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Car Jokes

A woman driving in Chicago stopped her car at the red light. When the light turned green again, she stayed there. The light had changed several times but the car did not move.
The traffic policeman went to her eventually, and asked politely, 'What is the problem, lady, no colors you like?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A red sports car was racing on the freeway. A highway patrolman pulled alongside the speeding car. He was shocked when he saw that an elderly woman was behind the wheel and she was knitting!
The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to her, 'Pull over!'
The elderly woman yelled back, 'No! Scarf!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

'Sir, why were you weaving all over the road?' asked the state trooper from the driver.
'Oh officer, I am happy that you are here! I almost had an accident. I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. So I swerved to the right, but there was another tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left, but again, there was another tree in front of me!'
Pointing to the rear-view mirror, the officer said, 'That is only your air freshener, sir.'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A radar of a police helicopter caught a speeding sports car. An officer pulled the car over and fined the driver.
'How did you know that I was speeding?' asked the frustrated driver.
The police officer pointed towards the sky with a serious face.
'You mean that even He is against me?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The father and the mother gave their teenage daughter the permission to use the family car. On a Friday night she returned home very late from a party. The next morning her father walked out to get the newspaper from the driveway, as usual.
Around 12:00 AM the teenage girl sleepily stepped into the kitchen, and her father asked her, frowning, 'Sweety, when did you get home last night?'
'Not too late, Daddy,' she answered nervously.
'Then, my precious teenage daughter, I will have to talk with the paperboy. Obviously he put my paper under the front left tire of the family car.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The first Sunday after my wife and I bought a brand new car, we parked it in the last row of the church lot. We did not want to be flashy.
Accidentally, while talking with friends after the service, my wife hit the panic button on her electronic key. Our car's horn blared and its lights flashed immediately.
Watching my embarrassed wife pushing the buttons of the electronic key, our friend teased, 'It would have been better just to put a few words in the church bulletin, don't you think?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A rabbi was called to a nursing home in Florida to perform a wedding there. A distressed elderly man met him at the door. The rabbi sat down to counsel the elderly man and asked a lot of questions.
'Do you love her?' was the first question.
'I think so.'
'Is she a good Jewish woman?'
'I don't really know.'
'Does she have much money?'
'To be honest I doubt it.'
'Then why are you marrying her?' asked the rabbi finally.
'In this nursing home she is the only one who can drive at night.'
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(So far it's 4.33 point, based on 3 ratings)

People who say they would rather push a Toyota than drive a Dodge, usually do.
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After pulling an old farmer over for speeding, a the police officer started to lecture him about speed limits arrogantly. In the meantime he had to keep swatting at some flies buzzing around his head.
'Having some problems with circle flies?' asked the farmer.
The officer paused to take another swat and replied, 'Apparently yes, if that is what they are. I have never heard of circle flies.'
The farmer was pleased to enlighten the trooper, 'On farms, circle flies are common animals. They are called circle flies because they are circling the back end of a horse.'
The police officer stopped for a moment, then asked, 'Hey, are you trying to call me a horse's behind?'
'Oh, officer, of course not. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers for that.'
'That's a good thing,' the officer replied still arrogantly.
After a short pause the farmer added, 'Hard to fool them circle flies, though.'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: What do you call the gossiping hitchhiker?
A: Walkie-talkie.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

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