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Other Jokes

What happens when people of different occupations get old?
Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.
Old actors never die, they just drop apart.
Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver.
Old architects never die, they just lose their structures.
Old bankers never die, they just lose interest.
Old basketball players never die, they just go on dribbling.
Old bosses never die, much as you want them to.
Old cashiers never die, they just check out.
Old drivers never die, they just lose their drive.
Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.
Old cleaning people never die, they just kick the bucket.
Old cooks never die, they just get deranged.
Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.
Old electricians never die, they just lose contact.
Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.
Old car mechanic never die, they just retire.
Old hackers never die, they just go to bits.
Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips.
Old hippies never die, they just smell that way.
Old investors never die, they just roll over.
Old journalists never die, they just get de-pressed.
Old knights in chain mail never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils.
Old laser physicists never die, they just become incoherent.
Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under.
Old mathematicians never die, they just disintegrate.
Old musicians never die, they just get played out.
Old owls never die, they just don't give a hoot.
Old pacifists never die, they just go to peaces.
Old professors never die, they just lose their class.
Old photographers never die, they just stop developing.
Old pilots never die, they just go to a higher plane.
Old policemen never die, they just cop out.
Old printers never die, they're just not the type.
Old programmers never die, they just branch to a new address.
Old schools never die, they just lose their principals.
Old seers never die, they just lose their vision.
Old sailors never die, they just get a little dingy.
Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.
Old steelmakers never die, they just lose their temper.
Old students never die, they just get degraded.
Old typists never die, they just lose their justification.
Old wrestlers never die, they just lose their grip.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: Where can you find dog with no legs?
A: Exactly where you left him.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 3 ratings)

One day a man tried parachuting. But unfortunately, things went wrong. We all have ups and downs in life.
Well, he had a parachute. But it didn't work.
Anyway, there was a quite big haystack down below. But there was a pitchfork in that.
Luckily, he missed the pitchfork. But he also missed the haystack.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 3 ratings)

Q: Why does not blind people enjoy skydiving?
A: It scares the heck out of the dog.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 4.33 point, based on 3 ratings)

One day three nuns are called to the priests chambers. The priest tells them they can do whatever they want for one day since they have been good, kind and helpful for the religious community. Next day the priest calls the nuns back. He asks what they did.
The first nun says, 'I had sex with three men at one time.'
The priest says, 'Quickly drink from the holy water to get forgiveness!'
The second nun says, 'I robbed a bank for $60,000.'
The priest says, 'Quickly drink from the holy water to get forgiveness!'
The priest turns to the third nun, 'What sin did you commit?'
The third nun says, 'I pissed in the holy water.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A guy goes to his girlfriend's house for the first time. They enter the living room. She goes to the kitchen to make them a drink. As he is standing there alone, he notices a handmade vase on the table. He picks it up to have look. When the girlfriend comes back, he asks, 'What's this?'
She says, 'Oh, my father's ashes are in that handmade vase.'
He turns beat red in horror and goes, 'Jesus, ...er... oh, I didn't...'
She says, 'Yeah. He is too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 4.67 point, based on 3 ratings)

Q: What happens when you put the AA batteries backwards into the Energizer Bunny?
A: The plush bunny keeps coming and coming and coming!
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 4.33 point, based on 3 ratings)

Three old ladies were talking in the hall of a retirement home. The first lady said, 'You know, I have serious memory problems. Today I was standing at the bottom of the stairs and I could not remember if I was just about to go up or if I had just come down.'
'Oh, that is literally nothing!' said the second lady. 'I have more serious memory problems. Yesterday I was sitting on the edge of my bed, wondering if I was going to sleep or if I had just gotten up.'
The third lady smiled at the other two and started, 'Well, my memory is just as good as ever, no problems, knock on wood.' She knocked on the table three times with her finger. Then she looked around and asked, 'Who's there?'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
When sign makers go on strike, what kind of picket signs they have?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter. Nobody listens.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

One benefit of getting older is that your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
One benefit of getting older is that kidnappers aren't very interested in you.
One benefit of getting older is that your secrets are safe with your friends because they cannot remember them either.
One benefit of getting older is that your eyes won't get much worse.
One benefit of getting older is that no one expects you to run into a burning building.
One benefit of getting older is that there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
One benefit of getting older is that your joints are more precise than the National Weather Service.
One benefit of getting older is that in a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)


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