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Computer Jokes

Q: How can you tell an extroverted programmer?
A: When he talks to you, instead of his own shoes he looks at yours.
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A caller complained that his brand new desktop computer was doing nothing.
'It should do anything I wish for that high price!' he cried out.
'I see. First, please open a window to launch a specific program,' the technical support asked.
The conversation continued, but soon the caller asked if it might be okay to close the window.
'Please do not do that,' the technician asked.
'But it's getting very chilly,' replied the caller.
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Signs that shows you are too addicted to social media:

1. You decide to stay in the cafe for long hours, just for the free WiFi.
2. When you turn off your mobile you get an awful empty feeling, as if you left your loved one.
3. You wake up at 3 AM to go to the bathroom and stop to check your mobile on the way back to bed.
4. You haven't talked to your parents for ages because they don't have social media accounts.
5. When your mobile doesn't show new notifications you feel really depressed and lonely.
6. Your "friends" always know where you are.
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The exhausted businessman dragged himself home somehow, reached the sofa and dropped himself down after a terrible Monday. His wife was right there to comfort him with a tea.
'Oh dear, you look tired,' she said, 'What happened to you? You are so exhausted.'
'Oh honey, I am finally at home..., after a terrible Monday,' her husband answered, 'The computer system broke down and all of us had to think.'
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A private jet was on it's way to a meeting, where the top politicians wanted to discuss the internet's influential power. Al Gore, Bill Clinton and Bill Gates were on board. The plane suddenly crashed and all on board died instantly.
Up in heaven, God sat upon a big golden throne and looked down to pass judgement on the men.
'Mr. Gore, what do you believe in?' God asked.
'I believe in fresh air and trees, in saving the environment. I did everything I could to ensure that our children would have a clean environment,' Al replied.
'Very well,' God said, 'You may enter heaven.'
'Mr. Clinton, what do you believe in?' God asked.
'I believe in serving the public, freedom of speech, and in art,' he replied.
'Very well,' God said, 'You may enter heaven, Mr. Clinton.'
'Mr. Gates,' God said, 'What do you believe in?'
Bill looked up at God, adjusted his glasses and said, 'I believe you are sitting in my chair.'
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Dear Tech Support Team,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0. Soon I noticed a slowdown in the performance of the jewelry and flower applications that had operated flawlessly before the upgrade.
Moreover, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other precious programs, like Romance 9.9. Plus installed undesirable programs like NFL 7.4, NBA 3.2 and NHL 4.1.
Conversation 7.0 also no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system, however before the upgrade it had operated smoothly.
I have already tried running Nagging 4.4 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

Please help me, what can I do?

Kind regards,
Hopeful
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Q: Why was there a bug in the computer?
A: It was looking for a byte to eat.
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Which gender to choose for computers?

They should be considered masculine because:
1. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
2. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they are the problem.
3. You have to turn them on in order to get their attention.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited just a little longer, you could have had a far better model.

They should be considered feminine because:
1. The language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
2. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your salary on accessories for it.
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What does IBM stand for?

IBM = It's Being Mended
IBM = I've Been Mislead
IBM = It's Better Manually
IBM = I'll Buy Mac
IBM = Itty Bitty Morons
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I would promote a dating website with Noah from the Bible. He would have a speech bubble: "We can find a mate for anything."
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