Marriage Jokes, Marriage Joke
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Marriage Jokes

The husband said to his best friend, 'Ever since I got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to run every day, stop smoking and drinking. She taught me how to enjoy fine arts and classical music, how to dress, gourmet cooking, even how to invest in the stock market.'
'It sounds like you are unhappy to this drastic change,' commented the best friend.
'I am not unhappy. Now that I am so sophisticated, for me she is just not good enough.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A man threw himself on a grave in his grief. He cried bitterly, 'My life, oh how painful is it! How worthless everything around me, because you are gone. If only you had lived, if only fate had not been so cruel as to take you from this world, how everything would have been different!'
A clergyman nearby saw him being on the emotional roller coaster and said, 'I see the person lying beneath was somebody of great importance to you.'
'Importance? Indeed it was,' cried the man. 'It's my wife's first husband!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Two best friends went to heaven.
At the pearly gates a saint stopped them and asked, 'Were you faithful husbands on Earth?'
The first replied, 'Yes, I've never betrayed my wife, I barely even looked at other women.'
The saint replied, 'Very good, very good. You can drive this brand new sports car! Here, take the keys!'
Then the saint turned to the second man and asked, 'Were you a faithful husband, too?'
'Well, to be honest, I did cheat on my wife many times. I never came clean... and my wife hated me.'
'Well, that's not very good, however, you were a good man besides that. You can drive around this old, used Dodge.'
A few days later, the two best friends met, but the first had tears in his eyes and seemed heart-broken.
'Hey, my friend, why are you crying?'
'I saw my wife today.'
'But that's great! Did you say hello?'
'No, that's my problem,' he said bitterly, 'I couldn't follow her onto the bicycle path with my sports car.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A wife found her husband standing over their newborn baby's wooden crib one evening. Silently she watched him. She saw a mixture of emotions on his face. Amazement, doubt, disbelief, delight. Touched by the deep emotions and this sweet situation, she walked to the baby's wooden crib and slipped her arms around her husband.
'A penny for your thoughts,' she whispered in his ear.
'It is amazing darling!' he replied. 'I just cannot understand how anybody can make a wooden crib like that for only $39,90!'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

An elderly gentleman was telling his friend about a new restaurant in Brooklyn he visited with his wife. 'What's the name of the place?' the friend asked.
'Oh.., I don't remember exactly,' he pondered, 'What is the name of the flower with nice red petals men give to women on special occasions?'
'Do you mean a rose?' asked the friend.
'That's it!' he exclaimed. Turning to his wife he asked, 'Rose, what's the name of that new restaurant in Brooklyn we went last Friday?'
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A husband and a wife interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. 'I would like a tooth to be pulled out. That would be all. We are in a hurry, so Novocaine is not needed,' said the wife. 'Just be as quick as possible and extract the tooth so we can continue our trip.'
The dentist was quite impressed, 'You are a determined, courageous woman, no doubt. Which tooth is it?'
The woman turned to her husband and said, 'Show him your tooth.'
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When my coworker became engaged, our colleague became a wedding expert, and offered her some advice. 'The first eight years are the hardest.'
'And how long have you been married?' she asked.
'Eight years,' replied the colleague.
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A: 46 lbs.
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Charlie was minutes away from receiving a vasectomy when his brother and sister-in-law dropped in holding their newborn baby.
'Stop Charlie! You cannot do this!' exclaimed the brother.
'Why not?' asked Charlie.
'Don't you wanna have a beautiful baby in the future? Like my wife and I have here? Come on, I want a nephew. Charlie, make me an uncle.'
Charlie couldn't take it anymore.
He gave his sister-in-law a regretful look and asked his brother, 'Are you sure?'
'Yes brother, I want a nephew, it would be an honor.'
'Well congrats, you're holding him.'
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Q: Have you ever seen Ray Charles' wife?
A: Neither has he.
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