Animal Jokes

Q: What is the difference between a fly and a bird?
A: A bird can fly but a fly cannot bird.

Ricky the new Texas ranger bought a donkey from an old farmer. The next day instead of delivering the donkey, the farmer said, 'Sorry, but I have bad news. The donkey died.'
'Oh, really bad news. Just give me my $100 back then.'
'I can't do that, I spent it already.'
'Then just deliver the dead donkey.'
'What you will do with that?'
'I will raffle him off.'
'A dead donkey?'
'I just won't tell anyone he's dead.'
Two weeks later the farmer met the ranger and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'
'I raffled him off. I sold 200 tickets for $3 and made a profit of $597.'
'And did nobody complain?'
'Only the guy who won. So I gave him his $3 back.'

Q: What did the cat say to the mouse?
A: The human keep telling this joke to anthropomorphize us.

Q: What did follow the dinosaur?
A: Its tail.

Q: What is the difference between a saloon and an elephant fart?
A: The first is a bar room. The second is a BAROOOMMM!

At the amateur golf championship one ball landed on an anthill. The player wanted to prove himself, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of sand, mud and ants exploded from the spot, but the golf ball stayed where it was. He tried another shot, didn't want to loose on the amateur golf championship. Clouds of dirt and ants went flying again, but the golf ball didn't even move.
Two ants survived. One ant said to the other, 'Oh, my dear God! What should we do now?'
The other ant answered immediately, 'I do not know about you, but I am going to get on the golf ball.'

Q: Why does the duck have flat feet?
A: For stamping out the forest fire.
Q: Why does the elephant have flat feet?
A: For stamping out the flaming duck.
Q: Why does the giraffe have long neck?
A: For spitting on the burning elephant.

Q: Why did the rubber chicken cross the road?
A: She only wanted to stretch her legs.

Yo Mama's so so fat, when she stepped on the dog's tail we had to change his name to Beaver.

Q: What does the hind say when she comes running out of the woods?
A: I will never ever do that for two bucks again.