Military Jokes, Military Joke
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Military Jokes

After a fun Halloween party at the military station, two rookies decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery to arrive home faster.
Suddenly they stopped. They heard a mysterious tapping noise in the shadows. The way through the cemetery was dark. They couldn't see the source of the sound until the mist cleared. There was an old man with a chisel and a hammer, chipping at one of the headstones.
'Oh, my goodness,' one of the rookies exclaimed, 'You scared us half to death! What are you doing working here so late at night, old man?'
He replied angrily, 'Those fools misspelled my name!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Military defense tactics - The Russian style:
1. Engage the enemy
2. Draw him into your territory
3. Wait until winter sets in

Military defense tactics - The Iraqi style:
If it does not move, hide behind it. If it moves, surrender to it.

Military defense tactics - Iraqi Air Force:
I came I saw Iran
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On a military night training exercise, the radio operators were getting very bored.
One voice broke the silence of the night, which asked over the military radio link, 'Hey, are there any friendly lions listening?'
After a moment, another voice replied, 'Hey, yes, here is a friendly lion!'
Then another voice said, 'Hey, I am a friendly lion, too!'
At this point, the Officer at Headquarters grabbed his microphone and madly yelled to stop joking around on a military radio link.
When he finished, there was silence for about five seconds, then a thin voice asked, 'You are not a friendly lion, are you?'
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The rookie reported to the captain, 'There's trouble with the new cruiser tank. It has water in the engine bay.'
'Water in the engine bay of the new cruiser tank? That's ridiculous,' replied the captain.
'Sir, I have to report that the trouble is real, there is water in the new cruiser tank.'
'Son, you don't even know what is the engine like in a cruiser tank. I will check it out. Where is it?'
The rookie replied, 'In the lake!'
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A marine and a navy seal walk into the restroom. The marine washed his hands and the navy seal just walked out. The marine walks to him and says, 'In the marine they teach us to wash our hands.'
The navy seal says, 'In the navy the teach us not to piss on our hands.'
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The general went out on Monday morning to the shooting range to find that no one were there. One soldier finally ran there, panting heavily.
'I am sorry, sir! I can explain. I had a date and it ran a little late. I took a cab, but it broke down. I ran to the bus but missed it. I found a farm after and I bought a horse but it dropped dead! I've just ran 15 miles, and now here I am.'
The general was very skeptical about this odd explanation. But at least he was there, finally. So he let him go.
A few minutes later, six more soldiers ran to the general, panting heavily. He asked them why they were so late.
'I am sorry, sir! I can explain. You know, I had a date and it ran a little late. I took a cab, but it broke down. I ran to the bus but missed it. I found a farm after all this, and I bought a horse but it dropped dead! I've just ran 15 miles, and now here I am.'
The general looked at them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first soldier go, he let them go, too.
Then an other soldier showed up. He ran to the general, panting heavily.
'I am sorry, sir! I can explain everything. I had a date and it ran a little late. I took a cab, but it broke down. I ran to the bus...'
'Let me guess,' the general interrupted him, 'you missed it.'
'No,' replied the soldier, 'it took forever to get around those freaky dead horses on the road.'
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A warship of marines was sailing when they come upon an island where a sailor was relaxing under a palm tree. When he saw the warship, he started insulting the marines, saying he could beat the crap out of them them all in close combat. The captain sent there his best man, in his anger, to teach the sailor a lesson. The sailor beat the crap out of the best marine in no time, looked back at the warship, and continued teasing them. The captain sent over fifteen men to get revenge on the sailor. He quickly ran into the bushes. The marines followed.
Sounds of yelling and fighting filled the air. One marine, badly beaten, came back and gasped, 'Captain, it is a trap! There are TWO of them!'
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Two famous warriors, a general and an admiral were fishing together. A sudden squall came up, and when it died down both famous warriors were struggling clumsily in the water.
The admiral managed to pull himself back into the boat after his helpless gasps. Using an oar he could help out the general.
'If the sea force found I can't swim I'd be disgraced. Please, please, don't say a word about this accident to anyone,' begged the admiral.
'Your secret is safe. Do not worry,' the general replied, 'I would hate to have my men find out I cannot walk on water.'
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Late one afternoon, at Area 51 a Cessna landed. The soldiers at the secret base immediately seized the aircraft and took the pilot into an interrogation room.
'I took off from Las Vegas, got lost, and spotted this base. I was about to run out of fuel, so I landed,' said the pilot innocently.
The Air Force started a full FBI and Interpol background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation. By the next day, they finally proved that the pilot really was lost and was not a spy. So they let him continue his way, but threatened him and ordered him not to talk about the secret base.
The day after that the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the soldiers at the secret base surrounded the airplane. This time there were two people in it.
The same pilot jumped out and said, 'Do anything you want with me, but my wife is in the plane. And you have to tell her where I was last night!'
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Jack was a military pilot. He was in charge of holding the induction training for the new recruits. He had to explain them the government benefits and life insurance advantages, especially their GI insurance. He had the highest success-rate, he could sell the insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits. Captain Cornell wanted to know his secret, so he stood in the back of the room and listened to Jack's sales pitch.
Jack explained general life insurance advantages and the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said, 'If you have GI Insurance and you get killed on the battlefield, the government has to pay $300,000 to your beneficiaries. If you do not have GI insurance, and you get killed on the battlefield, the government only has to pay a maximum of $5000.'
As a summary he asked, 'Now, which group will be sent to the battlefield first?'
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