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Lawyer Jokes

Q: How many lawyers does it take to paint an interior brick wall?
A: Depends on how hard you throw them.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

After some years of really hard, 7/24 work, Edward rewarded himself with a long, luxurious vacation on an exclusive Caribbean cruise ship. While relaxing on the sun terrace, he was surprised to see his high school classmate. They hadn't seen each other since then. His old friend was messed up at the end of the school years, and a Caribbean cruise ship was the last place where Edward expected to see him.
Joe approached him, and greeted, 'Ken, it's me, Ed, from high school. Long time no see. You look great! You must really be doing okay for yourself.'
'I am, thank you,' whispered Ken. 'I'm a partner with a lucrative law firm. But please don't tell Mum. She thinks that I was a drug dealer in high school, and she would be desperate if she figured out how I really earn a living.'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

'This is definitely not an ordinary case. It must be argued very carefully. I let you hire three lawyers,' said the judge to the defendant.
The defendant asked, 'Instead of hiring three lawyers, couldn't you hunt up only one good witness?'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather?
A: An offer you can't understand.

Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Two. All the rest are true.

Q: Why does Florida have the most attorneys, and Washington have the most toxic waste dumps?
A: Washington picked first.

Q: How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It takes three. The first one turns the bulb, the second one shakes him off the ladder, and the third one sues the ladder company.

Q: What is the difference between a trampoline and a lawyer?
A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

One day a man went to the post office. As he entered, he saw a balding, middle-aged man standing at the counter. He was precisely placing "LOVE" stamps on pink envelopes with hearts all over them. Then he took out a perfume bottle and started spraying scent all over them and a bunch of Valentine cards.
The man was more than curious, so he asked the balding man, 'Excuse me, what are you doing?'
The balding man replied, 'I am writing "Guess Who" onto 500 Valentine cards and I am going to send them out.'
'But why? Valentine cards, I don't understand...' said the curious man.
'Well, I'm a divorce lawyer.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Q: What do you call a nun who just passed her bar exam?
A: She is the sister-in-law.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Terrorists hijack a plane. It is full of lawyers. They want a ransom 35 million dollars. Threaten to release one lawyer in every 30 minutes if not given what they ask for.
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A lady went to a brain store to get some brain. She wanted to complete her study. She saw a sign showing the quality of different types of brain offered. It was not so clear, she had to ask the vendor about the costs.
'How much does it cost for programmer brain?'
'4 dollars an ounce.'
'How much does it cost for engineer brain?'
'6 dollars an ounce.'
'Hmm, I see. How much for lawyer brain?'
'2,500 dollars an ounce.'
'OMG, why is lawyer brain so expensive?'
'Do you know how many lawyers we have to kill to get one ounce?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A lawyer named Strange died. His best friend asked the local tombstone maker to engrave into his tombstone: "Here lies Strange, a lawyer and an honest man"
The tombstone maker insisted that such a carving would be very confusing. Passers would think that three men were buried under the stone. He suggested an alternative solution. He would engrave: "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer."
So those who are passing by would remark, 'That's Strange!'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: Have you heard about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?
A: It is called, Sosumi.
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