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Computer Jokes

I would really like to answer your e-mail, but when I try my computer says: "PRESS ANY KEY". Well, my keyboard doesn't have an "ANY" key!
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

Dear Tech Support Team,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0. Soon I noticed a slowdown in the performance of the jewelry and flower applications that had operated flawlessly before the upgrade.
Moreover, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other precious programs, like Romance 9.9. Plus installed undesirable programs like NFL 7.4, NBA 3.2 and NHL 4.1.
Conversation 7.0 also no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system, however before the upgrade it had operated smoothly.
I have already tried running Nagging 4.4 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

Please help me, what can I do?

Kind regards,
Hopeful
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

My husband is working at a computer company. As a Christmas gift from the management the employees got silver cufflinks. One with "Ctrl" the other with "Esc" engraved on them.
I think this is an apt present for the men, reminding them of the two things they can never have.
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A caller complained that his brand new desktop computer was doing nothing.
'It should do anything I wish for that high price!' he cried out.
'I see. First, please open a window to launch a specific program,' the technical support asked.
The conversation continued, but soon the caller asked if it might be okay to close the window.
'Please do not do that,' the technician asked.
'But it's getting very chilly,' replied the caller.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Which gender to choose for computers?

They should be considered masculine because:
1. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
2. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they are the problem.
3. You have to turn them on in order to get their attention.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited just a little longer, you could have had a far better model.

They should be considered feminine because:
1. The language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
2. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your salary on accessories for it.
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(So far it's 4.67 point, based on 3 ratings)

A private jet was on it's way to a meeting, where the top politicians wanted to discuss the internet's influential power. Al Gore, Bill Clinton and Bill Gates were on board. The plane suddenly crashed and all on board died instantly.
Up in heaven, God sat upon a big golden throne and looked down to pass judgement on the men.
'Mr. Gore, what do you believe in?' God asked.
'I believe in fresh air and trees, in saving the environment. I did everything I could to ensure that our children would have a clean environment,' Al replied.
'Very well,' God said, 'You may enter heaven.'
'Mr. Clinton, what do you believe in?' God asked.
'I believe in serving the public, freedom of speech, and in art,' he replied.
'Very well,' God said, 'You may enter heaven, Mr. Clinton.'
'Mr. Gates,' God said, 'What do you believe in?'
Bill looked up at God, adjusted his glasses and said, 'I believe you are sitting in my chair.'
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A hardware engineer, a software engineer and their project manager were in California to work on a project. One day they decided to go for a walk on the beach during their lunch hour.
On the north end of the sandy beach they stumbled upon a lamp. Of course they rubbed it.
'I am Genius Genie,' said the genie who appeared. 'Normally I would grant you three wishes. But there are three of you. I will grant you each one wish.'
'I want to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in the woods, with no worries, surrounded by delicate women who worship me,' wished the hardware engineer.
Genius Genie snapped and sent him to his desired place.
'I want to spend the rest of my life living on a huge silver yacht cruising the Mediterranean Sea, with no worries, surrounded by beautiful models who worship me,' wished the software engineer.
Genius Genie snapped and sent him to his desired place.
Now it was the project manager's turn.
'What is your wish?' asked the genie.
The project manager replied, 'I want them both back after lunch!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Software testing steps:

Alpha testing:
First step in getting user feedback.
Alpha is Latin for: "doesn't work."

Beta testing:
Shortly before it is released.
Beta is Latin for: "still doesn't work."

Scheduled release date:
A delicately chosen date determined by estimating the actual shipping date and subtracting nine months from it.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 3 ratings)

You are addicted to Insta if your dog has its own page. And your dog's page is actually good.
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The U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided that they need a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity during the heat of the space race in the 1960's. After massive research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of $1,5 million.
The pen worked as it was desired. Also, it had modest success as a novelty item here on Earth.
The Soviet Union faced with the same problem. They wanted to write in the zero gravity, too. But they used a pencil.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 3 ratings)

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