Food Jokes

There was a new boss in the staff canteen. He saw that the cooks look miserable while serving the food. He decided to talk to them and get them to be more cheerful, so the staff would be happier during work. After their talk, the boss watched the food being served. A new staff member walked down the line but he didn't like anything. He carried his tray down the line to the dessert section of the staff canteen. He picked up a plate with a large piece of jello punch cake.
One cook looked at him and asked, 'Is that all you will eat?'
The staff ember replied, 'Yes, because the rest of the menu is not appetizing.'
'Well, in that case would you like two pieces of jello punch cake?'
The boss smiled, and thought to himself, 'My talk did them some good.'
The staff member said, 'Yes, I'd appreciate it.'
The cook leaned over and cut the piece of jello punch cake on the plate in half.

A customer at the downtown grocery was amazed at the owner's intelligence and quick wit.
'Tell me Edward, what makes you so smart?'
'Nick, I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone,' Edward replied, lowering his voice. 'But since you are a good and loyal customer, I will let you know. Chicken heads. If you eat enough of them, you will be as smart as I am.'
'Do you sell them here?' Nick asked.
'Of course, for only $6 a piece,' said Edward.
Nick bought four. One week later, he was back in the grocery. He complained that the chicken heads were very disgusting and he is not smarter.
'It is because you didn't eat enough,' answered Edward. Nick went home with 15 chicken heads. Another week later, he was back again. This time he was really angry.
'Hey, Ed,' he started, 'you are selling me chicken heads for $6 when I can buy the whole chicken for $3. You are ripping me off!'
'Do you see?' asked Edward. 'You are much smarter already.'

Rupert was furious when his steak arrived too rare, although he had highlighted he wanted steak well done.
'Waiter!' he shouted. 'Didn't you hear me say well done?'
'I cannot thank you enough, sir,' the waiter replied. 'I hardly ever get a compliment.'

No.1: When dad is not looking, pop old recorded football games in the VCR. Make sure it is set to the last minutes of the game. When dad comes into the room, turn off the VCR and turn on the regular TV.
No.2: When everyone says what he or she is thankful for, say, 'I am thankful I didn't get caught.' Refuse to say anything more.
No.3: Bring a date that only talks about the abusive and tragic conditions at turkey farms.
No.4: Take two fully loaded plates to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender. Take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it is the brand new Thanksgiving Weight-Loss Shake.
No.5: During mid-meal turn to mom and say loudly, 'See Mum, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey expired. You were worried for nothing.'

Q: What does the skeleton who wants to eat say on a Halloween party?
A: Bone appetit!

Q: What is a vampire's favorite drink?
A: Bloody Mary.

Jaime had told all of his friends about the huge seared steak with caponata he had eaten in the city center the evening before. A group of them decided to try if it was really as great and delicious, or he only made that up. They were seated in the back of the restaurant. After ordering the seared steak with caponata, they waited hungrily for their delicious, gigantic steaks. However, the waiter brought out some of the smallest steaks they'd ever seen, to their disappointment.
'Well, now see here,' Jaime said to the waiter in his embarrassment. 'Last evening, when I came here you served me a big, juicy seared steak with caponata. Today, though, when I have my friends with me, you serve tiny little steaks! Why?'
'Yes, sir,' answered the waiter, 'Last evening you were sitting by the window.'

I was adding milk to my afternoon coffee in the office kitchen, when a vegan colleague said, 'Do you know that milk belongs to a cow?'
If it hadn't have been first day at work, I would have replied to my vegan colleague, 'It's okay, relax. I've already ate that cow for lunch.'

A guy had one baby carrot sticking out of his left nostril and he had one baby carrot sticking out of the other. The very same guy had one baby carrot sticking out of his left ear and he had one baby carrot sticking out of the other.
He went to the doctor and asked him what could be wrong.
The doctor replied, 'Well, you are not eating right, that is for sure.'

Lizzie prepared a pasta dish for her very first dinner party. In her haste she forgot to put the spaghetti sauce into the fridge, and it sat on the kitchen counter all day. She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook something else. She called the local Poison Control Center and told her concern. They advised Lizzie to simply boil the sauce again.
That night, the phone rang during her first dinner party, and a guest volunteered to answer it.
Lizzie's face dropped as the guest called out, 'It is the Poison Control Center. They called to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out.'