Criminal Jokes, Criminal Joke
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Criminal Jokes

This folk wanted liquor pretty much. He decided to throw a random brick through the liquor shop window, grab some bottles, and run. So he lifted a brick and threw at the window. Suddenly the brick bounced back and hit the dumb thief on the head, knocking him out. The whole action was caught on videotape. Plexiglas for sale at the same shop.
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A man walked into a grocery store, put a $50 bill on the counter. He asked for change. The clerk opened the cash drawer readily, when the man pulled his gun and took all the cash and fled, leaving the $50 bill on the counter.
The Criminal Law question is: The total amount of the cash robbed was only $40. If someone points a gun at you and actually gives you money, was a crime committed or not?
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A bicycle mailman was telling his colleague one day that the company wants to transfer him to Minneapolis but he was going to quit before he had to move there.
'Why?' the colleague asked.
'I am just too afraid of the crime, too new, too big city for a bicycle mailman. Even though I have to pass the bigger salary and the fringe benefits, I do not want to transfer there,' he replied.
'Kevin, reconsider that. Minneapolis has parks, lakes, museums, it is close to Canada, etc. It is a great city. I myself worked there for almost 5 years and in all that time I never ever had any problem with crime while I was there.'
The bicycle mailman asked, 'Really? What was your job there?'
'I was tail gunner on an ice-cream truck.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A guy went to buy an old-fashioned vinyl record. He was in the music store when he noticed that he forgot his wallet at home. Instead of collecting his wallet, he decided to steal the vinyl record. So he simply slid it into his trousers.
The old cashier spotted him of course and said, 'Hey, you there! Is that a record in your trousers?
The guy replied, 'Well, it might not be a record, however there haven't been any complaints so far.'
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A young couple got married. Two days later they were sipping their cocktails on a Mexican beach on their honeymoon. Three weeks later they got home, tanned and relaxed. It was time to sort out their wedding presents. In their mailbox they also found something, it was an invitation for a fancy art gallery opening.
They were very excited, this gesture was so nice. But there was no signature, so they had no clue who to thank for. Anyway, they went to the art gallery opening, and had a wonderful time there. Late at night, when they returned, they still were chatting about the secret gift sender. But soon they were shocked, the house was fully open and every valuable things had disappeared.
On the fridge they found one note: "Now you know from who!"
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Before bedtime an old lady went into her living room to find a burglar, who put into his pocket every valuable thing what he could see. Not having any kind of weapon, she raised her hand and said loudly, 'Acts 2:38', and continued quoting scripture.
The burglar froze and didn't move more. The old lady called 911 and the police hurried to the house. The burglar was still frozen where he stood.
'What did you say to this burglar?' the police asked.
'I simply said "Acts 2:38" and starting quoting scripture,' she answered.
The police chuckled and put the burglar into the police car.
'Why did you remain frozen, why did the lady's quoting scripture scare you so much?' they asked.
'Scripture?' asked the burglar, 'God, I thought she said she had an ax and two 38's!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

On a November night, an Italian businessman's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to baby Jesus. It was one of their family traditions before the Holidays.
He starts: "Dear Lord Baby Jesus, I have been a good son the whole year. I would like to get a brand new..."
He looks at the paper, then tears it into pieces. He takes out a new piece of paper from the drawer and starts again: "Dear Lord Baby Jesus, I have been a good son for most of this year, so I want a brand new..."
He again looks at it, frowns, then tears into pieces.
Then he gets the idea. He goes into his parents' room, gets the statue of the Virgin Mary, locks it in the cabinet, takes another piece of paper and starts writing: "Dear Lord Baby Jesus, if you want to see your mother again..."
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

In a parking lot a man attempted to siphon gas from a camper van. The policeman arrived as soon as he could. At the scene there was an ill man curled up next to the camper van near a big spill of sewage.
The man admitted to trying to siphon gas. He plugged his hose into the sewage tank of the camper van by mistake.
The owner of the vehicle said that it was the best laugh he'd ever had and declined to press charges.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig the garden to prepare a vegetable garden plot, but it was too hard work for him alone. His only son, who always helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to him and described his situation:

"Dear My Only Son,
I am not feeling well these days at all. It looks like I won't be able to plant my vegetables this year. I am too old to dig up and prepare my vegetable garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would end. I know you would dig the garden for me.
I love you, Daddy"

Two days later the old man received a letter from his son:

"Dear Daddy,
For heaven's sake, do not dig up that garden never ever, that is where I buried THAT.
Love you too, Son"

Next morning, federal agents and local police appeared at the old man's house. They dug up the entire garden without finding any bodies. They were ashamed, apologized to the old man and left. Next day the old man received another letter from his beloved son:

"Dear Daddy,
That was the best I could do under the circumstances to help you to prepare the vegetable garden plot.
Love you, Son
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

The inmate was sentenced to death by hanging. Throughout the week the guards were very kind. But every time they asked if he wanted something special for his last week, he said he didn't want anything special. It went on like this all week.
Finally, when he stood in front of the gallows, the guard asked if he wanted a blindfold, or a cigarette.
'No,' the inmate said, 'I am sentenced to death by hanging. So let's just get over with it.'
'Well, is there anything else that I can do for you before you go?' asked the guard.
The prisoner was thinking and said, 'Actually, music is my life. One thing I would really like to do is to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, without any interruptions.'
The guard nodded.
The inmate started singing, '1000 bottles of beer on the wall, 1000 bottles of beer...'
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

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