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Children Jokes

'Lily, what do you know about nuts?' asked the kindergarten teacher.
'If there are nuts on someone's chest they are chestnuts, and if there are nuts on a wall they are walnuts,' Little Lily replied.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

'Muuuum, why is daddy's face so pale?'
'Shut up and keep digging!'
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(So far it's 4.67 point, based on 3 ratings)

One day, three kids were walking over a bridge when they heard a harsh sound. After that a cry. Someone was yelling for help. It was President Clinton, himself. He was drowning, and the three kids rescued him. He thanked them dearly and promised them whatever they wanted as a reward. They saved his life.
The first boy asked $50,000, so Clinton gave him the money. The second boy wanted a Mustang, so Clinton gave the boy a brand new Mustang. The third boy wanted a wheelchair.
'You are not handicapped. Why do you want one of those, my little hero?' asked the president.
The boy replied, 'But I will be handicapped when my family finds out whose life I saved.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A little girl was sitting on her grandmother's lap and was studying the wrinkles on her face. She rubbed her fingers over the wrinkles, then she touched her own face. She looked puzzled.
'Granny, did God make you?'
'Yes dear, a long time ago,' replied her grandmother, touching the wrinkles on her face.
'And did God make me as well?' asked the little girl.
'Yes, and that wasn't too long ago,' answered her grandmother.
'Well..., he is doing a lot better job these days, isn't he?'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A Sunday school teacher asked the children, 'And why is it so important to be quiet in church?'
'Because people are sleeping,' replied Nina.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 3 ratings)

In a small town of Florida lived two boys, Trouble and Shut-up. They were friends, but every once in a while they got into a fight. Once, after they had both just gotten they favorite vanilla-strawberry ice cream, Trouble's ice cream fell. So he stole Shut-up's vanilla-strawberry ice cream and ran away. Shut-up ran after Trouble but finally lost him. He sat on a bench and started to cry. A police officer asked, 'What's your name?'
'Shut-up.'
The officer got angry. Asked again and got the same answer. 'Son, are you looking for trouble?'
And Shut-up said, 'Yeah, that jerk stole my ice cream!'
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(So far it's 3.67 point, based on 3 ratings)

In the grocery store a man was pushing a cart with a screaming, crying baby. He kept repeating softly, 'Don't yell Tommy. Keep calm, Tommy. Don't get excited, Tommy.'
A woman standing next to him said emotionally, 'It is really amazing how calm you are trying to pacify your crying baby, Tommy.'
The man looked at her and said, 'My son's name is Richie, I am Tommy.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

The teacher decided to play a little taste testing game with the children on the first day of kindergarten.
'Children, we will play a taste testing game. I will blindfold you and give you a candy. You have to taste it and tell me what flavor it is,' she told them.
The first candy was a cherry flavored one.
'What flavor is that?' she asked.
The whole class answered, 'Yummy, that is cherry!'
'Very good, very good,' she replied.
So the next one was apple flavored, and they replied, 'Yummy, that is apple.'
'Very good, very good,' she replied again.
Then she gave them all a honey flavor. The whole class sat in silence by the strange taste, so the teacher said, 'Okay, I will give you a hint. It is something your parents may call each other.'
Sammy spat his out on the floor at once and yelled, 'Spit them out quickly! They're assholes!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 3 ratings)

A little boy was attending his first wedding, his sister asked him, 'Do you know how many women a man can marry?'
'Yes, I know, sixteen,' the boy replied.
His sister was amazed that he had the answer right at the first weeding service.
'How do you know that?' she asked.
'It's easy, all you have to do is add up what the bishop said. 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer.'
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(So far it's 4.67 point, based on 3 ratings)

A mother was preparing some delicious, peanut butter pancakes for her little sons, Dean and Sean. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson, so she said, 'If Jesus were sitting here, he would say: "Let my beloved brother have the first peanut butter pancake. I can wait for mine."'
Dean turned to his younger brother and said, 'Sean, you be Jesus!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

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