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Business Jokes

Guess what, nothing is ever achieved by a reasonable man!
Guess what, nothing is impossible for the manager who doesn't have to do it himself!
Guess what, we all are working in the Office Of Precision Guesswork!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

The boss called one of his employees into his office.
'Mike, you've been with the company for a year. You started in the post room, two weeks later you were promoted to a marketing position, and two short months after that you were promoted to area manager of the marketing department. Just five months later, you were promoted to vice-chairman. Now the time has come to me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to that?'
'Oh, thanks!' replied the employee.
'Thanks? Is that all you can say?' asked the boss.
'I guess not, so, thank you Dad.'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

1. You can talk about money without making any.
2. Economists are dangerous and armed: "Watch out for our invisible hands!"
3. When you are in the unemployment line, at least you will know why you are there.
4. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Mick Jagger both studied economics and look how they turned out.
5. If you rearrange the letters in the word "ECONOMICS", you get "COMIC NOSE".
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

The copy machine is out of order every now and then in most offices. Instead of answering the same questions of the employees, a notice like this would do:

Yes, the photocopier is out of order,
Yes, we have called the service man,
Yes, he will be here today,
No, we don't know how long it will take,
No, we cannot fix the machine,
No, we don't know who broke it,
No, we don't know what is the root cause,
Yes, we are keeping it,
No, we don't know what you are going to do now.
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 4 ratings)

By the time you can make ends meet, they have moved the ends.
By the time you find the right answers, no one is asking you the questions.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
By working conscientiously 8 hours a day, you may end up working 12 hours a day.
Capitalism is based on the belief that you can win.
Clearly given instructions will definitely produce multiple interpretations.
Yes, commit suicide. That many lemmings cannot be wrong.
Cocaine is nature's way of telling you that you have too much money.
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 4 ratings)

A new, modern-looking hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established master barber's place.
They put up a big colorful sign which read:
"We Give 8$ Haircuts!"
Not to be outdone, the old barber put up his own sign as well:
"We Fix 8$ Haircuts!"
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Mr. Rolls was handed a huge sheet of paper after having purchased an award winning horse.
'What's this?' he asked.
'The pedigree of the award winning horse, which you have just bought,' was the answer.
'Nah, take it back, take it back, when you sell the next horse it will be handy.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

1st Business fact: Logic is the systematic method of coming to the incorrect conclusions with confidence.
2nd Business fact: Everybody lies. Anyway, it doesn't matter, because nobody listens.
3rd Business fact: "n+1" trivial tasks take twice as long as "n" trivial tasks.
4th Business fact: The quality of correlation is inversely proportional to the density of control. In other words, the fewer the data points, the smoother the curves.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

A real estate salesman made his first deal, and was very proud of himself. But he discovered that piece of land he sold was under water, completely.
He ran to his boss, 'That client will come here and be totally mad! Should I pay back his money?
'Pay back his money?' roared the boss. 'What kind of a businessman are you? A salesman's work never ends. Get out and sell him a house boat!'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

The manager board's team building was held in the Pyrenees, climbing and hiking on the weekend. After long hours they got hopelessly lost. One of them studied the map again for some minutes, turned it up and down, looked around, consulted with his compass, and finally the sun.
He took a long breath and said, 'Okay, can you see that big peek over there?'
'Yes, we can!' answered the others with hope.
'Well, we are standing on that now.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

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