Car Jokes, Car Joke
⭐ Add JokestJokes.com to your Favorites! (Press CTRL+D)
📧 Get the best jokes every week by e-mail! It's free! (Click!)
🎁Are you a webmaster? Make your visitors happy with a free
Joke of the Day Box! (Click!)
Joke, Jokes, Fun
Joke Newsletter
You will get the best jokes of every week by e-mail!
It will be great, you need this!
E-mail:
  I have read and accept the Privacy Policy.
Joke Categories
ALL JokesAnimalBarBlondeBusinessCarChildrenComputerCriminalDoctorFarmerFoodKnock KnockLawyerMarriageMilitaryMother in LawOfficePolicePoliticalPunsSchoolSportsTravelWorkplaceYo MamaOther
You are here: HomeJokesCar Jokes

Car Jokes

A rabbi was called to a nursing home in Florida to perform a wedding there. A distressed elderly man met him at the door. The rabbi sat down to counsel the elderly man and asked a lot of questions.
'Do you love her?' was the first question.
'I think so.'
'Is she a good Jewish woman?'
'I don't really know.'
'Does she have much money?'
'To be honest I doubt it.'
'Then why are you marrying her?' asked the rabbi finally.
'In this nursing home she is the only one who can drive at night.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 4.33 point, based on 3 ratings)

About three years ago the battery in my Ford had died. Unfortunately I left the lights on overnight. That morning I was in a hurry to get to work on time. I ran into the house to ask my wife to help me. I told her to get into our second car. That was a really old, elephantine car. I wanted her to push my car with that one, fast enough to start it.
'The Ford has an automatic transmission, therefore it is needed to be pushed at least 30 mph to start,' I explained to my wife.
She said fine, hopped into the car and drove off.
I sat there in the Ford, wondering what she could be doing. One minute later I saw her in the rear-view mirror coming at me at about 35 mph. There I realized that I should have been a little bit clearer with my instructions.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Cover Me! I am Changing Lanes
Honk If Anything Falls Off!
If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer
If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over! [Printed Upside Down]
If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better!
Constipated People Don't Give A Shit
Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself
If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut
If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship
Don't Be Sexist, Cause Bitches Hate That
Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying: "No Hard Feelings"
Boys, No Shirt, No Service! Girls, No Shirt, No Charge!
I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha
Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch
All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
Beer - it is not just for breakfast anymore.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The National Transportation Safety Board funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in 4x4 pickup trucks to determine the circumstances of fatal accidents. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers were "Oh, Shit!". Only the state of Wisconsin was different. There circa 90% of the final words were "Hey, hold my beer and watch this!"
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The other day I saw a woman trying to get out of a small parking space. She bumped the car in front, then bumped the car behind her.
After a few minutes I walked there and asked if I could help somehow. Parallel parking can be a headache for many of us. But she declined my offer saying, 'Why have bumpers if you are not using them once in a while?'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

I was living in a sandy beach in Mexico, close to the border. My colleague and best friend, Timothy came to visit me and my family. He arrived in his timeworn, red sports car. It broke down after he turned into my street. We called a bunch of auto supply houses and garages, searching for replacement parts. But the car model was simply too old, too rare. My last hope was Juan.
'Hola Juan! Can you carry any parts for a 1964 Maserati?'
The answer was silence. Then Juan cleared his throat, and said, 'Yes, oil.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

A fellow bought a new Porsche cabrio and was out on a pleasant evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair. He decided to drive faster.
A few minutes later, suddenly he saw a flashing red and blue light behind him.
'No way they can catch a Porsche,' he thought, so he sped up.
'What the heck am I doing? I only wanted a pleasant evening drive,' was his next thought, so he finally pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license and said, 'I have had a tough and long shift and this is my last pull over. I don't feel like doing paperwork, so if you can give me one good excuse for you driving so fast, you are free to go.'
The fellow replied, 'Last week my wife ran off with a cop, and I was afraid you were trying to give her back.'
'Okay, you are free to go.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A police officer stopped me next to the high school where I teach. As the officer asked for my license and registration, my students began to arrive to school and drove past. The most of them honked, but others even stopped to see me with a police officer.
The officer asked me if I was a teacher at the high school.
'Yes, I am a teacher at the high school,' I replied.
'In this case I am sure you have paid your debt to society,' he said with a smile, and said goodbye without any fine.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

My friend, Sam, and his brother, John, were driving in the procession from the cemetery after a distant relative's funeral.
'We do not really know anybody here. Do you want to head home instead of going to their family house?' Sam asked.
His brother nodded, so Sam made a left turn. A quarter of a mile down the road he took a look in the mirror. The rest of the procession was still following them.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A radar of a police helicopter caught a speeding sports car. An officer pulled the car over and fined the driver.
'How did you know that I was speeding?' asked the frustrated driver.
The police officer pointed towards the sky with a serious face.
'You mean that even He is against me?'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

<   Previous 10 Car Jokes
 
Next 10 Car Jokes   >

Joke of the Day
You can have a Joke of the Day box on your website, too!
(This one right above!)
It's free and good for you! You only need to insert a short HTML code into your website and the Joke of the Day will appear there right away! (Every day a new joke totally automatically, maintenance free.) (Details...)
TOP 10 Jokes
1)One Line at a Time
2)Little White Goat
3)Chinese Laundry
4)Large Bag of Garbage
5) God Create Brunettes
6)Loan Officer
7)Don't Drive in Texas
8)Sculptures on Display
9)The Boss
10)Between Us
Best Jokes
(Joke Toplist)
Send Us a Joke!
Do you know a good joke?
Send it to us so we can put it on the website for everybody to read and laugh! It will be great!