Military Jokes, Military Joke
⭐ Add JokestJokes.com to your Favorites! (Press CTRL+D)
📧 Get the best jokes every week by e-mail! It's free! (Click!)
🎁Are you a webmaster? Make your visitors happy with a free
Joke of the Day Box! (Click!)
Joke, Jokes, Fun
Joke Newsletter
You will get the best jokes of every week by e-mail!
It will be great, you need this!
E-mail:
  I have read and accept the Privacy Policy.
Joke Categories
ALL JokesAnimalBarBlondeBusinessCarChildrenComputerCriminalDoctorFarmerFoodKnock KnockLawyerMarriageMilitaryMother in LawOfficePolicePoliticalPunsSchoolSportsTravelWorkplaceYo MamaOther
You are here: HomeJokesMilitary Jokes

Military Jokes

The soldiers were exhausted and lonely after spending long weeks in the enemy's territory. To entertain the poor military boys, the commander arranged a sexy dancer.
She came one night and started her dance. When the first dance was finished, the soldiers went mad. They clapped for five minutes at least.
For her second dance, she stripped and danced in her red bra and thong. This time the applause went for more than ten minutes.
The third dance was a topless one. This time the applause went on and on. The commander had to come on stage and ask his poor military boys to calm down for the finale.
The sexy dancer stripped completely and danced naked. The commander expected the soldiers to make huge noise which brings the roof down.
But minutes later, there was no clapping at all, and the dancer came backstage.
'What happened? How come there was no clapping this time?' asked the commander.
She replied with a wide smile, 'How do you expect those poor military boys to clap with one hand?'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

The general had to stay in the military hospital for treatment. He had a minor infection. For almost a week he was unbelievably rude, both to staff and other patients. He demanded 24/7 attention, and expected his orders to be followed immediately.
He was in a five-man room rather than a private room, his meals were always too cold or too hot, the light needed to be adjusted to his demands, the nighttime visits interfered with his rest and on, and on.
One afternoon an assistant entered the room.
'It's time to take your temperature, General. Sorry, but for this test we need your temperature from the other end.'
A whole new wave of verbal abuse followed, but the general at last rolled over and allowed the assistant to take his temperature.
'Okay, now stay exactly like that and don't move. I'll be back in three minutes to check up on you,' said the assistant and withdrew.
About an hour later, the head nurse entered the room, saw the general with his bare rear in the air and gasped, 'What the heck is going on here?'
'Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?' the general growled.
'Yes I have, General, but with a snapdragon flower?'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Late one afternoon, at Area 51 a Cessna landed. The soldiers at the secret base immediately seized the aircraft and took the pilot into an interrogation room.
'I took off from Las Vegas, got lost, and spotted this base. I was about to run out of fuel, so I landed,' said the pilot innocently.
The Air Force started a full FBI and Interpol background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation. By the next day, they finally proved that the pilot really was lost and was not a spy. So they let him continue his way, but threatened him and ordered him not to talk about the secret base.
The day after that the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the soldiers at the secret base surrounded the airplane. This time there were two people in it.
The same pilot jumped out and said, 'Do anything you want with me, but my wife is in the plane. And you have to tell her where I was last night!'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Little Mary-Anne was playing with a pile of crap. After a while, it started to look like a human. Then one second lieutenant walked by.
'Little Mary-Anne, what are you doing?' he asked.
'I'm making an NCO,' she replied.
The second lieutenant just shook his head and walked away. A few minutes later, a first lieutenant walked by.
'Little Mary-Anne, what are you doing? Why are you playing with a pile of crap?' he asked.
'I'm making an NCO,' she replied.
The first lieutenant shook his head and walked away. After a bit one captain walked by.
'Little Mary-Anne, what are you doing? Why are you playing with a pile of crap?' he asked.
'I'm making an NCO,' she replied.
The captain just laughed. After he had wiped the tears from his eyes, he asked why she was making an NCO.
'My pile of crap is not enough to make an officer.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

An old Wild West fort was about to be attacked. The old General sent for his trusty Indian friend.
'You must use all your skills. Please my friend, try to estimate the sort of army we are up against here,' he begged.
The trusty Indian friend laid down and put his ear to the ground. 'Large war party,' he started, 'Maybe four hundred braves, five chiefs, three on black stallions, two on white stallions. Many, many guns. Medicine man also with them.'
'My god!' exclaimed the General, 'You can tell all of that just by listening to the ground?'
'No, General. I can see under the gate,' replied the Indian friend.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

An English, a French and a Polish soldier were running away from the German soldiers. They decided to hide in the forest, climbing up to different trees.
When the Germans arrived, they went to the first tree where the English guy was hiding, and shouted, 'Hey, we know you're up there! Come down right now!'
The English soldier was thinking fast and said, 'Twit, twit, twit, twit...!'
The German soldiers moved on, thinking that was only a bird. They stood to the next tree, where the French guy was hiding.
'Hey, we know you're up there! Come down right now!' they shouted.
The French soldier was also a fast-thinker, and said, 'Woo, woo, woo, woo...!'
The Germans moved on, thinking that was only an owl. They stood to the next tree, where the Polish soldier was hiding.
'Hey, we know you're up there! Come down right now!' they shouted.
The Polish guy was thinking for a while, but finally said, 'Moo, moo, moo, moo...!'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

During a week long Israeli-Arab war, the opposing armies were camped extremely close to one another.
The first night one Arab yelled out, 'Abdul, hey, are you there?'
On the Israeli side, Abdul stood up and said, 'Yes?'
The Arabs took out their Uzi submachine guns and shot Abdul.
The second night, another Arab yelled out, 'Mohammed, hey, are you there?'
On the Israeli side, Mohammed stood up and said, 'Yes?'
The Arabs took out their Uzi submachine guns and shot Mohammed.
The third night, the Israelis got smart.
One of them yelled into the night, 'Hey Khalid, are you there?'
The Arabs yelled back, 'No, Khalid is not here, but is that you, Tamar?'
Tamar stood up and said, 'Yes?'
And the Arabs took out their Uzi submachine guns and shot Tamar.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A young lieutenant had just arrived at his new military base. He got a nice office with fine modern furniture. An enlisted man came to him.
Wishing to appear a very important superior, the lieutenant picked up the phone and pretended to set up a golf date with generals and colonels.
Finally he hung up and asked the enlisted man, 'Can I help you?'
'Yes sir. I am here to activate your phone lines.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 4.67 point, based on 3 ratings)

The admiral came home from a secret mission at sea. He arrived home after three years, only to find his wife with a new born baby. In his fury he was determined to track down the father, and wanted to take revenge on him.
'Who did this? Was it my friend Luke?' he demanded.
'No!' replied his crying wife.
'Then who did this? Was it my friend Carl?' he asked.
'No!' she replied and the crying continued.
'Then which one of my so called friends did this?' he demanded.
The wife asked back, 'Hey, I have many friends of my own, haven't I?'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Come and join the army!

Intelligence spy satellite may be used to watch television 24/7!
Military transport flights now earn you Delta frequent flyer miles!
Where else could you shoot guns and get awakened in the middle of the night by loud explosions besides Chicago, Detroit and New York?
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 4 point, based on 3 ratings)

Next 10 Military Jokes   >

Joke of the Day
You can have a Joke of the Day box on your website, too!
(This one right above!)
It's free and good for you! You only need to insert a short HTML code into your website and the Joke of the Day will appear there right away! (Every day a new joke totally automatically, maintenance free.) (Details...)
TOP 10 Jokes
1)Chinese Laundry
2)Large Bag of Garbage
3) God Create Brunettes
4)Loan Officer
5)Don't Drive in Texas
6)Sculptures on Display
7)The Boss
8)Between Us
9)Copy Machine Is Out of Order
10)Dedicated Republican
Best Jokes
(Joke Toplist)
Send Us a Joke!
Do you know a good joke?
Send it to us so we can put it on the website for everybody to read and laugh! It will be great!