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Bar Jokes

An Indian walks into the bar. He has a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of manure in the other. He says , 'Me want beer!'
The bartender replies, 'Sure Bold Bull, here you are.'
The Indian drinks it down in one gulp, throws the bucket into the air, shoots it, then he walks out. A week later the Indian returns. He has a shotgun in one hand and a new bucket of manure in the other hand.
He says to the bartender, 'Me want beer!'
The bartender says, 'Hey, Bold Bull, we are still cleaning up your dirt from your last visit. Anyway, what was that all about?'
The Indian replies, 'Me in training for job as government employee. Drink beer, shoot shit, then no show up for a week.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

One late night, the policeman was in service next to a crowded bar. He waited to catch some drunk drivers. After closing time, he saw his man. He could not walk straight, mumbled something, dropped his keys and hardly could collect them from the ground. Then he tried his keys on four different cars before he found his. Then he sat into the car, but could not start the engine. All the other people drove off by the time he finally managed and began to pull away.
The policeman proudly stopped the drunk driver, asked for his documents and took the breathalyzer test. However, the results was 0.0.
'What is this result? It must be fake!' the confused policeman yelled at the drunk driver.
'Well, officer, I'm the designated decoy tonight.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Bobby and his friends from university are out at the local bar. Finally, after too many rounds plus one, Bobby leans over and pukes all over himself.
'Mhaaan, my hooney ish going to killl me! Messy and smelly me,' he blurted.
His friend blurts back, 'Noo problemo, puut 10$ bill in ya pocket, and tell that soomeone else puuked on you. An' gave ya 10$ to dry-cleaninnng.'
'Ooh, that's evil.'
When Bobby goes home, his girlfriend starts screaming, 'You go out with your little friends from university and come back all puked over yourself! Look how disgusting you are! You're a stinky mess!
Bobby opens his mouth, 'Ssome guy, puked all overrr meeh! Even, he gave 10$ to clean it... it dry!'
His girlfriend replies on a cold voice, 'Oh really? Then how come that's a 20$?!'
Bobby proudly replies, 'He... uh... um... um... so... also sshit in my pants!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Q: How does a person get stoned drunk?
A: Drink wet cement.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A brain walks into a bar and says, 'I'll take a pint of beer.'
The bartender looks at him for a second and responds, 'Sorry, I can't serve you.'
'But, why not?' asks the brain.
To which the bartender replies, 'You're already out of your head.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A drunk was sitting at the counter in a bar. A woman stood behind him, and to get the bartender's attention, she raised her arm really high. The drunk saw that she had very hairy armpits.
He yelled to the bartender, 'Get the ballerina a drink!'
The woman got her drink and went back to her table. Later, she returned and raised again her arm. She definitely had hairy armpits.
The drunk saw her and yelled again to the bartender, 'Get the ballerina another drink!'
She got her drink and went back to her table again.
The bartender asked the drunk, 'How do you know she is a ballerina? She is a stranger and has never been here before.'
The drunk replied, 'She's got to be a ballerina, if she can lift her leg that high!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

One snowy evening before Christmas in an elegant pub a reindeer showed up. He walked to the counter and ordered a whiskey.
The bartender poured the drink without batting an eye. The reindeer payed him with a the twenty-dollar bill.
As the bartender gave the reindeer some coins in change, he said casually, 'You know, I think you are the first reindeer I have ever seen in this pub.'
The reindeer looked hard at the change and replied, 'Hmmm... You know buddy, at these prices, I am the last reindeer you will see in this pub.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

I walked into a pub the other day and ordered a double.
Without any words, the bartender brought me a girl who looked just like me.
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A guy goes into a bar, sits down, and orders a Jager bomb train of seven shots. The barmaid finds it awkward, but anyway, serves him spectacularly.
The guy drinks, all of them. He finishes and calls to the barmaid, 'A jager bomb train of six, please!'
The barmaid serves him spectacularly again. The guy drinks again, all of them. Then he burps loudly, try to stay stable on the stool, and orders a jager bomb train of five. And one after the other, he drinks again, bearing the odd looks at him.
'Uhm, four shotsss, my dear lady!' he yells, and the barmaid places four glasses in front of him. He drinks again, all of them. And with dizziness in his head, he orders a Jager bomb train of three. After he just sits there, staring at the glasses for a moment, trying not to fall down from the stool, he murmurs, 'You know, it'sh a tricky thing, but, the less I drink, the drunker I get...'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A man stopped at his favorite hidden downtown bar after a hard week's work to relax a bit. He noticed that the man next to him looked into the inner pocket of his jacket after drinking his beer and a shot. He found strange that this happened at least five times in a row.
The man was too curious, so he couldn't resist and asked, 'Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice your little ritual, please tell me, why on earth do you look into your inner pocket every time after you drink your beer and shot?'
The man replied, 'You know, there's a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts looking good, I stand up and go home!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

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