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Business Jokes

An Iraqi went to the bank to get his salary from a French company. The Saudi clerk of the bank asked him to sign on the back of the check.
'That is humiliation,' the Iraqi was outraged, 'why should I sign the check on the back, and the French sign on the front? I want my cash now!'
The Saudi refused to pay him, but the Iraqi kept shouting in the bank. Some minutes later the American manager came with a heavy-looking hammer and knocked the Iraqi on the head. After ten minutes the Iraqi woke up, signed the back of the check and got his money.
The Saudi clerk asked him, 'Why you didn't sign the check the first time?'
The Iraqi replied, 'You missed the point. You told it to me, but the American explained it.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

I am not telling you that the customer service in my bank is unprofessional, but when I went in yesterday and asked the clerk to check my balance, he leaned over and pushed me.
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The lumberjack's secret couldn't be kept anymore. He went to the church to confess that he had been stealing the wood and building supplies for years.
'How much did you steal?' his priest asked after hearing it.
'Enough to build my family house and enough for my daughter's house. And houses for our son and nephew, and our cottage at the lake.'
'This is serious', the priest said. 'I have to think of a long term penitence. Have you ever done a retreat?'
'No, I haven't,' the lumberjack replied. 'If you can bring the plans, however, I can get the lumber.'
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A new, modern-looking hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established master barber's place.
They put up a big colorful sign which read:
"We Give 8$ Haircuts!"
Not to be outdone, the old barber put up his own sign as well:
"We Fix 8$ Haircuts!"
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Appliance store: "Do not kill your husband. Let our washing machine do the dirty work"
Shopping mall tent: "Archery Tournament - Ear piercing"
Clothes shop: "Amazing discounts for men with 16 and 17 necks"
Men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits for $8. They won't last an hour!"
Country shop: "We buy the junk and sell the antiques"
Grocery store: "Why go somewhere else to be cheated when you can come here?"
Mortuary: "Ask about our layaway plans"
Church: "The last person please see that the perpetual light is extinguished"
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On the last Mayday parade in the Soviet Union, there was a big march. After the troops, tanks, the planes and the missiles rolled by, there came a couple of men dressed in black.
'Are they spies?' asked Ivan.
'No, they are economists,' replied the KGB director, 'imagine the chaos they will wreak when we set them loose in the U.S.'
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Guess what, nothing is ever achieved by a reasonable man!
Guess what, nothing is impossible for the manager who doesn't have to do it himself!
Guess what, we all are working in the Office Of Precision Guesswork!
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An elderly businessman on his deathbed called his best friend and asked, 'Luke, please promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated.'
'Oh my friend, as you wish. And what should I do with your ashes?'
The businessman said, 'Just put them in an envelope big enough. Write on the envelope "Now, you have everything", and mail it to the Internal Revenue Service.'
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Business these days is like:

After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.

Afternoon - the part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning.

All good things must come to an end, we just want to know when they start!
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1st Business fact: Logic is the systematic method of coming to the incorrect conclusions with confidence.
2nd Business fact: Everybody lies. Anyway, it doesn't matter, because nobody listens.
3rd Business fact: "n+1" trivial tasks take twice as long as "n" trivial tasks.
4th Business fact: The quality of correlation is inversely proportional to the density of control. In other words, the fewer the data points, the smoother the curves.
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