Food Jokes

Lizzie prepared a pasta dish for her very first dinner party. In her haste she forgot to put the spaghetti sauce into the fridge, and it sat on the kitchen counter all day. She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook something else. She called the local Poison Control Center and told her concern. They advised Lizzie to simply boil the sauce again.
That night, the phone rang during her first dinner party, and a guest volunteered to answer it.
Lizzie's face dropped as the guest called out, 'It is the Poison Control Center. They called to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out.'

We had a busy Saturday night at the restaurant where I had recently worked. The owner suddenly came out from the kitchen and handed me some money. 'We are in trouble, we're out of quarters! Our customers are waiting. Go next door and get me $50 worth.'
I ran to the shop next door, but a cashier said he was not allowed to give out that many quarters. In my hurry I sprinted to the next shop a block away to get the missing quarters, but it was closed. At the gas station farther down the street, the clerk took pity. Finally he gave me five rolls of quarters. Thirty minutes after I had left, I handed the coin rolls to the owner.
'Where are the missing quarters?' he asked.
'Right here, here you are,' I said breathlessly.
His face sank. 'I meant chicken quarters.'

Q: How many vegans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and the other to check for animal ingredients.

Like all the teenage boys, my grandson was constantly hungry. I went to the kitchen to find something he might like. After opening the fridge, searching around a bit and moving the juice cartons, I spotted a bowl of leftover chili con carne. I called out to him excitedly. He came running.
'Look! I found some chili con carne!'
Struggling to be polite, he said, 'Well, if you are that surprised, I am not really sure I want to eat it.'

Rupert was furious when his steak arrived too rare, although he had highlighted he wanted steak well done.
'Waiter!' he shouted. 'Didn't you hear me say well done?'
'I cannot thank you enough, sir,' the waiter replied. 'I hardly ever get a compliment.'

Q: What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A: Anyone can roast beef.

There was a new boss in the staff canteen. He saw that the cooks look miserable while serving the food. He decided to talk to them and get them to be more cheerful, so the staff would be happier during work. After their talk, the boss watched the food being served. A new staff member walked down the line but he didn't like anything. He carried his tray down the line to the dessert section of the staff canteen. He picked up a plate with a large piece of jello punch cake.
One cook looked at him and asked, 'Is that all you will eat?'
The staff ember replied, 'Yes, because the rest of the menu is not appetizing.'
'Well, in that case would you like two pieces of jello punch cake?'
The boss smiled, and thought to himself, 'My talk did them some good.'
The staff member said, 'Yes, I'd appreciate it.'
The cook leaned over and cut the piece of jello punch cake on the plate in half.

I was adding milk to my afternoon coffee in the office kitchen, when a vegan colleague said, 'Do you know that milk belongs to a cow?'
If it hadn't have been first day at work, I would have replied to my vegan colleague, 'It's okay, relax. I've already ate that cow for lunch.'

Q: What does the skeleton who wants to eat say on a Halloween party?
A: Bone appetit!

A couple goes to Madrid for vacation and they go to a famous local restaurant. They order the local, Spanish specialty dish. The waiter brings out a large serving plate with two huge steaming rounds of meat, juices dripping. It smells delicious and tastes even better. They are very happy to their meal and ask the waitress what was that exactly.
'Senor,' she explains, 'each Sunday night, we have the bullfights, and that was the bull's balls you ate.'
The couple is a bit taken aback, but it was delicious, so they get over it. Next year the couple returns to Madrid and decide to order the same Spanish specialty dish there. The waitress brings out the large serving plate. But this time there are two tiny pieces of meat, barely enough for one.
The man says, 'Excuse me, but the last time this dish was huge, more than enough for two. Why is this one so small?'
The waitress smiles and replies, 'You know, senor, sometimes the bull wins!'