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Lawyer Jokes

Q: What do you do when you see a lawyer buried in sand up to his neck?
A: I bring more sand.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

'This is definitely not an ordinary case. It must be argued very carefully. I let you hire three lawyers,' said the judge to the defendant.
The defendant asked, 'Instead of hiring three lawyers, couldn't you hunt up only one good witness?'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: You are stuck in a cave with an anaconda, a lion, a terrorist and a lawyer. You only have three bullets in your gun. What do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer three times.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: Tell me the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline!
A: To jump on a trampoline, you take your shoes off.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

An eminent psychologist had to testify in court. He sat down in the witness chair, showing that he is a cold, dispassionate professional. He was unaware that its legs weren't fixed.
'Will you state your name?' asked the attorney-at-law.
He opened his mouth to answer but tilting back in the witness chair he felt onto the table of the evidences and recording equipment.
The room kept silent as he stood up, rearranged his suit and hair and sat back.
'Well, doctor,' continued the attorney-at-law without changing expression, 'we can start with an easier question.'
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'Time to admit. Did you kill the witness?' asked the prosecutor.
'No, I did not kill the witness,' replied the defendant.
'Do you know what the penalties are for perjury?'
'Yes, I do know, and they are a lot better than the penalty for murder.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

After some years of really hard, 7/24 work, Edward rewarded himself with a long, luxurious vacation on an exclusive Caribbean cruise ship. While relaxing on the sun terrace, he was surprised to see his high school classmate. They hadn't seen each other since then. His old friend was messed up at the end of the school years, and a Caribbean cruise ship was the last place where Edward expected to see him.
Joe approached him, and greeted, 'Ken, it's me, Ed, from high school. Long time no see. You look great! You must really be doing okay for yourself.'
'I am, thank you,' whispered Ken. 'I'm a partner with a lucrative law firm. But please don't tell Mum. She thinks that I was a drug dealer in high school, and she would be desperate if she figured out how I really earn a living.'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A lawyer was driving his brand new Porsche down the highway, singing happily to himself, 'I love my brand new Porsche, I love my brand new Porsche...'
Focusing on the song for his car instead of his driving, he smashed into a tree. Miraculously, he survived, but the car was wrecked.
'My brand new Porsche! My brand new Porsche!' he cried.
A good Samaritan stopped to help him.
'Mister, you are bleeding! And my great god, your right arm is gone!'
'Oh my brand new Rolex! Oh my brand new Rolex!' cried the lawyer.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing on the water due to aircraft engine malfunction.
A few minutes later, he asked the stewardess if everyone was buckled in and ready.
'Everything is OK, Captain,' she replied, 'except that the lawyers are still going up and down passing out business cards.'
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Q: What is the difference between a vampires and a lawyers?
A: Vampires only suck blood at night.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

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