Marriage Jokes, Marriage Joke
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Marriage Jokes

Our parents had not been out together on a traditional date in quite some time. One Friday, as my mother was finishing the dinner dishes, my dad stepped up behind her.
'Can I take you out, girl?' he asked.
Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, 'Oh, yes, I would love to go out!'
They had a lovely, traditional date, however at the end of it my father confessed. His question had been directed to our dog actually, who was lying on the kitchen floor near my mother's feet.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A groom-to-be and a bride selected the wedding ring in the jewelry. As the girl admired the diamond, she suddenly looked concerned.
'Can you tell me, is there anything special I will have to do to take care of the wedding ring?' she asked the salesman.
'Well, the most important thing to protect a wedding ring is to dip it in the sink twice a day.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Sam walked into a bar and found his friend Terry sitting at the counter.
'Terry, I'm happy to see that your wife finally let you out of the house,' said Sam.
'Things are different now with my wife,' Terry answered, 'the other day I decided to show her who was the boss.'
'How did you do that?' Sam asked.
'I said to her: "Sharon, right now I am going to show you who the boss is in this marriage!" And I don't want to brag, but I managed to get her on her hands and knees.'
'Wow, how did you do that?'
'I was hiding under the bed.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Several men are in the locker room of a private tennis club after 1-2 hours of game. Suddenly a mobile phone rings on one of the benches. One man picks it up.
'Hello?'
'Hey, my dear, it is me, are you at the private tennis club?'
'Yes.'
'Great than, I am at the mall three blocks from you. I have just saw an amazing pink fur coat. It is more than gorgeous! Can I buy it?'
'How much does it cost?'
'It's only $1,300.'
'Well, okay, just get it. If you like it that much, go ahead.'
'Awww, thank you! I also stopped by the Audi dealership and saw the new models. I saw one which I really really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price. You know, we talked about exchanging the Mercedes that we bought last year.'
'What price did he offer to you?'
'Only $59,900!'
'Ok, but I want all the extras for that price.'
'Perfect! Before we hang up, I wanna ask something else.'
'Tell me!'
'It might seem like a lot, my dear, but I was reconciling your bank account and... I couldn't resist, I stopped by to see the real estate agent this morning. I saw the house we had looked at last year. Now it is on sale! You know, the beachfront property with a pool and Japanese garden.'
'How much is the price?'
'Now it is only $510,000. an imposing price, and I saw that we have that much in the bank to cover.'
'Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $480,000.'
'Okay, sweetie, thank you! See you later! I love you!'
'Bye!'
The man hangs up and asks around, 'Does anyone know to whom this mobile phone belongs?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Sindy: I simply do not understand why men are so attracted to golf.
Clarissa: Tell me about it! Once I went golfing with my husband. He told me I had asked too many questions!
Sindy: Well, I am sure you were just trying to understand the rules of golf. He should be happy. What questions did you ask?
Clarissa: For example, why did he hit the ball into the lake.
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Q: Why should all men beware of beautiful witches?
A: Because they will sweep them off their feet.
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My mother is not a full-time housekeeper. Yesterday evening my father came home from work, walked into the living room and teased her, 'You know my love, I can write my name in the dust on the floor.'
My mother turned to him and replied with a smile, 'Yes, my love, I know. That is why I married a college graduate.'
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Right after their wedding, the couple decided to go to a horse-riding honeymoon, and pass through one beautiful mountain in Colorado. As the horses were crossing a nice little stream, the wife's horse slipped and jostled her. The man dismounts, walks over to the horse, and stares into its eyes.
He says, 'That is one!'
He helps to the wife and remounts his horse. They continue their ride. About an hour later the woman's horse stumbles again, stepping over a fallen tree branch. The man dismounts, stares the horse in the eyes again.
'That is two!' he states.
He returns to his saddle again and they continue the horse-riding honeymoon. As the afternoon sun began to set above the mountain, the wife's horse once again lost its footing on a moss-grown slope. The man dismounts, goes to the wife's horse, and helps her out of the saddle. He stares in the eyes of the horse.
'That is three!' he says.
Now he takes out a pistol from his vest, and shots the horse dead.
The woman, quite upset at seeing the beautiful animal killed, shouts to her husband, 'This is terrible, why would you do such a thing?!'
The man stares into his wife's eyes and says, 'That is one!'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Luke and Tina were having dinner in a fancy restaurant. Their waiter, taking another order at a table a few meters away, noticed that Luke was slowly, silently sliding down from his chair and disappeared under the table, while Tina acted quite unconcerned.
After the waiter finished taking the other order, he came over to the table and said, 'Pardon me, but I think your husband just disappeared under the table.'
The woman calmly looked up and replied, 'Oh, he did not. In fact, he has just walked in the front door.'
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Four husbands are at a bar, boasting about the control they have over their wives. One of them remains silent.
After a while, the others turn to the silent one and ask, 'Hey, what about you? What kind of control do you have over your wife?'
'Well, imagine, just the other day I had her on her knees,' he says.
All the others are amazed, 'Wow! What happened next?'
The man takes a healthy sip of his beer, and mutters, 'Then she started screaming: "Get out from under the bed! Fight like a real man!"
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

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