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Doctor Jokes

Q: What do you find in a clean nose?
A: Fingerprints.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Two elderly men were arguing the competence of their doctors.
'I don't trust your unworthy doctor. He treated old Gedeon Baily for a liver disease for almost a year. Then Gedeon died of a heart disease,' said the first.
'So why do you think your doctor is any better?' asked his pal.
'Because when my doctor treats you for a heart disease, you can be sure you will die of a heart disease.'
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Mrs. Garrison went to see her doctor.
'What is your complaint?' asked the doctor.
'I am suffering from a discharge,' she answered.
The doctor said, 'Okay, please undress Mrs. Garrison, and lie down on the examining table.'
She lied down, and the doctor put on rubber gloves and began to massage her private parts.
After a couple of minutes he asked, 'How does that feel?'
'It's fantastic,' she replied, 'but I am suffering from a discharge which comes from my right ear.'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

Gavin walked into Dr. Benedict's office and put a paper on the table: "I cannot talk, please help me!"
The doctor was thinking for a second and said, 'Please put your penis on the table.'
Gavin found this weird, but Dr. Benedict was a specialist, so he did as he was told. Then the doctor pulled out a reflex hammer from his drawer and hit Gavin's penis with it as hard as he could.
The man cried loudly in his great pain, 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!'
Then the doctor said, 'Very well, come back tomorrow and we will learn the letter B!'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: How do human embryos talking to each other?
A: They use a stem cell phone.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

At a hospital everything went crazy due to the striking doctors. Hospital officials said they would find out what are the demands were as soon as they could get a pharmacist to read the wishlist of the striking doctors.
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How to Stay Healthy?

First thing first, you have to eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and vegetables.
Take vitamins and bump up your vitamin C and D.
Get daily exercise. It strengthens your immune system.
Walk for at least one hour a day or go for a run, take the stairs instead of the elevator, go swimming, etc.
Wash your hands often. If you can't wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial liquid with you.
Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible.
Get plenty of rest.
Try to eliminate as much stress and anxiety from your life as you can.

OR
You can take the doctor's approach. Think about it, they clean the arm with alcohol.
Why? Because alcohol kills germs.

SO STAY HEALTHY AND DO IT RIGHT!
Walk to the liquor store (exercise)
Put orange juice into your cocktail (fruit)
Put celery into your Bloody Mary (vegetable)
Drink on the bar patio (fresh air)
Get drunk, tell jokes, and laugh (eliminate stress and anxiety)
Pass out (rest)

Look, if you keep your alcohol levels up, nothing can get you!
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Bob and Stan were in a mental institution. This place had an annual contest, picking two of the well behaved patients and giving them two questions to test their mental health.
If they answered correctly, they were deemed cured and free to go.
Bob was called into the doctor's office first to test his mental health.
'Bob, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?' asked the doctor.
'I would be half blind,' replied Bob.
'That's correct. What would happen if I poked out both your eyes?'
'I would be completely blind.'
The doctor shook his hand and told him he was free.
On his way out, meanwhile the doctor filled out the paperwork, Bob told Stan the answers.
The doctor went through the formalities and then invited Stan to test his mental health.
'What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?'
'I would d be half blind,' replied Stan.
'Oh... What would happen if I cut off both your ears?' asked the puzzled doctor.
'I would be completely blind,' replied Stan.
'Stan, how can you explain that you'd be blind?' asked the suspicious doctor.
'Well, my hat would fall over my eyes,' replied Stan.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A woman and a baby go to the doctor. They go into the examining room and wait for the doctor. After arriving, the doctor examines the baby, and finds him too skinny.
'Is he a breastfed baby?' asks the doctor.
'Oh, yes, he is breastfed.'
'Strip down please to your waist,' orders the doctor.
She takes off her T-shirt and bra and sits on the examining table.
The doctor starts pressing and pinching both breasts for long minutes and does a thorough examination and says, 'No wonder he is so skinny. You don't have any milk!'
The woman with an ironic grin on her face responds, 'Of course since I am his aunt!'
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A psychologist at the asylum decided to take his inmates to an american football game. He had trained the patients for long weeks in advance to respond to his commands.
When the day of the american football game arrived, everything went smoothly. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, 'Up nuts!'
And the patients stood up.
After the anthem he yelled, 'Down nuts!'
And they all sat down.
After a goal he yelled, 'Cheer nuts!'
And they cheered, clapping.
Thinking things were going well, he decided to go get a hot dog, so he left his assistant in charge. He returned only to see that there was a big fight. Finding his assistant was not easy, but he could ask what happened.
The assistant explained, 'Uh, everything was okay, but one guy walked by and yelled: "PEANUTS!"
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

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