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Animal Jokes

Q: What did follow the dinosaur?
A: Its tail.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A snake and a rabbit crashed in the woods and began to argue who was the guilty one. When the snake mentioned that he had been blind since birth the rabbit said that he too. They forgot about their crash immediately.
The snake said, 'My greatest regret is that I have never been able to see my reflection in the water and I don't know what I look like. What am I?'
The rabbit said, 'We share the same problem. Let's touch each other from head to toe, and then try to describe it. Maybe we can figure out what we are!'
So they started, and the snake winded himself around the rabbit. He announced, 'You have soft fur, you are fluffy, with long ears, and you have a fuzzy ball for a tail. You must be a rabbit!'
The rabbit was delighted and proceeded to return the favor. He concluded, 'You are scaly, slimy, you have little eyes, you slither and squirm continuously. And you have got a forked tongue. I suppose you are a lawyer!'
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My husband adopted a stray cat. I was very disappointed when she began to use the back of our brand new sofa as a scratching post.
'Don't worry, honey!' my husband said, 'I have the skills for training a stray cat!'
I watched for a couple of days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband put her outside to teach her a lesson.
Our little stray cat learned quickly. For the next 10 years, whenever she wanted to go outside, she scratched the sofa.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Two hikers are walking through the forest when a gigantic grizzly bear suddenly appears in the glade in front of them. He sees the hikers and begins to run toward them. The first guy drops his backpack, pulls out a pair of sneakers, and madly begins to put them on. The second guys says, 'What are you doing? Sneakers will not help you outrun that gigantic grizzly bear.'
'I just need to outrun you.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: Which pillar can't hold up a building?
A: Caterpillar.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 3 ratings)

A man drives to a gas station. The assistant asks the driver, 'Hey, what's up with those seals in the back seat?'
The man answers, 'I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue.'
The assistant suggests, 'You should take them to the zoo.'
'Great idea,' says the man and drives away.
The next day he is back at the same gas station. The two seals are still in the back seat.
'Hey, haven't you taken them to the zoo?'
'Oh, I did,' replies the driver, 'and we had a lot of fun. Today I am taking them to the beach.'
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A young punk and his dog walk into a pub. The punk announces, 'I will bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk.'
'Yes, sure. Then please be welcomed and go ahead,' says the bartender ironically.
'Okay, you will see. Dog, what covers a house?'
'Roof!'
'How does sandpaper feel?'
'Rough!'
'Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?'
'Ruth!'
The young punk turns to the bartender, 'Pay up, man. See, my dog can talk.'
The bartender, annoyed at this point, throws both of them out of the pub. Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at his owner and says, 'or is the greatest baseball player Willie Mays...?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 3 ratings)

Two vampire bats wake up in the cave in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. The first says, 'Let's fly out get some blood!'
'We are new here,' says the second bat. 'It's so dark outside, and we don't know where to fly. We had better wait until the other bats come with us.'
The first bat replies, 'Who needs them? I am thirsty for blood right now. I can find some on my own somewhere.'
He flies out of the cave. When he returns, he is totally covered with blood.
The second bat says excitedly, 'Wow, from where did you get the blood?'
The first bat takes his bat buddy to the mouth of the cave. Points into the night and asks, 'Can you see that high black tree over there?'
'Yes,' answers the other bat.
'You know,' says the first bat, 'I didn't see.'
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Q: How does the cow entertain herself?
A: She goes to the MOOOvies.
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(So far it's 3.67 point, based on 3 ratings)

A biologist was doing his experiments with frogs. He wanted to measure how far frogs could jump. He put a frog on a line and exclaimed, 'Jump, frog!'
The frog jumped 2 feet. He wrote in his notebook: "Frog with 4 legs - jumps 2 feet."
Next he chopped off one leg and repeated the experiment. 'Jump, frog!' he said.
The frog managed to jump 1,5 feet. So he wrote in his notebook: "Frog with 3 legs - jumps 1,5 feet."
He chopped off another leg and exclaimed, 'Jump, frog!'
Now the frog only managed 1 feet. He wrote in his notebook: "Frog with 2 legs - jumps 1 feet."
He continued the experiment and removed another leg. 'Jump, frog!' he said.
The frog somehow jumped 0.5 feet. So he wrote in his notebook: "Frog with 1 leg - jumps 0.5 feet."
Finally, he chopped off the frog's last leg. He put the frog on the line and said again, 'Jump, frog!'
The frog didn't move. 'Jump, frog!' he shouted. The frog still didn't move. So the biologist finally wrote in his notebook: "Frog with no legs - goes deaf."
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 3 ratings)

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