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Car Jokes

In a narrow alley two truck drivers were driving, and they met facing each other. They were equally stubborn, and neither of them wanted to shunt. They angrily looked at each other for long minutes. Finally, one of them picked up a newspaper and started reading.
The other truck driver politely asked, 'When you've finished the newspaper, would you please pass me?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A woman was driving too fast, so a cop pulled her over.
'Driving license and registration, please,' the cop demanded.
The woman handed the registration of the car and said, 'That is all, my driving license is already with you.'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

'Sir, why were you weaving all over the road?' asked the state trooper from the driver.
'Oh officer, I am happy that you are here! I almost had an accident. I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. So I swerved to the right, but there was another tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left, but again, there was another tree in front of me!'
Pointing to the rear-view mirror, the officer said, 'That is only your air freshener, sir.'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Failure Of Research & Development
Found On River Dead
Ford Owner Really Dumb
For Only Retarded Drivers
Forfeit On Race Day
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road Dead
Factory Ordered Road Disaster
Factory Ordered Rebuilt Dodge
Flip Over Read Directions
Four Old Rusted Doors
Fixed On Race Day
Ford Owners Recommend Dodge
Flipped Over Russian Dunebuggy
Found On Russian Dump
For Off Road Death
Fat Old Rusted Dog
Freaking Old Rusted Dodge (Datsun)
Funky Old Road Dog
Found On Roadside's Destroyed
Fixed-up Old Repossessed Dodge
Found Old Rebuilt Dodge
Forget Out Running Dale
Found On Railroad Deserted
Found On Railroad Dead
Fools Only Read Directions
First On Repair Dolly
Favorite Of Redneck Drivers
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Found On Russian Dump
Funny Old Rebuilt Dodge

Backwards:
Dumb Retards Own Fords
Don't Ride Over Fifty
Driver Returns On Foot
Dorks Ride On Fords
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Buy a Nissan and you buy the best. Drive the first mile and walk the rest.
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A woman driving in Chicago stopped her car at the red light. When the light turned green again, she stayed there. The light had changed several times but the car did not move.
The traffic policeman went to her eventually, and asked politely, 'What is the problem, lady, no colors you like?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her driving license. He gets it, and says, 'Lady, you should be wearing glasses.'
The lady answers, 'You know, I have contacts.'
The policeman replies, 'I do not care who you know, you are getting a ticket!'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Bobby drove a minibus. He pulled up next to a young guy in a Lamborghini at a stop sign. Their windows were open and Bobby yelled at the young fellow in the Lamborghini, 'Hi, do you have a phone in that car?'
The guy answered, 'Yes, I do.'
'I have one too, can you see?'
'Yeah, that's very nice,' agreed the Lamborghini driver.
Then the minibus driver asked, 'Do you have a fax machine over there?'
'Actually, yes, I do.'
'I also have one here,' said Bobby proudly.
'Uh-huh, nice.'
The light was just about to turn green and Bobby asked from his minibus, 'So, do you have a double bed in back there?'
'No! Do you have?' asked the surprised Lamborghini driver.
'Yeah, right in back here, can you see?'
The light turned green and the minibus turned right.
Well, the young fellow in the Lamborghini went directly to a customizing garage and ordered them to put a double bed in back of his luxury car.
Three weeks later he picked up his car, and immediately searched for Bobby and the minibus. He finally found it, parked in a calm street. The Lamborghini driver got out and knocked on the minibus window. Bobby opened the window.
'Hello, remember me?' asked the young fellow.
'Sure, what's up?' asked Bobby.
'Check this out, I also have double bed installed in my Lambo!'
Bobby answered indifferently, 'And you called me out of the shower to tell me this?'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

Cover Me! I am Changing Lanes
Honk If Anything Falls Off!
If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer
If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over! [Printed Upside Down]
If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better!
Constipated People Don't Give A Shit
Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself
If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut
If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship
Don't Be Sexist, Cause Bitches Hate That
Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying: "No Hard Feelings"
Boys, No Shirt, No Service! Girls, No Shirt, No Charge!
I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha
Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch
All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
Beer - it is not just for breakfast anymore.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time
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A police officer stopped a car which was dangerously speeding, and going back and forth. 'What are you doing?' he asked the driver.
'I'm learning to drive,' replied the driver.
'What? Without an instructor?' exclaimed the officer.
'Yes, it's a correspondence course.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

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