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Here is a list of Valentine's Day gifts and their meaning. Use it wisely.

1. A heartfelt poem:
You are a romantic, a cultured person who recognizes the beauty and power of the written word, your handwriting expresses your loving soul.
OR: You are used to cheap gifts and like to pass yourself off as a cultured person who recognizes the beauty and power of the written word.

2. A box of candy:
You are a sweet person who enjoys traditional gifts and hopefully likes to share.
OR: You're a selfish chocoholic who values sugar high over everything, even true love and health.

3. Flower bouquet:
You love the scent of flowers, beauty of nature and appreciate this timeless romantic gesture.
OR: You get some twisted satisfaction out of watching vegetation wither and die.

4. Dinner and dance
You enjoy the romantic setting of fine cuisine and candlelight and the company of the significant other.
OR: You are easy to please and probably willing to sell your body for food and a few quick turns on the dance floor.

5. Waffle iron
You are a practical person who believes in gifts that you can actually use.
OR: You have absolutely no idea of what gift-giving is all about and probably have some sort of deviant fetish involving household appliances.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

What happens when people of different occupations get old?
Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.
Old actors never die, they just drop apart.
Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver.
Old architects never die, they just lose their structures.
Old bankers never die, they just lose interest.
Old basketball players never die, they just go on dribbling.
Old bosses never die, much as you want them to.
Old cashiers never die, they just check out.
Old drivers never die, they just lose their drive.
Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.
Old cleaning people never die, they just kick the bucket.
Old cooks never die, they just get deranged.
Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.
Old electricians never die, they just lose contact.
Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.
Old car mechanic never die, they just retire.
Old hackers never die, they just go to bits.
Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips.
Old hippies never die, they just smell that way.
Old investors never die, they just roll over.
Old journalists never die, they just get de-pressed.
Old knights in chain mail never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils.
Old laser physicists never die, they just become incoherent.
Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under.
Old mathematicians never die, they just disintegrate.
Old musicians never die, they just get played out.
Old owls never die, they just don't give a hoot.
Old pacifists never die, they just go to peaces.
Old professors never die, they just lose their class.
Old photographers never die, they just stop developing.
Old pilots never die, they just go to a higher plane.
Old policemen never die, they just cop out.
Old printers never die, they're just not the type.
Old programmers never die, they just branch to a new address.
Old schools never die, they just lose their principals.
Old seers never die, they just lose their vision.
Old sailors never die, they just get a little dingy.
Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.
Old steelmakers never die, they just lose their temper.
Old students never die, they just get degraded.
Old typists never die, they just lose their justification.
Old wrestlers never die, they just lose their grip.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

One benefit of getting older is that your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
One benefit of getting older is that kidnappers aren't very interested in you.
One benefit of getting older is that your secrets are safe with your friends because they cannot remember them either.
One benefit of getting older is that your eyes won't get much worse.
One benefit of getting older is that no one expects you to run into a burning building.
One benefit of getting older is that there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
One benefit of getting older is that your joints are more precise than the National Weather Service.
One benefit of getting older is that in a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Perfect Valentine's Day gifts to him:

1. Leave the toilet seat up.
2. Don't cut your hair.
3. Ask for what you want, do not leave hints.
4. Remind him about the important dates frequently, beforehand.
5. Let him to answer every question with a simple yes or no.
6. Avoid "headache".
7. Do not ask him about your weight gain.
8. Do not ask him about his weight gain.
9. If you ask him to do something do not tell how.
10. Whatever you have to say, say that during commercials.
11. Do not bother him with your dress or shoe choices.
12. It is neither in your best interest or his to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
When sign makers go on strike, what kind of picket signs they have?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter. Nobody listens.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

One day a man tried parachuting. But unfortunately, things went wrong. We all have ups and downs in life.
Well, he had a parachute. But it didn't work.
Anyway, there was a quite big haystack down below. But there was a pitchfork in that.
Luckily, he missed the pitchfork. But he also missed the haystack.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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  : Best
(So far it's 4 point, based on 3 ratings)

A guy goes to his girlfriend's house for the first time. They enter the living room. She goes to the kitchen to make them a drink. As he is standing there alone, he notices a handmade vase on the table. He picks it up to have look. When the girlfriend comes back, he asks, 'What's this?'
She says, 'Oh, my father's ashes are in that handmade vase.'
He turns beat red in horror and goes, 'Jesus, ...er... oh, I didn't...'
She says, 'Yeah. He is too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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  : Best
(So far it's 4.67 point, based on 3 ratings)

'Did you get the big red heart I sent you for Valentine's Day?' asked the Boy Monster.
'Yes, I did,' replied the Girl Monster.
'Is it still beating?' asked the Boy Monster.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Q: Why does not blind people enjoy skydiving?
A: It scares the heck out of the dog.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 4.33 point, based on 3 ratings)

Q: What's the perfect Valentine's Day present if you want to break-up?
A: The book: Sex for Dummies.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

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