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Hotel: "Help us! We need inn-experienced people."
Chiropodist: "Time wounds all heels."
Butcher: "Let me meat your expectations."
Car seller: "Second hand cars in first crash condition."
Cannibal's home: "I never met a man I didn't like."
Suburban fence: "Salesmen welcome, dog food is pricey."
Car service station: "No appointment necessary. We will hear you coming."
Car dealership office: "The best way to get back on your feet is missing a car payment."
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

One businessman took the train from Turin to Luxembourg. When he sat he said to the Italian ticket inspector, 'Good morning sir, please do me a favor, I have to get down this train in Basel. As I'm very tired and I'm sure that I will fall asleep soon, I want you to wake me up in Basel. I have to finish my business there, and it is very very important. Here you have 50 euros for this favor. I have to warn you, when people wake me up I become aggressive. No matter what I say or do you have to get me out of this train in Basel. Is that clear?'
The Italian ticket inspector is happily agreed and took the money. Later, as the businessman had said he fall asleep. When he woke up he realized that he was in Luxembourg. He was so mad at the Italian ticket inspector that he searched him and yelled at him furiously.
'Are you stupid or what??? I paid you 50 euros so that you wake me up in Basel. And you didn't! What on earth is the matter with you? I want my money back now!'
While the man was yelling, two other travelers were looking at them, and one turned to the other and said, 'Look at this guy! He is so mad!'
The other replied, 'Yes, indeed. He's almost as furious as the guy they made get out of the train in Basel.'
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A little girl and a little boy were playing doctor. The little boy pulled off his T-shirt and pointed to his nipples.
'I have got two of these,' he said. 'How many do you have?' he asked.
The little girl pulled off her T-shirt and showed him her nipples, 'I have two.'
The little boy pointed to his belly button, 'How many do you have?'
The girl looked down showed him her belly button, 'I have one.'
The boy took off his trousers and pointed to his penis, 'How many do you have?'
The girl raised her skirt, but she couldn't find that particular organ. The little boy started to taunt her. She ran home crying.
After 10 minutes she returned and told him happily, 'My Mum says that when I will be 16 years old, I will have as many of those as I want!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

I haven't spoken to my wife in nearly one year. I love her and I don't want to interrupt her!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A retired soldier was looking for a new job. He found one he was interested in, so went for a job interview.
'Do you have any military experience?' asked the interviewer.
'Well, I have been in the Army for a couple of years,' he replied.
'Do you have any disabilities to mention?'
The soldier looked at his crotch and replied shakily, 'It happened in Vietnam... I had a grenade go off between my legs, blowing off my testicles.'
The interviewer was shocked and said, 'All right, all right, you are hired. Please report to work on Monday at ten o'clock.'
The soldier knew that this was not a usual starting time so he asked, 'Excuse me, when do the others start? I do not want special conditions because of disability.'
The interviewer replied kindly, 'You know... I'll tell you the truth. Everyone comes at seven in the morning, but nothing gets done until ten. All we do is stand and sit around, scratching our balls, trying to figure out what to do.'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A woman driving in Chicago stopped her car at the red light. When the light turned green again, she stayed there. The light had changed several times but the car did not move.
The traffic policeman went to her eventually, and asked politely, 'What is the problem, lady, no colors you like?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician were traveling by train through Hungary, when they saw a black sheep on a field.
'I see that Hungarian sheep are black,' said the engineer.
'Hmm,' said the physicist, 'I suppose you mean that some Hungarian sheep are black.'
'No,' said the mathematician, 'we only know is that there is at least one sheep in Hungary and at least one side of that one sheep is black!'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

One husband complained to the other, 'My wife says I put ice hockey before our marriage, even though we just celebrated our fourth season together.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Three girls are in the park bragging about their fathers. The first girl says, 'My Daddy is making money with writing. He puts a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a free verse and they give him $100.'
The next girl says, 'My Daddy is making money with writing, but he writes a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it lyrics and they give him $150.'
The third girls says, 'That is nothing. My Daddy making money with writing, and he scribbles a few words on a piece of paper. And he calls it a sermon. And it takes six people to collect all the money!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

I have a friend who is a Boeing 747 pilot.
I said, 'Hi Jack!'
He shot me.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

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