Food Jokes

A customer at the downtown grocery was amazed at the owner's intelligence and quick wit.
'Tell me Edward, what makes you so smart?'
'Nick, I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone,' Edward replied, lowering his voice. 'But since you are a good and loyal customer, I will let you know. Chicken heads. If you eat enough of them, you will be as smart as I am.'
'Do you sell them here?' Nick asked.
'Of course, for only $6 a piece,' said Edward.
Nick bought four. One week later, he was back in the grocery. He complained that the chicken heads were very disgusting and he is not smarter.
'It is because you didn't eat enough,' answered Edward. Nick went home with 15 chicken heads. Another week later, he was back again. This time he was really angry.
'Hey, Ed,' he started, 'you are selling me chicken heads for $6 when I can buy the whole chicken for $3. You are ripping me off!'
'Do you see?' asked Edward. 'You are much smarter already.'

Q: What is the difference between an onion and an oboe?
A: Nobody cries when you chop up an oboe.

Facts about chocolate:
1. Chocolate is a vegetable. Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans, and beans are vegetables.
2. Chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So they are healthy.
3. Chocolate can be covered with raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries, which are all fruits, so just eat as many as you want.
4. Sugar is derived from either sugar beets or sugar canes. Both are plants, which places them again in the vegetable category.

Additional facts about chocolate for your diet:
1. Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It will take the edge off your appetite, and you will eat less.
2. If you eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, that is a balanced diet.
3. A box of chocolate can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place.

Burning the turkey is a Thanksgiving catastrophe. Or, maybe not:

- The smoke alarm was due for a test.
- Everyone will think your turkey is Cajun blackened.
- No one will overeat.
- You will get to the desserts even quicker.
- Burning the turkey will make some guests think twice next year.
- Your creamy lima beans and broccoli dish will gain newfound appreciation.
- The less turkey your uncle eats, the less likely he will walk around with his pants unbuttoned.
- Carving the burned turkey will provide a good cardiovascular workout.
- After dinner, the guys can take the turkey to the yard and play football.
- You won't have to eat turkey sandwiches for three weeks.

Lizzie prepared a pasta dish for her very first dinner party. In her haste she forgot to put the spaghetti sauce into the fridge, and it sat on the kitchen counter all day. She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook something else. She called the local Poison Control Center and told her concern. They advised Lizzie to simply boil the sauce again.
That night, the phone rang during her first dinner party, and a guest volunteered to answer it.
Lizzie's face dropped as the guest called out, 'It is the Poison Control Center. They called to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out.'

Q: How many vegans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change it and the other to check for animal ingredients.

Q: How do you know when a man is provisioning for the future?
A: He buys not one but two cases of beer.

There was a scientific theory, which stated that drinking beer makes men turn into women.
A hundred men were given a glass of beer every hour to test this scientific theory and investigate the beer related issue.
It was then observed that 100% of the men talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, refused to apologize when wrong, argued over nothing, failed to think rationally, gained weight and couldn't drive.
No further testing was required.

Q: Do you know why it is called fast food?
A: Because you're supposed to eat it really really fast. Otherwise, you may actually taste it.

One customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the delicious pastries displayed on the shelves.
When a baker approached her and asked, "What would you like?"
She answered, "I'd like that chocolate cream filled doughnut, that cherry jam filled doughnut and that cheese cake."
Then with a long sigh she added, "But I'll buy an oat-bran muffin."