Political Jokes

'My brother ran for Senate last year.'
'Really? And what does he do now?'
'Nothing. He got elected.'

The U.S. President was walking in the garden of the White House on a beautiful snowy day, when he saw that someone had urinated on the snow. It could be spelled out: "The President Sucks." In his fury, he called the secret service to find out who had done it. In two hours, they came to him.
'There is some bad news and worse news. The bad news is that this is the Vice President's urine.'
'Oh my god, how could he do this to me? You told me there were some bad news and worse news. What could be worse than this?'
'This is the first lady's handwriting.'

A British and an American journalist were discussing Thanksgiving on a British radio program last year.
'Is Thanksgiving celebrated in the UK, too?' asked the American.
'Yes, we have a UK-style Thanksgiving,' the British replied, 'we celebrate it on the 6th of September.'
'Why then?'
'That's when you chaps left, that's why!'

Bush and Cheney holds a presidential meeting in a nice restaurant. The waitress comes to their table and and asks what they will have.
Bush says, "I'll have a quickie."
"Mr. President, I thought this disgusting behavior stopped after the latest administration!" storms out the outraged waitress.
Cheney looks at the president and says, "George, you have to learn how to pronounce 'quiche'..."

Q: What is the design error in being Bill Clinton for Halloween?
A: You cannot get door-to-door with your pants around your ankles.

Alice dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter is kind of bored, so upon passing the entrance test, he offers to show the new soul around. She thinks it is a great idea and accepts the generous offer. St. Peter shows her all the sights: the water pools, the tennis court, the library, the restaurant and finally, an enormous room full of clocks.
'What's the story of these clocks, Peter?'
'Everyone on earth is represented here, in this room full of clocks. They show how much time a person has left on earth. When a clock runs out of time, the person dies and comes to Heaven's Gates to be judged.'
Alice thinks this makes sense, but notices that some of the clocks are going faster than others. She asks why that is.
'Every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds up the clock.'
Alice notices one clock in the center of the ceiling. On this clock, both hour hands are spinning at an incredible rate.
'What has happened with that clock above?'
'Oh, that is,' St. Peter answers, 'Bill Clinton's clock. We decided to use it as a fan.'

The politician heard that most people are murdered within 15 miles of their home. So he made a political movement and moved.

Q: What is the difference between a puppy and a liberal political party?
A: A puppy stops whining after it grows up.

Q: How do ethnic jokes start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.

The lawyer was reading out the testament of a rich politician to the people mentioned in that.
"To my loving wife Gerda, who stood by me in the best and worst times, the house and $5 million."
"To my daughter Rebecca, who looked after me in illness and kept the political party going, the new yacht, the party leadership and $2 million."
"And to my cousin Ken, who hated me, and went against my party, who argued with me and thought I wouldn't mention him in my testament, hey, you were wrong: Hello Ken!"