Blonde Jokes

Mary Anne the blonde needed some extra money. She decided to go to the richer neighborhoods around town and look for jobs as a handywoman. She knocked on the door of a nice big house. A man answered the door and told Mary Anne, 'I have a job for you. My porch need to be painted.'
'That sounds great, I can paint the whole porch.' replied Mary Anne.
'Okay, how much will it cost?' asked the man.
'Is forty dollars OK for you?' Mary Anne asked.
'Sure, it's a deal. The paint and the ladder are in the garage, you can take them.'
The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening.
'Forty dollars! Does she know how big our porch is?' asked the wife.
'Well she was standing right on it!' her husband said.
About 20 minutes later, Mary Anne knocked on the door. 'It is done,' she told.
'Could you paint the whole porch?' asked the surprised man.
'Yes,' Mary Anne replied, 'I even had some paint left, so I put on two layers! And by the way,' said Mary Anne, 'that is not a Porch, that is a Lamborghini.'

A puzzled blonde walked into a bar.
She sat down and started chanting, '42 days! 42 days!'
The bartender asked what she was doing, but she didn't answer, just kept chanting, '42 days! 42 days!'
Soon more puzzled blondes came to the bar, all chanting, '42 days! 42 days!'
The bartender again asked what they were doing.
One of them held up a kid's puzzle and said, 'The puzzle box says 2-5 years, but we put it together in 42 days!'

"I am a blonde, hurray! I am a blonde, hurray! It's B! L! O! ... ? ... I am a blonde, hurray!"

Q: How does a blonde want to kill a fish?
A: She tries to drown it.

Once upon a time there was a prince who was cast under a spell by an old ugly witch. The curse was that the prince could speak only one word each year. However, he had the possibility of saving the words. So the following year he was allowed to speak two words.
One day he met a beautiful princess. She had amazingly ruby lips, long, golden hair, blue eyes like sapphire. He fell in love at first sight. He was determined. He will only speak two years after, and will tell her: "My love". Two years passed by, and he wished to say that he wants her to marry him.
Finally the seventh year of silence ended. Those years were beautiful, his joy knew no limits. He led the beautiful princess to the most romantic part of the green royal garden. They were surrounded by a hundred red roses.
He knelt before her, and taking her hand in his, said, 'My dear love, will you marry me?'
The princess tucked a strand of her shiny golden hair behind an ear, opened her blue eyes, and opening her amazingly ruby lips she asked in wonder, 'Pardon?'

Q: Why does the blonde hate making Kool-Aid?
A: Because she can't pour eight glass of water in that little packet.

A blonde died. At the gates of Heaven St. Peter said, 'Before you can go through to Heaven, you have to pass a test.'
'Oh, no...' the blonde said.
'Do not worry, it will be an easy one. Who was God's son?' asked St. Peter.
After a few minutes of thinking, the blonde exclaimed, 'It's Andy!'
'That is interesting, why are you saying that?'
The blonde started to sing "Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me..."

Q: Why does the blonde want breast implants?
A: So she doesn't have to pay the flat tax.

Q: Why did the blonde buy a dark brown cow?
A: She wanted chocolate milk.

Q: What goes, then suddenly stops, then goes then stops then goes again?
A: A blonde at a blinking red traffic light.

Q: Why did the blonde purchase an AM radio?
A: She wanted to listen to the radio in the mornings.

Q: What about the blonde who gave birth to twins?
A: She is alone at home. Her husband is out. He is looking for the other man.

Q: Have you heard about the dead blonde in the wardrobe?
A: Yes, she was last year's hide and seek winner.

Q: Why do blondes flap their hands towards their ear rapidly?
A: They are refueling.

Three blondes died together in a car accident on Easter Monday. As they were at the gates of heaven, St. Peter told them that they can enter if they can answer one, very simple question.
'What is Easter?' he asked the first blonde.
'I know, I know, Easter is the holiday in December when we decorate the tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus.'
'Wrong!' replied St. Peter harshly and asked the same question from the second blonde, 'What is Easter?'
'Oh, this is easy! It's a holiday, it is in November. Everyone gets together, eats a lot of turkey, and are thankful...'
'Wrong!' roared St. Peter.
He looked at the second blonde and shook his head in disgust.
'What is Easter?' he asked the third blonde.
The third blonde smiled confidently.
'I know what Easter is. Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus was betrayed and turned over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified. He was stabbed in the side, had to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross. He was buried in a cave which was sealed off by a large rock.'
St. Peter smiled broadly with delight and acknowledgement.
The third blonde continued, 'Every year the rock is moved aside so that Jesus can come out. If he sees his shadow, there will be two more months of winter.'