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Due to my back problems, each night I lie on the floor and do some exercises. Once at a hotel, as I started my exercise, there was something under the bed. It was a small card, saying: "Yes, we clean under here, too."
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The reception of the Portsmouth hotel got a call from their French guest. He wanted room service for some pepper.
The concierge asked politely, 'White pepper, or black pepper?'
The French Guest replied, 'Toilette pepper!'
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Q: What is first blond, then brown, then blond, then brown?
A: A blonde doing cartwheels.
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Q: Can you tell me what is the definition of cheeky?
A: Sure. Imagine pissing through your neighbor's letter box and asking them how far did it went a few minutes later.
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One day a man went to the post office. As he entered, he saw a balding, middle-aged man standing at the counter. He was precisely placing "LOVE" stamps on pink envelopes with hearts all over them. Then he took out a perfume bottle and started spraying scent all over them and a bunch of Valentine cards.
The man was more than curious, so he asked the balding man, 'Excuse me, what are you doing?'
The balding man replied, 'I am writing "Guess Who" onto 500 Valentine cards and I am going to send them out.'
'But why? Valentine cards, I don't understand...' said the curious man.
'Well, I'm a divorce lawyer.'
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A conductor was having serious problems with the one female drummer in his band. He talked and talked and talked to her, but the female drummer's performance simply didn't improve. Finally, before the whole band, he said in anger, 'When a musician just cannot handle the instrument and doesn't improve when help given, the instrument is taken and two sticks are given - to be drummer.'
A whisper was heard from the percussion section, 'And if the one cannot handle even that, they take away one of the sticks and make him a conductor.'
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Q: What is the name of the flower you find between your chin and and nose?
A: Two lips.
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Moving to Africa means you no longer have to associate bridges or rivers with water.
Moving to Africa makes you withstand 110 degrees without fainting.
Moving to Africa converts hot chilies to mouth coolers.
Moving to Africa gives you the privilege of making tea anywhere.
Moving to Africa enables you driving a car only with two fingers in July.
Moving to Africa teaches you that the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
Moving to Africa shows you that what is like getting hot water out from both taps.
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Three blondes were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, their mentor showed the first blonde a picture for three seconds and then hid it.
'Shelly, this was your suspect, how would you recognize him?'
The first blonde answered, 'That is so easy, he will be in our hands quickly because he only has one ear.'
The mentor said, 'Well... that is because the picture shows his profile...'
Frustrated by this ridiculous answer, he showed the picture for three seconds to the second blonde and asked her, 'Sheila, this is your suspect, how would you recognize him?'
The second blonde smiled and said, 'So easy question, we would catch them fast because he only has one eye!'
The mentor angrily responded, 'What on earth is the matter with you two? Of course only one ear and one eye is visible, as this is a picture of his profile!'
He shows the picture to the third blonde finally, desperately hoping that she will reply somewhat satisfactory.
He asked, 'This is the suspect, how would you recognize him?'
He quickly added, 'Think before you also give me a dumb answer.'
The third blonde looked at the picture and said, 'Our suspect wears contact lenses.'
The policeman was speechless and surprised. He rushed to double check the suspect's profile and it turned out that he really wore contact lenses.
'Very well, good job! How did you know that?'
'That is so easy,' the third blonde replied, 'he cannot wear glasses because he only has one ear and one eye.'
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Q: What do you find in a clean nose?
A: Fingerprints.
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