Farmer Jokes, Farmer Joke
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Farmer Jokes

Little Richie wanted be be a cowboy. He lacked any cowboy skills, but he was eager to learn. Taking pity on him, a farmer decided to give him a chance.
'This is a lariat, we use this to catch cows.' he explained.
'I see,' said Little Richie, trying to seem he has some cowboy skills as he examined the lariat. 'And what do you use for bait?'
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Redneck or not?
Check the redneck attributes!

1. Pocket knife doubles as a toothpick.
2. The rear tires on the car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
3. Dom Perignon is considered as a mafia leader.
4. Volvo is considered as part of a woman's anatomy.
5. Jack Daniel's makes the list of "Most admired people".
6. Won't stop at a rest area if have an empty beer bottle in the car.
7. House doesn't have curtains, but truck does.
8. Flowers planted in the bathroom, appliance in front yard.
9. Christmas shopping for mom, sister and girlfriend - only need to buy one gift.
10.Thanksgiving dinner was ruined because ran out of ketchup.
11. Have 3 cars that are immobile and a house that is mobile.
12. Belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
13. Beer bottle collection is considered a tourist attraction in home town.
14. Spent more money on pickup truck than on education.
15. The UFO hotline limits you to one call a day.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A farmer and his beloved, new wife were visited by her mother. Her first thing to do was a throughout inspection of the goat farm, where they would start their new life. The farmer had tried to be friendly and welcoming, hoping that they can build up a harmonious relationship. But the mother-in-law kept nagging them at every opportunity, offering unwanted advice, demanding changes and generally making life unbearable to the couple. While they were walking through one pen, the farmer's little white goat suddenly kicked up in the air, and got the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. They were in shock in spite of the mother-in-law's behavior.
At the funeral the farmer stood next to the coffin and greeted the people. Whenever a man would whisper something to the farmer, he shook his head and mumbled something. Whenever a woman whispered something to the farmer, he nodded and mumbled something. The pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.
The farmer replied, 'The women said: "What a terrible tragedy!" and I nodded my head and said: "Yes, it is". The men asked: "Can I borrow that little white goat?" and I shook my head and said: "Sorry, I can't do that, my little white goat is already booked for a year".
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(So far it's 4.2 point, based on 5 ratings)

Sam decided to go skiing with his best friend, Dean. They loaded up Sam's jeep with their skiing equipment and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a horrible blizzard. Slowly they arrived to a farmhouse and asked the lady of the house if they could spend the night there.
'I am recently widowed and I'm afraid my neighbors will gossip if I let you stay in my house,' she told them.
'Don't worry, we will be more than happy if you let us sleep in the barn,' Sam said.
Nine months passed by and Sam got a letter from the widow's lawyer. He read it, and called up his best friend Dean.
'Hey buddy, do you remember that lady at the farm we stayed at? When we had to sleep in the barn.'
'Yes, I remember her.'
'Did you get up in the middle of the night to go and have sex with her?'
'Yes, I have to confess it.'
'Did you told her my name instead of yours?'
Dean's face turned red and he said shamefully, 'Yes, I'm afraid I did.'
'Well, thanks a lot buddy! She died and left me everything!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A very enthusiastic, young preacher was walking on the countryside on a sunny day. He met a farmer, who was working on his field. Being concerned about the farmer's soul, he asked, 'Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord my good friend?'
The farmer replied without looking at the preacher, 'No, these are potatoes.'
The preacher said, 'My friend, you don't understand my question. Are you Christian?'
With even less interest the farmer replied, 'No, my name is Tuck. I guess you are looking for George Christian. He lives a mile north of here.'
The enthusiastic, young preacher tried to soften the farmer and win his interest, 'Are you lost?'
'No, I've lived here all my life,' he replied.
'My friend, are you prepared for the resurrection?' the stonewalled preacher asked.
This caught the farmer's attention, he looked up and asked, 'When will it be?'
The preacher thought he had accomplished something eventually.
'It could be today, tomorrow, or the next day,' he said joyfully.
The farmer said, 'Well, do not mention this to my wife. She doesn't get out much and she will want to go all three days.'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 3 ratings)

There was a farmer that was very protective of his three teenage daughters. In fact, he always met their boyfriends at the door with his gun in his hand. Saturday evening, at six o'clock, there was a knock at the door. The farmer answered. The gun was in his hand as usual.
The young fellow at the door said, 'Hi, my name is Eddie, I am here for Bettie, we are going to have some spaghetti. Is she ready?'
The farmer looked at him, then replied, 'Okay, she's ready.'
Twenty minutes passed and there was another knock. The farmer opened it with his gun again.
The guy at the door said 'Hello, I am Joe, I am here for Flo, we are going to the show. Is she ready to go?'
The farmer looked him very well, and said, 'Yes, she is ready.'
Another twenty minutes later, there was a knock again. The farmer went to the door with his gun in his hand. The guy at the door said, 'Hi, my name is Chuck...' and the farmer shot him.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A man was driving down a country road, when he spotted a farmer, who was standing right in the middle of a huge wheat field. He pulled the car over to the side of the country road and noticed that the farmer was just standing there, doing nothing.
The man got out of the car, walked all the way out to the middle of the field and asked the farmer, 'Hi, excuse me! What are you doing here in the in the middle of a huge wheat field?'
'I am trying to win a Nobel Prize,' replied the farmer.
'How?' asked the confused man.
'I heard they give the Nobel Prize to those people who are out standing in their field.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Farmer Jack hired a man to sort his celery crop. He grew a lot of celery stalks on his field, he needed some help to deal with them. He told the man to make piles. One for the really green and strong celery stalks, one for the medium ones and one for the smaller, younger ones.
After five hours, the man told Farmer Jack that he was quitting his job. He seemed unreasonably frustrated, he was sweaty, even his clothes were wet.
'Sorry, is the work too hard for you?' Farmer Jack asked.
'No,' he answered, 'but all these difficult decisions are stressing me out!'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

A redneck bought a ticket and won the lottery. He went to claim the money.
'I want my $50 million,' he said proudly.
The lady at the counter replied, 'Sir, it doesn't work that way. We give you one million today. Then you will get the rest spread out for the next years.'
'Oh, no, no. I won the lottery I want all that money right now!' Again, the lady explained that he would only get a million that day and the rest of the amount will be transferred during the next 20 years.
The redneck was furious, he started screaming at the lady, 'Look, I won the lottery and I want my money! If you are not going to give me my $50 million right now, right here, then I want my dollar back!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A fire started on some dry, uncultivated land next to a farm. The fire department was alarmed and they rushed there. They couldn't put out the fire as it grew bigger than expected.
Someone suggested calling the nearby volunteer firefighter team. Many of the professionals doubted that they would be of any assistance, but the call was made and the volunteer firefighters arrived.
With a ramshackle, old fire truck they burst into the fire and drove right into the middle. The firemen jumped off the truck and started wildly spraying water in all directions. Quite soon they cut the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily controlled parts.
Watching all this, the farmer was so impressed with the volunteer firefighter team, and was so grateful that his farm had been spared, that he gave the volunteers a check for $2,000 right on the spot.
A local reporter asked their captain what the team planned to do with the funds.
'That is obvious,' he answered, wiping ashes off his coat, 'first of all we are going to get the brakes fixed on our fire truck!'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

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