Criminal Jokes, Criminal Joke
⭐ Add JokestJokes.com to your Favorites! (Press CTRL+D)
📧 Get the best jokes every week by e-mail! It's free! (Click!)
🎁Are you a webmaster? Make your visitors happy with a free
Joke of the Day Box! (Click!)
Joke, Jokes, Fun
Joke Newsletter
You will get the best jokes of every week by e-mail!
It will be great, you need this!
E-mail:
  I have read and accept the Privacy Policy.
Joke Categories
ALL JokesAnimalBarBlondeBusinessCarChildrenComputerCriminalDoctorFarmerFoodKnock KnockLawyerMarriageMilitaryMother in LawOfficePolicePoliticalPunsSchoolSportsTravelWorkplaceYo MamaOther
You are here: HomeJokesCriminal Jokes

Criminal Jokes

This folk wanted liquor pretty much. He decided to throw a random brick through the liquor shop window, grab some bottles, and run. So he lifted a brick and threw at the window. Suddenly the brick bounced back and hit the dumb thief on the head, knocking him out. The whole action was caught on videotape. Plexiglas for sale at the same shop.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Before bedtime an old lady went into her living room to find a burglar, who put into his pocket every valuable thing what he could see. Not having any kind of weapon, she raised her hand and said loudly, 'Acts 2:38', and continued quoting scripture.
The burglar froze and didn't move more. The old lady called 911 and the police hurried to the house. The burglar was still frozen where he stood.
'What did you say to this burglar?' the police asked.
'I simply said "Acts 2:38" and starting quoting scripture,' she answered.
The police chuckled and put the burglar into the police car.
'Why did you remain frozen, why did the lady's quoting scripture scare you so much?' they asked.
'Scripture?' asked the burglar, 'God, I thought she said she had an ax and two 38's!'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A Florida man reported that his car was stolen. It was a luxury car with a built-in satellite car phone.
The policeman instantly called the phone and told the car thief that he had read the online advertisement and wanted to purchase the car. They arranged a meeting, and the car thief was arrested.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

In a parking lot a man attempted to siphon gas from a camper van. The policeman arrived as soon as he could. At the scene there was an ill man curled up next to the camper van near a big spill of sewage.
The man admitted to trying to siphon gas. He plugged his hose into the sewage tank of the camper van by mistake.
The owner of the vehicle said that it was the best laugh he'd ever had and declined to press charges.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

Three men were found guilty in a serious industrial espionage, which lead to many deaths. They were sentenced to thirty years in solitary confinement. They were each allowed one thing to bring into the cell with them for that long time. The first man asked for tons of medical books. The second man asked for his beloved wife. The third man asked for three hundred cartons of cigarettes. At the end of the thirty years, the guards opened up the first man's cell.
He came out and said, 'I studied so hard. I am gonna be a doctor and never take part again in an industrial espionage. These long years were terrific!'
They opened up the second man's cell. He came out with his wife, and with their five children. He said, 'This was the greatest thing of my life. My wife and I are so close, and we became a beautiful family. I love it, and never will ruin it with industrial espionage or any kind of crime!'
The guards opened up the third man's cell, and he was shaking, searching through his pockets, saying, 'Does anybody have a lighter???'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

The Rosenthal family was proud of their old traditions. Their great-great-grandfather had come to America on a ship, and they gave senators, successful businesses and financial breakthroughs to the country. They decided to compile a family history, wanted to give a true legacy for their children and grandchildren. They hired a popular author to write a life-changing book about the family.
However, one puzzle did not fit in. Their great-uncle Jeremy, who was executed in the electric chair. The author said he could write the story tactfully. The book was published, and was not a lie in that: "Great-uncle Jeremy occupied a chair of applied electronics at a significant government institution. He was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came suddenly, as a great shock.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

The inmate was sentenced to death by hanging. Throughout the week the guards were very kind. But every time they asked if he wanted something special for his last week, he said he didn't want anything special. It went on like this all week.
Finally, when he stood in front of the gallows, the guard asked if he wanted a blindfold, or a cigarette.
'No,' the inmate said, 'I am sentenced to death by hanging. So let's just get over with it.'
'Well, is there anything else that I can do for you before you go?' asked the guard.
The prisoner was thinking and said, 'Actually, music is my life. One thing I would really like to do is to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, without any interruptions.'
The guard nodded.
The inmate started singing, '1000 bottles of beer on the wall, 1000 bottles of beer...'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

In Tulsa, Oklahoma, Rebecca Warren was arrested for trying to rob a bank in a blonde wig and a biker mask, but without a weapon. Warren used her right thumb and right forefinger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, she failed to keep her hand in her pocket.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 3 point, based on 2 ratings)

One day a man walked into a fast food restaurant in the U.S. at 08:05 AM. He took out a gun, and demanded cash immediately. The student worker in her sudden fear told him that she couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered a double cheeseburger, the student worker said that wasn't available for breakfast in that fast food restaurant. The man, frustrated, simply walked away.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 3 point, based on 2 ratings)

<   Previous 10 Criminal Jokes
 

Joke of the Day
You can have a Joke of the Day box on your website, too!
(This one right above!)
It's free and good for you! You only need to insert a short HTML code into your website and the Joke of the Day will appear there right away! (Every day a new joke totally automatically, maintenance free.) (Details...)
TOP 10 Jokes
1)Chinese Laundry
2)Large Bag of Garbage
3) God Create Brunettes
4)Loan Officer
5)Don't Drive in Texas
6)Sculptures on Display
7)The Boss
8)Between Us
9)Copy Machine Is Out of Order
10)Dedicated Republican
Best Jokes
(Joke Toplist)
Send Us a Joke!
Do you know a good joke?
Send it to us so we can put it on the website for everybody to read and laugh! It will be great!