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Doctor Jokes

Maybe you have to change your GP. Read the ultimate signs of a bad doctor:

1. He calls you at 3 a.m. "just to talk."
2. He colors your X-rays with crayons every time.
3. He thinks Eastern Medicine was developed in Long Island.
4. His examination room is Room 13 at the No-Tell Motel.
5. Instead of rubber surgical gloves he wears oven mitts.
6. Before surgery, he asks if you want this "to go".
7. He keeps accidentally referring to your legs as "drumsticks".
8. He keeps accidentally referring to himself as "the defendant."
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
'Good morning! I couldn't help noticing how happy you look. What's your secret to a long happy life?' she asked.
'You know, I drink a case of beer every day, and I smoke three packs of cigarettes with them. And I love eating fatty foods. And I never exercise. That is my secret to a long happy life,' he replied.
'That's amazing. And how old are you?' asked the surprised woman.
'Twenty-six,' replied the man.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

'Doctor, Doctor! I'm so ugly... Tell me, what can I do about it?' cried the patient.
'Hire yourself out for Halloween parties!' replied the doctor.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

'Doctor, I have swallowed the color negative film from my camera by accident!'
'Well, we will just have to be patient and see what develops.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Bob and Stan were in a mental institution. This place had an annual contest, picking two of the well behaved patients and giving them two questions to test their mental health.
If they answered correctly, they were deemed cured and free to go.
Bob was called into the doctor's office first to test his mental health.
'Bob, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?' asked the doctor.
'I would be half blind,' replied Bob.
'That's correct. What would happen if I poked out both your eyes?'
'I would be completely blind.'
The doctor shook his hand and told him he was free.
On his way out, meanwhile the doctor filled out the paperwork, Bob told Stan the answers.
The doctor went through the formalities and then invited Stan to test his mental health.
'What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?'
'I would d be half blind,' replied Stan.
'Oh... What would happen if I cut off both your ears?' asked the puzzled doctor.
'I would be completely blind,' replied Stan.
'Stan, how can you explain that you'd be blind?' asked the suspicious doctor.
'Well, my hat would fall over my eyes,' replied Stan.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

'Doctor, doctor! Help me! I keep seeing little white things before my eyes.'
'I understand. Have you seen a doctor before?'
'No, just little white things.'
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(So far it's 3.33 point, based on 3 ratings)

On the park bench one day two elderly ladies were chatting about life and death.
'To be serious, I am so fed up with life! I want to kill myself! What would be the quickest and easiest way to do it?'
The other lady kept sitting on the park bench, stared into nothing, and advised, 'Shoot yourself under your left boob.'
The next day one elderly lady was taken to the ER with a gun shot wound under her left knee.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A fellow nurse received a call from a frightened patient at my hospital.
'I am diabetic and I am afraid I had too much sugar,' the caller said.
'Are you light-headed?' my colleague asked.
'No,' replied the frightened patient, 'I am a brunette.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Dr. Challenger, who was the head psychiatrist, examined patients to see if they can be released, if they are cured and can re-enter society.
'So, Mrs. Senna,' the doctor said to one of the patients, 'I was advised that you have been recommended for dismissal. What would you do once you re-enter society?'
The patient was thinking for a moment, then answered, 'Well, I studied IT and communications. That is still a developing field, with good salaries. But on the other hand, I thought I might write a book about my experience here in the hospital, what it is like to be an inmate here. I am sure that I could find my audience. In addition, I thought I might go back to university to refresh my studies on programming.'
Dr. Challenger nodded and said, 'Well done, those all sound like appealing possibilities.'
The patient continued, 'And, you know, the best part is that I can still be a kitchen table in my free time.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

There was a woman who wanted bigger boobs. She went to her doctor, Dr. Yuzu, and asked him about breast implants.
'Before you do anything serious, there is a method that has worked for a lot of my patients. This is an effective breast implant alternative. Every morning when you wake up in your bed, rub your boobs and say: "Scooobie dooobie, give me bigger boobies!"' he suggested.
She did this faithfully for six months and when she noticed that they actually were getting bigger, she was very happy that she started this breast implant alternative.
One morning she woke up late, so she was in a hurry. By the time she got on the train she realized that she forgot to rub her boobs.
So as she was sitting on the train, she started to rub her boobs, saying, 'Scooobie dooobie, give me bigger boobies!'
The man standing next to her asked, 'Hey, do you know Dr. Yuzu?'
'Yes, how did you know?' she said.
'Hickory, dickory dock!' he replied.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

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