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There was a wife and a sick husband. The wife was worried about his health so took him to the hospital. The doctor made a full body health check, and after asked the wife to talk about the husband's health in his office.
The doctor started, 'Mrs. Smith, if you want your husband to live, you will have to be very patient with him, do not challenge him and do not argue with him. This full body health check revealed that your husband needs absolute rest, days without any stress. He is not allowed to work or move around much. You cannot allow him to be upset about anything, calm him down. Otherwise he will die.'
The doctor asked if she understood these serious conditions, and she assured him that she did.
When the wife came out from the doctor's office, the husband asked her, 'So, honey, what's the matter with me? Am I going to die?'
And the wife answered, 'Yes, darling, I am afraid you are going to die.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

After pulling an old farmer over for speeding, a the police officer started to lecture him about speed limits arrogantly. In the meantime he had to keep swatting at some flies buzzing around his head.
'Having some problems with circle flies?' asked the farmer.
The officer paused to take another swat and replied, 'Apparently yes, if that is what they are. I have never heard of circle flies.'
The farmer was pleased to enlighten the trooper, 'On farms, circle flies are common animals. They are called circle flies because they are circling the back end of a horse.'
The police officer stopped for a moment, then asked, 'Hey, are you trying to call me a horse's behind?'
'Oh, officer, of course not. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers for that.'
'That's a good thing,' the officer replied still arrogantly.
After a short pause the farmer added, 'Hard to fool them circle flies, though.'
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A guy had one baby carrot sticking out of his left nostril and he had one baby carrot sticking out of the other. The very same guy had one baby carrot sticking out of his left ear and he had one baby carrot sticking out of the other.
He went to the doctor and asked him what could be wrong.
The doctor replied, 'Well, you are not eating right, that is for sure.'
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After some years of really hard, 7/24 work, Edward rewarded himself with a long, luxurious vacation on an exclusive Caribbean cruise ship. While relaxing on the sun terrace, he was surprised to see his high school classmate. They hadn't seen each other since then. His old friend was messed up at the end of the school years, and a Caribbean cruise ship was the last place where Edward expected to see him.
Joe approached him, and greeted, 'Ken, it's me, Ed, from high school. Long time no see. You look great! You must really be doing okay for yourself.'
'I am, thank you,' whispered Ken. 'I'm a partner with a lucrative law firm. But please don't tell Mum. She thinks that I was a drug dealer in high school, and she would be desperate if she figured out how I really earn a living.'
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One chilly evening in Scotland, two men were sitting in a pub, drinking some beers.
'Dirk, can you see that man at the counter? He looks just like me! It's crazy! I have to talk to him!'
So, he went over to the man at the counter and tapped him on the shoulder.
'Excuse me sir, but I noticed you look just like me!'
The man turned and said, 'Yes, I noticed the same thing! Where are you from?'
'I am from Edinburgh.'
'Me too! Where do you live?'
'Captain's drive.'
'Me too! What number is it?'
'74!'
'No way! Me too! What are your parents names?'
'Lesley and Emily.'
The man at the counter was blown away, 'Mine too! I cannot believe this!'
So, they bought some more beers and they were chatting along, when the bartenders changed shifts.
The new bartender asked the other bartender, 'What's new today?'
'Nothing much. The MacDonald twins are drunk again.'
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There was a farmer that was very protective of his three teenage daughters. In fact, he always met their boyfriends at the door with his gun in his hand. Saturday evening, at six o'clock, there was a knock at the door. The farmer answered. The gun was in his hand as usual.
The young fellow at the door said, 'Hi, my name is Eddie, I am here for Bettie, we are going to have some spaghetti. Is she ready?'
The farmer looked at him, then replied, 'Okay, she's ready.'
Twenty minutes passed and there was another knock. The farmer opened it with his gun again.
The guy at the door said 'Hello, I am Joe, I am here for Flo, we are going to the show. Is she ready to go?'
The farmer looked him very well, and said, 'Yes, she is ready.'
Another twenty minutes later, there was a knock again. The farmer went to the door with his gun in his hand. The guy at the door said, 'Hi, my name is Chuck...' and the farmer shot him.
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If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
If I think it's mine, it's mine.
If I like it, it's mine.
If I am doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
If it is in my hand, it's mine.
If it it's near me, it's mine.
If I can take it from you, it's mine.
If I had it a week ago, it's mine.
If it is broccoli, it's yours.
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A mother was reading Bible stories to her young daughter.
She read, 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city. However, his wife looked back and was turned into salt.'
Her daughter asked curiously, 'What happened to the flea?'
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At the confectionery, a young woman was telling about her idea of the perfect match to her girlfriends.
'The perfect match, the man I would marry, is sociable and talkative. He must be musical. He is funny, sings, and stays home at night!'
An old grandma overheard and spoke up, 'My darling, if that is all you want, get a TV!'
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Yo Mama's so huge that when God said, 'Let there be light!' he added, 'Move!'
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