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Business Jokes

A salesman asked his manager how to handle people who complained about the current high prices compared to the low ones in the good old days.
He answered, 'Just act surprised. Tell them you didn't suppose that they were old enough to recall them!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The boss called one of his employees into his office.
'Mike, you've been with the company for a year. You started in the post room, two weeks later you were promoted to a marketing position, and two short months after that you were promoted to area manager of the marketing department. Just five months later, you were promoted to vice-chairman. Now the time has come to me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to that?'
'Oh, thanks!' replied the employee.
'Thanks? Is that all you can say?' asked the boss.
'I guess not, so, thank you Dad.'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

On the last Mayday parade in the Soviet Union, there was a big march. After the troops, tanks, the planes and the missiles rolled by, there came a couple of men dressed in black.
'Are they spies?' asked Ivan.
'No, they are economists,' replied the KGB director, 'imagine the chaos they will wreak when we set them loose in the U.S.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A man, who is walking along a countryside road, meets a shepherd with his huge flock of sheep. "I will bet you 300 dollars against one of your sheep that I can exactly tell how many sheep you have in this flock."
The shepherd takes the bet, after all this is a big flock of sheep.
The man looks around carefully and says, "568."
The shepherd is quite in a shock, because that is the correct number. He says, "O.k., I'm a man of my word, take one." The man picks an animal up and begins to walk.
"Wait, let me have a chance to get even, double or nothing. I bet I can guess your exact occupation." The man agrees.
"You are an accountant for the government," says the shepherd.
"Wow!" replies the surprised man. "That is true! How do you know that?"
"Please, put down the dog and I will tell you."
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The copy machine is out of order every now and then in most offices. Instead of answering the same questions of the employees, a notice like this would do:

Yes, the photocopier is out of order,
Yes, we have called the service man,
Yes, he will be here today,
No, we don't know how long it will take,
No, we cannot fix the machine,
No, we don't know who broke it,
No, we don't know what is the root cause,
Yes, we are keeping it,
No, we don't know what you are going to do now.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Two advertising colleagues are having dinner and talking. The young newcomer asks the older expert, 'Where has our colleague, Gina Wayne been hanging out? I haven't seen her for a while.'
The older expert replies, 'Haven't you heard? She went to the great agency in the sky.'
'Oh my God! You're kidding me, right? What did she have?' asked the young one surprised.
'No need to worry about it, nothing much, only a smaller soap account and a few discount stores, but nothing much worth going after.'
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(So far it's 3 point, based on 2 ratings)

An American businessman had a visitor from the Netherlands. They were chatting at the dinner table.
'Our flag symbolizes our taxes,' the Dutch explained jokingly, 'We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them.'
'That's the same with us,' replied the American, 'only we see stars, too.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

An electronics store ordered a small part to one of its products. It was the number 669. The factory sent part number 699 instead. The store manager was furious at the factory's incompetence. He sent back the small part along with a letter, giving them his opinion about their unprofessional processes, and incompetence. Two days later, he received the same part back. A letter was included, saying: "Turn the part over"
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

The manager board's team building was held in the Pyrenees, climbing and hiking on the weekend. After long hours they got hopelessly lost. One of them studied the map again for some minutes, turned it up and down, looked around, consulted with his compass, and finally the sun.
He took a long breath and said, 'Okay, can you see that big peek over there?'
'Yes, we can!' answered the others with hope.
'Well, we are standing on that now.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Q: What's the difference between socially responsible bankers and chupacabra?
A: Chupacabra has been sighted.

Q: Why bankers drive a BMW?
A: Because they can't spell Porsche.
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

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