Farmer Jokes, Farmer Joke
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Farmer Jokes

Q: Why does the farmer call his smallest pig "Ink"?
A: Because that pig was always run out of the pen.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A life insurance agent wanted to sell a policy to a farmer, but they were not on the same page.
'Look at it this way. How would your wife carry on if you should die?' the life insurance agent asked finally.
'Well, I don't think that'd be my concern, as long as she behaves herself while I am alive.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

You are thinking like a redneck if ...

... You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
... You think you are an entrepreneur because of the "Dirt for Sale" sign in the front yard.
... You think that the perfect Thanksgiving dinner is served on a ping-pong table.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The farmer's son was sent to sell chickens on the village market. His father gave him a big crate of chickens, but unfortunately he dropped it on his way and the chickens got loose. They escaped as fast as they could. The determined boy walked all over the neighborhood in search of them. Hoping he had found them all, the boy returned home, expecting the worst.
'Dad, I am so sorry but the chickens got loose,' he confessed sadly, 'but I managed to find all fifteen of them.'
'Don' worry, you did real good, son!' said the farmer happily. 'You left with ten!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A wife and a husband were driving down a country lane on their way to visit the family. They had to turn right to a muddy dirt road. The car sank in a few minutes, so they were trapped. They saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some donkey before him. The farmer stopped when he saw the couple on the muddy dirt road and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $100. The husband accepted, the car was free in a few minutes. The farmer turned to the husband and said, 'You are the eighth car I have helped out of the mud today.'
The husband looked around and asked the farmer, 'When do you have time to plow your land? At night?'
'No,' the farmer replied, 'Night is when I pour the water on the road.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A scientist gets on a train. He sits next to a farmer in a straw hat. It will be a long ride, so the scientist decides to play a game with the farmer.
'Let's play! I will ask a question and if you don't know the answer, you have to give me a dollar. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I give you 20 dollars. Your turn is the first. Okay?'
The farmer in a straw hat thinks for a while and asks, 'What has five pink legs, takes 4 hours to climb up an oak tree, and takes 4 minutes to get back down?'
The scientist is confused. He thinks for a long time. Finally, the train stops, and it pulls into the station. The scientist gives the 20 dollars to the farmer.
As he is very impressed and curious, asks the same question back, 'What has five pink legs, takes 4 hours to climb up an oak tree, and takes 4 minutes to get back down?'
The farmer in a straw hat takes the 20 dollars, then he takes out a dollar and gives to the scientist saying, 'I don't know.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A redneck bought a ticket and won the lottery. He went to claim the money.
'I want my $50 million,' he said proudly.
The lady at the counter replied, 'Sir, it doesn't work that way. We give you one million today. Then you will get the rest spread out for the next years.'
'Oh, no, no. I won the lottery I want all that money right now!' Again, the lady explained that he would only get a million that day and the rest of the amount will be transferred during the next 20 years.
The redneck was furious, he started screaming at the lady, 'Look, I won the lottery and I want my money! If you are not going to give me my $50 million right now, right here, then I want my dollar back!'
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A fire started on some dry, uncultivated land next to a farm. The fire department was alarmed and they rushed there. They couldn't put out the fire as it grew bigger than expected.
Someone suggested calling the nearby volunteer firefighter team. Many of the professionals doubted that they would be of any assistance, but the call was made and the volunteer firefighters arrived.
With a ramshackle, old fire truck they burst into the fire and drove right into the middle. The firemen jumped off the truck and started wildly spraying water in all directions. Quite soon they cut the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily controlled parts.
Watching all this, the farmer was so impressed with the volunteer firefighter team, and was so grateful that his farm had been spared, that he gave the volunteers a check for $2,000 right on the spot.
A local reporter asked their captain what the team planned to do with the funds.
'That is obvious,' he answered, wiping ashes off his coat, 'first of all we are going to get the brakes fixed on our fire truck!'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A farmer and his beloved, new wife were visited by her mother. Her first thing to do was a throughout inspection of the goat farm, where they would start their new life. The farmer had tried to be friendly and welcoming, hoping that they can build up a harmonious relationship. But the mother-in-law kept nagging them at every opportunity, offering unwanted advice, demanding changes and generally making life unbearable to the couple. While they were walking through one pen, the farmer's little white goat suddenly kicked up in the air, and got the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. They were in shock in spite of the mother-in-law's behavior.
At the funeral the farmer stood next to the coffin and greeted the people. Whenever a man would whisper something to the farmer, he shook his head and mumbled something. Whenever a woman whispered something to the farmer, he nodded and mumbled something. The pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.
The farmer replied, 'The women said: "What a terrible tragedy!" and I nodded my head and said: "Yes, it is". The men asked: "Can I borrow that little white goat?" and I shook my head and said: "Sorry, I can't do that, my little white goat is already booked for a year".
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(So far it's 4.2 point, based on 5 ratings)

Little Richie wanted be be a cowboy. He lacked any cowboy skills, but he was eager to learn. Taking pity on him, a farmer decided to give him a chance.
'This is a lariat, we use this to catch cows.' he explained.
'I see,' said Little Richie, trying to seem he has some cowboy skills as he examined the lariat. 'And what do you use for bait?'
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

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