Marriage Jokes, Marriage Joke
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Marriage Jokes

A man visited a hunter. He also was given a tour of the hunter's home. In the cottage was a stuffed tiger.
'When did you shoot that tiger?' asked the visitor.
'That was two years ago, when I went hunting with my wife,' replied the hunter.
'It is nice. What's it stuffed with?' asked the visitor.
'My wife.'
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Free to take:
Full set of Encyclopedia Britannica
Reason:
No longer need them, as wife knows everything.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

At the confectionery, a young woman was telling about her idea of the perfect match to her girlfriends.
'The perfect match, the man I would marry, is sociable and talkative. He must be musical. He is funny, sings, and stays home at night!'
An old grandma overheard and spoke up, 'My darling, if that is all you want, get a TV!'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: Have you heard about the two antennas that got married?
A: The ceremony was boring and long, but the reception was fabulous.
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The husband was sitting quietly sipping his coffee one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaked up behind him and hit his head with a huge frying pan.
'What was that for?' asked the dizzy husband.
'What was that piece of paper in your pocket with the name Lucinda written on it?' demanded the wife.
'Oh dear, two weeks ago I went to bet on a horse. Do you remember? Lucinda was the name of the horse I bet on.'
The wife looked all satisfied and went gardening.
Three days later the husband was sitting again in his chair, sipping coffee. The wife sneaked up behind him again and hit his head with the pan.
'What the heck was that for this time?' yelled the husband.
'Bet on a horse, huh? Your horse called!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Q: What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A: 46 lbs.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

"It's a man thing."
Husband really means: There is no rational thought pattern connected with it. You have no chance at all of making it logical.

"My wife doesn't understand me."
Husband really means: She has already heard all my stories before, and is tired of them.

"She is one of those crazed feminists."
Husband really means: She refused to make my morning coffee.

"Yes, dear", "Uh huh", "Sure, honey"
Husband really means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dog drooling.

"You cook just like my mother used to."
Husband really means: However, she didn't use the smoke detector as a meal timer.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

There are big differences between men and women

A man pays $3 for a $2 item which he needs.
A woman pays $2 for a $3 item which she does not need.

A woman worries about the future until she marries.
A man never worries about the future until he marries.

A successful husband is someone who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful wife is someone who can find such a man.

To be happy with your husband, you must understand him a lot and love him only a little.
To be happy with your wife, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

A woman marries expecting the man will change. But he doesn't.
A man marries expecting that the woman won't change. But she does.

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman. The first is before, the second is after marriage.
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A judge awarded a divorce to the wife. He told the husband, 'I have decided to provide your wife with $650 a month for support.'
The husband replied, 'You are a very generous judge! Once in a while I will try to scatter a few dollars myself.'
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Sam walked into a bar and found his friend Terry sitting at the counter.
'Terry, I'm happy to see that your wife finally let you out of the house,' said Sam.
'Things are different now with my wife,' Terry answered, 'the other day I decided to show her who was the boss.'
'How did you do that?' Sam asked.
'I said to her: "Sharon, right now I am going to show you who the boss is in this marriage!" And I don't want to brag, but I managed to get her on her hands and knees.'
'Wow, how did you do that?'
'I was hiding under the bed.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

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