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Best Jokes (Joke Toplist)

Very Fast Country (Joke Toplist No. 11)
Q: Why is Russia a very fast country?
A: Because there the people are always Russian.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Brilliant Bach (Joke Toplist No. 12)
A married couple was trying to live a snobbish lifestyle. They went to a party, where they joined a conversation. The topic turned to Bach.
'Absolutely genius, magnificent, gorgeous!' they said.
The woman wanted to add something, so remarked casually, 'Oh, the brilliant Bach! You are so right. Only this morning I saw him getting on the No. 11 bus going to Coney Island.'
There was a sudden hush, everyone looked at her. Her husband went pale.
'We're leaving right now. Get your bag and let's get out of here,' he said as he pulled her out.
On their way home, he kept muttering to himself.
Eventually his wife turned to him, 'Why are you so angry?'
'Oh, honey, I've never been so embarrassed in my whole life! You saw the brilliant Bach take the No. 11 bus to Coney Island? Really? Don't you know the No. 11 bus does not go out to Coney Island?
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Stoned Drunk (Joke Toplist No. 13)
Q: How does a person get stoned drunk?
A: Drink wet cement.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

I Started Out with Nothing (Joke Toplist No. 14)
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
When sign makers go on strike, what kind of picket signs they have?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter. Nobody listens.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Sign the Check (Joke Toplist No. 15)
An Iraqi went to the bank to get his salary from a French company. The Saudi clerk of the bank asked him to sign on the back of the check.
'That is humiliation,' the Iraqi was outraged, 'why should I sign the check on the back, and the French sign on the front? I want my cash now!'
The Saudi refused to pay him, but the Iraqi kept shouting in the bank. Some minutes later the American manager came with a heavy-looking hammer and knocked the Iraqi on the head. After ten minutes the Iraqi woke up, signed the back of the check and got his money.
The Saudi clerk asked him, 'Why you didn't sign the check the first time?'
The Iraqi replied, 'You missed the point. You told it to me, but the American explained it.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Sturdy Black Stallion (Joke Toplist No. 16)
A retiring farmer wanted to sell his land. He had to get rid of his farm animals. So he visited everyone in the village. He gave a horse to those families where the man was the boss, and he gave a chicken to the families where the woman was the boss. In the middle of one street he found a couple outside, gardening.
'Hey! Who is the boss around here?' he asked.
'I am the boss,' said the man.
'I have a beautiful white mare horse and a sturdy black stallion to give away,' said the farmer. 'Which one would you like?'
The man was fascinated by the sturdy black stallion, he pointed and said, 'I would like that one.'
'No, no, Jimmy, get the white one,' the wife horned in.
'Here is your chicken,' said the farmer.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Doctor on the Phone (Joke Toplist No. 17)
Two hunters were out in the woods. One of them fell to the ground suddenly. His eyes were rolled up and he didn't seem to be breathing. The other hunter took out out his cell phone to call for help, he had the number of a doctor on the phone.
'My friend is dead! What can I do now?' he said in his fear.
The doctor on the phone tried to help, so he replied in a calm voice, 'Okay, just take it easy. First, let's make sure he's dead.'
There was silence on the phone, then a shot was heard then the hunter's voice came back on the line, 'Okay, now what?'
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Sleep in the Barn (Joke Toplist No. 18)
Sam decided to go skiing with his best friend, Dean. They loaded up Sam's jeep with their skiing equipment and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a horrible blizzard. Slowly they arrived to a farmhouse and asked the lady of the house if they could spend the night there.
'I am recently widowed and I'm afraid my neighbors will gossip if I let you stay in my house,' she told them.
'Don't worry, we will be more than happy if you let us sleep in the barn,' Sam said.
Nine months passed by and Sam got a letter from the widow's lawyer. He read it, and called up his best friend Dean.
'Hey buddy, do you remember that lady at the farm we stayed at? When we had to sleep in the barn.'
'Yes, I remember her.'
'Did you get up in the middle of the night to go and have sex with her?'
'Yes, I have to confess it.'
'Did you told her my name instead of yours?'
Dean's face turned red and he said shamefully, 'Yes, I'm afraid I did.'
'Well, thanks a lot buddy! She died and left me everything!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Playing Golf on the Weekend (Joke Toplist No. 19)
Josh came to work on Monday and his colleagues asked him how his weekend was.
'I was playing golf on the weekend,' he answered.
'How was it? Did it go well?' they asked.
'I hit two of my best balls,' he replied.
'Tell us about it!'
'I stepped on a rake.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Faithful Husband (Joke Toplist No. 20)
Two best friends went to heaven.
At the pearly gates a saint stopped them and asked, 'Were you faithful husbands on Earth?'
The first replied, 'Yes, I've never betrayed my wife, I barely even looked at other women.'
The saint replied, 'Very good, very good. You can drive this brand new sports car! Here, take the keys!'
Then the saint turned to the second man and asked, 'Were you a faithful husband, too?'
'Well, to be honest, I did cheat on my wife many times. I never came clean... and my wife hated me.'
'Well, that's not very good, however, you were a good man besides that. You can drive around this old, used Dodge.'
A few days later, the two best friends met, but the first had tears in his eyes and seemed heart-broken.
'Hey, my friend, why are you crying?'
'I saw my wife today.'
'But that's great! Did you say hello?'
'No, that's my problem,' he said bitterly, 'I couldn't follow her onto the bicycle path with my sports car.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

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