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Animal Jokes

Ricky the new Texas ranger bought a donkey from an old farmer. The next day instead of delivering the donkey, the farmer said, 'Sorry, but I have bad news. The donkey died.'
'Oh, really bad news. Just give me my $100 back then.'
'I can't do that, I spent it already.'
'Then just deliver the dead donkey.'
'What you will do with that?'
'I will raffle him off.'
'A dead donkey?'
'I just won't tell anyone he's dead.'
Two weeks later the farmer met the ranger and asked, 'What happened with that dead donkey?'
'I raffled him off. I sold 200 tickets for $3 and made a profit of $597.'
'And did nobody complain?'
'Only the guy who won. So I gave him his $3 back.'
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 4 ratings)

Q: How do you transform a cat into a dragon?
A: Marry her.
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(So far it's 4.67 point, based on 3 ratings)

A horse walks into a pub and asks, 'Got any carrots?'
The bartender is confused, but answers the horse that no, they don't serve carrots. The horse thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the horse returns and asks, 'Got any carrots?'
Again, the bartender replies that, no, they do not serve carrots. Furthermore, have never served carrots, and will never serve carrots. The horse, a little disappointed, thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the horse returns, but before he could say anything, the bartender begins to yell, 'Listen, horse! This is a pub! We do not serve carrots! If you ever ask for carrots again, I will take your horseshoes off and nail them to the wall!'
The horse is silent for a moment, but then asks, 'Got any hammers?'
Confused, the bartenders answers no.
'Good.' says the horse. 'Got any carrots?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 3 ratings)

'Hey, what is purple and jumps from tree to tree?'
'I dunno, what?'
'Squirrel.'
'Wait, but then why is it purple?'
'It choked on a nut.'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 3 ratings)

Q: What did the cat say to the mouse?
A: The human keep telling this joke to anthropomorphize us.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A man walks into the post office and asks, 'Does anyone here own that pitbull outside?'
'Yes, I do!' a biker says. 'What about it?'
'Well, I suppose my Russian Toy Terrier just killed him.'
'What are you talking about? How could your little Russian Toy Terrier kill my mighty pitbull?'
'Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog's throat!'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 4 ratings)

Q: Why is the dog's head wounded?
A: Because he was chasing cars. But the parked ones.
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(So far it's 3.67 point, based on 3 ratings)

My husband adopted a stray cat. I was very disappointed when she began to use the back of our brand new sofa as a scratching post.
'Don't worry, honey!' my husband said, 'I have the skills for training a stray cat!'
I watched for a couple of days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband put her outside to teach her a lesson.
Our little stray cat learned quickly. For the next 10 years, whenever she wanted to go outside, she scratched the sofa.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

There was a mouse and a cat, who went to heaven.
After a while God asked the mouse, 'So, how do you like it up here?'
The mouse replied, 'It's really nice, but could I get a skateboard?'
'Sure, here you are,' said God and gave the skateboard to the mouse.
The next day, God asked the cat, 'How do you like it up here?'
The cat replied, 'It's really great! I didn't know you had meals on wheels up here!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A squirrel is chilling on a sunny day on a yellow lemon tree branch when a bee flies to him. 'What are you doing, squirrel?' the bee asks.
'I am here to eat some nice red apples.'
'But this is a yellow lemon tree.'
'I know, I brought my own apples.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

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