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Food Jokes

A guy went to a restaurant, ordered some takeout and sat down to wait for his food. While he was waiting, he grabbed a handful of peanuts from the bowl on the counter.
As he started to eat them, he heard a voice, 'That is a beautiful blue tie, is that silk? Very elegant choice!'
Wondering who made the comment, he looked around but did not see anyone nearby who could be speaking to him. With a shrug, he popped a few more peanuts into his mouth.
Next he heard the voice, 'Those shoes are very stylish! Are they Italian? They look great!'
He looked around again but saw no one. A little freaked out, he grabbed another handful of peanuts.
This time the voice continued with, 'That jacket looks fancy on you, is it a designer item? Fits you nicely!'
He called the waiter over and said, 'Look, help me, I keep hearing these voices telling me how elegant my tie, how stylish my shoes, and nice my jacket. Am I going crazy???'
'Oh,' the waiter replied, 'it's just the peanuts.'
'The peanuts?' asked the astonished man.
'Yes, yes,' answered the waiter, 'they are complimentary.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Two bachelors sat in a Chinese restaurant talking. Their topic shifted from politics to cooking.
'I got a posh cookbook once,' said the first man, 'but I couldn't do anything with it.'
'Posh cookbooks are for bored housewives, no? Too much fancy cooking in it, am I right?' asked the second man.
'Yeah, like: "Take a clean dish and..." all the recipes started with.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A couple goes to Madrid for vacation and they go to a famous local restaurant. They order the local, Spanish specialty dish. The waiter brings out a large serving plate with two huge steaming rounds of meat, juices dripping. It smells delicious and tastes even better. They are very happy to their meal and ask the waitress what was that exactly.
'Senor,' she explains, 'each Sunday night, we have the bullfights, and that was the bull's balls you ate.'
The couple is a bit taken aback, but it was delicious, so they get over it. Next year the couple returns to Madrid and decide to order the same Spanish specialty dish there. The waitress brings out the large serving plate. But this time there are two tiny pieces of meat, barely enough for one.
The man says, 'Excuse me, but the last time this dish was huge, more than enough for two. Why is this one so small?'
The waitress smiles and replies, 'You know, senor, sometimes the bull wins!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Lizzie prepared a pasta dish for her very first dinner party. In her haste she forgot to put the spaghetti sauce into the fridge, and it sat on the kitchen counter all day. She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook something else. She called the local Poison Control Center and told her concern. They advised Lizzie to simply boil the sauce again.
That night, the phone rang during her first dinner party, and a guest volunteered to answer it.
Lizzie's face dropped as the guest called out, 'It is the Poison Control Center. They called to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Q: What does the skeleton who wants to eat say on a Halloween party?
A: Bone appetit!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Jaime had told all of his friends about the huge seared steak with caponata he had eaten in the city center the evening before. A group of them decided to try if it was really as great and delicious, or he only made that up. They were seated in the back of the restaurant. After ordering the seared steak with caponata, they waited hungrily for their delicious, gigantic steaks. However, the waiter brought out some of the smallest steaks they'd ever seen, to their disappointment.
'Well, now see here,' Jaime said to the waiter in his embarrassment. 'Last evening, when I came here you served me a big, juicy seared steak with caponata. Today, though, when I have my friends with me, you serve tiny little steaks! Why?'
'Yes, sir,' answered the waiter, 'Last evening you were sitting by the window.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Q: What is Homer Simpson's favorite ice cream?
A: Chocolate chip cookie DOH!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A coffee expert wanted to ask the beautiful waitress for a date, but couldn't get her attention. When he could catch her eye, she instantly looked away. After an hour he followed her to the terrace and blurted out his invitation. To his surprise, she said yes at once.
The coffee expert asked, 'Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You didn't even make eye contact.'
'Oh,' answered the waitress, 'I thought you wanted more coffee.'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

You know you are in the ghetto if you use the same grease to fry everything.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Two police officers hurried to a crime scene behind a supermarket. The homicide detective was already there.
'What happened here?' asked the first officer.
'Male, about thirty, covered in crunchy oat granola, and dead.'
'My God. Didn't we have one covered in corn flakes last week? And one, covered in raisin and almond muesli last month?'
'You are right, I am afraid,' said the detective as he put out his cigar, 'this is the work of a cereal killer.'
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

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