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Car Jokes

'Sir, why were you weaving all over the road?' asked the state trooper from the driver.
'Oh officer, I am happy that you are here! I almost had an accident. I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. So I swerved to the right, but there was another tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left, but again, there was another tree in front of me!'
Pointing to the rear-view mirror, the officer said, 'That is only your air freshener, sir.'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Lulu and Barb were taking a vacation in Lulu's new green campervan. As usual, they had become lost and were circling around a weird town trying to find the highway. Lulu was just about going under a bridge when she slammed on the brakes.
'What the hell is that?' asked Barb.
'There is a sign, saying: "Low Bridge - No Vehicles Over Eleven Feet High" and my new green campervan is twelve feet!'
'Oh my God Lulu, just step on that gas pedal! There are no cops around!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Failure Of Research & Development
Found On River Dead
Ford Owner Really Dumb
For Only Retarded Drivers
Forfeit On Race Day
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road Dead
Factory Ordered Road Disaster
Factory Ordered Rebuilt Dodge
Flip Over Read Directions
Four Old Rusted Doors
Fixed On Race Day
Ford Owners Recommend Dodge
Flipped Over Russian Dunebuggy
Found On Russian Dump
For Off Road Death
Fat Old Rusted Dog
Freaking Old Rusted Dodge (Datsun)
Funky Old Road Dog
Found On Roadside's Destroyed
Fixed-up Old Repossessed Dodge
Found Old Rebuilt Dodge
Forget Out Running Dale
Found On Railroad Deserted
Found On Railroad Dead
Fools Only Read Directions
First On Repair Dolly
Favorite Of Redneck Drivers
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Found On Russian Dump
Funny Old Rebuilt Dodge

Backwards:
Dumb Retards Own Fords
Don't Ride Over Fifty
Driver Returns On Foot
Dorks Ride On Fords
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Bobby drove a minibus. He pulled up next to a young guy in a Lamborghini at a stop sign. Their windows were open and Bobby yelled at the young fellow in the Lamborghini, 'Hi, do you have a phone in that car?'
The guy answered, 'Yes, I do.'
'I have one too, can you see?'
'Yeah, that's very nice,' agreed the Lamborghini driver.
Then the minibus driver asked, 'Do you have a fax machine over there?'
'Actually, yes, I do.'
'I also have one here,' said Bobby proudly.
'Uh-huh, nice.'
The light was just about to turn green and Bobby asked from his minibus, 'So, do you have a double bed in back there?'
'No! Do you have?' asked the surprised Lamborghini driver.
'Yeah, right in back here, can you see?'
The light turned green and the minibus turned right.
Well, the young fellow in the Lamborghini went directly to a customizing garage and ordered them to put a double bed in back of his luxury car.
Three weeks later he picked up his car, and immediately searched for Bobby and the minibus. He finally found it, parked in a calm street. The Lamborghini driver got out and knocked on the minibus window. Bobby opened the window.
'Hello, remember me?' asked the young fellow.
'Sure, what's up?' asked Bobby.
'Check this out, I also have double bed installed in my Lambo!'
Bobby answered indifferently, 'And you called me out of the shower to tell me this?'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

The Pope had just finished his tour, he visited some the religious communities. A limousine came to take him back to the airport. Having never driven a limousine, the Pope asked the chauffeur if he could drive for a while. So, as the chauffeur didn't have much of a choice, he agreed to change places and sat on the backseat. The Pope took the wheel. He started accelerating to see what the limo could go. And then, suddenly out of nowhere, a police car appeared. He pulled over and the cop came to his window.
'Just a moment please, wait here, I need to call in,' said the cop and walked a few meters away.
'Chief, We have a really important person pulled over. Please give me instructions what to do.'
The chief asked, 'Who is it, not Jack again?'
The cop said, 'No, he is even more important.'
The chief asked, 'It is the prime minister, isn't it?'
The cop replied, 'No, even more important.'
'The President himself?'
'No, more important,' replied the cop.
'Tell me now, who the hell is it?!'
'I don't exactly know,' answered the cop, 'but the Pope is his chauffeur!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

I was living in a sandy beach in Mexico, close to the border. My colleague and best friend, Timothy came to visit me and my family. He arrived in his timeworn, red sports car. It broke down after he turned into my street. We called a bunch of auto supply houses and garages, searching for replacement parts. But the car model was simply too old, too rare. My last hope was Juan.
'Hola Juan! Can you carry any parts for a 1964 Maserati?'
The answer was silence. Then Juan cleared his throat, and said, 'Yes, oil.'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

A woman driving in Chicago stopped her car at the red light. When the light turned green again, she stayed there. The light had changed several times but the car did not move.
The traffic policeman went to her eventually, and asked politely, 'What is the problem, lady, no colors you like?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A man and a woman got into a car accident. Luckily neither of them was hurt, but the cars were totally demolished. After the first shock and crawling out of the wrecks, the woman said, 'My God, take a look at the cars. Total wrecks. Thank God we are not hurt. This must be a sign from Him that we shouldn't blame each other and we should be friends.'
The man answered, 'I agree with you, yes, this is a miracle.'
The woman pointed to a bottle on the ground and said, 'There is another miracle. Somehow this bottle of pomegranate and rose liqueur from my back seat didn't break. I am sure God wants us to drink and celebrate life.'
Then she handed generously the pomegranate and rose liqueur to the man. He nodded and drank about the half of the bottle to calm his nerves. Then handed it back. The woman took the bottle, immediately put the cap back on, and handed it back to the man.
He asked, 'Aren't you having any?'
The woman replied,'"No. I think I will just wait for the police.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The independent insurance agent asked his client about the recent accident, 'Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?'
The client replied, 'I could have traveled by bus.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Four nuns had driven out to the countryside to visit the old devotees of the church. On their way back their car ran out of gas. They were standing beside their old car, not knowing what to do, when a truck approached. Seeing the four ladies the driver stopped to offer his help.
The nuns told him they needed some gas. The truck driver said he would happily drain some from his tank, but he need something, like a bucket or a can. One of the nuns took out a clean bedpan and asked the truck driver if he could use that. He said yes, and the gas soon was in the bedpan. He wished good luck to the four nuns and left.
The nuns were grateful, and carefully poured the precious fluid into their gas tank. At this point, the highway patrol came by and saw them.
He stopped his car and watched for a minute, but then he said, 'Sisters, I do not really think it will work if your car ran out of gas, but I do admire your faith!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

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