Marriage Jokes, Marriage Joke
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Marriage Jokes

At the confectionery, a young woman was telling about her idea of the perfect match to her girlfriends.
'The perfect match, the man I would marry, is sociable and talkative. He must be musical. He is funny, sings, and stays home at night!'
An old grandma overheard and spoke up, 'My darling, if that is all you want, get a TV!'
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After hiking all day, a couple returned to their starting point only to find their car has been stolen. They went to the police station to make a full report. After, a cop helped them and drove them back to their starting point to see if there is any evidence. To their amazement, the car was parking there, someone returned it.
They found a note on the windshield: "I am sorry for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby, and we had to rush to the hospital. Please forgive us. Here are two tickets for tonight's jazz concert."
The couple attended the jazz concert, their faith in humanity was restored after all. However, they found their house robbed when they arrived home. All their valuable goods were stolen. And, they found a note on the window: "Well, you still have your car. I am sorry for taking some stuff, but I have to pay the college for my newborn somehow, don't I?"
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Charlie was minutes away from receiving a vasectomy when his brother and sister-in-law dropped in holding their newborn baby.
'Stop Charlie! You cannot do this!' exclaimed the brother.
'Why not?' asked Charlie.
'Don't you wanna have a beautiful baby in the future? Like my wife and I have here? Come on, I want a nephew. Charlie, make me an uncle.'
Charlie couldn't take it anymore.
He gave his sister-in-law a regretful look and asked his brother, 'Are you sure?'
'Yes brother, I want a nephew, it would be an honor.'
'Well congrats, you're holding him.'
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'Now, tell the Jury the truth. Why did you shoot your husband with a bow and arrow?' asked the lawyer.
'I didn't want to wake up the children,' answered the defendant.
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My father and I were talking about marriage and love, and the best wedding vows. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding day, that what kind of marriage they would have. On the ceremony the priest asked my mother, 'Do you take this man to be your husband?'
And my mother said, 'I do.'
Then the priest asked my father, 'Do you take this woman to be your wife?'
And my mother said, 'He does.'
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The husband left the snowy streets of Portland for a vacation in California. His wife was planning to join him next day. When he reached their hotel, he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. Unfortunately, he addressed it to some other e-mail account, and an elderly woman received it, whose husband passed away two days before. She screamed and fell to the floor in a dead faint. Her son rushed into the living room and saw the e-mail on the screen:
"Dearest Wife, I checked-in. For your arrival, everything is prepared. See you tomorrow! P.S. No doubt, hot down here."
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Q: What do you do when a man steals your wife?
A: Well, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Q: What's new?
A: Most of my wife.

Why bother with marriage? It is so simple. Just find a woman you hate and buy her a house.

This delivery driver carries no money. His wife has it all.
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Dan was living in sunny France, and the heat wave did not wanted to stop.
'It is just too hot to wear any clothes today!' complained Dan as he stepped out of the bathroom. 'Sweetheart, what do you think the neighbors would reckon if I did some gardening like this?'
'I know exactly. Probably they would reckon that I married you for your money.'
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The middle-aged woman really thought she had been very, very patient, through a long period of dating without making plans for marriage. One night her steady boyfriend took her to a Korean restaurant. As he read the menu, he casually asked, 'So, Honey, how would you like your rice? Boiled? Steamed? Or fried?'
Without missing a beat, she looked at him in the eye and replied clearly, 'Thrown.'
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A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money met his lawyer.
'If I lose this case, me and my family will be ruined.'
'Everything is in the judge's hands now,' said the lawyer.
'Would it help if I sent the judge a box of quality cigars?'
'Oh, no and no! This judge is a sticks to ethical behavior. A gift like that would prejudice him against you. He might even put you in jail because of contempt of court. To be honest you shouldn't even smile at that judge.'
Finally the judge made a decision in favor of the defendant. As he and his lawyer left the courthouse he said, 'Thank you for the tip about the cigars. It worked!'
'I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent the box of quality cigars.'
'But, I did send them.'
'What, you did???' asked the lawyer, astonished.
'Yes. That is how we won the case.'
'I do not understand,' said the lawyer.
'It is easy. I sent the cigars to the judge, but enclosed the plaintiff's business card.'
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