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Children Jokes

A wise old gentleman retired. He bought a modest home next to a high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in contentment and peace. Then the new school year began.
The next afternoon four young boys came down his street, where they started beating joyfully on a big trash can. The performance continued day after day, until finally the wise old gentleman had enough and decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists.
'You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your joy like that. I used to do the same thing when I was at your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come every day and do your thing,' he said.
The kids were so happy, that they agreed immediately.
After a week the wise old man greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face.
'Kids, I am sorry, but this recession does not let me to pay you the dollar, from now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the trash can,' he said.
The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer.
Next week the gentleman approached them again as they drummed.
'I haven't received my pension yet, so I only can give you 25 cents. Will that be okay?' he asked.
'If you think we're going to waste our time, for a lousy quarter you're nuts! No way, we quit now!' the kids replied.
And the wise old gentleman enjoyed peace.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The lifeguard ordered the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.
'From time to time young children will urinate in a pool, everyone knows this,' answered the mother, giving him a lecture.
'Oh, you say so?' asked the lifeguard, 'From the diving board???'
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(So far it's 4.75 point, based on 4 ratings)

The mother returned from the grocery store. Her little son happily pulled out the box of animal crackers he had begged for.
Then, he spread the animal-shaped crackers all over the dinner table.
'Bobby, why are you spreading the animal-shaped crackers?' his mother asked.
'It is written on the box that you can't eat them if the seal is broken,' little Bobby explained, 'I am searching for the seal.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Two daughters played in a Christmas pageant at their church. That evening, at dinner, they argued who had the more important role in the Christmas pageant.
Finally the eleven year old said to her younger sister, 'Well, you just ask Mommy. She will tell you that it's much easier to be an angel than it is to be a virgin.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 3 ratings)

One day me and my cousin were driving to the supermarket for some Thanksgiving shopping. We passed by a church which had a sign next to the road: "The Assembly of God"
My cousin turned to me and said, 'I did not know that god had to be put together!'
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(So far it's 4.33 point, based on 3 ratings)

The teacher decided to play a little taste testing game with the children on the first day of kindergarten.
'Children, we will play a taste testing game. I will blindfold you and give you a candy. You have to taste it and tell me what flavor it is,' she told them.
The first candy was a cherry flavored one.
'What flavor is that?' she asked.
The whole class answered, 'Yummy, that is cherry!'
'Very good, very good,' she replied.
So the next one was apple flavored, and they replied, 'Yummy, that is apple.'
'Very good, very good,' she replied again.
Then she gave them all a honey flavor. The whole class sat in silence by the strange taste, so the teacher said, 'Okay, I will give you a hint. It is something your parents may call each other.'
Sammy spat his out on the floor at once and yelled, 'Spit them out quickly! They're assholes!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 3 ratings)

The five year old son came home from Sunday School.
'What have you learnt today?' asked his father.
The son was quiet for a minute and then asked, 'Daddy, have any of the men in our family had their penises criticized?'
The wife rushed is the room and told him the correct word was "circumcised", but the answer was still yes.
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Once there was a little boy in church with his mother. He had to go to the toilet so he told, 'Mum, I have to piss.'
The mother replied, 'Willy, do not say "piss" in church. Next time you have to piss, use the word "whisper" instead because it's more polite.'
The next Sunday the little boy was in church with his father. This time, once again, he had to go to the toilet.
'Dad, I have to whisper,' he told his father.
The father said, 'Okay, here whisper in my ear.'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

When I returned home from college for the winter break, there was a paper posted on the fridge. Some goals were written on it. My dad had set them for himself: "Help wife more, lose weight, be more productive at work"
I promptly added: "Send money every month to son"
Then the family started adding new goals.
A few days later my older sister wrote: "Make payments on car for Jenny"
Then my younger sister added: "Buy a car for Kim"
Then my father added a new goal to his list: "Disinherit kids"
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Three girls are in the park bragging about their fathers. The first girl says, 'My Daddy is making money with writing. He puts a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a free verse and they give him $100.'
The next girl says, 'My Daddy is making money with writing, but he writes a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it lyrics and they give him $150.'
The third girls says, 'That is nothing. My Daddy making money with writing, and he scribbles a few words on a piece of paper. And he calls it a sermon. And it takes six people to collect all the money!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

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