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Children Jokes

The lifeguard ordered the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.
'From time to time young children will urinate in a pool, everyone knows this,' answered the mother, giving him a lecture.
'Oh, you say so?' asked the lifeguard, 'From the diving board???'
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(So far it's 4.75 point, based on 4 ratings)

A little girl and a little boy were playing doctor. The little boy pulled off his T-shirt and pointed to his nipples.
'I have got two of these,' he said. 'How many do you have?' he asked.
The little girl pulled off her T-shirt and showed him her nipples, 'I have two.'
The little boy pointed to his belly button, 'How many do you have?'
The girl looked down showed him her belly button, 'I have one.'
The boy took off his trousers and pointed to his penis, 'How many do you have?'
The girl raised her skirt, but she couldn't find that particular organ. The little boy started to taunt her. She ran home crying.
After 10 minutes she returned and told him happily, 'My Mum says that when I will be 16 years old, I will have as many of those as I want!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 3 ratings)

In a small town of Florida lived two boys, Trouble and Shut-up. They were friends, but every once in a while they got into a fight. Once, after they had both just gotten they favorite vanilla-strawberry ice cream, Trouble's ice cream fell. So he stole Shut-up's vanilla-strawberry ice cream and ran away. Shut-up ran after Trouble but finally lost him. He sat on a bench and started to cry. A police officer asked, 'What's your name?'
'Shut-up.'
The officer got angry. Asked again and got the same answer. 'Son, are you looking for trouble?'
And Shut-up said, 'Yeah, that jerk stole my ice cream!'
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(So far it's 3.67 point, based on 3 ratings)

Q: Why did the little boy throw the clock out the window?
A: He wanted to see time fly.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Never trust your dog to watch your food.
Do not answer when your dad is mad and asks you, 'Do I look stupid?'
Do not pull Daddy's finger when he tells you to.
Do not let your Mom to brush your hair when she is mad at your dad.
If you want a puppy, start out by asking for a horse.
When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mother when she is on the phone.
Never try to baptize a cat.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 3 ratings)

A woman answered her front door. A little boy stood there holding a list.
'Good afternoon! I'm on a treasure hunt, and I still need five grams of oat, a chicken bone and a chipped mug so I can earn a dollar,' he explained.
'Wow my boy, and who sent you on such a challenging treasure hunt?' asked the woman.
'My babysitter's boyfriend,' he replied.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

When I returned home from college for the winter break, there was a paper posted on the fridge. Some goals were written on it. My dad had set them for himself: "Help wife more, lose weight, be more productive at work"
I promptly added: "Send money every month to son"
Then the family started adding new goals.
A few days later my older sister wrote: "Make payments on car for Jenny"
Then my younger sister added: "Buy a car for Kim"
Then my father added a new goal to his list: "Disinherit kids"
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 3 ratings)

One evening after dinner, a four-year-old daughter noticed that her mother had gone out.
'Where did mommy go?' she asked.
'Mommy went to a Tupperware party,' replied her dad.
This honest answer satisfied her for only a moment.
'What's a Tupperware party, daddy?' asked the puzzled little girl.
The dad had always given honest answers, so he figured a simple explanation would be the best approach.
'Well, at a Tupperware party, a couple of ladies sit around and sell plastic bowls to each other,' he said.
The little girl nodded, indicating that she understood.
Then she burst into laughter, 'Come on, what is it really, daddy?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Robby and Bobby, two little brothers were in the amusement park. They went by the haunted castle.
'Why do ghosts always moan and shake in the haunted castles?' asked Robby from Bobby.
'Because it is damn cold beneath those one-layered sheets!' replied Bobby.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Ricky went fishing with daddy. They were in the boat, waiting for the fish to come. Ricky asked his daddy, 'How do boats float?'
His dad answered, 'I don't know, Ricky.'
A few minutes later, the son looked at his dad and asked, 'How do fish breath underwater?'
His dad replied, 'I don't know, son.'
After a few minutes Ricky had another question, 'Why is the water blue?'
His dad was a little bit embarrassed, but answered, 'I don't know, Ricky.'
Ricky loved fishing with daddy, but eventually he asked, 'Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?'
His dad replied, 'Of course not, my little son. If you don't ask your questions, you will never learn anything.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

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