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Signs showing that you have had enough of the new millennium:

- You try to enter your password on the microwave.
- You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date. And now sells for half the price you paid.
- You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
- You chat several times a day with a stranger from Central Asia, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
- The concept of using cash, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase is strange for you.
- You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.
- Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have social media accounts.
- You think a "half-day" means leaving at 5 o'clock.
- You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person.


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Software testing steps:

Alpha testing:
First step in getting user feedback.
Alpha is Latin for: "doesn't work."

Beta testing:
Shortly before it is released.
Beta is Latin for: "still doesn't work."

Scheduled release date:
A delicately chosen date determined by estimating the actual shipping date and subtracting nine months from it.
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'I am sure that you have case sensitive credentials. Try again your password with lower case letters,' said the tech support guy.
'Oh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard,' panicked the user.
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'Daddy, how was I born?' Timmy asked his father.
'Oh, son, one day you will find out anyway. So I will tell you. Well, your Mum and I first got together on a dating site. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mum, so we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your Mum agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall. Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Popup appeared: "You've Got Male!"
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Q: How to be a geek?
A: When you hear the news on the radio, and the reporter talks about a backup caused by a crash, call and correct her that a backup is good protection in case of a crash.
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Microsoft's finest technician was drafted. At the shooting range, they gave him a gun, a few basic instructions and some bullets. He fired several shots at the target, but all of the bullets missed the target.
Microsoft's finest technician looked at his gun, and then at the target. He looked at the gun, and then at the target again. Then he put his finger over the end of the gun and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off!
He yelled towards the target area, 'Here everything is fine, the problem must be at your end!'
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An engineer and a programmer were sitting next to each other on a long train ride from Prague to Zagreb. The programmer turned to the engineer and asked if he would like to play a funny game. The engineer just wanted to sleep, so he politely declined and rolled his head to the other side.
The programmer didn't give up and explained that the game is really easy, and a long train ride could be exhausting without a little fun.
'I ask you a question, and if you don't know the right answer, you pay me $10. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $20,' he said.
The engineer politely declined again.
The programmer was still bored and not sleepy, so he offered, 'Ok, if you don't know the answer you pay me $10, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $200!'
This caught the engineer's attention, and he wanted to put an end on the situation, so he agreed to the game.
'What is the distance from the Earth to Mars?' asked the programmer.
The engineer didn't say a word, but pulled out $10 and handed it to the programmer. Now, it was the engineer's turn.
'What goes up a mountain with three legs, and comes down on four?'
The programmer was puzzled. He even took his laptop to find the answer, but there was no success. So, after three hours he woke the engineer and gave him $200. The engineer politely took it and turned away to sleep through this long train ride.
'Hey, what's the answer?' asked the confused programmer. Without a word, the engineer handed the programmer $10, and turned away to sleep.
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Bill Gates died in a plane crash. He found himself in front of God.
'Hi Bill! I am not really sure whether to send you to heaven or hell. After all, you helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created Windows '95. So I'm going to let you decide where you want to go.'
'Oh, I see. What's the difference between them?' Bill asked.
'Visit both places briefly, it might help your decision.'
So Bill goes to hell. It's a beautiful sunny, sandy beach with palm trees, clear waters and lots of beautiful half-naked women running around.
'This is fantastic!' he told God, 'What heaven could like?'
So he is sent to heaven. It is a place high up in the clouds, with white-winged angels playing and singing.
Bill decided quickly, 'You asked if I choose heaven or hell, and I would prefer hell.'
So Bill Gates was sent back to hell. When God checked on him after a month, he found Bill in a cave, chained to the rocky wall, screaming amidst hot flames being burned and tortured by ugly demons.
'How are you, Bill?' he asked.
'This is brutal! I cannot believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, which I visited?
'Oh, Bill ... that was the screensaver...'
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Signs that shows you are too addicted to social media:

1. You decide to stay in the cafe for long hours, just for the free WiFi.
2. When you turn off your mobile you get an awful empty feeling, as if you left your loved one.
3. You wake up at 3 AM to go to the bathroom and stop to check your mobile on the way back to bed.
4. You haven't talked to your parents for ages because they don't have social media accounts.
5. When your mobile doesn't show new notifications you feel really depressed and lonely.
6. Your "friends" always know where you are.
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An actual, cost saving Health and Safety advice from the computer company to its workers: "Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes."
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