Marriage Jokes, Marriage Joke
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Marriage Jokes

A Turkish man was walking through the bazaar, when a stranger approached him and offered to sell Viagra for 300 Turkish Lira.
'No, not worth it!'
'Okay my friend, how about 250 Turkish Lira?'
'No, not worth it!'
'Okay then, 150?'
'No, not worth it!'
'My friend, then how about 100?'
'No, not worth it!'
'Listen, these pills cost US $25 each. How can you say they are not worth it?'
'Oh, listen, the pills are worth it, but my wife is not worth it.'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

The wife and the husband were having serious marriage problems. They made the decision, after a very short time together. The couple went to court to make their break-up official. The judge asked the husband, 'What has brought you to this point? Why are you unable to keep this marriage together?'
The husband answered, 'We have serious marriage problems. In the five weeks we have been together, we haven't been able to agree on one thing.'
The wife said, 'Six weeks.'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

Four husbands are at a bar, boasting about the control they have over their wives. One of them remains silent.
After a while, the others turn to the silent one and ask, 'Hey, what about you? What kind of control do you have over your wife?'
'Well, imagine, just the other day I had her on her knees,' he says.
All the others are amazed, 'Wow! What happened next?'
The man takes a healthy sip of his beer, and mutters, 'Then she started screaming: "Get out from under the bed! Fight like a real man!"
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

At the breakfast table one day, I eagerly waited for my husband, Ted, to comment on my first attempt at homemade poppy seed rolls.
After too long time with no reaction, I asked, 'If I baked these in a bakery, how much money do you think I could get for one homemade poppy seed roll?'
Without looking up from his tablet Ted replied, 'About 15 years.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

There were two old people who were married and have been for sixty years. One day they visited the doctor because they recently had been forgetting things. They were afraid that they would leave the stove on or something.
'There is no way medically, but you could write notes to help you remember things,' said the doctor.
That night, as the wife was getting up from the TV, her husband asked what she was doing.
'I was just going to make some ice cream,' she replied.
The husband insisted that he would make it.
As he was walking into the kitchen, she called out, 'With whipped cream on top!'
'Okay, honey!'
'And a cherry, too!'
'Okay, honey!'
After harsh sounds of banging pans and pots and fifteen minutes later he came back into the living room with eggs and bacon.
The wife asked, 'Where is the toast?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Sam walked into a bar and found his friend Terry sitting at the counter.
'Terry, I'm happy to see that your wife finally let you out of the house,' said Sam.
'Things are different now with my wife,' Terry answered, 'the other day I decided to show her who was the boss.'
'How did you do that?' Sam asked.
'I said to her: "Sharon, right now I am going to show you who the boss is in this marriage!" And I don't want to brag, but I managed to get her on her hands and knees.'
'Wow, how did you do that?'
'I was hiding under the bed.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Don and his wife Katie listened to the instructor.
'It's crucial that wives and husbands know the things that are important to each other.'
He addressed the men, 'Could you describe your wife's favorite ice cream flavor?'
Don leaned over, touched his wife's knee gently and whispered, black forest, isn't it?'
The rest of the story is not public.
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(So far it's 3.33 point, based on 3 ratings)

Q: How can you hide the gambling winnings from your wife?
A: Put the money into her cook books.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Free to take:
Full set of Encyclopedia Britannica
Reason:
No longer need them, as wife knows everything.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Luke and Tina were having dinner in a fancy restaurant. Their waiter, taking another order at a table a few meters away, noticed that Luke was slowly, silently sliding down from his chair and disappeared under the table, while Tina acted quite unconcerned.
After the waiter finished taking the other order, he came over to the table and said, 'Pardon me, but I think your husband just disappeared under the table.'
The woman calmly looked up and replied, 'Oh, he did not. In fact, he has just walked in the front door.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

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