Food Jokes

We were dining out at a nice restaurant with my wife. I overheard the couple discussing their bill.
'Well Carol,' summarized the man, 'as I can figure, based of the price of the ham cold plate dinner you just ate, we have a pig on the farm that's worth at least $140,000.'

Rupert was furious when his steak arrived too rare, although he had highlighted he wanted steak well done.
'Waiter!' he shouted. 'Didn't you hear me say well done?'
'I cannot thank you enough, sir,' the waiter replied. 'I hardly ever get a compliment.'

There was a new boss in the staff canteen. He saw that the cooks look miserable while serving the food. He decided to talk to them and get them to be more cheerful, so the staff would be happier during work. After their talk, the boss watched the food being served. A new staff member walked down the line but he didn't like anything. He carried his tray down the line to the dessert section of the staff canteen. He picked up a plate with a large piece of jello punch cake.
One cook looked at him and asked, 'Is that all you will eat?'
The staff ember replied, 'Yes, because the rest of the menu is not appetizing.'
'Well, in that case would you like two pieces of jello punch cake?'
The boss smiled, and thought to himself, 'My talk did them some good.'
The staff member said, 'Yes, I'd appreciate it.'
The cook leaned over and cut the piece of jello punch cake on the plate in half.

"Daddy, are caterpillars good to eat?" asked little Jenny her father during the family dinner.
Her father's face went red and he replied in anger, "You should never mention such things during a family dinner!"
Jenny's mother was surprised, so she asked her after they finished, "Why did this question come suddenly into your mind, anyway?"
Jenny answered, "Only because I saw one in daddy's salad... but soon it was gone."

My friend Samantha, and I were eating at a Chinese restaurant on the boulevard, when a waitress set disposable wooden chopsticks at our places. Samantha reached for her bag and pulled out her own pair of chopsticks. 'As an environmentalist,' she declared loudly, 'I do not approve of disposable wooden chopsticks. For those bamboo forests are destroyed.'
The waitress inspected her chopsticks, 'Very beautiful,' she said politely. 'Ivory.'

Gedaliah was eating at the Chinese restaurant and was chatting to his Chinese waiter. Gedaliah commented upon how wise people the Chinese were.
'Yes,' answered the waiter, 'we are wise people because our culture is 4000 years old. But Jewish are also very wise people , are they not?'
Gedaliah replied, 'Yes, we are wise, too. Our culture is 5000 years old.'
The waiter was surprised hearing this. 'That cannot be true,' he said, 'where did your people eat for a thousand years?'

A coffee expert wanted to ask the beautiful waitress for a date, but couldn't get her attention. When he could catch her eye, she instantly looked away. After an hour he followed her to the terrace and blurted out his invitation. To his surprise, she said yes at once.
The coffee expert asked "Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You didn't even make eye contact."
"Oh," answered the waitress, "I thought you wanted more coffee."

Like all the teenage boys, my grandson was constantly hungry. I went to the kitchen to find something he might like. After opening the fridge, searching around a bit and moving the juice cartons, I spotted a bowl of leftover chili con carne. I called out to him excitedly. He came running.
'Look! I found some chili con carne!'
Struggling to be polite, he said, 'Well, if you are that surprised, I am not really sure I want to eat it.'

Once a panda dropped into a bar. The manager welcomed and seated him. Then the waitress took his order: barbecue ribs and a ginger ale. She was not aware of these strange panda behavior facts, but anyway, she served him. After he finished, he took out a gun of his fluffy fur. He shot the waitress.
The manager rushed to the table and cried out, "Why did you shoot her?"
The panda answered, "Don't you know who I am?"
"A panda..." the manager replied."
"Then when you arrive home check me in the encyclopedia." said the panda and left.
So, the manager arrived home and read: "PANDA: [...] A bear originated from China. [...] Panda behavior facts: Eats shoots, and leaves."

Two police officers hurried to a crime scene behind a supermarket. The homicide detective was already there.
'What happened here?' asked the first officer.
'Male, about thirty, covered in crunchy oat granola, and dead.'
'My God. Didn't we have one covered in corn flakes last week? And one, covered in raisin and almond muesli last month?'
'You are right, I am afraid,' said the detective as he put out his cigar, 'this is the work of a cereal killer.'