Mother in Law Jokes

The head of the most promising startup had a meeting with her new son-in-law. 'I really love my daughter, and now I welcome you into our family. I'm making you a 50-50 partner in the most promising startup. All you have to do is going to the factory and learn the operations,' said the businesswoman.
The son-in-law did not really like the idea, 'I really hate factories. I can't stand the noise and dust,' he said.
'I understand,' answered the mother-in-law. 'Then you can work in the office and take charge of some of the operations.'
'I really hate office work,' said the son-in-law. 'I hate being stuck behind a computer all day.'
'Wait a sec,' said the mother-in-law. 'I have just made you half-owner of a profitable, promising startup, but you do not want to work anywhere. What should I do with you?'
'It's easy,' replied the young man. 'Buy me out.'

A police recruit got his last question on his final test, 'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother-in-law?'
He replied seriously, 'I would call for backup.'

I used to not get on with my mother-in-law. However, over the last few months I have developed quite an attachment for her. It goes over her head and a strap comes down under her chin to keep her filthy mouth shut.

When the husband came home, his wife was crying on the coach.
'Your mother still makes personal insults,' she sobbed.
'My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation in India?' the husband asked.
'I know, I know. But this morning a letter arrived addressed to you. I opened it because I was so curious.'
'And? What was the personal insult in that?'
'At the end of the letter it was written: "PS. Dear Sonja, when you have finished reading this letter, do not forget to give it to my son."

Natalie was talking to her 101 year-old mother-in-law.
'What do you think is the best thing about being over 100?' she asked.
The mother-in-law replied simply, 'No peer pressure.'

A couple's happy married life almost was ruined by the mother-in-law. She was demanding and criticized everything for the six long years she lived with them. Finally the old girl died. On the way back from the funeral, the husband made a confession.
'Honey, if I didn't love you so much, I don't think I could stay in the same house with your mother.'
His wife looked at him with eyes wide-open, 'My mother? I thought she was your mother!'

The lawyer called his client, 'I regret to tell you, your mother-in-law passed away. Shall we order cremation, embalming or burial?'
'Take no chances. Order all three.'

Mr. Pitt was traveling with his wife and his mother-in-law in Africa. In a village the mother-in-law said a careless comment, which proved to be a direct insult to the African tribal chief. The native people grabbed all the three of them and took the family to their leader. They were about to suffer from fifty hits on their back with a long stick as punishment. The village traditions were strict, but the tribal chief didn't wanted to be so barbaric. He granted the guests one wish before the punishment.
'I want a pillow on my back,' said Mrs. Pitt first.
'Okay, that shall be granted to you,' said the African tribal chief.
But the pillow was a little bit small, so she got some hits which really hurt.
'I would like two pillows on my back,' said the mother-in-law.
'Okay, that shall be granted to you,' replied the tribal chief.
The mother-in-law received her fifty hits, but hardly felt the pain through the pillows.
Then came Mr. Pitt himself.
'I have two wishes. Can you fulfill them for me?'
'Because you are a guest in our village, I fulfill your wishes, as long as they are reasonable.'
'I would like a hundred hits instead of fifty,' he said.
'It is surprising, but okay. And what is your second wish?' asked the African tribal chief.
'I would like to have my mother-in-law on my back.'

'Honey, the chiming wall clock fell off the wall this afternoon. Had it fallen a moment sooner, my mother would have been hit on the head,' said the wife strictly.
'Oh, God! That chiming wall clock has always been slow!'

Two suburban neighbors were having a chat in the evening.
The first said, 'I took my dog to the vet yesterday because it bit my mother-in-law.'
The other asked, 'Oh, Greg, did you put your border collie to sleep?'
The first replied, 'No, jeez, of course not, I had his teeth sharpened.'