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Police Jokes

An anxious wife went to the police station, escorted by her neighbor. They reported that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the man who disappeared.
The wife started, 'He is 37 years old, 7-foot 2-inches, has blue eyes, blond wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 190 pounds, is sophisticated, likes water sports, and is a good father.'
The neighbor objected, 'Marie, your husband is 4-foot 9-inches, bald and plump, he dropped from university and barely plays with children.'
The wife said, 'Yes, yes, but who wants to get HIM back?'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

There were three policemen on a sailing trip. They met a beautiful mermaid who was swimming and jumping around them. She liked them, so she decided to grant them each a wish.
The first policeman was a little suspicious but he tried his luck.
'I wish that you double my IQ!'
POW, the policemen started quoting Shakespeare.
The others were amazed and seeing this the second policeman asked, 'Will you triple mine, please?'
POW, the second policeman started to solve complex mathematical and physical formulae.
The last policeman wanted to be even smarter than that, so he said, 'Can you double mine eight times?'
The beautiful mermaid replied, 'Holy cow, I don't know... Can you wish for money or a sportscar maybe? Something else?'
'No! You fixed them up. Why can't you fix me up as well?' said the policeman.
The mermaid then agreed. She wanted to fulfill the policemen's wishes, after all.
POW, the third policeman turned into a woman!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

'Excuse me, are you a policeman?' asked the tourist.
'No, I am an undercover detective,' replied the man in the uniform.
'Then why are you wearing the uniform...?'
'Today is my day off.'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

The agency needed some sensitive information from a secret agent called Murphy. They sent a spy to Ireland to get it. His instructions were clear, he had to to walk around using a secret code phrase to find his fellow agent.
He found himself on a remote, country dirt road where he finally ran into a farmer.
'Hello, I'm looking for a man called Murphy,' he said.
'Well you are lucky. There's a village right over this field, where there is a tailor called Murphy, the postman is called Murphy, the shop assistant is Murphy, and actually my name is Murphy as well.'
He thought: "This is my fellow spy".
So he whispered the secret code phrase, 'The rain dried up, the grass is high enough to hide the shepherd.'
'Oh, I see, you are looking for secret agent Murphy he is in the village behind the hill.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A cop was rushed to the hospital with appendicitis symptoms. The doctors operated him quickly. However, the cop kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried about that this is still an appendicitis symptom, he finally got enough strength to walk to the mirror and pull his hospital gown. He saw four wide adhesive tapes, the ultra sticky kinds. Written in red letters was the sentence, 'Get well soon! From Sarah with love, the nurse who got a parking fine from you last week!'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

'I am afraid that I am going to have to lock you up for the night,' said the policeman to the drunk man in elf costume.
'What's the charge?' he growled.
'Oh, there isn't any charge. It is all part of the service.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Three blondes were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, their mentor showed the first blonde a picture for three seconds and then hid it.
'Shelly, this was your suspect, how would you recognize him?'
The first blonde answered, 'That is so easy, he will be in our hands quickly because he only has one ear.'
The mentor said, 'Well... that is because the picture shows his profile...'
Frustrated by this ridiculous answer, he showed the picture for three seconds to the second blonde and asked her, 'Sheila, this is your suspect, how would you recognize him?'
The second blonde smiled and said, 'So easy question, we would catch them fast because he only has one eye!'
The mentor angrily responded, 'What on earth is the matter with you two? Of course only one ear and one eye is visible, as this is a picture of his profile!'
He shows the picture to the third blonde finally, desperately hoping that she will reply somewhat satisfactory.
He asked, 'This is the suspect, how would you recognize him?'
He quickly added, 'Think before you also give me a dumb answer.'
The third blonde looked at the picture and said, 'Our suspect wears contact lenses.'
The policeman was speechless and surprised. He rushed to double check the suspect's profile and it turned out that he really wore contact lenses.
'Very well, good job! How did you know that?'
'That is so easy,' the third blonde replied, 'he cannot wear glasses because he only has one ear and one eye.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A motorist got a letter, including a picture of him speeding on the main road, and a $50 speeding ticket. As an answer the motorist sent a picture of $50 to the police department.
The police department responded with another letter, including a picture of handcuffs.
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

One Saturday night the policeman spotted a man driving dangerously through the streets of Paris. He pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.
'Oh, yes, you know, me and my friends stopped by the bar where I had some glasses of red wine. And then there was "Happy Hour" and they served these wine cocktails, which I had to try. I had three of them, I guess. Then I had to drive my friend, Luc, home and he has this crazy new blue wine, so I had to taste it. Then I stopped on the way home to get one bottle of this blue wine for later...'
The officer sighed, and said, 'Sir, I need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test.'
Bitterly, the man asked back, 'Why? Don't you believe me?!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A cop pulled a guy over for weaving across four lanes of traffic.
He walked up to the drivers window and asked, 'Hey, you drinking?'
The driver asked back, 'You buying?'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

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