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Computer Jokes

Q: How to be a geek?
A: When you hear the news on the radio, and the reporter talks about a backup caused by a crash, call and correct her that a backup is good protection in case of a crash.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Deadliest computer viruses to be afraid of:

UK Parliament Virus: Splits the screen into two with a message in each half blaming other side for the state of the system.

Politically Correct Virus: Never calls itself a "virus". Instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".

Government Economist Virus: Nothing works, however all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

Bill Clinton Virus: This virus mutates from city to city and we are not exactly sure what it does.

George Bush Virus: Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until November.

Michael Jackson Virus: It is constantly altering its appearance, therefore hard to identify. This virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

Elvis Virus: Your computer gets slow, chubby and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at service stations and shopping malls across rural America.

Freudian Virus: Your computer instantly becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

Adam and Eve Virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

New World Order Virus: probably innocent, but it makes a lot of people really nutty just thinking about it.

Nike Virus: Just Does It!

Right To Life Virus: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to delete a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.
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An electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, a mechanical engineer and a computer engineer were driving to work together. In the middle of the street their car broke down.
'I think there was a spark and something is wrong with the electrical system,' said the electrical engineer.
'The way it sputtered at the end, I don't think it's getting gas,' said the chemical engineer.
'I think a rod broke,' said the mechanical engineer.
All three turned to the computer engineer and asked, 'What do you think?'
'I think we should all get out and then get back in,' replied the computer engineer.
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The exhausted businessman dragged himself home somehow, reached the sofa and dropped himself down after a terrible Monday. His wife was right there to comfort him with a tea.
'Oh dear, you look tired,' she said, 'What happened to you? You are so exhausted.'
'Oh honey, I am finally at home..., after a terrible Monday,' her husband answered, 'The computer system broke down and all of us had to think.'
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'I am sure that you have case sensitive credentials. Try again your password with lower case letters,' said the tech support guy.
'Oh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard,' panicked the user.
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Q: How does your computer tell you that it needs more memory?
A: It says: "byte me".
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A hardware engineer, a software engineer and their project manager were in California to work on a project. One day they decided to go for a walk on the beach during their lunch hour.
On the north end of the sandy beach they stumbled upon a lamp. Of course they rubbed it.
'I am Genius Genie,' said the genie who appeared. 'Normally I would grant you three wishes. But there are three of you. I will grant you each one wish.'
'I want to spend the rest of my life living in a huge house in the woods, with no worries, surrounded by delicate women who worship me,' wished the hardware engineer.
Genius Genie snapped and sent him to his desired place.
'I want to spend the rest of my life living on a huge silver yacht cruising the Mediterranean Sea, with no worries, surrounded by beautiful models who worship me,' wished the software engineer.
Genius Genie snapped and sent him to his desired place.
Now it was the project manager's turn.
'What is your wish?' asked the genie.
The project manager replied, 'I want them both back after lunch!'
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Which gender to choose for computers?

They should be considered masculine because:
1. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
2. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they are the problem.
3. You have to turn them on in order to get their attention.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited just a little longer, you could have had a far better model.

They should be considered feminine because:
1. The language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
2. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your salary on accessories for it.
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Do not forget this, an idiot with a computer is just a faster, better idiot.
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Q: Why was there a bug in the computer?
A: It was looking for a byte to eat.
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