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A caller complained that his brand new desktop computer was doing nothing.
'It should do anything I wish for that high price!' he cried out.
'I see. First, please open a window to launch a specific program,' the technical support asked.
The conversation continued, but soon the caller asked if it might be okay to close the window.
'Please do not do that,' the technician asked.
'But it's getting very chilly,' replied the caller.
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Do not forget this, an idiot with a computer is just a faster, better idiot.
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An engineer and a programmer were sitting next to each other on a long train ride from Prague to Zagreb. The programmer turned to the engineer and asked if he would like to play a funny game. The engineer just wanted to sleep, so he politely declined and rolled his head to the other side.
The programmer didn't give up and explained that the game is really easy, and a long train ride could be exhausting without a little fun.
'I ask you a question, and if you don't know the right answer, you pay me $10. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $20,' he said.
The engineer politely declined again.
The programmer was still bored and not sleepy, so he offered, 'Ok, if you don't know the answer you pay me $10, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $200!'
This caught the engineer's attention, and he wanted to put an end on the situation, so he agreed to the game.
'What is the distance from the Earth to Mars?' asked the programmer.
The engineer didn't say a word, but pulled out $10 and handed it to the programmer. Now, it was the engineer's turn.
'What goes up a mountain with three legs, and comes down on four?'
The programmer was puzzled. He even took his laptop to find the answer, but there was no success. So, after three hours he woke the engineer and gave him $200. The engineer politely took it and turned away to sleep through this long train ride.
'Hey, what's the answer?' asked the confused programmer. Without a word, the engineer handed the programmer $10, and turned away to sleep.
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There is a new dangerous virus being passed electronically, by hand and orally. The name is Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK).
In case you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your manager or anyone else via any means, do not touch it.
This virus will kill your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK put your coat on and take three good friends to the nearest pub.
You can buy there the antidote known as Bridge-Environoment-Eradication-Resolution (BEER).
Alternate products to cure this new dangerous virus include Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE) and Benign-Orderly-Overload-System-Enhancer (BOOSE).

You should forward this warning to six friends. If you do not have six friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
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My husband is working at a computer company. As a Christmas gift from the management the employees got silver cufflinks. One with "Ctrl" the other with "Esc" engraved on them.
I think this is an apt present for the men, reminding them of the two things they can never have.
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The U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration decided that they need a ball point pen to write in the zero gravity during the heat of the space race in the 1960's. After massive research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of $1,5 million.
The pen worked as it was desired. Also, it had modest success as a novelty item here on Earth.
The Soviet Union faced with the same problem. They wanted to write in the zero gravity, too. But they used a pencil.
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TOP 5 IT Department Handling Tricks

No.1: When you call the IT Department to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it under half a ton of confidential documents, postcards, dog pictures, stuffed animals, and children's drawings. They do not have a life, so they find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

No.2: Do not write anything down. Ever. They can play back the error messages.

No.3: When an IT guy says he is coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when he need your password. It's nothing for them to remember 260 passwords.

No.4: When IT Department sends you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. They are just testing.

No.5: When an IT guy tells you that he will be there shortly, reply in a hard tone of voice, 'And how many weeks do you mean by shortly?!' That makes them more helpful.
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Deadliest computer viruses to be afraid of:

UK Parliament Virus: Splits the screen into two with a message in each half blaming other side for the state of the system.

Politically Correct Virus: Never calls itself a "virus". Instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".

Government Economist Virus: Nothing works, however all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

Bill Clinton Virus: This virus mutates from city to city and we are not exactly sure what it does.

George Bush Virus: Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until November.

Michael Jackson Virus: It is constantly altering its appearance, therefore hard to identify. This virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

Elvis Virus: Your computer gets slow, chubby and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at service stations and shopping malls across rural America.

Freudian Virus: Your computer instantly becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

Adam and Eve Virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

New World Order Virus: probably innocent, but it makes a lot of people really nutty just thinking about it.

Nike Virus: Just Does It!

Right To Life Virus: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to delete a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
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A woman was shopping in a computer discount store. She was looking for something good, still low priced.
'Why are the obsolete models all so expensive?' she asked the salesman.
'Because we have very limited stock of them, you are lucky we even have any,' he replied.
'Very limited stock? I read that all of the manufacturers have an overstock.'
'That is true. There is such a big supply and so little demand, it is not worth it to ship them!'
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Microsoft's finest technician was drafted. At the shooting range, they gave him a gun, a few basic instructions and some bullets. He fired several shots at the target, but all of the bullets missed the target.
Microsoft's finest technician looked at his gun, and then at the target. He looked at the gun, and then at the target again. Then he put his finger over the end of the gun and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off!
He yelled towards the target area, 'Here everything is fine, the problem must be at your end!'
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