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Car Jokes

In a narrow alley two truck drivers were driving, and they met facing each other. They were equally stubborn, and neither of them wanted to shunt. They angrily looked at each other for long minutes. Finally, one of them picked up a newspaper and started reading.
The other truck driver politely asked, 'When you've finished the newspaper, would you please pass me?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Drivers are genius when they want to prove their innocence on car insurance claims. Proof below:
"I blew my horn, but it would not work as it had been stolen."
"I thought the side window was down, but it was up, as I found when I put my head through it."
"I left my car unattended for a minute, when by accident or design, it ran away."
"A cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that the cow was half-witted."
"The other car collided with mine, without giving any warning of its intentions."
"A bull was standing nearby, and a fly must have tickled him, as he gored my car."
"She suddenly saw me, lost her head, and we met."
"A truck backed through my windscreen into my wife's face."
"I ran into a shop window, and sustained injuries to my wife."
"I misjudged a lady crossing the street."
"Coming home, I drove into the wrong house, and collided with a tree I haven't got."
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Failure Of Research & Development
Found On River Dead
Ford Owner Really Dumb
For Only Retarded Drivers
Forfeit On Race Day
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road Dead
Factory Ordered Road Disaster
Factory Ordered Rebuilt Dodge
Flip Over Read Directions
Four Old Rusted Doors
Fixed On Race Day
Ford Owners Recommend Dodge
Flipped Over Russian Dunebuggy
Found On Russian Dump
For Off Road Death
Fat Old Rusted Dog
Freaking Old Rusted Dodge (Datsun)
Funky Old Road Dog
Found On Roadside's Destroyed
Fixed-up Old Repossessed Dodge
Found Old Rebuilt Dodge
Forget Out Running Dale
Found On Railroad Deserted
Found On Railroad Dead
Fools Only Read Directions
First On Repair Dolly
Favorite Of Redneck Drivers
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Found On Russian Dump
Funny Old Rebuilt Dodge

Backwards:
Dumb Retards Own Fords
Don't Ride Over Fifty
Driver Returns On Foot
Dorks Ride On Fords
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Brian had just received his brand new drivers license. The family gathered to celebrate, and Brian offered to take them for a ride. His father immediately headed for the back seat, directly behind the new driver.
'I see you would like to change the scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive,' said Brian to him.
'No, my boy, this is not the case,' replied his father, 'I am gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive just the same way you have been doing to me all these long years.'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

One Monday a police officer saw a car on the highway which was way too slow, driving around 20 mph.
'This slow driver is as dangerous as a speeder!' he thought.
He turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. Approaching the car, he noticed that there were three old ladies, white as ghosts in the backseat.
'Officer, I don't understand, I was driving exactly at the speed limit. I always go exactly the speed limit. What is the problem?' asked the confused driver.
'Madam,' the officer replied, 'you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a dangerous.'
'Slower than the speed limit? I was doing the speed limit exactly. Twenty miles an hour!' said the old woman driver proudly.
The police officer nicely explained to her that "20" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the old woman frowned, but thanked the officer for pointing out that mistake.
'Before I let you go, Madam, one question. Is everyone OK in this car? These ladies seem awfully shaken,' the officer asked with concern.
'Oh, sure, they will be fine in a minute. We just got off Route 115.'
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The independent insurance agent asked his client about the recent accident, 'Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?'
The client replied, 'I could have traveled by bus.'
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A police officer stopped me next to the high school where I teach. As the officer asked for my license and registration, my students began to arrive to school and drove past. The most of them honked, but others even stopped to see me with a police officer.
The officer asked me if I was a teacher at the high school.
'Yes, I am a teacher at the high school,' I replied.
'In this case I am sure you have paid your debt to society,' he said with a smile, and said goodbye without any fine.
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A radar of a police helicopter caught a speeding sports car. An officer pulled the car over and fined the driver.
'How did you know that I was speeding?' asked the frustrated driver.
The police officer pointed towards the sky with a serious face.
'You mean that even He is against me?'
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The other day I saw a woman trying to get out of a small parking space. She bumped the car in front, then bumped the car behind her.
After a few minutes I walked there and asked if I could help somehow. Parallel parking can be a headache for many of us. But she declined my offer saying, 'Why have bumpers if you are not using them once in a while?'
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Here are my favorite car bumper stickers:

1: If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
2: WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship
3: Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal!
4: Honk if you wanna see my finger!
5: So you're a feminist... Isn't that cute.
+1: Don't touch me - I am not that kind of a car!
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