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Lawyer Jokes

Q: How many lawyers does it take to paint an interior brick wall?
A: Depends on how hard you throw them.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: Why are lawyers buried 15 feet underground?
A: Because deep down they are not that bad.
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

The pickpocket gets caught. he stands in front of the judge for his crimes. The judge says, 'Mr. Sharp, you are hereby fined $250.'
His lawyer stands up and says, 'Thank you, your honor. My client only has $180, but if you would allow him a few minutes in the crowd...'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A Hindu, a Rabbi, and a lawyer were on an electric car test drive. They stopped at a farmer's house. The battery had to be recharged. The farmer said that there were only two extra beds for the night, so one person would have to sleep in the barn.
The Hindu said, 'I will sleep in the barn, I am humble.' So, he went out. In a few minutes, the farmer heard a knock on the door. It was the Hindu and he said, 'There is a cow in the barn. It is against my beliefs to sleep with a cow.'
So, the Rabbi said, 'I am humble, I will sleep in the barn then. Tomorrow we can continue our electric car test drive refreshed.' A few minutes later, he came back. He said that it was against his beliefs to sleep where there is a pig.
So, the lawyer was forced to sleep in the barn. A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door. It was the pig and the cow.
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Terrorists hijack a plane. It is full of lawyers. They want a ransom 35 million dollars. Threaten to release one lawyer in every 30 minutes if not given what they ask for.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

One day an enthusiastic engineer died and went to hell. Once he was there, he created lots of useful and spectacular machines for the devil with his engineering ingenuity.
God saw how cool place hell would become, and he asked jealously, 'Devil,how come that hell is becoming such a cool place...?'
The devil replied, 'We have a man down here, and his engineering ingenuity is limitless. You can't do anything about it!'
God was furious, 'Oh, do you think?! I'll sue you!'
The devil answered calmly, 'Oh yeah? From where are you going to get a lawyer...?'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

'My neighbor owes me $200 and he doesn't want to pay it back. Can you help me?' asked the man from his lawyer.
'Do you have any proof?' asked his lawyer.
'No, I don't,' answered the man.
'Hmmm... Then write him a letter asking him for the $400 he owed you,' advised the lawyer.
'But my neighbor owes me only $200,' replied the man.
'Yes, this is what he will reply. Then we will have the proof we need to catch him.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 3 ratings)

An attorney called the governor before sunrise, insisting that he has to talk to him, and the matter is more than urgent. Finally the maid woke up the governor, giving him the phone. 'So, what is so urgent?' asked the governor.
'Judge Tobias has just died,' said the attorney, 'and I want to take his place.'
The governor replied, 'It is okay with me if it is okay with the undertaker.'
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(So far it's 3.67 point, based on 3 ratings)

Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather?
A: An offer you can't understand.

Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Two. All the rest are true.

Q: Why does Florida have the most attorneys, and Washington have the most toxic waste dumps?
A: Washington picked first.

Q: How many personal injury attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It takes three. The first one turns the bulb, the second one shakes him off the ladder, and the third one sues the ladder company.

Q: What is the difference between a trampoline and a lawyer?
A: You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

'Judge, I wish to appeal my client's case. The basis is the newly discovered evidence,' said the lawyer.
'And what's the nature of this new evidence?' asked the judge.
'Judge, I saw that my client still has $800 left.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

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