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Police Jokes

Two monks were riding extremely fast on a motorbike. They were promptly stopped by a policeman.
He asked, 'What do you think you are doing? What if you have an accident?'
The monks answered, 'Don't worry, Jesus is with us.'
The policeman said, 'In that case, I have to fine you. Three people are never allowed to ride on a motorbike.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 4.67 point, based on 3 ratings)

An anxious wife went to the police station, escorted by her neighbor. They reported that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the man who disappeared.
The wife started, 'He is 37 years old, 7-foot 2-inches, has blue eyes, blond wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 190 pounds, is sophisticated, likes water sports, and is a good father.'
The neighbor objected, 'Marie, your husband is 4-foot 9-inches, bald and plump, he dropped from university and barely plays with children.'
The wife said, 'Yes, yes, but who wants to get HIM back?'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

'I am afraid that I am going to have to lock you up for the night,' said the policeman to the drunk man in elf costume.
'What's the charge?' he growled.
'Oh, there isn't any charge. It is all part of the service.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Short poem of the Valentine's Day Witness

I picked up this card
from a slim selection,
But that's all they offer
in witness protection.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

On a stormy, rainy day a man gets pulled over for speeding. The police officer says, 'Hey, isn't it stupid to be driving so fast in this ugly weather?'
The driver says, 'Excuse me, but who is stupid? You are the one who is standing out in the rain.'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

On a chilly Christmas afternoon, a cop on horseback was waiting at a traffic light. A kid rode next to him on his new, red bike.
The cop said, 'What a nice new, red bike you have there. Is this a gift from Santa?'
The kid replied, 'Yes, it is.'
The cop said, 'Well, tell Santa to put a taillight on that nice red bike next year,' and he gave the kid a $20 bicycle safety violation fine.
The kid took it and asked back, 'This nice horse you have, is this a gift from Santa?'
Humoring the kid, the cop replied, 'Yes, he brought it.'
The kid said, 'Well, tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top next year.'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

A police officer pulls over a driver who's been drinking. The driver says, 'Ossssifer, you need to get it together. You just asked me for my license, but you took it away yesterday!'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A policeman had a splendid spot to watch for speeders. However one Saturday everybody respected the speed limit. He searched for and revealed the root cause. It was a ten-year-old girl who was standing alongside the road with a hand painted sign: "LOOK OUT! SPEED TRAP AHEAD!"
The policeman walked then to the other direction, only to find an other little girl with an other hand painted sign: "TIPS", and a big bucket of change.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A new man was brought to the cell. There was sitting a bearded prisoner, who seemed to be at least 100 years old. The new man looked at the old man with a curious face.
'Look at me. I'm worn out and feeling older than I really am,' he started. 'I used to live the life of Riley, you cannot imagine. I wintered on the French Riviera, had a sailboat, five luxury cars, the most beautiful chicks, and I ate in all the best restaurants.'
The new man asked, 'I could never live the life of Riley, what happened to you?'
'One day Riley reported to the police that his credit cards are missing!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

An American sales representative offered to sell sophisticated American telephone technology to the Russians.
'In the US anyone can pick up any phone and dial 911. This records the call and connect them with the police,' started the American sales representative.
The Russian replied, 'In Russia there is no need to dial anything.'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

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