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Blonde Jokes

An undeniably fat blonde asked her nutritionist's advice to loose weight. He gave her a a menu for a month and advised that she run eight miles a day. The nutritionist promised this would help her to loose weight, at least fifteen pounds.
The blonde followed the advice. After a month, she was pleased to see that she had lost the fifteen pounds. She phoned happily the nutritionist to thank him for the amazing results. At the end of the call, however, she had one last question, 'How do I get home, since I am now 240 miles away?'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

Two bloggers were traveling through Peru. As they approached Huancayo, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the city's name. Around noon they stopped there for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one of them asked the blonde employee, 'Could you settle an argument for us, please? Would you pronounce where we are now, but very slowly?'
The blonde leaned over and said, 'Buurrrguurrr Kiiiinng.'
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(So far it's 4.33 point, based on 3 ratings)

Three blondes died together in a car accident on Easter Monday. As they were at the gates of heaven, St. Peter told them that they can enter if they can answer one, very simple question.
'What is Easter?' he asked the first blonde.
'I know, I know, Easter is the holiday in December when we decorate the tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus.'
'Wrong!' replied St. Peter harshly and asked the same question from the second blonde, 'What is Easter?'
'Oh, this is easy! It's a holiday, it is in November. Everyone gets together, eats a lot of turkey, and are thankful...'
'Wrong!' roared St. Peter.
He looked at the second blonde and shook his head in disgust.
'What is Easter?' he asked the third blonde.
The third blonde smiled confidently.
'I know what Easter is. Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus was betrayed and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified. He was stabbed in the side, had to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross. He was buried in a cave which was sealed off by a large rock.'
St. Peter smiled broadly with delight and acknowledgement.
The third blonde continued, 'Every year the rock is moved aside so that Jesus can come out. If he sees his shadow, there will be two more months of winter.'
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(So far it's 4.33 point, based on 3 ratings)

The redhead, the brunette and the blonde are standing on the top of a burning building. After arriving, the firemen stretch the trampoline out and tell the girls to jump. The redhead jumps. The firemen move back and she dies.
Then they move back and tell the brunette to jump.
She says, 'No way, I saw what have you done!'
The firemen reply, 'We don't like redheads, but we will stay this time.'
So she believes them and jumps. They move again, then return to where they were. Now they tell the blonde to jump.
She replies, 'No way! I saw what have you done! Twice!'
The firemen reply, 'We don't like brunettes neither, but we like blondes!'
She then says, 'Well, this will happen: you put the trampoline on the ground and back up!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

One Sunday morning a pastor told his congregation that the church faced some extra maintenance costs before Thanksgiving. He asked the people to consider giving a little extra money in the offering plates that day. He added that whoever gave the most would be able to choose four hymns.
After the offering plates were passed, the pastor looked down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill there. He was so excited that he immediately shared his boundless joy with his congregation. He had never had that much extra money in the offering plates.
He said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate. A shy, blonde woman, Kate, raised her hand.
The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she walked there.
'It's wonderful that you donate this much for the church, so the works can be done before Thanksgiving,' the pastor said, 'Kate, choose four hymns.'
Kate's eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, she pointed to the three most handsome man in the church and said, 'I will take him and him and him!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Do you want to hear two blonde jokes? Then listen to Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears.
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: Why does the blonde want breast implants?
A: So she doesn't have to pay the flat tax.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A blonde walked into our insurance office. She wanted to to purchase coverage for her new motorcycle. There was one question, which confused her.
'Do you have a lien holder on the motorcycle?'
'I have got a kickstand,' she said, 'That is the same thing, right?'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

Once upon a time, a blonde became sick of hearing blonde jokes. In her anger she dyed her hair red, got her car keys and went for a long drive. In the countryside, she stopped to let a herd of lamb pass.
'If I can guess how many lambs you have, can I take one cute lamb with me?' she asked the shepherd. She always wanted a cute lamb.
'Of course,' he replied.
After a few minutes of thinking the blonde estimated, 'You have 268.'
This was the correct number. The shepherd was amazed.
'That is right! OK, I let you to take one lamb with you.'
The blonde finally picked one lamb which far cuter and much more playful than the others. When she was about to go on, the shepherd turned to her and asked, 'If I can tell your true hair color, can I have my dog back?'
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(So far it's 4.33 point, based on 3 ratings)

Q: Why does the blonde hate making Kool-Aid?
A: Because she can't pour eight glass of water in that little packet.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

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