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Car Jokes

Failure Of Research & Development
Found On River Dead
Ford Owner Really Dumb
For Only Retarded Drivers
Forfeit On Race Day
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road Dead
Factory Ordered Road Disaster
Factory Ordered Rebuilt Dodge
Flip Over Read Directions
Four Old Rusted Doors
Fixed On Race Day
Ford Owners Recommend Dodge
Flipped Over Russian Dunebuggy
Found On Russian Dump
For Off Road Death
Fat Old Rusted Dog
Freaking Old Rusted Dodge (Datsun)
Funky Old Road Dog
Found On Roadside's Destroyed
Fixed-up Old Repossessed Dodge
Found Old Rebuilt Dodge
Forget Out Running Dale
Found On Railroad Deserted
Found On Railroad Dead
Fools Only Read Directions
First On Repair Dolly
Favorite Of Redneck Drivers
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Found On Russian Dump
Funny Old Rebuilt Dodge

Backwards:
Dumb Retards Own Fords
Don't Ride Over Fifty
Driver Returns On Foot
Dorks Ride On Fords
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The father and the mother gave their teenage daughter the permission to use the family car. On a Friday night she returned home very late from a party. The next morning her father walked out to get the newspaper from the driveway, as usual.
Around 12:00 AM the teenage girl sleepily stepped into the kitchen, and her father asked her, frowning, 'Sweety, when did you get home last night?'
'Not too late, Daddy,' she answered nervously.
'Then, my precious teenage daughter, I will have to talk with the paperboy. Obviously he put my paper under the front left tire of the family car.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The first Sunday after my wife and I bought a brand new car, we parked it in the last row of the church lot. We did not want to be flashy.
Accidentally, while talking with friends after the service, my wife hit the panic button on her electronic key. Our car's horn blared and its lights flashed immediately.
Watching my embarrassed wife pushing the buttons of the electronic key, our friend teased, 'It would have been better just to put a few words in the church bulletin, don't you think?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

La-la-la-la,
Ashes to ashes,
dust to dust.
If it wasn't for Fords,
our tools would rust.
La-la-la-la!
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

A drunk man is lurching in the street, and suddenly he is hit by a passing car.
The driver steps on the brakes with two legs, jumps out and looks back at the drunk man.
'You fool, look out!'
The drunk raises his hand and asks, 'Why? Are you gonna back up?'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

The National Transportation Safety Board funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in 4x4 pickup trucks to determine the circumstances of fatal accidents. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers were "Oh, Shit!". Only the state of Wisconsin was different. There circa 90% of the final words were "Hey, hold my beer and watch this!"
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Here are my favorite car bumper stickers:

1: If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
2: WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship
3: Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal!
4: Honk if you wanna see my finger!
5: So you're a feminist... Isn't that cute.
+1: Don't touch me - I am not that kind of a car!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A rabbi and a priest operated a church and a synagogue on the same street. Since their daily routine was similar, they decided to buy a car together.
After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street. About twenty minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their brand new car. It didn't need a wash at all. So the rabbi hurried out and asked the priest what he was doing.
'I am blessing it,' he replied.
The rabbi was thinking for a while, but then rushed into the synagogue, and appeared with a hacksaw. He walked over to the back of the car, then cut off two inches of the tailpipe.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

An Englishman who had a bit too much of dark ale beer was driving home from the brewery one night. His car made the twisting motion of a snake on the road. A cop pulled him over.
'So, where have you been?' asked the cop.
'Why, I've been to the brewery of course,' replied the drunk.
'Looks like you've had too much dark ale beer there.'
'I did all right,' smiled the Englishman.
'Did you know,' said the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, 'that two minutes ago your wife fell out of your car?'
'Oh, thank God,' sighed the drunk. 'I was scared I'd gone deaf.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

'Sir, why were you weaving all over the road?' asked the state trooper from the driver.
'Oh officer, I am happy that you are here! I almost had an accident. I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. So I swerved to the right, but there was another tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left, but again, there was another tree in front of me!'
Pointing to the rear-view mirror, the officer said, 'That is only your air freshener, sir.'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

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