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Best Jokes (Joke Toplist)

Personal Insults (Joke Toplist No. 1)
When the husband came home, his wife was crying on the coach.
'Your mother still makes personal insults,' she sobbed.
'My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation in India?' the husband asked.
'I know, I know. But this morning a letter arrived addressed to you. I opened it because I was so curious.'
'And? What was the personal insult in that?'
'At the end of the letter it was written: "PS. Dear Sonja, when you have finished reading this letter, do not forget to give it to my son."
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

One Line at a Time (Joke Toplist No. 2)
By the time you can make ends meet, they have moved the ends.
By the time you find the right answers, no one is asking you the questions.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
By working conscientiously 8 hours a day, you may end up working 12 hours a day.
Capitalism is based on the belief that you can win.
Clearly given instructions will definitely produce multiple interpretations.
Yes, commit suicide. That many lemmings cannot be wrong.
Cocaine is nature's way of telling you that you have too much money.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Little White Goat (Joke Toplist No. 3)
A farmer and his beloved, new wife were visited by her mother. Her first thing to do was a throughout inspection of the goat farm, where they would start their new life. The farmer had tried to be friendly and welcoming, hoping that they can build up a harmonious relationship. But the mother-in-law kept nagging them at every opportunity, offering unwanted advice, demanding changes and generally making life unbearable to the couple. While they were walking through one pen, the farmer's little white goat suddenly kicked up in the air, and got the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly. They were in shock in spite of the mother-in-law's behavior.
At the funeral the farmer stood next to the coffin and greeted the people. Whenever a man would whisper something to the farmer, he shook his head and mumbled something. Whenever a woman whispered something to the farmer, he nodded and mumbled something. The pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.
The farmer replied, 'The women said: "What a terrible tragedy!" and I nodded my head and said: "Yes, it is". The men asked: "Can I borrow that little white goat?" and I shook my head and said: "Sorry, I can't do that, my little white goat is already booked for a year".
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Honest Cover Letter (Joke Toplist No. 4)
Honest cover letter can be your thing. It is not so bad being honest, after all. Don't be afraid to include these into your motivation letter:

1. It is the best for employers that I do not work with people.
2. Let's meet in person, so you can say "Oooh" and "Aaah" over my experience.
3. Am a perfectionist and rarely if ever forget details ever.
4. Marital status: Single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No Commitments!
5. I procrastinate. Especially when the job is unpleasant.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Super Rich Investor (Joke Toplist No. 5)
A super rich investor walked into his bank and said to the director, 'I would like to speak with Mr. Tobias McClunsky, who I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours.'
The director answered, 'Yes he absolutely was trusted. And he will be tried as soon as we catch him.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Dogs and Their Owners (Joke Toplist No. 6)
Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. Dogs and their owners are similar, after all.
The first was an engineer. He said his dog, T-Square, could draw technical plans. To show this, he told the dog to get some paper and draw a triangle, a circle and a square. The dog did that perfectly.
The accountant said his dog was even better. His dog, Side Rule, fetched a dozen cookies, brought them back, and divided them into piles of three. The dog did with no problem.
The chemist said that was quite good, but he felt his dog, Measure, was even better. Dogs and their owners are similar, after all. Measure went to get a quart of milk and poured seven ounces into a ten ounce glass. The dog performed flawlessly.
They all turned to the union member. His dog, Coffee Break, showed what he could do. He went over and ate all the cookies, drank all the milk and pooped on the paper. Then he claimed he injured his back while eating, filed a grievance for dangerous working conditions, applied for hazard allowance and finally left for home on sick leave.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Don't Drive in Texas (Joke Toplist No. 7)
The U. S. Government decided to collect data on what people say right before they get into a car accident.
89% of the people in 49 states said: "Oh, shit!"
In Texas 94% said: "Hold my beer. Watch this."
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Sculptures on Display (Joke Toplist No. 8)
An artist asked the exhibition room's owner if there had been any interest in his sculptures on display at that time.
'Sean, I have good news and bad news,' the owner started. 'The good news is that a lady inquired about your work and wondered if your sculptures on display would have higher value after your death. When I told her they would, she bought all 20 of your sculptures.'
'That is just amazing!' the artist exclaimed. 'Then what's the bad news?'
'Well, this lady I was talking about was your doctor.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Enthusiastic, Young Preacher (Joke Toplist No. 9)
A very enthusiastic, young preacher was walking on the countryside on a sunny day. He met a farmer, who was working on his field. Being concerned about the farmer's soul, he asked, 'Are you laboring in the vineyard of the Lord my good friend?'
The farmer replied without looking at the preacher, 'No, these are potatoes.'
The preacher said, 'My friend, you don't understand my question. Are you Christian?'
With even less interest the farmer replied, 'No, my name is Tuck. I guess you are looking for George Christian. He lives a mile north of here.'
The enthusiastic, young preacher tried to soften the farmer and win his interest, 'Are you lost?'
'No, I've lived here all my life,' he replied.
'My friend, are you prepared for the resurrection?' the stonewalled preacher asked.
This caught the farmer's attention, he looked up and asked, 'When will it be?'
The preacher thought he had accomplished something eventually.
'It could be today, tomorrow, or the next day,' he said joyfully.
The farmer said, 'Well, do not mention this to my wife. She doesn't get out much and she will want to go all three days.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Survey on Sex (Joke Toplist No. 10)
Time magazine sent a survey on sex for women in the USA. The subject was Clinton's sex scandal. One of the questions was this: "Would you ever have an affair with Bill Clinton?"
The results were astonishing:
6% - No
4% - Yes
90% - Never Again
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Next 10 Jokes of the Toplist   >

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TOP 10 Jokes
1)Personal Insults
2)One Line at a Time
3)Little White Goat
4)Honest Cover Letter
5)Super Rich Investor
6)Dogs and Their Owners
7)Don't Drive in Texas
8)Sculptures on Display
9)Enthusiastic, Young Preacher
10)Survey on Sex
Best Jokes
(Joke Toplist)
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