Food Jokes

The main issue with fast food is that it slows down when it hits your stomach. And it just stays there, letting the fat enough time to get off and apply for citizenship.

I was adding milk to my afternoon coffee in the office kitchen, when a vegan colleague said, 'Do you know that milk belongs to a cow?'
If it hadn't have been first day at work, I would have replied to my vegan colleague, 'It's okay, relax. I've already ate that cow for lunch.'

'Waitress, waitress! There is an ugly worm in my salad!'
'Do not worry Miss, it won't live long in that stuff.'

'Waitress, waitress! There is a big spider in my salad!'
'Yes Miss, today the chef is using Webb lettuces.'

'Waitress, waitress! There is a fly in my salad!'
'Do not worry Miss, the big spider will eat it.'

'Waitress, waitress! There is a caterpillar in my salad!'
'Do not worry Miss, there is no extra charge.'

Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Because it saw the salad dressing.

Q: Why did the boy close the fridge door?
A: He did not want to see the salad dressing!

Q: A tap, a lettuce and a tomato are competing... what's happening?
A: The tap is running, the lettuce is ahead, and the tomato is trying to ketchup!

Q: Which fruit salad is the most romantic?
A: A date with a peach.

Q: What is the Native American word for "vegetarian"?
A: Poor hunter.

There was a scientific theory, which stated that drinking beer makes men turn into women.
A hundred men were given a glass of beer every hour to test this scientific theory and investigate the beer related issue.
It was then observed that 100% of the men talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, refused to apologize when wrong, argued over nothing, failed to think rationally, gained weight and couldn't drive.
No further testing was required.

Q: What did the cannibal say to the other when they were eating a clown?
A: Does it taste funny to you?

Q: What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A: Anyone can roast beef.

Please read carefully the weather forecast for Thanksgiving:
Turkeys will thaw before noon, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 180F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid. In case you distract the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder.
During the late afternoon and evening, the cool front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one or two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side and cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy.
A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area. Increased stuffiness is predicted around the beltway. In the evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 30F in the fridge.
Looking ahead to next days, high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days with a 50% chance of scattered soup late in the day. We expect a warming trend where soup develops.
Thank you for reading the weather forecast for Thanksgiving!

Q: What do you call the cheese which is not yours?
A: Nacho Cheese.

Two police officers hurried to a crime scene behind a supermarket. The homicide detective was already there.
'What happened here?' asked the first officer.
'Male, about thirty, covered in crunchy oat granola, and dead.'
'My God. Didn't we have one covered in corn flakes last week? And one, covered in raisin and almond muesli last month?'
'You are right, I am afraid,' said the detective as he put out his cigar, 'this is the work of a cereal killer.'