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Children Jokes

A mother was reading Bible stories to her young daughter.
She read, 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city. However, his wife looked back and was turned into salt.'
Her daughter asked curiously, 'What happened to the flea?'
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(So far it's 4.33 point, based on 3 ratings)

At age eight it was inevitable for my daughter to have doubts about Easter Bunny.
Sure enough, one day she said, 'Mum, I know something about the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.'
I took a deep breath and asked her, 'What is that, honey?'
She replied, 'They all come out after dark.'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 3 ratings)

A young girl and her grandmother were walking along the sea shore when enormous waves appeared out of nowhere, sweeping the child out to sea. The terrified grandmother fell to her knees, raised her arms to the heavens and begged the Lord to return her beloved granddaughter. Enormous waves appeared again and deposited the dizzy child on the sand. The grandmother looked the girl over carefully. She was fine. But still the grandmother stared up toward the heavens, and said, now angrily, 'When we came, she had a hat!'
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(So far it's 4.33 point, based on 3 ratings)

A grandson ran up to his grandfather.
'Can you talk like a frog?' he asked with big open eyes.
'Of course not, kiddo,' replied the grandfather.
A few minutes later, his granddaughter ran up to him.
'Can you talk like a frog?' she asked with the same big eyes.
'No, of course not. Why are you both asking me this frog thing?'
The grandson replied, 'Dad promised that we can go to Disneyland when you croak!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A sweet little boy, when someone asked his name, always replied: "I am Mr. Leghorn's son."
His mother told him this was wrong and he must say: "I am Freddie Leghorn."
In Sunday School the priest asked him, 'Aren't you Mr. Leghorn's son?'
He replied, 'I thought I was, but Mummy says I am not.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

On a flight to Miami, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist.
The elderly lady sitting next to me told me that she was returning to Florida after having spent three weeks visiting her five children, ten grandchildren and five great-grandchildren in Phoenix. Then she asked about me, what I did for a living.
I told her that I am an educational psychologist, in spite of the fact that I expected her to ask me for free professional advice.
Instead she picked up the newspaper, sat back, and said, 'If there's anything you want to know, just ask.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 3 ratings)

A wise old gentleman retired. He bought a modest home next to a high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in contentment and peace. Then the new school year began.
The next afternoon four young boys came down his street, where they started beating joyfully on a big trash can. The performance continued day after day, until finally the wise old gentleman had enough and decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists.
'You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your joy like that. I used to do the same thing when I was at your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come every day and do your thing,' he said.
The kids were so happy, that they agreed immediately.
After a week the wise old man greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face.
'Kids, I am sorry, but this recession does not let me to pay you the dollar, from now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the trash can,' he said.
The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer.
Next week the gentleman approached them again as they drummed.
'I haven't received my pension yet, so I only can give you 25 cents. Will that be okay?' he asked.
'If you think we're going to waste our time, for a lousy quarter you're nuts! No way, we quit now!' the kids replied.
And the wise old gentleman enjoyed peace.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Q: Why did little John eat his homework?
A: Because his teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 3 ratings)

A man was waiting at the hospital. His wife was inside the medical room, having their first child. After a while the obstetrician came out to talk to the nervous father.
'Hey, your baby is here. It's a girl. And guess what? She can fly!'
The obstetrician lifted up and then let go of the baby and it hit the floor. The father was out of his mind.
'Hey, do not worry, I am an experienced obstetrician. I know what I am doing. Listen, your baby really can fly. Watch it!'
Again, the doctor lifted up the baby, and this time threw it across the room. The baby hit the wall. The father was just about ready to kill the so called experienced obstetrician.
'Hey, hey, don't worry! Your baby was stillborn, I'm just joking with you.'
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(So far it's 3.67 point, based on 3 ratings)

'Lily, what do you know about nuts?' asked the kindergarten teacher.
'If there are nuts on someone's chest they are chestnuts, and if there are nuts on a wall they are walnuts,' Little Lily replied.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

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