Farmer Jokes, Farmer Joke
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Farmer Jokes

There was a farmer that was very protective of his three teenage daughters. In fact, he always met their boyfriends at the door with his gun in his hand. Saturday evening, at six o'clock, there was a knock at the door. The farmer answered. The gun was in his hand as usual.
The young fellow at the door said, 'Hi, my name is Eddie, I am here for Bettie, we are going to have some spaghetti. Is she ready?'
The farmer looked at him, then replied, 'Okay, she's ready.'
Twenty minutes passed and there was another knock. The farmer opened it with his gun again.
The guy at the door said 'Hello, I am Joe, I am here for Flo, we are going to the show. Is she ready to go?'
The farmer looked him very well, and said, 'Yes, she is ready.'
Another twenty minutes later, there was a knock again. The farmer went to the door with his gun in his hand. The guy at the door said, 'Hi, my name is Chuck...' and the farmer shot him.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A farmer in the country had a cantaloupe field. When he went there to check his field, he discovered that a lot of cantaloupes were eaten by some local hooligans.
The farmer wanted to end the situation, so he made a big sign that reads: "WARNING! One of the cantaloupes contains cyanide!"
He was very satisfied with his wit. He returned to the cantaloupe field two days later, and none of the sweet fruits had been eaten.
But to his disgrace someone added a line to his sign: "Now there are two!"
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A guy was driving for hours in the countryside when he passed a farmhouse. A dog ran out in front of him suddenly. There was no time to brake. The dog was flattened.
He stopped out of kindness and consideration, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to inform the family. The wife came to open the door.
'Good afternoon, sorry for bothering you. Unfortunately I hit a dog in front of your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I know this might be sad and hard to hear, but I wanted to let you know instead of just driving off.'
'Wait, wait, you hit a dog? How do you know it was our dog? Could you describe her? What does she look like?'
The man laid down on the ground.
'He looks like this now,' he said as he gave his best at a dead dog impression.
'Oh, fool, no! I meant, what did she look like before you hit her?'
At that, the man got up from the ground, covered his head with both arms and screamed, 'Agghhhhh!!!'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

First points of the farmer's last will:

I leave to my wife: My overdraft at the bank. Maybe she can explain it.
I leave to my son: Equity on my car. Now he will have to work to meet the payments.
I leave to my banker: My soul. He has the mortgage on it anyway.
I leave to the garbageman: All my machinery. He has had his eyes on it for years.
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On a drive in the country, a city businesswoman noticed a farmer, who was lifting a fat pig up to a plum tree. The pig there ate one plum after another.
'I am not a country girl, but if you just shook the tree, the plums will fall down. I guess that would save a lot of time.'
'Time.' answered the farmer. 'What does time matter to a simple fat pig?'
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A farmer was milking his cow in the barn. He got the good rhythm, but a fly came in and started circling around his head. It frustrated him, but tried to pay no attention for that. Suddenly, the fly flew into the cow's ear. The farmer was glad the fly disappeared, so he could continue milking his cow without any interruption, until it dropped into his milk bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.
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Little Richie wanted be be a cowboy. He lacked any cowboy skills, but he was eager to learn. Taking pity on him, a farmer decided to give him a chance.
'This is a lariat, we use this to catch cows.' he explained.
'I see,' said Little Richie, trying to seem he has some cowboy skills as he examined the lariat. 'And what do you use for bait?'
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Beth was in the kitchen cooking the dinner, when she yelled out to Aaron, 'You need to go out and fix the latrine!'
'There ain't nothing wrong with the latrine, Beth,' he yelled back.
'Yes there is, get out there and fix it, now!'
Aaron went out to the latrine, looked around and yelled back, 'Beth! There is nothing wrong with the latrine!'
'Stick your big head of yours in the hole!'
'No way I stick my head in that hole!'
'Aaron, you have to look inside to see what to fix.'
So with that, Aaron stuck his head in the hole, looked around and yelled back, 'There is really nothing wrong with the latrine!'
Beth yelled, 'Now take your head out of that hole!'
Aaron proceeded to pull his head out of the hole, but then started yelling, 'Beth! Beth! Help me! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!'
To which Beth replied, 'It hurts, isn't it?'
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Sam decided to go skiing with his best friend, Dean. They loaded up Sam's jeep with their skiing equipment and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a horrible blizzard. Slowly they arrived to a farmhouse and asked the lady of the house if they could spend the night there.
'I am recently widowed and I'm afraid my neighbors will gossip if I let you stay in my house,' she told them.
'Don't worry, we will be more than happy if you let us sleep in the barn,' Sam said.
Nine months passed by and Sam got a letter from the widow's lawyer. He read it, and called up his best friend Dean.
'Hey buddy, do you remember that lady at the farm we stayed at? When we had to sleep in the barn.'
'Yes, I remember her.'
'Did you get up in the middle of the night to go and have sex with her?'
'Yes, I have to confess it.'
'Did you told her my name instead of yours?'
Dean's face turned red and he said shamefully, 'Yes, I'm afraid I did.'
'Well, thanks a lot buddy! She died and left me everything!'
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An old farmer and his wife were sitting on their terrace, sipping their coffees. The old woman said, 'Let's have a party Bud, next week is our golden wedding anniversary. Let's kill a pig!'
The farmer scratched his wrinkled forehead, 'Jesus, Nora, for our golden weeding anniversary? I don't think that a pig should be blamed for something that happened fifty years ago.'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

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