Children Jokes

Two young boys were at their grandparents. They spent the night with them. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers.
The younger brother began praying as loud as he could, 'I PRAY FOR A NEW PLAYSTATION..., I PRAY FOR A NEW SKATEBOARD..., I PRAY FOR A NEW SMARTPHONE..."
His older brother leaned over and asked, 'Hey, why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf.'
'No, he is not, but Grandma is!'

Robby and Bobby, two little brothers were in the amusement park. They went by the haunted castle.
'Why do ghosts always moan and shake in the haunted castles?' asked Robby from Bobby.
'Because it is damn cold beneath those one-layered sheets!' replied Bobby.

Parents spend the first 2-3 years of their children's life trying to teach them to talk.
The next 15 years are about to get them to stay silent.

A sweet little boy, when someone asked his name, always replied: "I am Mr. Leghorn's son."
His mother told him this was wrong and he must say: "I am Freddie Leghorn."
In Sunday School the priest asked him, 'Aren't you Mr. Leghorn's son?'
He replied, 'I thought I was, but Mummy says I am not.'

Little Pete was sitting on a park bench. He enjoyed stuffing all of his sweet Halloween candy in his mouth.
An old lady saw him ad said, 'Son, don't you know that eating all of that sweet Halloween candy will rot your teeth? That will give you acne! That will make you sick!'
'My grandfather lived to be 101 years old!' replied little Pete.
'Son, did he eat that much sweet candy bars at a sitting?'
'No, but he minded his own business, old lady.'

Q: Why did little John eat his homework?
A: Because his teacher told him it was a piece of cake.

Two daughters played in a Christmas pageant at their church. That evening, at dinner, they argued who had the more important role in the Christmas pageant.
Finally the eleven year old said to her younger sister, 'Well, you just ask Mommy. She will tell you that it's much easier to be an angel than it is to be a virgin.'

'Muuuum, why is daddy's face so pale?'
'Shut up and keep digging!'

On one Easter Sunday Mass the pastor decided to have all the young children come forward to the front in their new Easter outfits for a sermon. He noticed one very pretty, golden-haired green-eyed little girl. She was wearing a beautiful light pink dress, covered with ruffles from head to toe. But somehow she had such a sad expression on her face.
The pastor didn't want anybody to be sad on an Easter Sunday mass, so he said, 'Lily, you look so lovely this morning in your ruffled pink dress. I know you will wear this a lot because it is so gorgeous!'
'I won't ever wear this ruffled pink dress again,' she replied sadly.
'But, you look so beautiful in that, honey,' said the pastor.
'Thank you, but I am sure will never wear this dress again,' she said sadly.
'Why are you saying that? Your ruffled pink dress is really really pretty.'
She replied still sadly but in a louder voice, 'Because my mum said it's a real pain to iron this!'

A mother was preparing some delicious, peanut butter pancakes for her little sons, Dean and Sean. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson, so she said, 'If Jesus were sitting here, he would say: "Let my beloved brother have the first peanut butter pancake. I can wait for mine."'
Dean turned to his younger brother and said, 'Sean, you be Jesus!'