Farmer Jokes, Farmer Joke
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Farmer Jokes

We were looking for farms for sale. The real estate consultant showed us something what can only be described as a totally worn-out old farm. The land had been worked to death, no plants nor weed could grow there.
The smiling real estate consultant said, 'This is a precious farm for sale. All this beautiful land needs is a nice cool breeze, a little water and some good, caring people.'
I involuntarily replied, 'I totally agree, however the same can be said of Hell.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

The family farm had been mortgaged to give the daughter university education. The girl traveled home for the Christmas Holidays after the first term. Her father, Farmer Jack was greatly disturbed when she whispered, 'Daddy, I have a confession to make. I ain't a virgin no more.'
Farmer Jack shook his head sadly, 'After all the sacrifices that me and your Mum made to give you university education, you still say "ain't"!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A wife and a husband were driving down a country lane on their way to visit the family. They had to turn right to a muddy dirt road. The car sank in a few minutes, so they were trapped. They saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some donkey before him. The farmer stopped when he saw the couple on the muddy dirt road and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $100. The husband accepted, the car was free in a few minutes. The farmer turned to the husband and said, 'You are the eighth car I have helped out of the mud today.'
The husband looked around and asked the farmer, 'When do you have time to plow your land? At night?'
'No,' the farmer replied, 'Night is when I pour the water on the road.'
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An old Kentucky farmer passed away. He left 17 American Mammoth Jackstocks to his three sons. He gave the instructions how to divide them. The oldest boy was to get one-half, the middle son one-third, and the youngest son one-ninth.
The three sons wanted to do the math, but they soon recognized the difficulty of dividing 17 Mammoth Jacks into these fractions. They began to argue. Their aunt heard about their situation, sat up on her own American Mammoth Jackstock and went to settle the problem.
She added her Mammoth Jack to the 17, making 18. The oldest son therefore got one-half, or nine, the middle son got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up nine, six and two equals 17. The aunt, having settled the problem, sat up back on her Mammoth Jack and went home.
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Farmer Jack hired a man to sort his celery crop. He grew a lot of celery stalks on his field, he needed some help to deal with them. He told the man to make piles. One for the really green and strong celery stalks, one for the medium ones and one for the smaller, younger ones.
After five hours, the man told Farmer Jack that he was quitting his job. He seemed unreasonably frustrated, he was sweaty, even his clothes were wet.
'Sorry, is the work too hard for you?' Farmer Jack asked.
'No,' he answered, 'but all these difficult decisions are stressing me out!'
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One day three salesmen went to a ranch. They asked the farmer if he wanted to buy some of their products.
The farmer said, 'Okay, please wait here until I come back with the money. But do not touch my daughter while I'm gone!'
When he returned, he found them all on top of his daughter. He pointed his shotgun at them and yelled, 'Go out to my garden now, pick ten things, and run back in here!'
The first salesman returned with ten beans.
The farmer said, 'Shove them up your butt and you can go.'
Not wanting to be shot, the salesman shoved them up his butt without a word and he was free to go.
The second salesman returned with ten apricots.
The farmer said, 'Shove them up your butt and you can go.'
After he had done that, the salesman started laughing.
'What's so funny?' asked the farmer.
The salesman replied, 'The other guy is out there picking eggplants.'
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A scientist gets on a train. He sits next to a farmer in a straw hat. It will be a long ride, so the scientist decides to play a game with the farmer.
'Let's play! I will ask a question and if you don't know the answer, you have to give me a dollar. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I give you 20 dollars. Your turn is the first. Okay?'
The farmer in a straw hat thinks for a while and asks, 'What has five pink legs, takes 4 hours to climb up an oak tree, and takes 4 minutes to get back down?'
The scientist is confused. He thinks for a long time. Finally, the train stops, and it pulls into the station. The scientist gives the 20 dollars to the farmer.
As he is very impressed and curious, asks the same question back, 'What has five pink legs, takes 4 hours to climb up an oak tree, and takes 4 minutes to get back down?'
The farmer in a straw hat takes the 20 dollars, then he takes out a dollar and gives to the scientist saying, 'I don't know.'
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Q: Why does the farmer call his smallest pig "Ink"?
A: Because that pig was always run out of the pen.
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An old farmer was sitting in his rocking chair on his terrace. He was holding a small piece of rope.
He had a guest, a city man, who asked, 'What's the use of that rope?'
The old farmer replied, 'It's for weather forecasting.'
'How can you use that for weather forecasting?' asked the city man.
'It's easy. When it swings from side to side, it is windy, and when it's wet, it is raining.'
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First points of the farmer's last will:

I leave to my wife: My overdraft at the bank. Maybe she can explain it.
I leave to my son: Equity on my car. Now he will have to work to meet the payments.
I leave to my banker: My soul. He has the mortgage on it anyway.
I leave to the garbageman: All my machinery. He has had his eyes on it for years.
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