Marriage Jokes, Marriage Joke
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Marriage Jokes

Your husband doesn't get lost all the time. He keeps discovering alternative destinations.
Your husband doesn't belch and fart. He is just gastronomically expressive.
Your husband isn't a redneck. He is a genetically related american.
Your husband doesn't fall down drunk. He just becomes accidentally horizontal.
Your husband isn't short. He is anatomically compact.
Your husband isn't dumb. He is just socially malformed.
Your husband doesn't eat like a pig. He suffers from reverse bulimia.
Your husband is not quiet. He is a conversational minimalist.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

The soldier asked permission from his colonel to leave camp the following weekend.
'You know,' he explained, 'my wife is expecting.'
'I see, well then, go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her happiness and luck,' said the colonel.
Next week the same soldier asked permission from the colonel to leave camp.
'My wife is expecting,' he told.
The colonel looked surprised, 'Still expecting? Well, my boy, you must be pretty excited. You can leave for the weekend.'
Next week, again, the soldier appeared. But now, the colonel lost his temper, 'Do not dare to tell me your wife is still expecting!'
'Sir, she is still expecting,' explained the soldier.
'What on earth is she expecting?' cried the colonel.
'Me,' replied the soldier simply.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

Charlie was minutes away from receiving a vasectomy when his brother and sister-in-law dropped in holding their newborn baby.
'Stop Charlie! You cannot do this!' exclaimed the brother.
'Why not?' asked Charlie.
'Don't you wanna have a beautiful baby in the future? Like my wife and I have here? Come on, I want a nephew. Charlie, make me an uncle.'
Charlie couldn't take it anymore.
He gave his sister-in-law a regretful look and asked his brother, 'Are you sure?'
'Yes brother, I want a nephew, it would be an honor.'
'Well congrats, you're holding him.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Our parents had not been out together on a traditional date in quite some time. One Friday, as my mother was finishing the dinner dishes, my dad stepped up behind her.
'Can I take you out, girl?' he asked.
Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, 'Oh, yes, I would love to go out!'
They had a lovely, traditional date, however at the end of it my father confessed. His question had been directed to our dog actually, who was lying on the kitchen floor near my mother's feet.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A married couple was invited to a fancy Halloween party. The dress code was strict, everybody had to show up in costumes.
The wife got a terrible headache that day, but told her husband to go anyway. The devoted husband protested at first, but finally he agreed after his wife urged him to go and don't let this time be wasted.
So he took his costume and went to the fancy Halloween party.
The wife, after taking some medicine, slept for an hour, and woke up fully recharged. The headache disappeared. It was still early, she decided to go the party. As her costume was kept in secret, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband and check how he acted when he was on his own.
She soon spotted her husband in the party. He was dancing wildly to the funky music with every nice chick he could, giving little kisses here and there.
His wife joined him on the dancefloor, in her disguise she was only a new chick to the man. She let him go as far as he wished.
Finally, he whispered a clear proposition in her ear...
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away to return home and waited for her husband. She wanted to hear what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
'Hi honey, was the night good?' she asked him when he arrived.
'Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there,' replied the husband.
'Did you dance much?'
'Honey, I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Chris, Ron, and some other guys, John, so we went into the den and played darts all evening. But you must hear what happened to the guy to whom I gave my costume...'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A judge awarded a divorce to the wife. He told the husband, 'I have decided to provide your wife with $650 a month for support.'
The husband replied, 'You are a very generous judge! Once in a while I will try to scatter a few dollars myself.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A couple had been arguing about the purchasing a new car for weeks. He wanted a new 4x4 pickup. She wanted a fast sports car, to zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any old rickety truck, but everything she liked was not affordable.
'Look!' she started, 'I want something that goes from 0 to 250 in 5 seconds or less. You know, my birthday is in two weeks, you could surprise me.'
This is how she got a brand new bathroom scale.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The husband's credit card was stolen. He did not reported it. Apparently, the thief was spending less than his wife.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

After hiking all day, a couple returned to their starting point only to find their car has been stolen. They went to the police station to make a full report. After, a cop helped them and drove them back to their starting point to see if there is any evidence. To their amazement, the car was parking there, someone returned it.
They found a note on the windshield: "I am sorry for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby, and we had to rush to the hospital. Please forgive us. Here are two tickets for tonight's jazz concert."
The couple attended the jazz concert, their faith in humanity was restored after all. However, they found their house robbed when they arrived home. All their valuable goods were stolen. And, they found a note on the window: "Well, you still have your car. I am sorry for taking some stuff, but I have to pay the college for my newborn somehow, don't I?"
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: Have you heard? Michael Jackson and Lisa-Marie Presley are marrying!
A: Wow... If Elvis were dead, he'd turn over in his grave.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

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