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Doctor Jokes

Nina called the doctor in a panic.
'Doctor, doctor! My little Sammy swallowed a full box of aspirin, twenty pills! What should I do now?'
'Are you sure that there was twenty pills?'
The furious mother panicked, 'Absolutely! Doctor, I'm scared to death! What can I do now?'
'Calm down, Nina. Tell me, is little Sammy crying?'
'No.'
'Is he pale?'
'No.'
'Is he sleeping now?'
'No.'
'Okay, that's all good. Did Sammy throw up?'
'No. But I'm so worried. I'm scared to death! All that medicine in his body... Shouldn't I do something?'
The doctor answered, 'Try giving him a headache.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

A six-year-old girl and her mother stood in front of a dental centre poster.
'If I had to have false teeth, Mommy, I would take that pair,' pointed the girl.
'Hush, Maggie,' said the mother quickly, shaking her arm, 'I told you it's not polite to pick your teeth in public!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A cannibal said to the doctor, 'I have an awful heartburn!'
'Well, well, what did you eat?'
'Just some missionaries with hooded robes,' the cannibal replied.
'Okay, how did you cook them?'
'Boiled...'
'Oh, no wonder you have that awful heartburn. Those are not boilers. They are friars!'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A farmer had been sick for days. He decided to visit the doctor. The doctor examined him, and said, 'I cannot see what the problem is, but I guess it has something to do with alcohol.'
'Fine,' said the farmer, 'then I will come back when you are sober.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

On the park bench one day two elderly ladies were chatting about life and death.
'To be serious, I am so fed up with life! I want to kill myself! What would be the quickest and easiest way to do it?'
The other lady kept sitting on the park bench, stared into nothing, and advised, 'Shoot yourself under your left boob.'
The next day one elderly lady was taken to the ER with a gun shot wound under her left knee.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Ophthalmologist: I suppose you need glasses.
Patient: But I am wearing glasses.
Ophthalmologist: Then I need glasses.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Bob and Stan were in a mental institution. This place had an annual contest, picking two of the well behaved patients and giving them two questions to test their mental health.
If they answered correctly, they were deemed cured and free to go.
Bob was called into the doctor's office first to test his mental health.
'Bob, what would happen if I poked out one of your eyes?' asked the doctor.
'I would be half blind,' replied Bob.
'That's correct. What would happen if I poked out both your eyes?'
'I would be completely blind.'
The doctor shook his hand and told him he was free.
On his way out, meanwhile the doctor filled out the paperwork, Bob told Stan the answers.
The doctor went through the formalities and then invited Stan to test his mental health.
'What would happen if I cut off one of your ears?'
'I would d be half blind,' replied Stan.
'Oh... What would happen if I cut off both your ears?' asked the puzzled doctor.
'I would be completely blind,' replied Stan.
'Stan, how can you explain that you'd be blind?' asked the suspicious doctor.
'Well, my hat would fall over my eyes,' replied Stan.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A middle-aged man went to the nursing home to visit his 96 year-old father. At dinner time he noticed that the nurse was giving his father warm milk and a Viagra.
The man asked, 'Pardon me, why are you doing that? At his age, what will that blue pill do for him?'
The nurse explained, 'The warm milk will help him sleep. That blue pill will keep him from falling out of his bed.'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

'Doctor, I have swallowed the color negative film from my camera by accident!'
'Well, we will just have to be patient and see what develops.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Dr. Challenger, who was the head psychiatrist, examined patients to see if they can be released, if they are cured and can re-enter society.
'So, Mrs. Senna,' the doctor said to one of the patients, 'I was advised that you have been recommended for dismissal. What would you do once you re-enter society?'
The patient was thinking for a moment, then answered, 'Well, I studied IT and communications. That is still a developing field, with good salaries. But on the other hand, I thought I might write a book about my experience here in the hospital, what it is like to be an inmate here. I am sure that I could find my audience. In addition, I thought I might go back to university to refresh my studies on programming.'
Dr. Challenger nodded and said, 'Well done, those all sound like appealing possibilities.'
The patient continued, 'And, you know, the best part is that I can still be a kitchen table in my free time.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

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