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Other Jokes

Q: What happens when you put the AA batteries backwards into the Energizer Bunny?
A: The plush bunny keeps coming and coming and coming!
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 4.33 point, based on 3 ratings)

What happens when people of different occupations get old?
Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.
Old actors never die, they just drop apart.
Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver.
Old architects never die, they just lose their structures.
Old bankers never die, they just lose interest.
Old basketball players never die, they just go on dribbling.
Old bosses never die, much as you want them to.
Old cashiers never die, they just check out.
Old drivers never die, they just lose their drive.
Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.
Old cleaning people never die, they just kick the bucket.
Old cooks never die, they just get deranged.
Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.
Old electricians never die, they just lose contact.
Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.
Old car mechanic never die, they just retire.
Old hackers never die, they just go to bits.
Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips.
Old hippies never die, they just smell that way.
Old investors never die, they just roll over.
Old journalists never die, they just get de-pressed.
Old knights in chain mail never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils.
Old laser physicists never die, they just become incoherent.
Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under.
Old mathematicians never die, they just disintegrate.
Old musicians never die, they just get played out.
Old owls never die, they just don't give a hoot.
Old pacifists never die, they just go to peaces.
Old professors never die, they just lose their class.
Old photographers never die, they just stop developing.
Old pilots never die, they just go to a higher plane.
Old policemen never die, they just cop out.
Old printers never die, they're just not the type.
Old programmers never die, they just branch to a new address.
Old schools never die, they just lose their principals.
Old seers never die, they just lose their vision.
Old sailors never die, they just get a little dingy.
Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.
Old steelmakers never die, they just lose their temper.
Old students never die, they just get degraded.
Old typists never die, they just lose their justification.
Old wrestlers never die, they just lose their grip.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: Can you tell me what is the definition of cheeky?
A: Sure. Imagine pissing through your neighbor's letter box and asking them how far did it went a few minutes later.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

One benefit of getting older is that your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
One benefit of getting older is that kidnappers aren't very interested in you.
One benefit of getting older is that your secrets are safe with your friends because they cannot remember them either.
One benefit of getting older is that your eyes won't get much worse.
One benefit of getting older is that no one expects you to run into a burning building.
One benefit of getting older is that there is nothing left to learn the hard way.
One benefit of getting older is that your joints are more precise than the National Weather Service.
One benefit of getting older is that in a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Perfect Valentine's Day gifts to him:

1. Leave the toilet seat up.
2. Don't cut your hair.
3. Ask for what you want, do not leave hints.
4. Remind him about the important dates frequently, beforehand.
5. Let him to answer every question with a simple yes or no.
6. Avoid "headache".
7. Do not ask him about your weight gain.
8. Do not ask him about his weight gain.
9. If you ask him to do something do not tell how.
10. Whatever you have to say, say that during commercials.
11. Do not bother him with your dress or shoe choices.
12. It is neither in your best interest or his to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Three old ladies were talking in the hall of a retirement home. The first lady said, 'You know, I have serious memory problems. Today I was standing at the bottom of the stairs and I could not remember if I was just about to go up or if I had just come down.'
'Oh, that is literally nothing!' said the second lady. 'I have more serious memory problems. Yesterday I was sitting on the edge of my bed, wondering if I was going to sleep or if I had just gotten up.'
The third lady smiled at the other two and started, 'Well, my memory is just as good as ever, no problems, knock on wood.' She knocked on the table three times with her finger. Then she looked around and asked, 'Who's there?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: Where can you find dog with no legs?
A: Exactly where you left him.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 3 ratings)

For the first time two tribes were visiting each other. The elders were sitting around the fire during the friendly visit.
The leader of one tribe wanted to make a small talk so he started, 'Last night I didn't sleep well.'
To demonstrate it he put his hands to his head and gestured like horns.
He continued, 'The big horned owl kept me awake.'
At that the elders of the other tribe came over to shake his hand.
'Oh, what did I say?' looked the surprised leader at his elders.
'Well, I think you just gave away our bull!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Funny Advice Collection for Valentine's Day:

1. Do not give the exact same Valentine's Day card you gave your partner last year.
2. Never buy the wrong brand/size of anything.
3. Remember to wear clean underwear.
4. Never buy your partner household appliances for Valentine's Day.
5.Do not tell your date you forgot your wallet - again.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Some stuff you will never hear at a Star Trek convention:

"Hey, guys, how about we finish this conversation at the topless bar over a beer?"

"If you think the brie is good, you should try the salmon pate."

"You're nuts. Swimming is the hardest part of any Iron Man competition."

"I got laid yesterday!"

"It's no use to compare the original crew to the Next Generation, since they are only fictional characters anyway."

"Does this Star Fleet Academy uniform make me look chubby?"
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(So far it's 3.33 point, based on 3 ratings)

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