Military Jokes, Military Joke
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Military Jokes

A talented Israeli soldier was accepted to the army. He asked the commanding officer for a 4-day pass after two days.
Of course the CO refused, 'Are you crazy? You have just joined the Israeli army, and you already want a 4-day pass? You must do something grand for that recognition!'
The Israeli soldier went away, but next day he came back in an Arab tank! The CO was so impressed, he let the soldier get his 4-day pass.
The other were more than curious, they envied the new guy and asked, 'How did you do it?'
'Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border. There I saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, and the Arab tank put his white flag up, too. I said to the Arab soldier: "Do you want to get a 4-day pass?" So we exchanged tanks!'
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The rookie reported to the captain, 'There's trouble with the new cruiser tank. It has water in the engine bay.'
'Water in the engine bay of the new cruiser tank? That's ridiculous,' replied the captain.
'Sir, I have to report that the trouble is real, there is water in the new cruiser tank.'
'Son, you don't even know what is the engine like in a cruiser tank. I will check it out. Where is it?'
The rookie replied, 'In the lake!'
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The US Military was asked for a special favor. The president wanted guards for a presidential event to stay with his daughter, so he called the military contact, the first lieutenant.
'Good morning, this is president Nixon. We are having a state dinner at Friday night. I want you to send out two guards to be escorts for my daughters.
'Yes. Do you have any special requirements?'
'I want them dressed in their uniforms. They should be tall and good looking.'
'Yes, sir. Two tall, good looking guards for a presidential event, dressed in uniforms, next Friday night. Is there anything else?'
'Yeah, do not send me any Mexicans!'
'No, sir, not any Mexicans. Anything else you require?'
'No, that's all.'
Friday night came and two tall, good looking lieutenants showed up, dressed in uniforms. They were promptly ushered in to meet the daughter and introduced themselves.
'But you are both black. There must be some mistake here!' said the daughter.
One lieutenant replied, 'I do not believe that's possible, because Captain Hernández never makes mistakes!
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Military defense tactics - The Russian style:
1. Engage the enemy
2. Draw him into your territory
3. Wait until winter sets in

Military defense tactics - The Iraqi style:
If it does not move, hide behind it. If it moves, surrender to it.

Military defense tactics - Iraqi Air Force:
I came I saw Iran
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Q: What can do the the work of a hundred men?
A: Two hundred soldiers.
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Jack was a military pilot. He was in charge of holding the induction training for the new recruits. He had to explain them the government benefits and life insurance advantages, especially their GI insurance. He had the highest success-rate, he could sell the insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits. Captain Cornell wanted to know his secret, so he stood in the back of the room and listened to Jack's sales pitch.
Jack explained general life insurance advantages and the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said, 'If you have GI Insurance and you get killed on the battlefield, the government has to pay $300,000 to your beneficiaries. If you do not have GI insurance, and you get killed on the battlefield, the government only has to pay a maximum of $5000.'
As a summary he asked, 'Now, which group will be sent to the battlefield first?'
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An instructor on a biological warfare training asked the soldiers, 'Do you know the formula for water?'
One man raised his hand.
'Tell me soldier, what is it?'
'H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O!' replied the soldier proudly on the biological warfare training.
'What...?' asked the instructor.
'H to O,' explained the soldier.
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George was advised to act tough after he was recruited into the army.
'This is the only way to be respected,' his fellows said.
So George did his best, he bragged all around the camp. He really wanted to be respected.
'Show me a commander and I will show you a dope!' George yelled.
Out of nowhere a battle-hardened figure appeared.
'Hey, I am a commander,' he said.
'And I am a dope,' whispered George.
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Q: How can you send a marine to the hospital?
A: You have to throw sand against the wall then tell him to hit the beach.
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A warship of marines was sailing when they come upon an island where a sailor was relaxing under a palm tree. When he saw the warship, he started insulting the marines, saying he could beat the crap out of them them all in close combat. The captain sent there his best man, in his anger, to teach the sailor a lesson. The sailor beat the crap out of the best marine in no time, looked back at the warship, and continued teasing them. The captain sent over fifteen men to get revenge on the sailor. He quickly ran into the bushes. The marines followed.
Sounds of yelling and fighting filled the air. One marine, badly beaten, came back and gasped, 'Captain, it is a trap! There are TWO of them!'
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