers throughout the forest. They question all the plants and all the animals. After two months of intensive investigation they conclude that red foxes do not exist.
The FBI goes next. They have to be sly as a fox. After one month without any leads they burn down the forest, kill everything in it, including the red fox, and they make no apologies. The red fox had its chance.
The LAPD goes next. They have to be sly as a fox. They come out after three hours with a seriously hurt rabbit. The rabbit is whining: "Okay, okay! I am a red fox! I am a red fox!"

Q: Why doesn't Bush eat parrots?
A: Because of a little thing - cannibalism.

Aladdin, Prince Charming, and Don Juan are sitting around a table discussing who the greatest person in the world is.
Aladdin says that he is the most sympathetic because he freed Genie.
Prince Charming says that he is the greatest person in the world because he is the most devoted prince in the world.
Don Juan says that he is the greatest because he has loved the most women in the world.
So they go and ask the wise man who is the greatest person in the world. They agree to go in alone. Like this, they won't be embarrassed in front of the others.
Aladdin goes in first and comes out smiling. He says that he truly is the most sympathetic person in the world.
Prince Charming goes in, and also comes out smiling. He says that he truly is the most devoted person in all the world.
Don Juan goes in last but when he comes out he is very upset. He asks, 'Who the hell is Bill Clinton?!?'!

Time magazine sent a survey on sex for women in the USA. The subject was Clinton's sex scandal. One of the questions was this: "Would you ever have an affair with Bill Clinton?"
The results were astonishing:
6% - No
4% - Yes
90% - Never Again

A man walked up to the White House and shouted to the guard, 'I would like to speak to Bill Clinton, the president!'
'Hey, Bill Clinton is no longer the President of the United States. George Bush is the president,' replied the guard.
This happened three days in a row, and finally the guard yelled back aggressively, 'I have told you several times! Bill Clinton is no longer the president. George Bush is the President of the United States!'
The man said, 'I know, I know, I just like hearing it!'

My neighbor asked me on his grill party why I was such a dedicated republican.
'My father and grandfather were republicans. I am carrying on the family tradition of being a dedicated republican.'
'Is that your reason?' said my angry neighbor, 'What if your father and grandfather had been chicken thieves?'
'Then I'd be a democrat like you, I guess.'

Little Kenny came home from first grade and told his father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.
Kenny asked, 'Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we are Jewish, will God get mad at me for giving someone a Valentine's Day card?'
Kenny's father replied, 'No son, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a Valentine's Day card to?'
'Osama Bin Laden,' Kenny answered.
His father went pale, 'Why Osama Bin Laden?'
'Well, I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give a Valentine's Day card to Osama, he might start to think that maybe we are not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and if other kids also sent Valentine's Day card to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how he didn't hate anyone anymore, and how much he loved them.'
The father's heart warmed up and he looked at his son with newfound pride.
'That is the most wonderful thing I've ever heard.'
'I know, dad. And once that gets him out in the open, the Marines shoot him easily.'

Bush and Cheney holds a presidential meeting in a nice restaurant. The waitress comes to their table and and asks what they will have.
Bush says, "I'll have a quickie."
"Mr. President, I thought this disgusting behavior stopped after the latest administration!" storms out the outraged waitress.
Cheney looks at the president and says, "George, you have to learn how to pronounce 'quiche'..."

Q: What did Saddam want for Thanksgiving?
A: Turkey.