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Two little girls were talking in the park.
'My name is Dorothy. What's yours?' asked the first girl.
'Ginny,' replied the second, 'My daddy is an accountant. What is your daddy's job?'
Dorothy replied, 'My daddy's a lawyer.'
'Honest?' asked Ginny.
'No, the regular kind,' replied Dorothy.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: Why doesn't Bush eat parrots?
A: Because of a little thing - cannibalism.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A literature teacher often wrote short comments on student essays. She was working late one night, and as the time passed, her hand became tired.
The next day, after class, one of her students came to her and asked, 'I cannot make out these short comments you wrote on my paper.'
The teacher took the paper, and after staring at it for a minute, she replied, 'Oh, it says that you have to write more legibly!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A young guy, who wants to travel all around the world, signs on to a cargo vessel to be trained as a helmsman. After mastering the classroom exams, he starts his practical training at the wheel of a vessel. In his first lesson, the helmsman instructor gives him a heading, and the young guy holds to it. Then the instructor orders, 'Come starboard.'
Knowing immediately which way starboard is, the guy hurries to his helmsman instructor. He has a puzzled look on his face. The wheel now is swinging freely. The instructor asks politely, 'Could you bring the cargo vessel with you?'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

Your husband doesn't get lost all the time. He keeps discovering alternative destinations.
Your husband doesn't belch and fart. He is just gastronomically expressive.
Your husband isn't a redneck. He is a genetically related american.
Your husband doesn't fall down drunk. He just becomes accidentally horizontal.
Your husband isn't short. He is anatomically compact.
Your husband isn't dumb. He is just socially malformed.
Your husband doesn't eat like a pig. He suffers from reverse bulimia.
Your husband is not quiet. He is a conversational minimalist.
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

The Pope had just finished his tour, he visited some the religious communities. A limousine came to take him back to the airport. Having never driven a limousine, the Pope asked the chauffeur if he could drive for a while. So, as the chauffeur didn't have much of a choice, he agreed to change places and sat on the backseat. The Pope took the wheel. He started accelerating to see what the limo could go. And then, suddenly out of nowhere, a police car appeared. He pulled over and the cop came to his window.
'Just a moment please, wait here, I need to call in,' said the cop and walked a few meters away.
'Chief, We have a really important person pulled over. Please give me instructions what to do.'
The chief asked, 'Who is it, not Jack again?'
The cop said, 'No, he is even more important.'
The chief asked, 'It is the prime minister, isn't it?'
The cop replied, 'No, even more important.'
'The President himself?'
'No, more important,' replied the cop.
'Tell me now, who the hell is it?!'
'I don't exactly know,' answered the cop, 'but the Pope is his chauffeur!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

How to annoy people in the elevator?
1. Ask everyone's e-mail address, then tell them there are too many dots in it.
2. When the elevator doors close, exclaim confidently, 'Stay calm folks, the doors will open again shortly.'
3. In the elevator press all of the buttons when you get out. It is more efficient when other people are still in it.
4. Stand at the front of the elevator, facing the back. (You may be followed if you are the first person)
5. Introduce your imaginary friends, and have a free conversation with them.
6. Exclaim in the elevator, 'Oh, no, again, it's started raining,' then open your umbrella. (You can open one for the imaginary friends, too)
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

There were three politicians, stranded on a remote, desert island. For their surprise, they found a bottle with a genie in it on the beach.
'Because there are three of you, you each get only one wish,' announced the genie.
'Only one wish? Then I want a superyacht!' said the first politician.
BOOM! The superyacht appeared!
The second politician said, 'I want two billion dollars!'
BOOM! All the money appeared!
'If I have only one wish, I want to be irresistible to women!' said the third politician.
BOOM! He turned into a chocolate bar!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The soldier asked permission from his colonel to leave camp the following weekend.
'You know,' he explained, 'my wife is expecting.'
'I see, well then, go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her happiness and luck,' said the colonel.
Next week the same soldier asked permission from the colonel to leave camp.
'My wife is expecting,' he told.
The colonel looked surprised, 'Still expecting? Well, my boy, you must be pretty excited. You can leave for the weekend.'
Next week, again, the soldier appeared. But now, the colonel lost his temper, 'Do not dare to tell me your wife is still expecting!'
'Sir, she is still expecting,' explained the soldier.
'What on earth is she expecting?' cried the colonel.
'Me,' replied the soldier simply.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

I will never forget the first time I ran Windows, but I'm trying.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 3 ratings)

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