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Doctor Jokes

An elderly gentleman had an appointment to see a urologist. The waiting room was filled with other patients. He went directly to the reception desk. The receptionist was a massive, middle-aged woman who looked like a wrestler. He gave her his name. In a very loud voice the receptionist said, 'YES, I FOUND YOUR NAME HERE. YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?'
All of the patients turned their head around to look at the very embarrassed man. He recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice answered, 'NO, I HAVE COME TO GET INFO ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION AND I WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS!'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A middle-aged woman was taken to the hospital because she had a heart attack. On the operating table, she had a near-death experience, and she saw God.
'Is my time up?' she asked.
'No, it is not. You still have 36 years, 10 months, and 15 days to live your life.'
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital to get some changes done. She had a lip augmentation, a facelift, and a tummy tuck. She even had a beautician and a hairdresser. She wanted to live her life to the fullest.
She was released from the hospital a few days after her last operation. She was walking out of the building happily, when suddenly an ambulance hit her.
She saw God again and she demanded, 'You said I had another 36 years. Why didn't you pull me out of the path of that ambulance?'
God replied, 'Sorry, I didn't recognize you!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Ophthalmologist: I suppose you need glasses.
Patient: But I am wearing glasses.
Ophthalmologist: Then I need glasses.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Doctor: It hurts very much when you do this, right?
Patient: Yes, it hurts very much.
Doctor: I see. Then do not do that.
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A man went to the doctor to get the annual health check-up results. After the doctor examined him, he told the man he had very bad news, since his check-up results showed cancer and Alzheimer's disease.
The man replied, 'Well, at least I don't have cancer.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A fellow nurse received a call from a frightened patient at my hospital.
'I am diabetic and I am afraid I had too much sugar,' the caller said.
'Are you light-headed?' my colleague asked.
'No,' replied the frightened patient, 'I am a brunette.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Nina called the doctor in a panic.
'Doctor, doctor! My little Sammy swallowed a full box of aspirin, twenty pills! What should I do now?'
'Are you sure that there was twenty pills?'
The furious mother panicked, 'Absolutely! Doctor, I'm scared to death! What can I do now?'
'Calm down, Nina. Tell me, is little Sammy crying?'
'No.'
'Is he pale?'
'No.'
'Is he sleeping now?'
'No.'
'Okay, that's all good. Did Sammy throw up?'
'No. But I'm so worried. I'm scared to death! All that medicine in his body... Shouldn't I do something?'
The doctor answered, 'Try giving him a headache.'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: How do human embryos talking to each other?
A: They use a stem cell phone.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The car mechanic and the heart surgeon met in a garage. The mechanic was working on the engine of a sports car. The world-famous heart surgeon came in to meet the manager, who would have a look at his Lamborghini.
The car mechanic shouted across the garage, 'Hey doctor! Could I have a question?
The surgeon was a bit surprised but walked over to him.
The mechanic stood up, wiped his oily hands on a rag and asked, 'Doctor, take a look at this engine. I can open it up, take valves out, fix them or put new parts in. When I finish, the sports car will work just like a new one. Why I get only pennies for that, while you get the really really big money? You and I are doing basically the same work.'
The world-famous heart surgeon smiled, leaned over, and whispered to the car mechanic, 'Well, try doing it while it's running!'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

At a hospital everything went crazy due to the striking doctors. Hospital officials said they would find out what are the demands were as soon as they could get a pharmacist to read the wishlist of the striking doctors.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

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