Food Jokes

Tina was the world's best when it came to mixing up instructions. When she got her first smart coffee maker as a Christmas present, she was very happy, because as a coffee lover she couldn't imagine a day without a hot cup.
Aunt Regina carefully explained how the smart coffee maker worked, she went into details from the plugging in to the fresh coffee sipping.
'Hon, you simply set the timer, go back to bed, and upon getting up, your coffee is ready and hot,' she explained.
A few weeks later Tina met with aunt Regina.
'How do you like the smart coffee maker, Tina?' the aunt asked.
'It is fantastic! However, there's one thing that I don't quite understand. Why on earth do I have to go to bed every time I want to make a cup of coffee?'

Q: What is the Native American word for "vegetarian"?
A: Poor hunter.

"Daddy, are caterpillars good to eat?" asked little Jenny her father during the family dinner.
Her father's face went red and he replied in anger, "You should never mention such things during a family dinner!"
Jenny's mother was surprised, so she asked her after they finished, "Why did this question come suddenly into your mind, anyway?"
Jenny answered, "Only because I saw one in daddy's salad... but soon it was gone."

Q: Have you heard about the new Chinese-German restaurant?
A: Yes, I have. The food is great, but like an hour later, you are hungry for power.

The main issue with fast food is that it slows down when it hits your stomach. And it just stays there, letting the fat enough time to get off and apply for citizenship.

One customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the delicious pastries displayed on the shelves.
When a baker approached her and asked, "What would you like?"
She answered, "I'd like that chocolate cream filled doughnut, that cherry jam filled doughnut and that cheese cake."
Then with a long sigh she added, "But I'll buy an oat-bran muffin."

Lizzie prepared a pasta dish for her very first dinner party. In her haste she forgot to put the spaghetti sauce into the fridge, and it sat on the kitchen counter all day. She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook something else. She called the local Poison Control Center and told her concern. They advised Lizzie to simply boil the sauce again.
That night, the phone rang during her first dinner party, and a guest volunteered to answer it.
Lizzie's face dropped as the guest called out, 'It is the Poison Control Center. They called to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out.'

No.1: The citric acid in coke removes stains from vitreous china.
No.2: You can put a steak in a bowl of Coke and it will be gone in two days.
No.3: To clean your toilet pour a can of coke into the toilet bowl. Let it be there for one hour, then flush.
No.4: In the US, the highway patrol carries two gallons of coke in the trunk to remove blood from the road after a car accident.
No.5: Rub the chrome car bumper with a crumpled-up piece of aluminum foil dipped in coke to remove rust spots.
No.6: To get rid of grease from clothes: Empty a can of coke into a load of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle. The coke will help loosen grease stains.
No.7: To clean corrosion from car battery terminals pour a can of coke over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.

+1 fact: The active ingredient in coke is phosphoric acid. It's pH is 2.8, so it will dissolve a nail in about 4 days.
+2 fact: To carry coke concentrate the commercial trucks must use the hazardous material signs for highly corrosive materials.
+3 fact: The distributors of coke have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years.

Drink it up!

There was a scientific theory, which stated that drinking beer makes men turn into women.
A hundred men were given a glass of beer every hour to test this scientific theory and investigate the beer related issue.
It was then observed that 100% of the men talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, refused to apologize when wrong, argued over nothing, failed to think rationally, gained weight and couldn't drive.
No further testing was required.

Burning the turkey is a Thanksgiving catastrophe. Or, maybe not:

- The smoke alarm was due for a test.
- Everyone will think your turkey is Cajun blackened.
- No one will overeat.
- You will get to the desserts even quicker.
- Burning the turkey will make some guests think twice next year.
- Your creamy lima beans and broccoli dish will gain newfound appreciation.
- The less turkey your uncle eats, the less likely he will walk around with his pants unbuttoned.
- Carving the burned turkey will provide a good cardiovascular workout.
- After dinner, the guys can take the turkey to the yard and play football.
- You won't have to eat turkey sandwiches for three weeks.