Political Jokes

Q: What did Saddam want for Thanksgiving?
A: Turkey.

'My brother ran for Senate last year.'
'Really? And what does he do now?'
'Nothing. He got elected.'

The CIA, the FBI, and the LAPD are all trying to prove that they are the best at their jobs, especially at arresting criminals. The U.S. President decides to test them. He releases a red fox into a forest and has each of them try to catch it.
The CIA goes first. They have to be sly as a fox. They place animal informers throughout the forest. They question all the plants and all the animals. After two months of intensive investigation they conclude that red foxes do not exist.
The FBI goes next. They have to be sly as a fox. After one month without any leads they burn down the forest, kill everything in it, including the red fox, and they make no apologies. The red fox had its chance.
The LAPD goes next. They have to be sly as a fox. They come out after three hours with a seriously hurt rabbit. The rabbit is whining: "Okay, okay! I am a red fox! I am a red fox!"

Q: What is the design error in being Bill Clinton for Halloween?
A: You cannot get door-to-door with your pants around your ankles.

Little Kenny came home from first grade and told his father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.
Kenny asked, 'Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we are Jewish, will God get mad at me for giving someone a Valentine's Day card?'
Kenny's father replied, 'No son, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a Valentine's Day card to?'
'Osama Bin Laden,' Kenny answered.
His father went pale, 'Why Osama Bin Laden?'
'Well, I thought that if a little American Jewish boy could have enough love to give a Valentine's Day card to Osama, he might start to think that maybe we are not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and if other kids also sent Valentine's Day card to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how he didn't hate anyone anymore, and how much he loved them.'
The father's heart warmed up and he looked at his son with newfound pride.
'That is the most wonderful thing I've ever heard.'
'I know, dad. And once that gets him out in the open, the Marines shoot him easily.'

The lawyer was reading out the testament of a rich politician to the people mentioned in that.
"To my loving wife Gerda, who stood by me in the best and worst times, the house and $5 million."
"To my daughter Rebecca, who looked after me in illness and kept the political party going, the new yacht, the party leadership and $2 million."
"And to my cousin Ken, who hated me, and went against my party, who argued with me and thought I wouldn't mention him in my testament, hey, you were wrong: Hello Ken!"

Q: Why doesn't Bush eat parrots?
A: Because of a little thing - cannibalism.

There were three politicians, stranded on a remote, desert island. For their surprise, they found a bottle with a genie in it on the beach.
'Because there are three of you, you each get only one wish,' announced the genie.
'Only one wish? Then I want a superyacht!' said the first politician.
BOOM! The superyacht appeared!
The second politician said, 'I want two billion dollars!'
BOOM! All the money appeared!
'If I have only one wish, I want to be irresistible to women!' said the third politician.
BOOM! He turned into a chocolate bar!

Q: How do ethnic jokes start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.

Time magazine sent a survey on sex for women in the USA. The subject was Clinton's sex scandal. One of the questions was this: "Would you ever have an affair with Bill Clinton?"
The results were astonishing:
6% - No
4% - Yes
90% - Never Again