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Doctor Jokes

A fellow nurse received a call from a frightened patient at my hospital.
'I am diabetic and I am afraid I had too much sugar,' the caller said.
'Are you light-headed?' my colleague asked.
'No,' replied the frightened patient, 'I am a brunette.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Mrs. Garrison went to see her doctor.
'What is your complaint?' asked the doctor.
'I am suffering from a discharge,' she answered.
The doctor said, 'Okay, please undress Mrs. Garrison, and lie down on the examining table.'
She lied down, and the doctor put on rubber gloves and began to massage her private parts.
After a couple of minutes he asked, 'How does that feel?'
'It's fantastic,' she replied, 'but I am suffering from a discharge which comes from my right ear.'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

At a hospital everything went crazy due to the striking doctors. Hospital officials said they would find out what are the demands were as soon as they could get a pharmacist to read the wishlist of the striking doctors.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Q: What is the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
A: The taste.
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(So far it's 3.33 point, based on 3 ratings)

Q: What did the left eye say to the right eye?
A: Hey, just between us. Something smells.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Q: How can you keep someone stupid occupied?
A: I tell them this joke.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Q: How do human embryos talking to each other?
A: They use a stem cell phone.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Living with a nurse is difficult because:

1. You are often awakened from a sweet sleep in the middle of the night because she is shaking you. She explains that your breathing patterns were a little too close to a Cheyne-Stokes rhythm.

2. When you forget to flush the toilet, you get a complete analysis with a two-week plan on how to correct any noted problems.

3. Thanksgiving dinner comes in pre-cut pieces every year because she doesn't want to have to perform the Heimlich maneuver and be reminded of work on the only holiday she's had off in years.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A cannibal said to the doctor, 'I have an awful heartburn!'
'Well, well, what did you eat?'
'Just some missionaries with hooded robes,' the cannibal replied.
'Okay, how did you cook them?'
'Boiled...'
'Oh, no wonder you have that awful heartburn. Those are not boilers. They are friars!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A psychiatrist was doing his normal morning routine, visiting the patients in their rooms. He found Patient "A" sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half. Patient "B" was hanging from the ceiling by his feet.
The psychiatrist asked Patient "A" what he was doing.
He replied, 'Can't you see? I'm sawing this piece of wood in half.'
The psychiatrist asked Patient "A" what Patient "B" was doing. Patient "A" replied, 'Oh, he is my best friend, but he is a little crazy. He thinks he is a light bulb.'
The psychiatrist looked up and noticed the reddening face of Patient "B". This is why visiting the patients is the first thing in the morning.
'If he's your best friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself,' said the psychiatrist to Patient "A".
He replied, 'What? No! I cannot work in the dark!'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

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