Political Jokes

'My brother ran for Senate last year.'
'Really? And what does he do now?'
'Nothing. He got elected.'

Aladdin, Prince Charming, and Don Juan are sitting around a table discussing who the greatest person in the world is.
Aladdin says that he is the most sympathetic because he freed Genie.
Prince Charming says that he is the greatest person in the world because he is the most devoted prince in the world.
Don Juan says that he is the greatest because he has loved the most women in the world.
So they go and ask the wise man who is the greatest person in the world. They agree to go in alone. Like this, they won't be embarrassed in front of the others.
Aladdin goes in first and comes out smiling. He says that he truly is the most sympathetic person in the world.
Prince Charming goes in, and also comes out smiling. He says that he truly is the most devoted person in all the world.
Don Juan goes in last but when he comes out he is very upset. He asks, 'Who the hell is Bill Clinton?!?'!

Bush and Cheney holds a presidential meeting in a nice restaurant. The waitress comes to their table and and asks what they will have.
Bush says, "I'll have a quickie."
"Mr. President, I thought this disgusting behavior stopped after the latest administration!" storms out the outraged waitress.
Cheney looks at the president and says, "George, you have to learn how to pronounce 'quiche'..."

Q: What is the difference between a puppy and a liberal political party?
A: A puppy stops whining after it grows up.

Q: What can be worse than an incompetent liberal political party in power?
A: A competent liberal political party in power.

Q: Why do the male Kennedy family members cry while having sex?
A: Mace.

Q: Who was the first Liberal Democrat?
A: Christopher Columbus. He left without knowing where he was going, got there without knowing where he was, left without knowing where he had been and he did it all on borrowed money.

A liberal political party is like a seagull. All they do is eating crap, squawking, and they are protected by the government.

My neighbor asked me on his grill party why I was such a dedicated republican.
'My father and grandfather were republicans. I am carrying on the family tradition of being a dedicated republican.'
'Is that your reason?' said my angry neighbor, 'What if your father and grandfather had been chicken thieves?'
'Then I'd be a democrat like you, I guess.'

Time magazine sent a survey on sex for women in the USA. The subject was Clinton's sex scandal. One of the questions was this: "Would you ever have an affair with Bill Clinton?"
The results were astonishing:
6% - No
4% - Yes
90% - Never Again

Q: Why was Clinton so interested in the events in the Middle East?
A: Because he thought the Gaza Strip is a striptease bar.

The politician heard that most people are murdered within 15 miles of their home. So he made a political movement and moved.

The CIA, the FBI, and the LAPD are all trying to prove that they are the best at their jobs, especially at arresting criminals. The U.S. President decides to test them. He releases a red fox into a forest and has each of them try to catch it.
The CIA goes first. They have to be sly as a fox. They place animal informers throughout the forest. They question all the plants and all the animals. After two months of intensive investigation they conclude that red foxes do not exist.
The FBI goes next. They have to be sly as a fox. After one month without any leads they burn down the forest, kill everything in it, including the red fox, and they make no apologies. The red fox had its chance.
The LAPD goes next. They have to be sly as a fox. They come out after three hours with a seriously hurt rabbit. The rabbit is whining: "Okay, okay! I am a red fox! I am a red fox!"

Alice dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter is kind of bored, so upon passing the entrance test, he offers to show the new soul around. She thinks it is a great idea and accepts the generous offer. St. Peter shows her all the sights: the water pools, the tennis court, the library, the restaurant and finally, an enormous room full of clocks.
'What's the story of these clocks, Peter?'
'Everyone on earth is represented here, in this room full of clocks. They show how much time a person has left on earth. When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to Heaven's Gates to be judged.'
Alice thinks this makes sense, but notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others. She asks why that is.
'Every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds up the clock.'
Alice notices one clock in the center of the ceiling. On this clock, both hour hands are spinning at an incredible rate.
'What has happened with that clock above?'
'Oh, that is,' St. Peter answers, 'Bill Clinton's clock. We decided to use it as a fan.'