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Doctor Jokes

A woman and a baby go to the doctor. They go into the examining room and wait for the doctor. After arriving, the doctor examines the baby, and finds him too skinny.
'Is he a breastfed baby?' asks the doctor.
'Oh, yes, he is breastfed.'
'Strip down please to your waist,' orders the doctor.
She takes off her T-shirt and bra and sits on the examining table.
The doctor starts pressing and pinching both breasts for long minutes and does a thorough examination and says, 'No wonder he is so skinny. You don't have any milk!'
The woman with an ironic grin on her face responds, 'Of course since I am his aunt!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A middle-aged woman was taken to the hospital because she had a heart attack. On the operating table, she had a near-death experience, and she saw God.
'Is my time up?' she asked.
'No, it is not. You still have 36 years, 10 months, and 15 days to live your life.'
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital to get some changes done. She had a lip augmentation, a facelift, and a tummy tuck. She even had a beautician and a hairdresser. She wanted to live her life to the fullest.
She was released from the hospital a few days after her last operation. She was walking out of the building happily, when suddenly an ambulance hit her.
She saw God again and she demanded, 'You said I had another 36 years. Why didn't you pull me out of the path of that ambulance?'
God replied, 'Sorry, I didn't recognize you!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Gavin walked into Dr. Benedict's office and put a paper on the table: "I cannot talk, please help me!"
The doctor was thinking for a second and said, 'Please put your penis on the table.'
Gavin found this weird, but Dr. Benedict was a specialist, so he did as he was told. Then the doctor pulled out a reflex hammer from his drawer and hit Gavin's penis with it as hard as he could.
The man cried loudly in his great pain, 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!'
Then the doctor said, 'Very well, come back tomorrow and we will learn the letter B!'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

At a hospital everything went crazy due to the striking doctors. Hospital officials said they would find out what are the demands were as soon as they could get a pharmacist to read the wishlist of the striking doctors.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A middle-aged man went to the nursing home to visit his 96 year-old father. At dinner time he noticed that the nurse was giving his father warm milk and a Viagra.
The man asked, 'Pardon me, why are you doing that? At his age, what will that blue pill do for him?'
The nurse explained, 'The warm milk will help him sleep. That blue pill will keep him from falling out of his bed.'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Mrs. Garrison went to see her doctor.
'What is your complaint?' asked the doctor.
'I am suffering from a discharge,' she answered.
The doctor said, 'Okay, please undress Mrs. Garrison, and lie down on the examining table.'
She lied down, and the doctor put on rubber gloves and began to massage her private parts.
After a couple of minutes he asked, 'How does that feel?'
'It's fantastic,' she replied, 'but I am suffering from a discharge which comes from my right ear.'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

There was an ugly accident about midnight on the road. A drunk teen driver was taken to the hospital immediately. The left side of his body was completely paralyzed.
The doctor diagnosed, 'The teen driver is going to be all right.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

'Doctor, I have swallowed the color negative film from my camera by accident!'
'Well, we will just have to be patient and see what develops.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They choose the psycho path.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Nina called the doctor in a panic.
'Doctor, doctor! My little Sammy swallowed a full box of aspirin, twenty pills! What should I do now?'
'Are you sure that there was twenty pills?'
The furious mother panicked, 'Absolutely! Doctor, I'm scared to death! What can I do now?'
'Calm down, Nina. Tell me, is little Sammy crying?'
'No.'
'Is he pale?'
'No.'
'Is he sleeping now?'
'No.'
'Okay, that's all good. Did Sammy throw up?'
'No. But I'm so worried. I'm scared to death! All that medicine in his body... Shouldn't I do something?'
The doctor answered, 'Try giving him a headache.'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

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