Doctor Jokes, Doctor Joke
⭐ Add JokestJokes.com to your Favorites! (Press CTRL+D)
📧 Get the best jokes every week by e-mail! It's free! (Click!)
🎁Are you a webmaster? Make your visitors happy with a free
Joke of the Day Box! (Click!)
Joke, Jokes, Fun
Joke Newsletter
You will get the best jokes of every week by e-mail!
It will be great, you need this!
E-mail:
  I have read and accept the Privacy Policy.
Joke Categories
ALL JokesAnimalBarBlondeBusinessCarChildrenComputerCriminalDoctorFarmerFoodKnock KnockLawyerMarriageMilitaryMother in LawOfficePolicePoliticalPunsSchoolSportsTravelWorkplaceYo MamaOther
You are here: HomeJokesDoctor Jokes

Doctor Jokes

There was a wife and a sick husband. The wife was worried about his health so took him to the hospital. The doctor made a full body health check, and after asked the wife to talk about the husband's health in his office.
The doctor started, 'Mrs. Smith, if you want your husband to live, you will have to be very patient with him, do not challenge him and do not argue with him. This full body health check revealed that your husband needs absolute rest, days without any stress. He is not allowed to work or move around much. You cannot allow him to be upset about anything, calm him down. Otherwise he will die.'
The doctor asked if she understood these serious conditions, and she assured him that she did.
When the wife came out from the doctor's office, the husband asked her, 'So, honey, what's the matter with me? Am I going to die?'
And the wife answered, 'Yes, darling, I am afraid you are going to die.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

There was a woman who wanted bigger boobs. She went to her doctor, Dr. Yuzu, and asked him about breast implants.
'Before you do anything serious, there is a method that has worked for a lot of my patients. This is an effective breast implant alternative. Every morning when you wake up in your bed, rub your boobs and say: "Scooobie dooobie, give me bigger boobies!"' he suggested.
She did this faithfully for six months and when she noticed that they actually were getting bigger, she was very happy that she started this breast implant alternative.
One morning she woke up late, so she was in a hurry. By the time she got on the train she realized that she forgot to rub her boobs.
So as she was sitting on the train, she started to rub her boobs, saying, 'Scooobie dooobie, give me bigger boobies!'
The man standing next to her asked, 'Hey, do you know Dr. Yuzu?'
'Yes, how did you know?' she said.
'Hickory, dickory dock!' he replied.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A fellow nurse received a call from a frightened patient at my hospital.
'I am diabetic and I am afraid I had too much sugar,' the caller said.
'Are you light-headed?' my colleague asked.
'No,' replied the frightened patient, 'I am a brunette.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A man went to the doctor to get the annual health check-up results. After the doctor examined him, he told the man he had very bad news, since his check-up results showed cancer and Alzheimer's disease.
The man replied, 'Well, at least I don't have cancer.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

'Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I am a cuckoo-clock!'
'Cuckoo-clock? Okay, okay, just relax. There is no need to get yourself wound up.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A middle aged, good-looking businessman went to see his physician.
'Doctor Reed, I have a big problem,' he started. 'My sexy secretary, loves to give blow jobs. Early in the morning when I arrive to the office I get a blow job. Before lunch she also give me a quick one. Before I leave she really works me over.'
'I cannot see the problem,' said the doctor.
'You know, my wife is a nymphomaniac,' he continued. 'We do it every morning when we get up. I go home for a quickie every day at lunch. Then we have a marathon session every night before we go to sleep.'
'I cannot see the problem, still,' said the doctor.
'Well, you see Dr. Reed, every time I masturbate I feel dizzy.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

There was an ugly accident about midnight on the road. A drunk teen driver was taken to the hospital immediately. The left side of his body was completely paralyzed.
The doctor diagnosed, 'The teen driver is going to be all right.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

'Doctor, doctor! Help me! I keep seeing little white things before my eyes.'
'I understand. Have you seen a doctor before?'
'No, just little white things.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

One day Matt complained to his best friend that his right elbow really hurts. His friend told him about a modern diagnosis method. He said that there was a new computer in the pharmacy, which could diagnose anything, moreover it was quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
'You simply have to fill a sample of your urine into the computer, and it will diagnose your problem. Even it tells you what you can do about it. It only costs $20.'
Matt had nothing to lose, so he took his urine sample and went to the pharmacy. He poured in the sample and deposited the $20.
The computer printed a document a minute later: "You have tennis elbow. You have to soak your arm in warm water. You have to avoid lifting heavy things. You will get better in three weeks."
Later that day, he was thinking about this new, modern diagnosis method, and how this technology will change medical science forever. He began to wonder if this computer could be fooled. He mixed in a jar together the cat's urine sample, his wife's, their daughter's, he also put tap water in it, and to make it perfect, he masturbated into the jar.
He went back to the pharmacy, poured in the sample and deposited the $20. The computer printed out the following diagnosis: "Your tap water is too hard. You have to get a water softener. Your cat has worms. You have to get her vitamins. Your daughter is using LSD. You have to put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin boys. They are not yours. You have to get a lawyer. And if you do not stop masturbation, your tennis elbow will never ever get better."
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Q: What is the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
A: The taste.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Next 10 Doctor Jokes   >

Joke of the Day
You can have a Joke of the Day box on your website, too!
(This one right above!)
It's free and good for you! You only need to insert a short HTML code into your website and the Joke of the Day will appear there right away! (Every day a new joke totally automatically, maintenance free.) (Details...)
TOP 10 Jokes
1)Personal Insults
2)One Line at a Time
3)Little White Goat
4)Honest Cover Letter
5)Super Rich Investor
6)Dogs and Their Owners
7)Don't Drive in Texas
8)Sculptures on Display
9)Enthusiastic, Young Preacher
10)Survey on Sex
Best Jokes
(Joke Toplist)
Send Us a Joke!
Do you know a good joke?
Send it to us so we can put it on the website for everybody to read and laugh! It will be great!