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Car Jokes

A lady walks into a Bugatti dealership. She looks around, and after a minute she spots the perfect car. She walks over to get a closer look. As she bends to feel the quality leather upholstery, a very loud fart escapes her. Her face turns to red, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed the little accident. She hopes that a salesperson doesn't pop up right now. But as she turns back, there is one, standing next to her.
'Good morning, Madame. How can I help you today?'
Very uncomfortably she says, 'Good morning, what is the price of this lovely car?'
The salesperson answers, 'Madame, if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit when I tell you the price.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

After pulling an old farmer over for speeding, a the police officer started to lecture him about speed limits arrogantly. In the meantime he had to keep swatting at some flies buzzing around his head.
'Having some problems with circle flies?' asked the farmer.
The officer paused to take another swat and replied, 'Apparently yes, if that is what they are. I have never heard of circle flies.'
The farmer was pleased to enlighten the trooper, 'On farms, circle flies are common animals. They are called circle flies because they are circling the back end of a horse.'
The police officer stopped for a moment, then asked, 'Hey, are you trying to call me a horse's behind?'
'Oh, officer, of course not. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers for that.'
'That's a good thing,' the officer replied still arrogantly.
After a short pause the farmer added, 'Hard to fool them circle flies, though.'
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My friend, Sam, and his brother, John, were driving in the procession from the cemetery after a distant relative's funeral.
'We do not really know anybody here. Do you want to head home instead of going to their family house?' Sam asked.
His brother nodded, so Sam made a left turn. A quarter of a mile down the road he took a look in the mirror. The rest of the procession was still following them.
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A woman driving in Chicago stopped her car at the red light. When the light turned green again, she stayed there. The light had changed several times but the car did not move.
The traffic policeman went to her eventually, and asked politely, 'What is the problem, lady, no colors you like?'
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A woman was driving too fast, so a cop pulled her over.
'Driving license and registration, please,' the cop demanded.
The woman handed the registration of the car and said, 'That is all, my driving license is already with you.'
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'When I saw you coming around the corner, I said to myself, at least fifty-five,' said the policeman.
The woman driver replied, 'Well, you are a long way off! Maybe my hat makes me look so old.'
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I was living in a sandy beach in Mexico, close to the border. My colleague and best friend, Timothy came to visit me and my family. He arrived in his timeworn, red sports car. It broke down after he turned into my street. We called a bunch of auto supply houses and garages, searching for replacement parts. But the car model was simply too old, too rare. My last hope was Juan.
'Hola Juan! Can you carry any parts for a 1964 Maserati?'
The answer was silence. Then Juan cleared his throat, and said, 'Yes, oil.'
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While driving in Iowa, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage was obviously someone who was fond of the environment friendly transport, as there was a sign attached to the back of the carriage:
"Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Don't step on exhaust."
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Cover Me! I am Changing Lanes
Honk If Anything Falls Off!
If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer
If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over! [Printed Upside Down]
If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better!
Constipated People Don't Give A Shit
Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself
If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut
If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship
Don't Be Sexist, Cause Bitches Hate That
Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying: "No Hard Feelings"
Boys, No Shirt, No Service! Girls, No Shirt, No Charge!
I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha
Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch
All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
Beer - it is not just for breakfast anymore.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time
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A drunk man is lurching in the street, and suddenly he is hit by a passing car.
The driver steps on the brakes with two legs, jumps out and looks back at the drunk man.
'You fool, look out!'
The drunk raises his hand and asks, 'Why? Are you gonna back up?'
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