Farmer Jokes, Farmer Joke
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Farmer Jokes

Little Richie wanted be be a cowboy. He lacked any cowboy skills, but he was eager to learn. Taking pity on him, a farmer decided to give him a chance.
'This is a lariat, we use this to catch cows.' he explained.
'I see,' said Little Richie, trying to seem he has some cowboy skills as he examined the lariat. 'And what do you use for bait?'
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Ervin's barn burned down.
His his wife, Eugenia, called the insurance company, 'Our barn burned down. We had that insured for sixty thousand and I want my money.'
The agent answered, 'Hi there, just a minute, Eugenia, let's step back. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will verify the value of the insured barn and provide you with a new one of comparable worth.'
There was a long pause before Eugenia replied, 'Well, then I want to cancel the policy on my husband.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

An old farmer was sitting in his rocking chair on his terrace. He was holding a small piece of rope.
He had a guest, a city man, who asked, 'What's the use of that rope?'
The old farmer replied, 'It's for weather forecasting.'
'How can you use that for weather forecasting?' asked the city man.
'It's easy. When it swings from side to side, it is windy, and when it's wet, it is raining.'
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A farmer and his beloved, new wife were visited by her mother. Her first thing to do was a throughout inspection of the goat farm, where they would start their new life. The farmer had tried to be friendly and welcoming, hoping that they can build up a harmonious relationship. But the mother-in-law kept nagging them at every opportunity, offering unwanted advice, demanding changes and generally making life unbearable to the couple. While they were walking through one pen, the farmer's little white goat suddenly kicked up in the air, and got the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. They were in shock in spite of the mother-in-law's behavior.
At the funeral the farmer stood next to the coffin and greeted the people. Whenever a man would whisper something to the farmer, he shook his head and mumbled something. Whenever a woman whispered something to the farmer, he nodded and mumbled something. The pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.
The farmer replied, 'The women said: "What a terrible tragedy!" and I nodded my head and said: "Yes, it is". The men asked: "Can I borrow that little white goat?" and I shook my head and said: "Sorry, I can't do that, my little white goat is already booked for a year".
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(So far it's 4.2 point, based on 5 ratings)

Q: Why does the farmer call his smallest pig "Ink"?
A: Because that pig was always run out of the pen.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The family farm had been mortgaged to give the daughter university education. The girl traveled home for the Christmas Holidays after the first term. Her father, Farmer Jack was greatly disturbed when she whispered, 'Daddy, I have a confession to make. I ain't a virgin no more.'
Farmer Jack shook his head sadly, 'After all the sacrifices that me and your Mum made to give you university education, you still say "ain't"!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A driver ended up in a ditch with his car in a desolated area while he was trying the turns of the next rally. He was so lucky that a local farmer saw him and came to help with his strong red stallion named Luke.
He hitched Luke up to the car and yelled, 'Pull Sophie, pull!'
Luke didn't move.
Then the farmer yelled, 'Pull, Browny, pull!'
The red stallion didn't move.
The farmer yelled, 'Pull, Sky, pull!'
Luke still was standing still.
Then the farmer indifferently said, 'Pull, Luke, pull!'
And the strong red stallion easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The driver was thankful but very curious at the same time. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name many times.
The farmer replied, 'Oh, Luke is blind. He wouldn't even try if he thought he was the only one pulling!'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Farmer Jack hired a man to sort his celery crop. He grew a lot of celery stalks on his field, he needed some help to deal with them. He told the man to make piles. One for the really green and strong celery stalks, one for the medium ones and one for the smaller, younger ones.
After five hours, the man told Farmer Jack that he was quitting his job. He seemed unreasonably frustrated, he was sweaty, even his clothes were wet.
'Sorry, is the work too hard for you?' Farmer Jack asked.
'No,' he answered, 'but all these difficult decisions are stressing me out!'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

You might be a redneck if...

... You have to hit the dashboard in your truck to get the radio and the lights to work.
... The tires on your pick-up are taller than your children.
... You have to throw down a rope ladder to get out of your truck.
... You think "dual airbags" refers to your mother-in-law and wife.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Four old farmers were having a discussion about what is the fastest thing on Earth.
The first farmer started, 'I am sure it is thinking. When you touch a flame the pain instantly becomes thought and hits your brain.'
The second farmer said, 'Well, I believe the fastest thing on Earth is blinking. When you blink and open your eyes again, nothing changes, you immediately see everything.'
The third farmer said, 'Guys, I think it is light. As soon as you touch that light switch, you go from dark to instant light.'
The fourth cowboy said, 'Well, I am sure the fastest thing on Earth is the Mexican diarrhea.'
All the others looked at him and asked simultaneously, 'Diarrhea, eh? Why?'
The fourth farmer explained, 'You know I went across the border to a saloon last night. I drank a bunch of homemade Mexican tequila. On the way home I visited Esmeralda's Bar and ate two plates of her Mexican Special. The one with lots of jalapeno and some chili peppers I never saw before. I suspect it had been warmed over a time or two...'
The other farmers interrupted, 'So, what's that story of yours got to do with the fastest thing on Earth or diarrhea?'
The fourth cowboy continued, 'So, later, when I was in bed, I felt this fierce rumbling and fire in my belly... and before I could think, or blink, or turn on that goddamn light...!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

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