Military Jokes, Military Joke
⭐ Add JokestJokes.com to your Favorites! (Press CTRL+D)
📧 Get the best jokes every week by e-mail! It's free! (Click!)
🎁Are you a webmaster? Make your visitors happy with a free
Joke of the Day Box! (Click!)
Joke, Jokes, Fun
Joke Newsletter
You will get the best jokes of every week by e-mail!
It will be great, you need this!
E-mail:
  I have read and accept the Privacy Policy.
Joke Categories
ALL JokesAnimalBarBlondeBusinessCarChildrenComputerCriminalDoctorFarmerFoodKnock KnockLawyerMarriageMilitaryMother in LawOfficePolicePoliticalPunsSchoolSportsTravelWorkplaceYo MamaOther
You are here: HomeJokesMilitary Jokes

Military Jokes

George was advised to act tough after he was recruited into the army.
'This is the only way to be respected,' his fellows said.
So George did his best, he bragged all around the camp. He really wanted to be respected.
'Show me a commander and I will show you a dope!' George yelled.
Out of nowhere a battle-hardened figure appeared.
'Hey, I am a commander,' he said.
'And I am a dope,' whispered George.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A warship of marines was sailing when they come upon an island where a sailor was relaxing under a palm tree. When he saw the warship, he started insulting the marines, saying he could beat the crap out of them them all in close combat. The captain sent there his best man, in his anger, to teach the sailor a lesson. The sailor beat the crap out of the best marine in no time, looked back at the warship, and continued teasing them. The captain sent over fifteen men to get revenge on the sailor. He quickly ran into the bushes. The marines followed.
Sounds of yelling and fighting filled the air. One marine, badly beaten, came back and gasped, 'Captain, it is a trap! There are TWO of them!'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: What can do the the work of a hundred men?
A: Two hundred soldiers.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The US Military was asked for a special favor. The president wanted guards for a presidential event to stay with his daughter, so he called the military contact, the first lieutenant.
'Good morning, this is president Nixon. We are having a state dinner at Friday night. I want you to send out two guards to be escorts for my daughters.
'Yes. Do you have any special requirements?'
'I want them dressed in their uniforms. They should be tall and good looking.'
'Yes, sir. Two tall, good looking guards for a presidential event, dressed in uniforms, next Friday night. Is there anything else?'
'Yeah, do not send me any Mexicans!'
'No, sir, not any Mexicans. Anything else you require?'
'No, that's all.'
Friday night came and two tall, good looking lieutenants showed up, dressed in uniforms. They were promptly ushered in to meet the daughter and introduced themselves.
'But you are both black. There must be some mistake here!' said the daughter.
One lieutenant replied, 'I do not believe that's possible, because Captain Hernández never makes mistakes!
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Here are the main rules of military works:

1. Quantity of work: No matter how much you do, you will never ever do enough.

2. Quality of work: The minimum acceptable level is perfection.

3. Advice from the commanding officer: Eat a live long worm first thing in the morning, so nothing worse will happen to you during the day

4. The senior officer is always right.

5. When the senior officer is wrong, refer to rule 4.

6. Leave of absence for an operation: We are no longer allowing this. We hired you as you are, the full package. To have anything removed certainly makes you less than we bargained for.

7. Sickness: We will no longer accept the medical statement as proof of illness. No excuses will be acceptable. We believe that if you are able to go to see the doctor, you are able to come to work.

8. Death, other than your own: This is not an excuse anymore. Arrange the funeral services to be held late in the afternoon. We can let you off an hour early, provided all your work is up to date.

9. Death, your own: This can be accepted as an excuse, if you notice us two weeks before. We feel it is your duty to train someone else for your job.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

The phone rang at the army motor pool.
'How many vehicles are operational?' demanded an authoritative voice.
Ben replied, 'We have here 20 utilities, 10 staff cars, 16 trucks, and that nice big Chevrolet the pot-bellied piggish colonel parades around in.'
There was a silence for almost a minute and than the authoritative voice asked, 'Do you know who you are speaking to?'
'No,' replied Ben.
'It is the so-called pot-bellied piggish colonel you just referred to.'
'Well, in that case..., do you know who you are talking to?'
'No!' roared the colonel.
'Well, thanks for the gods for that,' replied Ben and he hung up the phone.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

I accidentally opened my parachute in the rear of the plane during my first training session. I felt intimidated as I opened the cockpit door to confess to my superiors what I had done.
I expected a serious penalty for my dumbness on my first training session, but the captain calmly said, 'Well, son, if this plane goes down, that parachute will be yours.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

The admiral came home from a secret mission at sea. He arrived home after three years, only to find his wife with a new born baby. In his fury he was determined to track down the father, and wanted to take revenge on him.
'Who did this? Was it my friend Luke?' he demanded.
'No!' replied his crying wife.
'Then who did this? Was it my friend Carl?' he asked.
'No!' she replied and the crying continued.
'Then which one of my so called friends did this?' he demanded.
The wife asked back, 'Hey, I have many friends of my own, haven't I?'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Officer: Hey, Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: Of course, buddy.
Officer: That is not the way of addressing an officer! Soldier, try it again! Do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: No, sir!
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 4.67 point, based on 3 ratings)

Military defense tactics - The Russian style:
1. Engage the enemy
2. Draw him into your territory
3. Wait until winter sets in

Military defense tactics - The Iraqi style:
If it does not move, hide behind it. If it moves, surrender to it.

Military defense tactics - Iraqi Air Force:
I came I saw Iran
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Next 10 Military Jokes   >

Joke of the Day
You can have a Joke of the Day box on your website, too!
(This one right above!)
It's free and good for you! You only need to insert a short HTML code into your website and the Joke of the Day will appear there right away! (Every day a new joke totally automatically, maintenance free.) (Details...)
TOP 10 Jokes
1)Chinese Laundry
2)Large Bag of Garbage
3) God Create Brunettes
4)Loan Officer
5)Don't Drive in Texas
6)Sculptures on Display
7)The Boss
8)Between Us
9)Dedicated Republican
10)Very Fast Country
Best Jokes
(Joke Toplist)
Send Us a Joke!
Do you know a good joke?
Send it to us so we can put it on the website for everybody to read and laugh! It will be great!