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Guess what, nothing is ever achieved by a reasonable man!
Guess what, nothing is impossible for the manager who doesn't have to do it himself!
Guess what, we all are working in the Office Of Precision Guesswork!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

The dog is thinking:
I have a family which loves me. We play my favorite games. They scratch behind my ears. They give me food and water and they care for me. They must be gods!

The cat is thinking:
I have a family which loves me. We play my favorite games. They scratch behind my ears. They give me food and water and they care for me. I must be a god!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 3 ratings)

Q: What went through the fly's mind as it hit the windshield?
A: His Butt.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A wise old gentleman retired. He bought a modest home next to a high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in contentment and peace. Then the new school year began.
The next afternoon four young boys came down his street, where they started beating joyfully on a big trash can. The performance continued day after day, until finally the wise old gentleman had enough and decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists.
'You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your joy like that. I used to do the same thing when I was at your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come every day and do your thing,' he said.
The kids were so happy, that they agreed immediately.
After a week the wise old man greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face.
'Kids, I am sorry, but this recession does not let me to pay you the dollar, from now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the trash can,' he said.
The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer.
Next week the gentleman approached them again as they drummed.
'I haven't received my pension yet, so I only can give you 25 cents. Will that be okay?' he asked.
'If you think we're going to waste our time, for a lousy quarter you're nuts! No way, we quit now!' the kids replied.
And the wise old gentleman enjoyed peace.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Q: Why are penguins the best race drivers?
A: Because they are always in the pole position.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A vagabond in the Middle Ages found a roadside inn. It was the "Lancelot and the Dragon". As it was raining and he was hungry and exhausted, he entered.
'Good evening! Could you spare some leftover food?'
The innkeeper's wife looked at his dirty face, worn-out, muddy clothes and his shaggy hair.
'No way!' she shouted.
'Could I have a sip of beer?'
'No way!' she shouted again.
'Could I please sleep in your stable at least?' begged the vagabond.
'No way!' shouted again the innkeeper's wife.
'Please, can I ...?'
'What the heck?' interrupted the the woman, not allowing him to finish.
'... that can I have a word with Lancelot?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Gedaliah was eating at the Chinese restaurant and was chatting to his Chinese waiter. Gedaliah commented upon how wise people the Chinese were.
'Yes,' answered the waiter, 'we are wise people because our culture is 4000 years old. But Jewish are also very wise people , are they not?'
Gedaliah replied, 'Yes, we are wise, too. Our culture is 5000 years old.'
The waiter was surprised hearing this. 'That cannot be true,' he said, 'where did your people eat for a thousand years?'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 3 ratings)

I used to not get on with my mother-in-law. However, over the last few months I have developed quite an attachment for her. It goes over her head and a strap comes down under her chin to keep her filthy mouth shut.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Q: Why does the farmer call his smallest pig "Ink"?
A: Because that pig was always run out of the pen.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Bob and Stan were in a mental institution. This place had an annual contest, picking two of the well behaved patients and giving them two questions to test their mental health.
If they answered correctly, they were deemed cured and free to go.
Bob was called into the doctor's office first to test his mental health.
'Bob, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?' asked the doctor.
'I would be half blind,' replied Bob.
'That's correct. What would happen if I poked out both your eyes?'
'I would be completely blind.'
The doctor shook his hand and told him he was free.
On his way out, meanwhile the doctor filled out the paperwork, Bob told Stan the answers.
The doctor went through the formalities and then invited Stan to test his mental health.
'What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?'
'I would d be half blind,' replied Stan.
'Oh... What would happen if I cut off both your ears?' asked the puzzled doctor.
'I would be completely blind,' replied Stan.
'Stan, how can you explain that you'd be blind?' asked the suspicious doctor.
'Well, my hat would fall over my eyes,' replied Stan.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

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