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Car Jokes

A red sports car was racing on the freeway. A highway patrolman pulled alongside the speeding car. He was shocked when he saw that an elderly woman was behind the wheel and she was knitting!
The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to her, 'Pull over!'
The elderly woman yelled back, 'No! Scarf!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

One Monday a police officer saw a car on the highway which was way too slow, driving around 20 mph.
'This slow driver is as dangerous as a speeder!' he thought.
He turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. Approaching the car, he noticed that there were three old ladies, white as ghosts in the backseat.
'Officer, I don't understand, I was driving exactly at the speed limit. I always go exactly the speed limit. What is the problem?' asked the confused driver.
'Madam,' the officer replied, 'you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a dangerous.'
'Slower than the speed limit? I was doing the speed limit exactly. Twenty miles an hour!' said the old woman driver proudly.
The police officer nicely explained to her that "20" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the old woman frowned, but thanked the officer for pointing out that mistake.
'Before I let you go, Madam, one question. Is everyone OK in this car? These ladies seem awfully shaken,' the officer asked with concern.
'Oh, sure, they will be fine in a minute. We just got off Route 115.'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

'When I saw you coming around the corner, I said to myself, at least fifty-five,' said the policeman.
The woman driver replied, 'Well, you are a long way off! Maybe my hat makes me look so old.'
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(So far it's 4.33 point, based on 3 ratings)

A woman driving in Chicago stopped her car at the red light. When the light turned green again, she stayed there. The light had changed several times but the car did not move.
The traffic policeman went to her eventually, and asked politely, 'What is the problem, lady, no colors you like?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over.
'Is there any problem, Officer?'
'No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving. I am pleased to give you the Safe Driving Award, which is $10,000. Congratulations, my friend! What do you think you are going to do with the money?'
'Oh, well, first, I guess I'll get that drivers' license!'
The woman sitting in the passenger seat said quickly, 'Oh, do not pay attention to him. He is such a fool when he is drunk and stoned.'
One guy from the back seat cried, 'I told you bastards we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!'
At that moment, there was a loud knock from the trunk and a muffled voice asked, 'Are we over the border yet?'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: What do you call the gossiping hitchhiker?
A: Walkie-talkie.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

An Englishman who had a bit too much of dark ale beer was driving home from the brewery one night. His car made the twisting motion of a snake on the road. A cop pulled him over.
'So, where have you been?' asked the cop.
'Why, I've been to the brewery of course,' replied the drunk.
'Looks like you've had too much dark ale beer there.'
'I did all right,' smiled the Englishman.
'Did you know,' said the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, 'that two minutes ago your wife fell out of your car?'
'Oh, thank God,' sighed the drunk. 'I was scared I'd gone deaf.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A police officer stopped me next to the high school where I teach. As the officer asked for my license and registration, my students began to arrive to school and drove past. The most of them honked, but others even stopped to see me with a police officer.
The officer asked me if I was a teacher at the high school.
'Yes, I am a teacher at the high school,' I replied.
'In this case I am sure you have paid your debt to society,' he said with a smile, and said goodbye without any fine.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A policeman stops a lady and asks for her driving license. He gets it, and says, 'Lady, you should be wearing glasses.'
The lady answers, 'You know, I have contacts.'
The policeman replies, 'I do not care who you know, you are getting a ticket!'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A man and a woman got into a car accident. Luckily neither of them was hurt, but the cars were totally demolished. After the first shock and crawling out of the wrecks, the woman said, 'My God, take a look at the cars. Total wrecks. Thank God we are not hurt. This must be a sign from Him that we shouldn't blame each other and we should be friends.'
The man answered, 'I agree with you, yes, this is a miracle.'
The woman pointed to a bottle on the ground and said, 'There is another miracle. Somehow this bottle of pomegranate and rose liqueur from my back seat didn't break. I am sure God wants us to drink and celebrate life.'
Then she handed generously the pomegranate and rose liqueur to the man. He nodded and drank about the half of the bottle to calm his nerves. Then handed it back. The woman took the bottle, immediately put the cap back on, and handed it back to the man.
He asked, 'Aren't you having any?'
The woman replied,'"No. I think I will just wait for the police.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

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