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Children Jokes

A little girl and a little boy were playing doctor. The little boy pulled off his T-shirt and pointed to his nipples.
'I have got two of these,' he said. 'How many do you have?' he asked.
The little girl pulled off her T-shirt and showed him her nipples, 'I have two.'
The little boy pointed to his belly button, 'How many do you have?'
The girl looked down showed him her belly button, 'I have one.'
The boy took off his trousers and pointed to his penis, 'How many do you have?'
The girl raised her skirt, but she couldn't find that particular organ. The little boy started to taunt her. She ran home crying.
After 10 minutes she returned and told him happily, 'My Mum says that when I will be 16 years old, I will have as many of those as I want!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Three girls are in the park bragging about their fathers. The first girl says, 'My Daddy is making money with writing. He puts a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a free verse and they give him $100.'
The next girl says, 'My Daddy is making money with writing, but he writes a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it lyrics and they give him $150.'
The third girls says, 'That is nothing. My Daddy making money with writing, and he scribbles a few words on a piece of paper. And he calls it a sermon. And it takes six people to collect all the money!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: Why did the little boy throw the clock out the window?
A: He wanted to see time fly.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

The teacher decided to play a little taste testing game with the children on the first day of kindergarten.
'Children, we will play a taste testing game. I will blindfold you and give you a candy. You have to taste it and tell me what flavor it is,' she told them.
The first candy was a cherry flavored one.
'What flavor is that?' she asked.
The whole class answered, 'Yummy, that is cherry!'
'Very good, very good,' she replied.
So the next one was apple flavored, and they replied, 'Yummy, that is apple.'
'Very good, very good,' she replied again.
Then she gave them all a honey flavor. The whole class sat in silence by the strange taste, so the teacher said, 'Okay, I will give you a hint. It is something your parents may call each other.'
Sammy spat his out on the floor at once and yelled, 'Spit them out quickly! They're assholes!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 3 ratings)

Little Ken and Barbie were only 9 years old, but they've already knew that they were in love. One day they decided to get married. Ken went to Barbie's father to ask him for her hand.
He walked up to him and said, 'Mr. Park, Barbie and I are in love. I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.'
Mr. Park thought that this was the cutest thing ever, so he replied, 'Well Kenny, you are only 9 years old. Where will you live?'
Without any moment of thinking he replied, 'In my room. It is bigger and much more comfortable than Barbie's. We can both fit there nicely.'
Mr. Park found this adorable, Ken and Barbie were so cute and playful. He asked, 'How will you live? You have to get a job, but you are too young for that. You will need to support Barbie.'
Again, Ken replied instantly, 'Our pocket money. Barbie makes 7 bucks a week and I make 12 bucks a week. That is more than 70 bucks a month, that should do.'
By this time Mr. Park was a little shocked that Ken had almost all the details. So, he was thinking for a minute, trying to come up with something that Ken cannot answer.
'Well Kenny, it seems you know everything. However, I have one more question for you. What will you do if you have little ones of your own?'
Ken just shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Well, we have been lucky so far...'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 3 ratings)

On one Easter Sunday Mass the pastor decided to have all the young children come forward to the front in their new Easter outfits for a sermon. He noticed one very pretty, golden-haired green-eyed little girl. She was wearing a beautiful light pink dress, covered with ruffles from head to toe. But somehow she had such a sad expression on her face.
The pastor didn't want anybody to be sad on an Easter Sunday mass, so he said, 'Lily, you look so lovely this morning in your ruffled pink dress. I know you will wear this a lot because it is so gorgeous!'
'I won't ever wear this ruffled pink dress again,' she replied sadly.
'But, you look so beautiful in that, honey,' said the pastor.
'Thank you, but I am sure will never wear this dress again,' she said sadly.
'Why are you saying that? Your ruffled pink dress is really really pretty.'
She replied still sadly but in a louder voice, 'Because my mum said it's a real pain to iron this!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A mother was reading Bible stories to her young daughter.
She read, 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city. However, his wife looked back and was turned into salt.'
Her daughter asked curiously, 'What happened to the flea?'
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(So far it's 4.33 point, based on 3 ratings)

Sonja was taking two of her grandsons on their very first train ride. A vendor came down the corridor selling popping candy, something neither had ever tried before. Sonja bought each grandson a packet.
The younger one eagerly tore open the packet and dropped some popping candy into his mouth just as the train went into a tunnel.
When the train came out from the tunnel, he looked to his brother and said, 'If I were you I wouldn't eat any popping candy.'
'Why not?' asked the curious brother.
'Because I've just had some and went blind for a minute.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A little girl was sitting on her grandmother's lap and was studying the wrinkles on her face. She rubbed her fingers over the wrinkles, then she touched her own face. She looked puzzled.
'Granny, did God make you?'
'Yes dear, a long time ago,' replied her grandmother, touching the wrinkles on her face.
'And did God make me as well?' asked the little girl.
'Yes, and that wasn't too long ago,' answered her grandmother.
'Well..., he is doing a lot better job these days, isn't he?'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

In a small town of Florida lived two boys, Trouble and Shut-up. They were friends, but every once in a while they got into a fight. Once, after they had both just gotten they favorite vanilla-strawberry ice cream, Trouble's ice cream fell. So he stole Shut-up's vanilla-strawberry ice cream and ran away. Shut-up ran after Trouble but finally lost him. He sat on a bench and started to cry. A police officer asked, 'What's your name?'
'Shut-up.'
The officer got angry. Asked again and got the same answer. 'Son, are you looking for trouble?'
And Shut-up said, 'Yeah, that jerk stole my ice cream!'
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(So far it's 3.67 point, based on 3 ratings)

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