Lawyer Jokes, Lawyer Joke
⭐ Add JokestJokes.com to your Favorites! (Press CTRL+D)
📧 Get the best jokes every week by e-mail! It's free! (Click!)
🎁Are you a webmaster? Make your visitors happy with a free
Joke of the Day Box! (Click!)
Joke, Jokes, Fun
Joke Newsletter
You will get the best jokes of every week by e-mail!
It will be great, you need this!
E-mail:
  I have read and accept the Privacy Policy.
Joke Categories
ALL JokesAnimalBarBlondeBusinessCarChildrenComputerCriminalDoctorFarmerFoodKnock KnockLawyerMarriageMilitaryMother in LawOfficePolicePoliticalPunsSchoolSportsTravelWorkplaceYo MamaOther
You are here: HomeJokesLawyer Jokes

Lawyer Jokes

Q: Why isn't there any lawyers sunbathing on the beach?
A: Cats keep covering them over with sand.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

A judge, frustrated and really bored by a lawyer's tiresome arguments, wanted to accelerate the trial. Their tempers grew hot. Finally, still frustrated with another repetition of incorrect, tiresome arguments the judge pointed to his ear and said, 'At this point, what you are saying is just going in one ear and out the other.'
'Your honor,' started the lawyer, 'what is there to prevent it?'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

The prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial in a village in the East. She was a lovely elderly lady. He asked, 'Mrs. Smith, do you know me?'
She answered, 'Sure I do know you, Mr. Dickens. I have known you since you were a young boy. Yes, you have been a big disappointment to me. You cheat on your lovely wife, you are a liar, you manipulate everybody and talk about them behind their backs. You think too much about yourself while you don't realize you will never have the success you run for. Yes, I do know you.'
The prosecuting attorney was shocked.
Not knowing what else to do, he asked, 'Mrs. Smith, do you know the defense attorney?'
She answered again, 'Sure, I do. I have known Mr. Cooper since he was a youngster, too. He is lazy and has a drinking problem. His law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. He cannot build a normal relationship with anyone. He has also cheated on his loving wife with four different women. Yes, I do know him.'
The defense attorney was in shock.
At this point the judge asked the prosecuting and defense attorney to himself and in a very quiet voice said, 'If either of you dares to ask her if she knows me, you will be jailed for contempt of court!'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather?
A: An offer you can't understand.

Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Two. All the rest are true.

Q: Why does Florida have the most attorneys, and Washington have the most toxic waste dumps?
A: Washington picked first.

Q: How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It takes three. The first one turns the bulb, the second one shakes him off the ladder, and the third one sues the ladder company.

Q: What is the difference between a trampoline and a lawyer?
A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: A lawyer and a venomous snake were both got hit by a car. What is the difference between them?
A: There were skid marks in front of the venomous snake.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

'Time to admit. Did you kill the witness?' asked the prosecutor.
'No, I did not kill the witness,' replied the defendant.
'Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?'
'Yes, I do know, and they are a lot better than the penalty for murder.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Q: Where do vampires learn to suck blood?
A: At law school.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

After some years of really hard, 7/24 work, Edward rewarded himself with a long, luxurious vacation on an exclusive Caribbean cruise ship. While relaxing on the sun terrace, he was surprised to see his high school classmate. They hadn't seen each other since then. His old friend was messed up at the end of the school years, and a Caribbean cruise ship was the last place where Edward expected to see him.
Joe approached him, and greeted, 'Ken, it's me, Ed, from high school. Long time no see. You look great! You must really be doing okay for yourself.'
'I am, thank you,' whispered Ken. 'I'm a partner with a lucrative law firm. But please don't tell Mum. She thinks that I was a drug dealer in high school, and she would be desperate if she figured out how I really earn a living.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

There was a construction worker who unfortunately slipped and fell down from the 20th floor of the skyscraper he was building. He arrived at the gates of heaven, where St. Peter said, 'Oh, I am terribly sorry, my dear son, but there is a mistake, you have been sentenced to hell.'
The worker sadly agreed and he was on his way down.
When he arrived, the devil greeted him and said, 'Hello my new slave. We shall throw you in the fiery pits to burn you.'
Then the worker replied, 'That high wall could use a bit of patching. I could fix it first. Then you could throw me in the pit.'
So he fixed the wall.
Satan was very impressed and asked, 'Hmmm, what else can you build?'
The construction worker told everything about his job passionately and made many improvements in hell. Actually hell became a paradise. It had everything what you could wish for from pools to air conditioning.
A few days passed by and God called Satan and said, 'I reckon there is a mistake. The construction worker should come to heaven.'
Satan replied, 'No way! He has built for us all sorts of useful stuff. We are keeping him.'
God replied, 'Oh, yeah? Really? See you in court! We are going to sue you!'
Satan just laughed, 'And where will you find a lawyer?'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Q: Do you know what the difference is between a lawyer and a leech?
A: The leech stops sucking you dry after you are dead.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Next 10 Lawyer Jokes   >

Joke of the Day
You can have a Joke of the Day box on your website, too!
(This one right above!)
It's free and good for you! You only need to insert a short HTML code into your website and the Joke of the Day will appear there right away! (Every day a new joke totally automatically, maintenance free.) (Details...)
TOP 10 Jokes
1)Chinese Laundry
2)Large Bag of Garbage
3) God Create Brunettes
4)Loan Officer
5)Don't Drive in Texas
6)Sculptures on Display
7)The Boss
8)Between Us
9)Dedicated Republican
10)Very Fast Country
Best Jokes
(Joke Toplist)
Send Us a Joke!
Do you know a good joke?
Send it to us so we can put it on the website for everybody to read and laugh! It will be great!