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Military Jokes

One of my first jobs as a new army lieutenant was to build a road across a picturesque paddy field in Asia. We faced a quite big problem, as all the rocks we laid down sank in the paddy field. My superior officer, a major, showed up one day, determined to speed things up. His solution was to cut the rice and mix it with soil, and make the road of that.
I did not think that it is a good idea, but he quelled, 'Lieutenant, I am in charge, not you.'
He ordered a bulldozer into the paddy field, but that was way too big and heavy, of course it sank. The major was so confident that he ordered another bulldozer to help the first one out from the paddy field. I don't have to say, it sank as well. After a long silence, my superior got into his military car, and left me there saying, 'Lieutenant, you are in charge.'
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A fresh naval student was tested by an old sea captain.
'What would you do if a storm broke out on the starboard?'
'I would throw out the anchor, sir,' the student answered.
'What would you do if another storm broke out aft?'
'I would throw out the anchor, another one, sir!'
'And if another sudden storm broke out forward, what would you do then?' continued the old sea captain.
'Throw out another anchor, sir.'
'Tell me, from were are you getting all those anchors from?'
'From the same place you are getting your storms, sir.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Little grandson asked, 'When you were in the Army and were on sentry duty at night, grandpa, were you afraid?'
'I was, my little one, but only until I fell asleep.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The phone rang at the army motor pool.
'How many vehicles are operational?' demanded an authoritative voice.
Ben replied, 'We have here 20 utilities, 10 staff cars, 16 trucks, and that nice big Chevrolet the pot-bellied piggish colonel parades around in.'
There was a silence for almost a minute and than the authoritative voice asked, 'Do you know who you are speaking to?'
'No,' replied Ben.
'It is the so-called pot-bellied piggish colonel you just referred to.'
'Well, in that case..., do you know who you are talking to?'
'No!' roared the colonel.
'Well, thanks for the gods for that,' replied Ben and he hung up the phone.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Luke, the farm boy was drafted. After some months, on his first furlough he went home. His father asked him what was his opinion about the life in the army.
'Pa, it is pretty good, I can say. The food is not bad, the work is easy. The best thing in my life in the army that they let me sleep real late in the morning!'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Come and join the army!

Intelligence spy satellite may be used to watch television 24/7!
Military transport flights now earn you Delta frequent flyer miles!
Where else could you shoot guns and get awakened in the middle of the night by loud explosions besides Chicago, Detroit and New York?
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A warship of marines was sailing when they come upon an island where a sailor was relaxing under a palm tree. When he saw the warship, he started insulting the marines, saying he could beat the crap out of them them all in close combat. The captain sent there his best man, in his anger, to teach the sailor a lesson. The sailor beat the crap out of the best marine in no time, looked back at the warship, and continued teasing them. The captain sent over fifteen men to get revenge on the sailor. He quickly ran into the bushes. The marines followed.
Sounds of yelling and fighting filled the air. One marine, badly beaten, came back and gasped, 'Captain, it is a trap! There are TWO of them!'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Little Mary-Anne was playing with a pile of crap. After a while, it started to look like a human. Then one second lieutenant walked by.
'Little Mary-Anne, what are you doing?' he asked.
'I'm making an NCO,' she replied.
The second lieutenant just shook his head and walked away. A few minutes later, a first lieutenant walked by.
'Little Mary-Anne, what are you doing? Why are you playing with a pile of crap?' he asked.
'I'm making an NCO,' she replied.
The first lieutenant shook his head and walked away. After a bit one captain walked by.
'Little Mary-Anne, what are you doing? Why are you playing with a pile of crap?' he asked.
'I'm making an NCO,' she replied.
The captain just laughed. After he had wiped the tears from his eyes, he asked why she was making an NCO.
'My pile of crap is not enough to make an officer.'
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As the sun rose over the hills, the senior drill instructor realized that one of his new recruits deserted the army. A team was set up immediately to find him. The new recruit was hiding in the forest but he was found soon. They escorted him back to the base to meet the senior drill instructor.
'Why did you desert the army?' he asked.
The new recruit answered, 'Sir, on my first day here you gave me a toothbrush. I also was sent to the dentist who pulled out three teeth. On my second day you gave me a comb. I also was sent to the military hairdresser who cut my hair off. On my third day you gave me a jock strap. I did not want to find out what would follow that.'
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An army soldier, a navy seal and a marine died. They went to heaven, where St. Peter was waiting for them. He was not sure if he could let them in due to their vulgar and fickle lifestyles. Finally he decided to let them in, but gave a strict warning not to have dirty thoughts or they would lose their shiny white wings and would burn in hell.
As they walked in, St. Peter sent a cute blonde angel to test them. As the blonde angel bent over and grabbed her ankles, the marine and the navy seal lost their shiny white wings. As they bent over to pick up their wings from the ground, the army soldier lost his.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

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