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Car Jokes

The Pope had just finished his tour, he visited some the religious communities. A limousine came to take him back to the airport. Having never driven a limousine, the Pope asked the chauffeur if he could drive for a while. So, as the chauffeur didn't have much of a choice, he agreed to change places and sat on the backseat. The Pope took the wheel. He started accelerating to see what the limo could go. And then, suddenly out of nowhere, a police car appeared. He pulled over and the cop came to his window.
'Just a moment please, wait here, I need to call in,' said the cop and walked a few meters away.
'Chief, We have a really important person pulled over. Please give me instructions what to do.'
The chief asked, 'Who is it, not Jack again?'
The cop said, 'No, he is even more important.'
The chief asked, 'It is the prime minister, isn't it?'
The cop replied, 'No, even more important.'
'The President himself?'
'No, more important,' replied the cop.
'Tell me now, who the hell is it?!'
'I don't exactly know,' answered the cop, 'but the Pope is his chauffeur!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A woman driving in Chicago stopped her car at the red light. When the light turned green again, she stayed there. The light had changed several times but the car did not move.
The traffic policeman went to her eventually, and asked politely, 'What is the problem, lady, no colors you like?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A woman was driving on the highway one afternoon. She was a safe and responsible driver. She frequently checked her speed to make sure she stayed within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror, she saw a police car not far behind with its flashing red and blue lights. She didn't understood it. She was not drunk, had her seat belt on, drove carefully. Anyway, she pulled over to stop and the police car stopped, too. She rolled down the window, and prepared herself to be fined. The policeman walked up to her window, and spoke to her. The woman pointed to her ear and shook her head. She was deaf.
The policeman knowing sign language, signed back, 'I know, I know. I see that you are a safe and responsible driver, but Iam here to tell you that your horn is stuck.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A rabbi and a priest operated a church and a synagogue on the same street. Since their daily routine was similar, they decided to buy a car together.
After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street. About twenty minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their brand new car. It didn't need a wash at all. So the rabbi hurried out and asked the priest what he was doing.
'I am blessing it,' he replied.
The rabbi was thinking for a while, but then rushed into the synagogue, and appeared with a hacksaw. He walked over to the back of the car, then cut off two inches of the tailpipe.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

La-la-la-la,
Ashes to ashes,
dust to dust.
If it wasn't for Fords,
our tools would rust.
La-la-la-la!
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

Failure Of Research & Development
Found On River Dead
Ford Owner Really Dumb
For Only Retarded Drivers
Forfeit On Race Day
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road Dead
Factory Ordered Road Disaster
Factory Ordered Rebuilt Dodge
Flip Over Read Directions
Four Old Rusted Doors
Fixed On Race Day
Ford Owners Recommend Dodge
Flipped Over Russian Dunebuggy
Found On Russian Dump
For Off Road Death
Fat Old Rusted Dog
Freaking Old Rusted Dodge (Datsun)
Funky Old Road Dog
Found On Roadside's Destroyed
Fixed-up Old Repossessed Dodge
Found Old Rebuilt Dodge
Forget Out Running Dale
Found On Railroad Deserted
Found On Railroad Dead
Fools Only Read Directions
First On Repair Dolly
Favorite Of Redneck Drivers
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Found On Russian Dump
Funny Old Rebuilt Dodge

Backwards:
Dumb Retards Own Fords
Don't Ride Over Fifty
Driver Returns On Foot
Dorks Ride On Fords
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

About three years ago the battery in my Ford had died. Unfortunately I left the lights on overnight. That morning I was in a hurry to get to work on time. I ran into the house to ask my wife to help me. I told her to get into our second car. That was a really old, elephantine car. I wanted her to push my car with that one, fast enough to start it.
'The Ford has an automatic transmission, therefore it is needed to be pushed at least 30 mph to start,' I explained to my wife.
She said fine, hopped into the car and drove off.
I sat there in the Ford, wondering what she could be doing. One minute later I saw her in the rear-view mirror coming at me at about 35 mph. There I realized that I should have been a little bit clearer with my instructions.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

I was living in a sandy beach in Mexico, close to the border. My colleague and best friend, Timothy came to visit me and my family. He arrived in his timeworn, red sports car. It broke down after he turned into my street. We called a bunch of auto supply houses and garages, searching for replacement parts. But the car model was simply too old, too rare. My last hope was Juan.
'Hola Juan! Can you carry any parts for a 1964 Maserati?'
The answer was silence. Then Juan cleared his throat, and said, 'Yes, oil.'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

'When I saw you coming around the corner, I said to myself, at least fifty-five,' said the policeman.
The woman driver replied, 'Well, you are a long way off! Maybe my hat makes me look so old.'
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(So far it's 4.33 point, based on 3 ratings)

A fellow bought a new Porsche cabrio and was out on a pleasant evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair. He decided to drive faster.
A few minutes later, suddenly he saw a flashing red and blue light behind him.
'No way they can catch a Porsche,' he thought, so he sped up.
'What the heck am I doing? I only wanted a pleasant evening drive,' was his next thought, so he finally pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license and said, 'I have had a tough and long shift and this is my last pull over. I don't feel like doing paperwork, so if you can give me one good excuse for you driving so fast, you are free to go.'
The fellow replied, 'Last week my wife ran off with a cop, and I was afraid you were trying to give her back.'
'Okay, you are free to go.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

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