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Business Jokes

Guess what, nothing is ever achieved by a reasonable man!
Guess what, nothing is impossible for the manager who doesn't have to do it himself!
Guess what, we all are working in the Office Of Precision Guesswork!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

On the last Mayday parade in the Soviet Union, there was a big march. After the troops, tanks, the planes and the missiles rolled by, there came a couple of men dressed in black.
'Are they spies?' asked Ivan.
'No, they are economists,' replied the KGB director, 'imagine the chaos they will wreak when we set them loose in the U.S.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Signs of being in huge trouble:

1. They pay your wages out of petty cash.
2. You see your stockbroker hitchhiking out of the city.
3. Your accountant's letter of resignation is postmarked Panama.
4. Your suggestion box starts ticking.
5. Your secretary tells you the NYPD is on line 1, the FBI is on line 2, and CBS is on line 3.
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CV template to not get the job:

"I'm really keen to work for you, I heard the drugs were good."
"I regret that I have no references. Unfortunately, all the companies I have worked for has since closed down."
"I'll kill myself if I don't get the job."
"I know where you live."
"I'm really tall, so I think I'd be well suited to this job."
"By the way, I understand that you have unmarried daughters."
"I'm confident that I'll get this job. The voices told me."
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A real estate salesman made his first deal, and was very proud of himself. But he discovered that piece of land he sold was under water, completely.
He ran to his boss, 'That client will come here and be totally mad! Should I pay back his money?
'Pay back his money?' roared the boss. 'What kind of a businessman are you? A salesman's work never ends. Get out and sell him a house boat!'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: Can you tell how many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: About 16. One can change the bulb, but the rest will make a detailed documentary about it.
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'I am really sorry to tell you, but you only have half a year to live,' said the doctor to the woman, 'I suggest marrying an economist and move to Nebraska.'
'Doctor, will this cure my illness?'
'No, it won't, but you will feel that this half year is pretty long.'
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Mr. Rolls was handed a huge sheet of paper after having purchased an award winning horse.
'What's this?' he asked.
'The pedigree of the award winning horse, which you have just bought,' was the answer.
'Nah, take it back, take it back, when you sell the next horse it will be handy.'
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If you think big enough, you'll never have to do it.
Anything that begins fine will end badly. The converse of this law is not true.
In every hierarchy, each person tends to rise to the level of his or her incompetence.
Whoever has any authority over you, will attempt to use it.
Do not let any mechanical object realize that you are in a hurry. On your way, all the tools will strike your toes and knees.
Technology is dominated by two types of people. Those who manage what they do not understand, and those who understand what they do not manage.
Adding manpower to an innovative technology project only makes a delay.
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1. You can talk about money without making any.
2. Economists are dangerous and armed: "Watch out for our invisible hands!"
3. When you are in the unemployment line, at least you will know why you are there.
4. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Mick Jagger both studied economics and look how they turned out.
5. If you rearrange the letters in the word "ECONOMICS", you get "COMIC NOSE".
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

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