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Car Jokes

A woman was driving on the highway one afternoon. She was a safe and responsible driver. She frequently checked her speed to make sure she stayed within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror, she saw a police car not far behind with its flashing red and blue lights. She didn't understood it. She was not drunk, had her seat belt on, drove carefully. Anyway, she pulled over to stop and the police car stopped, too. She rolled down the window, and prepared herself to be fined. The policeman walked up to her window, and spoke to her. The woman pointed to her ear and shook her head. She was deaf.
The policeman knowing sign language, signed back, 'I know, I know. I see that you are a safe and responsible driver, but Iam here to tell you that your horn is stuck.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A radar of a police helicopter caught a speeding sports car. An officer pulled the car over and fined the driver.
'How did you know that I was speeding?' asked the frustrated driver.
The police officer pointed towards the sky with a serious face.
'You mean that even He is against me?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

At a nursing home in South Florida, a group of senior inmates were sitting around the table talking about their pains and aches.
'I can hardly lift this cup of tea, my arms are so weak,' said the first one.
'I know exactly what you mean. My eyes are so bad that I cannot even see my tea,' replied the second.
'My blood pressure pills make me dizzy,' another contributed
'Because of the arthritis in my neck I cannot turn my head,' complained the fourth.
'I guess that is the price we pay for getting old,' marked an old man.
Then there was a short moment of silence.
'Thank God we can all still drive,' said one woman cheerfully.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A rabbi was called to a nursing home in Florida to perform a wedding there. A distressed elderly man met him at the door. The rabbi sat down to counsel the elderly man and asked a lot of questions.
'Do you love her?' was the first question.
'I think so.'
'Is she a good Jewish woman?'
'I don't really know.'
'Does she have much money?'
'To be honest I doubt it.'
'Then why are you marrying her?' asked the rabbi finally.
'In this nursing home she is the only one who can drive at night.'
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(So far it's 4.33 point, based on 3 ratings)

Four nuns had driven out to the countryside to visit the old devotees of the church. On their way back their car ran out of gas. They were standing beside their old car, not knowing what to do, when a truck approached. Seeing the four ladies the driver stopped to offer his help.
The nuns told him they needed some gas. The truck driver said he would happily drain some from his tank, but he need something, like a bucket or a can. One of the nuns took out a clean bedpan and asked the truck driver if he could use that. He said yes, and the gas soon was in the bedpan. He wished good luck to the four nuns and left.
The nuns were grateful, and carefully poured the precious fluid into their gas tank. At this point, the highway patrol came by and saw them.
He stopped his car and watched for a minute, but then he said, 'Sisters, I do not really think it will work if your car ran out of gas, but I do admire your faith!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The other day I saw a woman trying to get out of a small parking space. She bumped the car in front, then bumped the car behind her.
After a few minutes I walked there and asked if I could help somehow. Parallel parking can be a headache for many of us. But she declined my offer saying, 'Why have bumpers if you are not using them once in a while?'
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'Doc, I need your help! Every night I dream that I am a car. Sometimes I am a Mustang, sometimes I am a Porsche, other times I am a minivan. What does this all mean?'
The doctor replied, 'Relax, it's fine, you are just having an auto-body experience.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A police officer stopped a car which was dangerously speeding, and going back and forth. 'What are you doing?' he asked the driver.
'I'm learning to drive,' replied the driver.
'What? Without an instructor?' exclaimed the officer.
'Yes, it's a correspondence course.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A lady walks into a Bugatti dealership. She looks around, and after a minute she spots the perfect car. She walks over to get a closer look. As she bends to feel the quality leather upholstery, a very loud fart escapes her. Her face turns to red, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed the little accident. She hopes that a salesperson doesn't pop up right now. But as she turns back, there is one, standing next to her.
'Good morning, Madame. How can I help you today?'
Very uncomfortably she says, 'Good morning, what is the price of this lovely car?'
The salesperson answers, 'Madame, if you farted just touching it, you are going to shit when I tell you the price.'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

The father and the mother gave their teenage daughter the permission to use the family car. On a Friday night she returned home very late from a party. The next morning her father walked out to get the newspaper from the driveway, as usual.
Around 12:00 AM the teenage girl sleepily stepped into the kitchen, and her father asked her, frowning, 'Sweety, when did you get home last night?'
'Not too late, Daddy,' she answered nervously.
'Then, my precious teenage daughter, I will have to talk with the paperboy. Obviously he put my paper under the front left tire of the family car.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

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