Computer Jokes

An electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, a mechanical engineer and a computer engineer were driving to work together. In the middle of the street their car broke down.
'I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system,' said the electrical engineer.
'The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas,' said the chemical engineer.
'I think a rod broke,' said the mechanical engineer.
All three turned to the computer engineer and asked, 'What do you think?'
'I think we should all get out and then get back in,' replied the computer engineer.

If I were a computer, after I messed up my life, I could simply press "Ctrl, Alt, Del" and start all over.
If I were a computer, to get my daily exercise, I could just click on "Run" button.
If I were a computer, to "Add/Remove" someone in my life, I could simply use the Control panel.
If I were a computer, to improve my appearance, I could just adjust the display settings.
If I were a computer and my life would get too noisy, I could turn off the speakers.
If I were a computer and I would loose my keys, I could click on "Find".
If I were a computer, my children would go to bed immediately after I click "Send".
If I were a computer, to feel like a new person, I would click on "Refresh".
If I were a computer, I could undo a mistake, by clicking on "Back".

'I am sure that you have case sensitive credentials. Try again your password with lower case letters,' said the tech support guy.
'Oh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard,' panicked the user.

A hardware engineer, a software engineer and their project manager were in California to work on a project. One day they decided to go for a walk on the beach during their lunch hour.
On the north end of the sandy beach they stumbled upon a lamp. Of course they rubbed it.
'I am Genius Genie,' said the genie who appeared. 'Normally I would grant you three wishes. But there are three of you. I will grant you each one wish.'
'I want to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in the woods, with no worries, surrounded by delicate women who worship me,' wished the hardware engineer.
Genius Genie snapped and sent him to his desired place.
'I want to spend the rest of my life living on a huge silver yacht cruising the Mediterranean Sea, with no worries, surrounded by beautiful models who worship me,' wished the software engineer.
Genius Genie snapped and sent him to his desired place.
Now it was the project manager's turn.
'What is your wish?' asked the genie.
The project manager replied, 'I want them both back after lunch!'

Which gender to choose for computers?

They should be considered masculine because:
1. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
2. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they are the problem.
3. You have to turn them on in order to get their attention.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited just a little longer, you could have had a far better model.

They should be considered feminine because:
1. The language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
2. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your salary on accessories for it.

Microsoft's finest technician was drafted. At the shooting range, they gave him a gun, a few basic instructions and some bullets. He fired several shots at the target, but all of the bullets missed the target.
Microsoft's finest technician looked at his gun, and then at the target. He looked at the gun, and then at the target again. Then he put his finger over the end of the gun and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off!
He yelled towards the target area, 'Here everything is fine, the problem must be at your end!'

I will never forget the first time I ran Windows, but I'm trying.

'How much does Windows cost?' asked the client.
'Windows costs about $90,' replied the salesman.
'Oh, that's pretty expensive. Can I buy just one window?'

Three beggars were begging in the center of NYC. The first one had a broken steel cup. He wrote "beg" on it. At the end of the day he had received fifteen bucks.
The second one wrote "beg.com" on his broken steel cup. At the end of the day he had received thousands of dollars. Someone even wanted to take him to the stock exchange.
The third one wrote "eBeg" on his broken steel cup. Both HP and IBM sent management teams to talk to him about a strategic alliance, they even offered him free professional and hardware consulting. CNBC clamied that eBeg uses 90% Oracle technology, a B2B industry website offered supply chain integration in the beggar market. Moreover i2 announced begTradeMatrix, Cisco announced that virtually all eBeg traffic runs over their equipment.

I would really like to answer your e-mail, but when I try my computer says: "PRESS ANY KEY". Well, my keyboard doesn't have an "ANY" key!