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Business Jokes

'I am really sorry to tell you, but you only have half a year to live,' said the doctor to the woman, 'I suggest marrying an economist and move to Nebraska.'
'Doctor, will this cure my illness?'
'No, it won't, but you will feel that this half year is pretty long.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

If you think big enough, you'll never have to do it.
Anything that begins fine will end badly. The converse of this law is not true.
In every hierarchy, each person tends to rise to the level of his or her incompetence.
Whoever has any authority over you, will attempt to use it.
Do not let any mechanical object realize that you are in a hurry. On your way, all the tools will strike your toes and knees.
Technology is dominated by two types of people. Those who manage what they do not understand, and those who understand what they do not manage.
Adding manpower to an innovative technology project only makes a delay.
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The manager board's team building was held in the Pyrenees, climbing and hiking on the weekend. After long hours they got hopelessly lost. One of them studied the map again for some minutes, turned it up and down, looked around, consulted with his compass, and finally the sun.
He took a long breath and said, 'Okay, can you see that big peek over there?'
'Yes, we can!' answered the others with hope.
'Well, we are standing on that now.'
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Funny Business Signs:

In the offices of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning your home."

In a Boston medical building: "Mental Health Prevention Center"

On a Chicago convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."

At a number of military bases: "Restricted to unauthorized personnel."

On a display of "I love you only" Valentine's Day cards: "Now available in multi-packs."
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Q: Can you tell how many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: About 16. One can change the bulb, but the rest will make a detailed documentary about it.
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A real estate salesman made his first deal, and was very proud of himself. But he discovered that piece of land he sold was under water, completely.
He ran to his boss, 'That client will come here and be totally mad! Should I pay back his money?
'Pay back his money?' roared the boss. 'What kind of a businessman are you? A salesman's work never ends. Get out and sell him a house boat!'
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People will believe everything if you whisper it.
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The boss called one of his employees into his office.
'Mike, you've been with the company for a year. You started in the post room, two weeks later you were promoted to a marketing position, and two short months after that you were promoted to area manager of the marketing department. Just five months later, you were promoted to vice-chairman. Now the time has come to me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to that?'
'Oh, thanks!' replied the employee.
'Thanks? Is that all you can say?' asked the boss.
'I guess not, so, thank you Dad.'
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Q: What's the difference between socially responsible bankers and chupacabra?
A: Chupacabra has been sighted.

Q: Why bankers drive a BMW?
A: Because they can't spell Porsche.
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When a new competitor appeared and opened up next door, the manager of the general store was rather scared. That new store was much like his own. Moreover, this competitor made a huge sign which read: "LOWEST PRICES".
He was terrified when two days later another general store opened up on his right. And this competitor made an even larger sign which read: "BEST DEALS".
The store owner panicked. Then he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop which read: "MAIN ENTERANCE".
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