Bar Jokes, Bar Joke
⭐ Add JokestJokes.com to your Favorites! (Press CTRL+D)
📧 Get the best jokes every week by e-mail! It's free! (Click!)
🎁Are you a webmaster? Make your visitors happy with a free
Joke of the Day Box! (Click!)
Joke, Jokes, Fun
Joke Newsletter
You will get the best jokes of every week by e-mail!
It will be great, you need this!
E-mail:
  I have read and accept the Privacy Policy.
Joke Categories
ALL JokesAnimalBarBlondeBusinessCarChildrenComputerCriminalDoctorFarmerFoodKnock KnockLawyerMarriageMilitaryMother in LawOfficePolicePoliticalPunsSchoolSportsTravelWorkplaceYo MamaOther
You are here: HomeJokesBar Jokes

Bar Jokes

A young man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink.
'Hey, great tie!' comes out of nowhere. He looks at the bartender to see if he said anything, but since he was on the other side of the bar, the man just ignores it.
'Hey! Fantastic shirt!' The guy looks up but, again, the bartender is engaged elsewhere.
'Hey! Spectacular suit!' The man then calls the bartender over and asks him if he keeps talking to him.
'It's not me, it's the complimentary peanuts.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A dude entered into an Irish pub and says, 'Bartender, quickly! Pour me 15 shots of your best Irish whiskey!'
And the bartender poured him 15 shots of his best Irish whiskey and watched the dude swallowing one after the other.
'Oh, man,' the bartender said, 'I have never seen anybody drinking whiskey shots so fast!'
'You would also drink them so fast if you have what I have,' the dude replied.
'For heaven's sake,' said the bartender, 'what do you have?'
'50 pennies.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A stocky man walks into a bar with a quite big piece of asphalt in his hands and says, 'Two drinks please, one for me and one for the road.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 3.67 point, based on 3 ratings)

Ken and his cousin, 'Donkey' goes to a Tiki bar to drink some cocktails. Ken pays the first round, so he orders from the mixer, "A Blue Curacao for me and another one for Donkey."
They drink their round then Ken says, "Okay, Donkey your your turn, I'll drink a Swimming Pool."
Donkey orders, "Two Swi-swi-swi-swimming Po-po-pool co-coktails, ple-please."
While Donkey gets them, Ken goes to the restroom. The mixer says to Donkey, "Hey man, you should not let him call you that offensive name."
He replies, "I know... He aw... he aww... he awww..., he always calls me 'Donkey'."
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

One Saturday evening a circus owner walked into a bar. Everyone was standing around one table. He checked what was happening. He saw a dancing duck on an upside-down bucket, and the people loved that little show.
The circus owner himself was impressed. He decided to buy the dancing duck. After a few minutes of dealing, they settled for $25,000 for the duck and the bucket.
Next week the circus owner ran back to the bar. He was furious.
'The dancing duck is fake! I put him on the bucket before my whole audience, and he did not dance a single step!'
'And?' asked the duck's former owner, 'Did you forget to light a candle under the bucket?'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Two friends wee sitting in a bar getting pretty drunk. Suddenly, one of them threw up his lunch all over his suit.
'Dear god, my wife will kill me when she sees this,' he blurted.
'Don't worry about it, my friend. That happened to me before. Here's what you have to do. Put a $20 bill in your jacket's pocket. When you get home, tell your wife that some drunk fellow threw up on you and he gave you the $20 bill to pay for the cleaning. OK?' his buddy advised.
'All right, I should I try it...'
So when he got home, his wife immediately started shouting about his suit.
'Now look at yourself, you drunk! What have you done???'
'No, dear, you misunderstand the situation. Some drunk fellow threw up on me. But see, he gave me this 20$ bill to get my suit cleaned.'
With that he reached into his pocket and pulled threw the money on the kitchen table.
His wife looked at it and said, 'Hey! I thought that you said that dunk drunk fellow only gave you $20. How come there are two here?' argued the wife.
'He also shit in my trousers.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A man stopped at his favorite hidden downtown bar after a hard week's work to relax a bit. He noticed that the man next to him looked into the inner pocket of his jacket after drinking his beer and a shot. He found strange that this happened at least five times in a row.
The man was too curious, so he couldn't resist and asked, 'Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your little ritual, please tell me, why on earth do you look into your inner pocket every time after you drink your beer and shot?'
The man replied, 'You know, there's a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts looking good, I stand up and go home!'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Two road constructors were sitting in a bar after work. They watched the news on the TV, which showed a guy on a high office building who was about to jump, obviously suicidal.
'I bet bet you $30 he will jump,' said the first worker.
'I bet you $30 he will not, he cannot be dumb as a rock,' said the second.
Then, the guy on the TV threw himself off the building. The second guy handed over the $30.
'I just can't take your money,' said the first worker. 'I cheated, this same story was on the six o'clock news.'
'No, just take it,' said the second. 'I also saw the six o'clock news. I just didn't think the guy was dumb to jump again!'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A brain walks into a bar and says, 'I'll take a pint of beer.'
The bartender looks at him for a second and responds, 'Sorry, I can't serve you.'
'But, why not?' asks the brain.
To which the bartender replies, 'You're already out of your head.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

One late night, the policeman was in service next to a crowded bar. He waited to catch some drunk drivers. After closing time, he saw his man. He could not walk straight, mumbled something, dropped his keys and hardly could collect them from the ground. Then he tried his keys on four different cars before he found his. Then he sat into the car, but could not start the engine. All the other people drove off by the time he finally managed and began to pull away.
The policeman proudly stopped the drunk driver, asked for his documents and took the breathalyzer test. However, the results was 0.0.
'What is this result? It must be fake!' the confused policeman yelled at the drunk driver.
'Well, officer, I'm the designated decoy tonight.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Next 10 Bar Jokes   >

Joke of the Day
You can have a Joke of the Day box on your website, too!
(This one right above!)
It's free and good for you! You only need to insert a short HTML code into your website and the Joke of the Day will appear there right away! (Every day a new joke totally automatically, maintenance free.) (Details...)
TOP 10 Jokes
1)Chinese Laundry
2) God Create Brunettes
3)Don't Drive in Texas
4)Sculptures on Display
5)The Boss
6)Dedicated Republican
7)Very Fast Country
8)Brilliant Bach
9)Stoned Drunk
10)I Started Out with Nothing
Best Jokes
(Joke Toplist)
Send Us a Joke!
Do you know a good joke?
Send it to us so we can put it on the website for everybody to read and laugh! It will be great!