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Children Jokes

If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
If I think it's mine, it's mine.
If I like it, it's mine.
If I am doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
If it is in my hand, it's mine.
If it it's near me, it's mine.
If I can take it from you, it's mine.
If I had it a week ago, it's mine.
If it is broccoli, it's yours.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 3.67 point, based on 3 ratings)

A little girl was sitting on her grandmother's lap and was studying the wrinkles on her face. She rubbed her fingers over the wrinkles, then she touched her own face. She looked puzzled.
'Granny, did God make you?'
'Yes dear, a long time ago,' replied her grandmother, touching the wrinkles on her face.
'And did God make me as well?' asked the little girl.
'Yes, and that wasn't too long ago,' answered her grandmother.
'Well..., he is doing a lot better job these days, isn't he?'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

One day me and my cousin were driving to the supermarket for some Thanksgiving shopping. We passed by a church which had a sign next to the road: "The Assembly of God"
My cousin turned to me and said, 'I did not know that god had to be put together!'
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(So far it's 4.33 point, based on 3 ratings)

The five year old son came home from Sunday School.
'What have you learnt today?' asked his father.
The son was quiet for a minute and then asked, 'Daddy, have any of the men in our family had their penises criticized?'
The wife rushed is the room and told him the correct word was "circumcised", but the answer was still yes.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

At age eight it was inevitable for my daughter to have doubts about Easter Bunny.
Sure enough, one day she said, 'Mum, I know something about the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.'
I took a deep breath and asked her, 'What is that, honey?'
She replied, 'They all come out after dark.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 3 ratings)

A little boy kept telling his teacher about the baby that was expected in the family.
One day the mother allowed him to feel the movements of the unborn child, putting his hand on her belly. The boy was obviously impressed, but said no word. He even stopped telling his teacher about the baby.
So one day, the teacher sat the boy on her lap and asked, 'Jeremy, what can you tell me about the baby that was expected in the family?'
Jeremy burst into tears and confessed, 'I think my Mum ate it!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

When my granddaughter, Samantha was 10 years old, she was given an assignment by her teacher to write a story on "Where my family came from". The purpose was to understand your genetics. I was not aware of her assignment when she asked me before bedtime, 'Grandma, where did I come from?'
'Well, Sammy, the stork brought you.'
'And where did Mommy come from then?'
'The stork brought her, just like you.'
"Okay. Then where did you come from?'
'The stork brought me too.'
'Okay, grandma. Thank you.'
Three days later I was cleaning Samantha's room. I found her first lines on a paper: "There have been no natural births in our family for three generations."
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

In a small town of Florida lived two boys, Trouble and Shut-up. They were friends, but every once in a while they got into a fight. Once, after they had both just gotten they favorite vanilla-strawberry ice cream, Trouble's ice cream fell. So he stole Shut-up's vanilla-strawberry ice cream and ran away. Shut-up ran after Trouble but finally lost him. He sat on a bench and started to cry. A police officer asked, 'What's your name?'
'Shut-up.'
The officer got angry. Asked again and got the same answer. 'Son, are you looking for trouble?'
And Shut-up said, 'Yeah, that jerk stole my ice cream!'
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(So far it's 3.67 point, based on 3 ratings)

A mother was preparing some delicious, peanut butter pancakes for her little sons, Dean and Sean. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson, so she said, 'If Jesus were sitting here, he would say: "Let my beloved brother have the first peanut butter pancake. I can wait for mine."'
Dean turned to his younger brother and said, 'Sean, you be Jesus!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A girl had reached five without giving up the habit of sucking her thumb, though her mother had tried everything from reasoning to bribery, even she painted it with lemon juice and pepper to stop the habit. Finally she tried threats, and said, 'If a little girl doesn't stop sucking her thumb, her stomach is going to blow up like a balloon.'
Later that day, walking down the street, mother and daughter saw a pregnant woman sitting in the bus stop. The five-year-old stared her gravely for a minute, then went to her, saying, 'Oh-oh, I know exactly what you've been doing!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 3 ratings)

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