Children Jokes

Q: How does a rich, spoiled girl change a light bulb?
A: She says: "Daddy, I want a new apartment!"

A little girl and a little boy were playing doctor. The little boy pulled off his T-shirt and pointed to his nipples.
'I have got two of these,' he said. 'How many do you have?' he asked.
The little girl pulled off her T-shirt and showed him her nipples, 'I have two.'
The little boy pointed to his belly button, 'How many do you have?'
The girl looked down showed him her belly button, 'I have one.'
The boy took off his trousers and pointed to his penis, 'How many do you have?'
The girl raised her skirt, but she couldn't find that particular organ. The little boy started to taunt her. She ran home crying.
After 10 minutes she returned and told him happily, 'My Mum says that when I will be 16 years old, I will have as many of those as I want!'

We put our house up for sale. I emphasized to my boys the importance of a perfectly made bed, so I told them to make it before leaving to school. I wanted to be sure that the house looked presentable when the agent showed it to future buyers.
I was impressed each day by the room of my 16-year-old son with his perfectly made bed. One night when I went into his room, I found out his secret.
He was asleep, but in a sleeping bag, on the floor.

A Sunday school teacher asked the children, 'And why is it so important to be quiet in church?'
'Because people are sleeping,' replied Nina.

A young girl and her grandmother were walking along the sea shore when enormous waves appeared out of nowhere, sweeping the child out to sea. The terrified grandmother fell to her knees, raised her arms to the heavens and begged the Lord to return her beloved granddaughter. Enormous waves appeared again and deposited the dizzy child on the sand. The grandmother looked the girl over carefully. She was fine. But still the grandmother stared up toward the heavens, and said, now angrily, 'When we came, she had a hat!'

The teacher decided to play a little taste testing game with the children on the first day of kindergarten.
'Children, we will play a taste testing game. I will blindfold you and give you a candy. You have to taste it and tell me what flavor it is,' she told them.
The first candy was a cherry flavored one.
'What flavor is that?' she asked.
The whole class answered, 'Yummy, that is cherry!'
'Very good, very good,' she replied.
So the next one was apple flavored, and they replied, 'Yummy, that is apple.'
'Very good, very good,' she replied again.
Then she gave them all a honey flavor. The whole class sat in silence by the strange taste, so the teacher said, 'Okay, I will give you a hint. It is something your parents may call each other.'
Sammy spat his out on the floor at once and yelled, 'Spit them out quickly! They're assholes!'

Ricky went fishing with daddy. They were in the boat, waiting for the fish to come. Ricky asked his daddy, 'How do boats float?'
His dad answered, 'I don't know, Ricky.'
A few minutes later, the son looked at his dad and asked, 'How do fish breath underwater?'
His dad replied, 'I don't know, son.'
After a few minutes Ricky had another question, 'Why is the water blue?'
His dad was a little bit embarrassed, but answered, 'I don't know, Ricky.'
Ricky loved fishing with daddy, but eventually he asked, 'Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?'
His dad replied, 'Of course not, my little son. If you don't ask your questions, you will never learn anything.'

The lifeguard ordered the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.
'From time to time young children will urinate in a pool, everyone knows this,' answered the mother, giving him a lecture.
'Oh, you say so?' asked the lifeguard, 'From the diving board???'

A grandson ran up to his grandfather.
'Can you talk like a frog?' he asked with big open eyes.
'Of course not, kiddo,' replied the grandfather.
A few minutes later, his granddaughter ran up to him.
'Can you talk like a frog?' she asked with the same big eyes.
'No, of course not. Why are you both asking me this frog thing?'
The grandson replied, 'Dad promised that we can go to Disneyland when you croak!'

Five-year-old little Bobby loved chocolate, almost as much as his mother, Juliette loved. For Valentine's Day he and his dad surprised her with a big, beautiful heart-shaped box, full of tasty chocolates.
Some days later Bobby was contemplating the Valentine's Day chocolate box, wishing to have one.
As he reached out to touch the biggest chocolate, Juliette said to him, 'If you touch it, then you have to eat it, Bobby. Do you understand?'
'Oh, yes,' he replied and suddenly his little hand patted the tops of each and every chocolate in the Valentine's Day box, 'Now I can eat them all,' he added proudly.