Bar Jokes, Bar Joke
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Bar Jokes

An apparently drunk fellow goes into a bar through the front door and orders a drink. The bartender says, 'No way, you are too drunk.'
Five minutes later the drunk comes in through the restroom, again he mumbles, 'Give me a drink, please.'
The bartender says again, 'No buddy, I've already told you. You are too drunk.'
Ten minutes later the guy comes in through the back door and orders a drink again. The bartender says, 'Hey, you are too drunk!'
The drunk scratches his forehead and says, 'Damn I must be then. At the last two bars they said the same.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A man walked into the best British pub of the city. The bartender hurried amicably to help him at the counter, because he had no arms. He wanted to taste the most popular beer of the pub. After he got the drink, asked the bartender if he would put the the glass to the mouth since he was armless. As this was the best British pub, he obliged and helped him until the last drop of beer. Then the bartender was asked to pull out his guest's napkin to clean his lips. As this was the best British pub, the bartender obliged. After this, he was asked to get the money from the wallet of his guest's hip-pocket. As this was the best British pub, he obliged, and commented, "It seems extremely problematic having no arms, you have to ask somebody to help you with all the things."
The man replied, "Yes, it is embarrassing sometimes. By the way, could you tell me where the toilet is?" The bartender answered at once, "The closest restroom is at the shopping mall, next street."
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Q: How does a person get stoned drunk?
A: Drink wet cement.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A woman was sitting in the pub enjoying a bottle of premium dry red wine with her girlfriends. Suddenly the pub's door opened, and an exceptionally masculine, tall, sexy, bearded guy walked in. He was so striking that all the pub's women turned towards him. The young man noticed the woman's attentive stare and walked directly to their table.
Before she could apologize for being rude and staring, the sexy, bearded guy looked in her eyes and said, 'I will do anything what you want me to do so, my lady, no matter how kinky, for $150. I have only one condition.'
Surprised, the woman asked what the condition would be.
'You have only three words to tell me,' replied the sexy, bearded guy with a smile.
The woman got the $150 from her purse, counted into the guy's outstretched hand, and meaningfully said: "Clean my house."
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

What he says: You will get this one, next round is on me.
What he means: We won't be here long enough to get another round.

What he says: I will get this one, next round is on you.
What he means: Happy hour is about to end.

What he says: I'm out of here, I have to work early in the morning.
What he means: I owe that guy who just walked in $200 and have been avoiding him since football season.

What he says: What do you have on tap?
What he means: What is cheap?
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

One day, four friends entered a hidden striptease bar. One of them wanted to impress the other three, so he pulled out a £20 banknote from his pocket. The dancer walked over to them, and the one friend licked the £20 and stuck it on her butt.
The other friend pulled out a £50 banknote. He called back the dancer of the hidden striptease bar, licked the £50, and also stuck it on her butt.
The next friend pulled out £70 from his pocket. He called the dancer back over, licked the bills, and also stuck them.
Now the fourth friend was in focus. He pulled out his wallet, thought for a few seconds..., then pulled out his bank card, swiped it down on the dancer, grabbed the £140, and headed for the door.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

There was an international conference of beer producers in LA. At the end of the day, all of the presidents of the companies decided to have a drink in the bar of the hotel. The president of Miller ordered a Miller Genuine Draft, the Budweiser president ordered a dark Budweiser, the president of Heineken ordered a 0,33l Heineken, and so on. Then the waiter asked Arthur Guinness what he had wanted to drink.
'I will have a coke,' he replied for everyone's surprise.
'Why didn't you want a Guinness?' asked the other beer producers.
'Meh, if you didn't order beer, than neither will I.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Two road constructors were sitting in a bar after work. They watched the news on the TV, which showed a guy on a high office building who was about to jump, obviously suicidal.
'I bet bet you $30 he will jump,' said the first worker.
'I bet you $30 he will not, he cannot be dumb as a rock,' said the second.
Then, the guy on the TV threw himself off the building. The second guy handed over the $30.
'I just can't take your money,' said the first worker. 'I cheated, this same story was on the six o'clock news.'
'No, just take it,' said the second. 'I also saw the six o'clock news. I just didn't think the guy was dumb to jump again!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A guy goes into a bar, sits down, and orders a Jager bomb train of seven shots. The barmaid finds it awkward, but anyway, serves him spectacularly.
The guy drinks, all of them. He finishes and calls to the barmaid, 'A jager bomb train of six, please!'
The barmaid serves him spectacularly again. The guy drinks again, all of them. Then he burps loudly, try to stay stable on the stool, and orders a jager bomb train of five. And one after the other, he drinks again, bearing the odd looks at him.
'Uhm, four shotsss, my dear lady!' he yells, and the barmaid places four glasses in front of him. He drinks again, all of them. And with dizziness in his head, he orders a Jager bomb train of three. After he just sits there, staring at the glasses for a moment, trying not to fall down from the stool, he murmurs, 'You know, it'sh a tricky thing, but, the less I drink, the drunker I get...'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

The local bar was so sure that their bartender was the strongest man around that they organised a competition. The bartender would squeeze an orange until all the juice ran into a cup, and hand the orange to a competitor. Anyone who could squeeze one more orange juice drop out, would win $1000. Many people had tried over time. Even lumberjacks, longshoremen and weightlifters, but nobody could defeat him.
One day a skinny short man came into the bar, wearing black glasses and a grey suit. He said on his tiny, low voice, 'I will try myself.'
After the laughter had died down, the bartender grabbed an orange and squeezed. Then he handed the remains to the skinny man. The crowd's laughter transformed into total silence. The skinny man tried himself and four orange juice drops fell into the cup. The bartender payed the $1000.
'What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack or what?' he was wondering.
The skinny man replied, 'I work for the IRS.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

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