Police Jokes, Police Joke
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Police Jokes

A guy walked into a little grocery store with a gun and demanded all the cash. After the cashier put the cash in a black trash bag, the robber saw a bottle of whiskey on the shelf behind the counter. He told the cashier to put that in the bag as well.
'I do not think that you are over 21,' the cashier refused.
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give the whiskey to him because she didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his driving license out of his pocket and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked at it and agreed that the man was over 21 and she put the bottle in the bag. The robber then ran out from the grocery store with his bag. Of course the cashier called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that she read on the license. They arrested the robber three hours later.
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: What were the gangster's last words?
A: Who the heck put that violin in my violin case?
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A policeman had just finished his night shift and arrived at home.
'Honey, you just won't believe what happened this night! I've never seen anything like this during my years working as a policeman.'
'Oh dear, what happened?' asked the wife.
'I came across two guys. One of them happened to eat fireworks, the other was drinking battery acid.'
'Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks? Are you sure? What did you do with them?
'That was a piece of cake. I charged one and let the other off.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A man was in no shape to drive after they had a Christmas party at the office. So he wisely decided to leave his car parked and walked home. As he was walking along with uncertain steps, a policeman stopped him.
'What are you doing out here at 3 a.m.?' asked the policeman.
'We had a Christmas party at the office, now I am going to a lecture,' replied the man.
'And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?' asked the policeman.
'My wife,' replied said the man.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The phone rang at FBI headquarters.
'Good morning! I'm calling to report my neighbor, Hughes. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!'
'Good morning sir, thank you very much for the information.'
The next day, FBI agents arrived at neighbor Hughes' house, and soon they found the firewood. Using axes, they busted open every single piece of wood, but did not find marijuana. They swore at the neighbor and left.
The phone rang at the neighbor's house, 'Hey, neighbor Hughes, did the FBI come?'
'Yes, they came here, Steve.'
'And did they chop your firewood?'
'Yes, they did.'
'Cool! I need my garden plowed, so now it is your turn to call!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A driver was pulled over by the cop.
'Good afternoon Officer. What's the problem?' asked the driver.
'You were going at least 95 in a 80 zone,' said the cop.
'That is not true, I was going 80,' said the driver.
'Oh Thomas, you were going 95!' horned in the wife.
'I am also going to fine you because of your broken headlight,' continued the cop.
'Broken headlight? I didn't know about that!' said the driver.
'Oh Thomas, you've known about that for weeks,' remarked the wife.
'I am also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt,' continued the cop.
'Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car,' explained the driver.
'Oh Thomas, you never wear your seat belt, ' added the wife.
'Oh, just shut your mouth, woman!' exclaimed the driver.
'Madam, does your husband always talk to you like this?' asked the cop.
'No, only when he is drunk,' said the wife.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

One Saturday night the policeman spotted a man driving dangerously through the streets of Paris. He pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.
'Oh, yes, you know, me and my friends stopped by the bar where I had some glasses of red wine. And then there was "Happy Hour" and they served these wine cocktails, which I had to try. I had three of them, I guess. Then I had to drive my friend, Luc, home and he has this crazy new blue wine, so I had to taste it. Then I stopped on the way home to get one bottle of this blue wine for later...'
The officer sighed, and said, 'Sir, I need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test.'
Bitterly, the man asked back, 'Why? Don't you believe me?!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A man was lying spread out on four theater seats.
When the usher came by and noticed this, he said, 'Sorry sir, but you are only allowed to sit on one seat.'
The man groaned but didn't move.
The usher became impatient, 'Sorry sir, but if you do not get up from those seats I have to call the manager.'
The man just groaned again, making the usher angry. So he went for the manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned to the man who was lying spread out. They tried to move him, but without any success. Finally, they called the police.
The cop came out and took action, 'Well, my fellow, what's your name?'
'Tim,' the man moaned.
'Where are you from, Tim?'
Tim replied with pain in his voice, '...from the balcony.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A cop was rushed to the hospital with appendicitis symptoms. The doctors operated him quickly. However, the cop kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried about that this is still an appendicitis symptom, he finally got enough strength to walk to the mirror and pull his hospital gown. He saw four wide adhesive tapes, the ultra sticky kinds. Written in red letters was the sentence, 'Get well soon! From Sarah with love, the nurse who got a parking fine from you last week!'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

An anxious wife went to the police station, escorted by her neighbor. They reported that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the man who disappeared.
The wife started, 'He is 37 years old, 7-foot 2-inches, has blue eyes, blond wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 190 pounds, is sophisticated, likes water sports, and is a good father.'
The neighbor objected, 'Marie, your husband is 4-foot 9-inches, bald and plump, he dropped from university and barely plays with children.'
The wife said, 'Yes, yes, but who wants to get HIM back?'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

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