Animal Jokes, Animal Joke
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Animal Jokes

The dog is thinking:
I have a family which loves me. We play my favorite games. They scratch behind my ears. They give me food and water and they care for me. They must be gods!

The cat is thinking:
I have a family which loves me. We play my favorite games. They scratch behind my ears. They give me food and water and they care for me. I must be a god!
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 3 ratings)

Q: What went through the fly's mind as it hit the windshield?
A: His Butt.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
A: The Beer Nuts are about a dollar twenty. The deer nuts are under a buck.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 3 ratings)

One day Sam was jogging, when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first there was a second long black car. A man and a dog were walking, followed by about 50 men. Sam went up to the man asked him who was in the first hearse.
'My dear wife,' the man said.
'I am sorry for your loss,' said Sam. 'What happened to her?'
'Fatal dog attack.'
'And may I ask, who is in the second hearse?'
'My mother-in-law. Fatal dog attack as well.'
Sam thought about this for a while. He finally asked the man, 'Could I borrow your dog?'
To which the man replied, 'Get in line.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 3 ratings)

Q: What is the name of that big fish who makes you an offer you can't refuse?
A: The Codfather!
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A horse walks into a pub and asks, 'Got any carrots?'
The bartender is confused, but answers the horse that no, they don't serve carrots. The horse thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the horse returns and asks, 'Got any carrots?'
Again, the bartender replies that, no, they do not serve carrots. Furthermore, have never served carrots, and will never serve carrots. The horse, a little disappointed, thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the horse returns, but before he could say anything, the bartender begins to yell, 'Listen, horse! This is a pub! We do not serve carrots! If you ever ask for carrots again, I will take your horseshoes off and nail them to the wall!'
The horse is silent for a moment, but then asks, 'Got any hammers?'
Confused, the bartenders answers no.
'Good.' says the horse. 'Got any carrots?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 3 ratings)

Does the person who counts the sheep on the farm often fall asleep during the job?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
What do sheep count when they cannot get to sleep?
If we make sweaters out of a sheep's hair, what do the sheep use to make sweaters?

If you pushed a pig down a hill would he be a sausage roll?
What do pigs say when they don't want to do something? Would it be 'Yes, when humans fly'?
Why do we call our pets guinea pigs when they are neither from Guinea nor are they pigs?
Why is it that only pigs and humans can get sunburn?
Would a small pig be called a hamlet?
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: What is the difference between a fly and a bird?
A: A bird can fly but a fly cannot bird.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 3 ratings)

A young punk and his dog walk into a pub. The punk announces, 'I will bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk.'
'Yes, sure. Then please be welcomed and go ahead,' says the bartender ironically.
'Okay, you will see. Dog, what covers a house?'
'Roof!'
'How does sandpaper feel?'
'Rough!'
'Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?'
'Ruth!'
The young punk turns to the bartender, 'Pay up, man. See, my dog can talk.'
The bartender, annoyed at this point, throws both of them out of the pub. Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at his owner and says, 'or is the greatest baseball player Willie Mays...?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 3 ratings)

Q: What do you get if you cross a tiger with a snowman?
A: Frostbite.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

Next 10 Animal Jokes   >

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