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Doctor Jokes

A man went to the doctor to get the annual health check-up results. After the doctor examined him, he told the man he had very bad news, since his check-up results showed cancer and Alzheimer's disease.
The man replied, 'Well, at least I don't have cancer.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

At a hospital everything went crazy due to the striking doctors. Hospital officials said they would find out what are the demands were as soon as they could get a pharmacist to read the wishlist of the striking doctors.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

'Doctor, I have swallowed the color negative film from my camera by accident!'
'Well, we will just have to be patient and see what develops.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Doctor: It hurts very much when you do this, right?
Patient: Yes, it hurts very much.
Doctor: I see. Then do not do that.
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A woman went to the psychiatrist.
'What seems to be the problem? What is your situation?' the psychiatrist asked.
'Well, I, so...,' she murmured, 'I think that, actually, I might be a nymphomaniac.'
'I see,' replied the psychiatrist. 'I am working with the highest psychiatrist fee per hour, but I can help you. I must warn you that means one hour is $100.'
'Hmm, not bad at all,' the woman replied, 'and how much is your fee for all night?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Dr. Challenger, who was the head psychiatrist, examined patients to see if they can be released, if they are cured and can re-enter society.
'So, Mrs. Senna,' the doctor said to one of the patients, 'I was advised that you have been recommended for dismissal. What would you do once you re-enter society?'
The patient was thinking for a moment, then answered, 'Well, I studied IT and communications. That is still a developing field, with good salaries. But on the other hand, I thought I might write a book about my experience here in the hospital, what it is like to be an inmate here. I am sure that I could find my audience. In addition, I thought I might go back to university to refresh my studies on programming.'
Dr. Challenger nodded and said, 'Well done, those all sound like appealing possibilities.'
The patient continued, 'And, you know, the best part is that I can still be a kitchen table in my free time.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A middle-aged man went to the nursing home to visit his 96 year-old father. At dinner time he noticed that the nurse was giving his father warm milk and a Viagra.
The man asked, 'Pardon me, why are you doing that? At his age, what will that blue pill do for him?'
The nurse explained, 'The warm milk will help him sleep. That blue pill will keep him from falling out of his bed.'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

'Doctor, doctor! Help me! I keep seeing little white things before my eyes.'
'I understand. Have you seen a doctor before?'
'No, just little white things.'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

A woman and a baby go to the doctor. They go into the examining room and wait for the doctor. After arriving, the doctor examines the baby, and finds him too skinny.
'Is he a breastfed baby?' asks the doctor.
'Oh, yes, he is breastfed.'
'Strip down please to your waist,' orders the doctor.
She takes off her T-shirt and bra and sits on the examining table.
The doctor starts pressing and pinching both breasts for long minutes and does a thorough examination and says, 'No wonder he is so skinny. You don't have any milk!'
The woman with an ironic grin on her face responds, 'Of course since I am his aunt!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Jeff went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I want to be castrated.'
'Oh, I don't know what your motives are or what kind of cult you are into, but I will not make an exception, I do not agree with that sort of operation,' answered the doctor.
'You know, I'm a little embarrassed about talking about it,' replied Jeff, 'I just want to be castrated. I can give you $6500 in cash right now. Will you do it, can you make an exception?'
The doctor answered, 'I guess I could make this one exception, only for you. I don't understand it, but alright, as you wish.'
The operation was done and Jeff woke up.
'Everything went fine, it is a quite simple operation,' started the doctor, 'as a matter of fact, $6500 is way too much for it. So, when I noticed that you had never been circumcised, I went ahead and did that, too. In my opinion, it's better for a man to be circumcised, I hope you don't mind my...'
'Circumcised!' yelled Jeff, 'That's the word!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

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