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Car Jokes

Bobby drove a minibus. He pulled up next to a young guy in a Lamborghini at a stop sign. Their windows were open and Bobby yelled at the young fellow in the Lamborghini, 'Hi, do you have a phone in that car?'
The guy answered, 'Yes, I do.'
'I have one too, can you see?'
'Yeah, that's very nice,' agreed the Lamborghini driver.
Then the minibus driver asked, 'Do you have a fax machine over there?'
'Actually, yes, I do.'
'I also have one here,' said Bobby proudly.
'Uh-huh, nice.'
The light was just about to turn green and Bobby asked from his minibus, 'So, do you have a double bed in back there?'
'No! Do you have?' asked the surprised Lamborghini driver.
'Yeah, right in back here, can you see?'
The light turned green and the minibus turned right.
Well, the young fellow in the Lamborghini went directly to a customizing garage and ordered them to put a double bed in back of his luxury car.
Three weeks later he picked up his car, and immediately searched for Bobby and the minibus. He finally found it, parked in a calm street. The Lamborghini driver got out and knocked on the minibus window. Bobby opened the window.
'Hello, remember me?' asked the young fellow.
'Sure, what's up?' asked Bobby.
'Check this out, I also have double bed installed in my Lambo!'
Bobby answered indifferently, 'And you called me out of the shower to tell me this?'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

A lady walks into a Bugatti dealership. She looks around, and after a minute she spots the perfect car. She walks over to get a closer look. As she bends to feel the quality leather upholstery, a very loud fart escapes her. Her face turns to red, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed the little accident. She hopes that a salesperson doesn't pop up right now. But as she turns back, there is one, standing next to her.
'Good morning, Madame. How can I help you today?'
Very uncomfortably she says, 'Good morning, what is the price of this lovely car?'
The salesperson answers, 'Madame, if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit when I tell you the price.'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A man was speeding down the highway. He felt secure among the other cars, as they traveled at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer fined him.
'Officer, I know I was speeding. But you know, this is not fair. The other cars around me were as fast as I. Why did I get the fine?'
'Do you go fishing sometimes?' asked the officer.
'Yes, sometimes I go fishing, why? Fishing and speeding are completely different,' answered the man.
The officer asked smiling, 'Yes, but look, did you ever catch all the fish?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The father and the mother gave their teenage daughter the permission to use the family car. On a Friday night she returned home very late from a party. The next morning her father walked out to get the newspaper from the driveway, as usual.
Around 12:00 AM the teenage girl sleepily stepped into the kitchen, and her father asked her, frowning, 'Sweety, when did you get home last night?'
'Not too late, Daddy,' she answered nervously.
'Then, my precious teenage daughter, I will have to talk with the paperboy. Obviously he put my paper under the front left tire of the family car.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The other day I saw a woman trying to get out of a small parking space. She bumped the car in front, then bumped the car behind her.
After a few minutes I walked there and asked if I could help somehow. Parallel parking can be a headache for many of us. But she declined my offer saying, 'Why have bumpers if you are not using them once in a while?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

'Doc, I need your help! Every night I dream that I am a car. Sometimes I am a Mustang, sometimes I am a Porsche, other times I am a minivan. What does this all mean?'
The doctor replied, 'Relax, it's fine, you are just having an auto-body experience.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

I was living in a sandy beach in Mexico, close to the border. My colleague and best friend, Timothy came to visit me and my family. He arrived in his timeworn, red sports car. It broke down after he turned into my street. We called a bunch of auto supply houses and garages, searching for replacement parts. But the car model was simply too old, too rare. My last hope was Juan.
'Hola Juan! Can you carry any parts for a 1964 Maserati?'
The answer was silence. Then Juan cleared his throat, and said, 'Yes, oil.'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

Failure Of Research & Development
Found On River Dead
Ford Owner Really Dumb
For Only Retarded Drivers
Forfeit On Race Day
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road Dead
Factory Ordered Road Disaster
Factory Ordered Rebuilt Dodge
Flip Over Read Directions
Four Old Rusted Doors
Fixed On Race Day
Ford Owners Recommend Dodge
Flipped Over Russian Dunebuggy
Found On Russian Dump
For Off Road Death
Fat Old Rusted Dog
Freaking Old Rusted Dodge (Datsun)
Funky Old Road Dog
Found On Roadside's Destroyed
Fixed-up Old Repossessed Dodge
Found Old Rebuilt Dodge
Forget Out Running Dale
Found On Railroad Deserted
Found On Railroad Dead
Fools Only Read Directions
First On Repair Dolly
Favorite Of Redneck Drivers
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Found On Russian Dump
Funny Old Rebuilt Dodge

Backwards:
Dumb Retards Own Fords
Don't Ride Over Fifty
Driver Returns On Foot
Dorks Ride On Fords
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A rabbi and a priest operated a church and a synagogue on the same street. Since their daily routine was similar, they decided to buy a car together.
After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street. About twenty minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their brand new car. It didn't need a wash at all. So the rabbi hurried out and asked the priest what he was doing.
'I am blessing it,' he replied.
The rabbi was thinking for a while, but then rushed into the synagogue, and appeared with a hacksaw. He walked over to the back of the car, then cut off two inches of the tailpipe.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

A police officer stopped me next to the high school where I teach. As the officer asked for my license and registration, my students began to arrive to school and drove past. The most of them honked, but others even stopped to see me with a police officer.
The officer asked me if I was a teacher at the high school.
'Yes, I am a teacher at the high school,' I replied.
'In this case I am sure you have paid your debt to society,' he said with a smile, and said goodbye without any fine.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

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