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Criminal Jokes

The Rosenthal family was proud of their old traditions. Their great-great-grandfather had come to America on a ship, and they gave senators, successful businesses and financial breakthroughs to the country. They decided to compile a family history, wanted to give a true legacy for their children and grandchildren. They hired a popular author to write a life-changing book about the family.
However, one puzzle did not fit in. Their great-uncle Jeremy, who was executed in the electric chair. The author said he could write the story tactfully. The book was published, and was not a lie in that: "Great-uncle Jeremy occupied a chair of applied electronics at a significant government institution. He was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came suddenly, as a great shock.'
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A man walked into a grocery store, put a $50 bill on the counter. He asked for change. The clerk opened the cash drawer readily, when the man pulled his gun and took all the cash and fled, leaving the $50 bill on the counter.
The Criminal Law question is: The total amount of the cash robbed was only $40. If someone points a gun at you and actually gives you money, was a crime committed or not?
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The African lie-detector is a very efficient thing. The police places a metal ring on the suspect's head, and connects it with some wires to a photocopy machine. One sheet of paper is placed in the machine, with the sentence: "It is a lie."
The policemen simply press the copy button each time they think the suspect is lying. All the suspects confess.
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A young couple got married. Two days later they were sipping their cocktails on a Mexican beach on their honeymoon. Three weeks later they got home, tanned and relaxed. It was time to sort out their wedding presents. In their mailbox they also found something, it was an invitation for a fancy art gallery opening.
They were very excited, this gesture was so nice. But there was no signature, so they had no clue who to thank for. Anyway, they went to the art gallery opening, and had a wonderful time there. Late at night, when they returned, they still were chatting about the secret gift sender. But soon they were shocked, the house was fully open and every valuable things had disappeared.
On the fridge they found one note: "Now you know from who!"
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The prison guard asked harshly from one of the instigators of the suppressed riot, 'I want to know two things. The first is: What was the reason of the riot? The second is: How did you get out of your cells?'
'We rebelled because the quality of prison food is terrible.'
'So, prison food quality... And what did you use to break the cell bars?' the guard asked.
'Baguette...'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Three men were found guilty in a serious industrial espionage, which lead to many deaths. They were sentenced to thirty years in solitary confinement. They were each allowed one thing to bring into the cell with them for that long time. The first man asked for tons of medical books. The second man asked for his beloved wife. The third man asked for three hundred cartons of cigarettes. At the end of the thirty years, the guards opened up the first man's cell.
He came out and said, 'I studied so hard. I am gonna be a doctor and never take part again in an industrial espionage. These long years were terrific!'
They opened up the second man's cell. He came out with his wife, and with their five children. He said, 'This was the greatest thing of my life. My wife and I are so close, and we became a beautiful family. I love it, and never will ruin it with industrial espionage or any kind of crime!'
The guards opened up the third man's cell, and he was shaking, searching through his pockets, saying, 'Does anybody have a lighter???'
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig the garden to prepare a vegetable garden plot, but it was too hard work for him alone. His only son, who always helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to him and described his situation:

"Dear My Only Son,
I am not feeling well these days at all. It looks like I won't be able to plant my vegetables this year. I am too old to dig up and prepare my vegetable garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would end. I know you would dig the garden for me.
I love you, Daddy"

Two days later the old man received a letter from his son:

"Dear Daddy,
For heaven's sake, do not dig up that garden never ever, that is where I buried THAT.
Love you too, Son"

Next morning, federal agents and local police appeared at the old man's house. They dug up the entire garden without finding any bodies. They were ashamed, apologized to the old man and left. Next day the old man received another letter from his beloved son:

"Dear Daddy,
That was the best I could do under the circumstances to help you to prepare the vegetable garden plot.
Love you, Son
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A Florida man reported that his car was stolen. It was a luxury car with a built-in satellite car phone.
The policeman instantly called the phone and told the car thief that he had read the online advertisement and wanted to purchase the car. They arranged a meeting, and the car thief was arrested.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Before bedtime an old lady went into her living room to find a burglar, who put into his pocket every valuable thing what he could see. Not having any kind of weapon, she raised her hand and said loudly, 'Acts 2:38', and continued quoting scripture.
The burglar froze and didn't move more. The old lady called 911 and the police hurried to the house. The burglar was still frozen where he stood.
'What did you say to this burglar?' the police asked.
'I simply said "Acts 2:38" and starting quoting scripture,' she answered.
The police chuckled and put the burglar into the police car.
'Why did you remain frozen, why did the lady's quoting scripture scare you so much?' they asked.
'Scripture?' asked the burglar, 'God, I thought she said she had an ax and two 38's!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

In a parking lot a man attempted to siphon gas from a camper van. The policeman arrived as soon as he could. At the scene there was an ill man curled up next to the camper van near a big spill of sewage.
The man admitted to trying to siphon gas. He plugged his hose into the sewage tank of the camper van by mistake.
The owner of the vehicle said that it was the best laugh he'd ever had and declined to press charges.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

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