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Car Jokes

Four nuns had driven out to the countryside to visit the old devotees of the church. On their way back their car ran out of gas. They were standing beside their old car, not knowing what to do, when a truck approached. Seeing the four ladies the driver stopped to offer his help.
The nuns told him they needed some gas. The truck driver said he would happily drain some from his tank, but he need something, like a bucket or a can. One of the nuns took out a clean bedpan and asked the truck driver if he could use that. He said yes, and the gas soon was in the bedpan. He wished good luck to the four nuns and left.
The nuns were grateful, and carefully poured the precious fluid into their gas tank. At this point, the highway patrol came by and saw them.
He stopped his car and watched for a minute, but then he said, 'Sisters, I do not really think it will work if your car ran out of gas, but I do admire your faith!'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

Lulu and Barb were taking a vacation in Lulu's new green campervan. As usual, they had become lost and were circling around a weird town trying to find the highway. Lulu was just about going under a bridge when she slammed on the brakes.
'What the hell is that?' asked Barb.
'There is a sign, saying: "Low Bridge - No Vehicles Over Eleven Feet High" and my new green campervan is twelve feet!'
'Oh my God Lulu, just step on that gas pedal! There are no cops around!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

My friend, Sam, and his brother, John, were driving in the procession from the cemetery after a distant relative's funeral.
'We do not really know anybody here. Do you want to head home instead of going to their family house?' Sam asked.
His brother nodded, so Sam made a left turn. A quarter of a mile down the road he took a look in the mirror. The rest of the procession was still following them.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The first Sunday after my wife and I bought a brand new car, we parked it in the last row of the church lot. We did not want to be flashy.
Accidentally, while talking with friends after the service, my wife hit the panic button on her electronic key. Our car's horn blared and its lights flashed immediately.
Watching my embarrassed wife pushing the buttons of the electronic key, our friend teased, 'It would have been better just to put a few words in the church bulletin, don't you think?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A police officer stopped me next to the high school where I teach. As the officer asked for my license and registration, my students began to arrive to school and drove past. The most of them honked, but others even stopped to see me with a police officer.
The officer asked me if I was a teacher at the high school.
'Yes, I am a teacher at the high school,' I replied.
'In this case I am sure you have paid your debt to society,' he said with a smile, and said goodbye without any fine.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The National Transportation Safety Board funded a project whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in 4x4 pickup trucks to determine the circumstances of fatal accidents. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers were "Oh, Shit!". Only the state of Wisconsin was different. There circa 90% of the final words were "Hey, hold my beer and watch this!"
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The Pope had just finished his tour, he visited some the religious communities. A limousine came to take him back to the airport. Having never driven a limousine, the Pope asked the chauffeur if he could drive for a while. So, as the chauffeur didn't have much of a choice, he agreed to change places and sat on the backseat. The Pope took the wheel. He started accelerating to see what the limo could go. And then, suddenly out of nowhere, a police car appeared. He pulled over and the cop came to his window.
'Just a moment please, wait here, I need to call in,' said the cop and walked a few meters away.
'Chief, We have a really important person pulled over. Please give me instructions what to do.'
The chief asked, 'Who is it, not Jack again?'
The cop said, 'No, he is even more important.'
The chief asked, 'It is the prime minister, isn't it?'
The cop replied, 'No, even more important.'
'The President himself?'
'No, more important,' replied the cop.
'Tell me now, who the hell is it?!'
'I don't exactly know,' answered the cop, 'but the Pope is his chauffeur!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A drunk man is lurching in the street, and suddenly he is hit by a passing car.
The driver steps on the brakes with two legs, jumps out and looks back at the drunk man.
'You fool, look out!'
The drunk raises his hand and asks, 'Why? Are you gonna back up?'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

A radar of a police helicopter caught a speeding sports car. An officer pulled the car over and fined the driver.
'How did you know that I was speeding?' asked the frustrated driver.
The police officer pointed towards the sky with a serious face.
'You mean that even He is against me?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A car mechanic was working late under a car one day. Some brake fluid dripped into his mouth.
'Wow!' he exclaimed, 'That stuff tastes good!'
Next day, he told his friend about how good was the taste of the brake fluid, and that he was drinking a small cup of it after lunch. His friend was a little concerned but did not say anything. Next day the car mechanic decided to drink a pint. The day after that he drank a full bottle of the brake fluid. His friend was now really worried.
'You should know that the brake fluid is not healthy, it is a poison. It is really really bad for you. You had better stop drinking that!'
'Hey, don't worry, I simply like the taste of the brake fluid,' replied the car mechanic, 'and I can stop any time!'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

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