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Three stressed out entrepreneur are talking in the medical waiting room.
The first says, 'I have got real problems. I am only fifty years old, but every morning I get up at 6:00 and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They gave me all kinds of medicine but nothing helped.'
The second says, 'Man, I have bigger problems. I am fifty-five years old. Every morning I get up 6:00 and try to move my bowels. All day long I try. They gave me all kinds of stuff but nothing helped.'
The third stressed out entrepreneur says, 'I don't really think you know what a problem is! I am only sixty years old. Every morning at 6:00 I urinate and I move my bowels. But I only wake up at 7:00.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Funny sign in a Copenhagen airline ticket office: "We take your bags and send them in all directions."

Funny sign in a Swedish cocktail bar: "Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."

Funny sign in the window of a Norwegian furrier: "Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin."

Funny sign in an Italian laundry: "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time."

Funny sign in a Swiss mountain restaurant: "Today's specialty: no ice cream."
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Business these days is like:

After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.

Afternoon - the part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning.

All good things must come to an end, we just want to know when they start!
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By the time you can make ends meet, they have moved the ends.
By the time you find the right answers, no one is asking you the questions.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
By working conscientiously 8 hours a day, you may end up working 12 hours a day.
Capitalism is based on the belief that you can win.
Clearly given instructions will definitely produce multiple interpretations.
Yes, commit suicide. That many lemmings cannot be wrong.
Cocaine is nature's way of telling you that you have too much money.
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 4 ratings)

Appliance store: "Do not kill your husband. Let our washing machine do the dirty work"
Shopping mall tent: "Archery Tournament - Ear piercing"
Clothes shop: "Amazing discounts for men with 16 and 17 necks"
Men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits for $8. They won't last an hour!"
Country shop: "We buy the junk and sell the antiques"
Grocery store: "Why go somewhere else to be cheated when you can come here?"
Mortuary: "Ask about our layaway plans"
Church: "The last person please see that the perpetual light is extinguished"
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 3 ratings)

A short, old Indian woman went into Republic National Bank with a bag full of money. The bank president, who happened to be an Indian man, was in the customer area at that time.
'Where did you get that big bag of money?' he asked her.
'Well, I make bets,' she replied.
'What kind of bets?' he asked suspiciously.
'For example, I will bet you $30,000 you are not brown all over. I bet that under your trousers you are white.'
'Well, I will take that bet, old lady. I am brown all over, even under my trousers.'
'Okay, however, tomorrow when we close this bet, I want my attorney with me. He is Indian, too.'
'That's fine,' replied the president.
The next day when the short, old Indian lady returned with her attorney, the president was ready for winning.
'I want to see if you are brown all over,' said the Indian woman.
The president thought for a moment, but decided to drop his trousers to show that he was brown all over. He looked over at the Indian attorney who was banging his head against the door.
The short, old Indian woman smiled, 'I bet him $185,000 that the President of the Republic National Bank would drop his trousers for me.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The producer was very proud of their new model, the built-in bathroom scale. At a trade fair, they presented it to the audience.
'These unique features are outstanding. It is a built-in bathroom scale, no more storing problems, more precise than any other scales, it can measure your height as well, it reads out loud the measurement results via human-voice simulator, and that's not all...'
'Impressive, indeed,' interrupted a not-too-skinny sales representative, 'but before ordering, I would like to try it.'
The producer was happy to test the built-in bathroom scale.
No sooner had the sales representative taken her place on the scale, a loud, human-like voice exclaimed, 'One at a time, one at a time!'
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A young guy was in need of some extra money, to get his car repaired. Unfortunately he had run out of friends to borrow from. So, he called his parents via the phone operator, to cut the cost of the call too, and said to his mother, 'Hey, Mum, I need some extra money, $185.'
At the other end, his mother said, 'Sorry honey, I can't hear you! It must be the line.'
The guy shouted, '$185, I need it, please, lend me some money!'
'Sorry my dear, I still can't hear you clearly,' said his mother.
Now the the operator interrupted, 'Sorry to interrupt, but here I can hear him clearly.'
The mother replied, 'Oh, that's good darling. Then you can send him the money!'
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Mr. Rolls was handed a huge sheet of paper after having purchased an award winning horse.
'What's this?' he asked.
'The pedigree of the award winning horse, which you have just bought,' was the answer.
'Nah, take it back, take it back, when you sell the next horse it will be handy.'
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In the Garden of Eden, Adam called out to God, 'My Lord, I have a problem, please help me.'
'What's the problem, Adam?' God replied.
'My Lord, I know you created me and took care of me in this beautiful garden, but I'm just not happy.'
'Why is that?' God asked.
'My Lord, I am lonely.'
'Well, in that case the "woman" is the solution, I shall create a perfect one for you.'
'What's a "woman", my Lord?'
'The woman is the most beautiful, sensitive, intelligent and caring creature. She will be so smart that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know how to make you happy. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you,' replied God, and added, 'but to get something, you have to give something. This is going to cost you, Adam. This is business, you know.'
'Are you sure that the "woman" is the solution? How much will this "woman" cost me, my Lord?'
'She'll cost you an arm, a leg, an ear, and an eye.'
Adam was silent for a while, with a look of deep thought and concern on his face.
Finally Adam asked God, 'Okay, but what can I get for a rib?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

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