Funny Jokes
⭐ Add JokestJokes.com to your Favorites! (Press CTRL+D)
📧 Get the best jokes every week by e-mail! It's free! (Click!)
🎁Are you a webmaster? Make your visitors happy with a free
Joke of the Day Box! (Click!)
Joke, Jokes, Fun
Joke Newsletter
You will get the best jokes of every week by e-mail!
It will be great, you need this!
E-mail:
  I have read and accept the Privacy Policy.
Joke Categories
ALL JokesAnimalBarBlondeBusinessCarChildrenComputerCriminalDoctorFarmerFoodKnock KnockLawyerMarriageMilitaryMother in LawOfficePolicePoliticalPunsSchoolSportsTravelWorkplaceYo MamaOther
You are here: Home
Our editors who have great sense of humor are collecting the best jokes since August of 1862, so for now we have more than 1458343 jokes on our webpage! (Yes, onemillion-fourhundred-fifty-eight-thousand-three hundred-forty-three!)
The jokes are here right now. Have a great laugh!
(Last joke update: 2023. February 2.)
One day Sam was jogging, when he noticed a hearse slowly drive by. Following the first there was a second long black car. A man and a dog were walking, followed by about 50 men. Sam went up to the man asked him who was in the first hearse.
'My dear wife,' the man said.
'I am sorry for your loss,' said Sam. 'What happened to her?'
'Fatal dog attack.'
'And may I ask, who is in the second hearse?'
'My mother-in-law. Fatal dog attack as well.'
Sam thought about this for a while. He finally asked the man, 'Could I borrow your dog?'
To which the man replied, 'Get in line.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 3 ratings)

A grandson ran up to his grandfather.
'Can you talk like a frog?' he asked with big open eyes.
'Of course not, kiddo,' replied the grandfather.
A few minutes later, his granddaughter ran up to him.
'Can you talk like a frog?' she asked with the same big eyes.
'No, of course not. Why are you both asking me this frog thing?'
The grandson replied, 'Dad promised that we can go to Disneyland when you croak!'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Please read carefully the weather forecast for Thanksgiving:
Turkeys will thaw before noon, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 180F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid. In case you distract the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder.
During the late afternoon and evening, the cool front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one or two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side and cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy.
A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area. Increased stuffiness is predicted around the beltway. In the evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 30F in the fridge.
Looking ahead to next days, high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days with a 50% chance of scattered soup late in the day. We expect a warming trend where soup develops.
Thank you for reading the weather forecast for Thanksgiving!
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Signs showing that you have had enough of the new millennium:

- You try to enter your password on the microwave.
- You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date. And now sells for half the price you paid.
- You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
- You chat several times a day with a stranger from Central Asia, but you haven't spoken to your next door neighbor yet this year.
- The concept of using cash, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase is strange for you.
- You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.
- Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have social media accounts.
- You think a "half-day" means leaving at 5 o'clock.
- You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person.


What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man went to buy jogging shoes. To his surprise, there was a huge variety of them. While trying on a basic pair, he noticed a small but confusing feature, a pocket on the shoe. He and asked the clerk about it.
'Why is there a little pocket on the shoe, here on the side?'
'Oh, that's for spare change. When you jogged too far, you can call your wife to pick you up.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

At age eight it was inevitable for my daughter to have doubts about Easter Bunny.
Sure enough, one day she said, 'Mum, I know something about the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.'
I took a deep breath and asked her, 'What is that, honey?'
She replied, 'They all come out after dark.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 4 point, based on 3 ratings)

After long years of marriage, an elderly man and an elderly woman were sitting together on the garden bench.
'You used to sit much closer to me,' said the wife. So the husband moved closer.
'You used to put your arms around me,' continued the wife. So the husband put his arms around her.
'You used to bite gently my ear.'
'Let me get my teeth.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A lawyer named Strange died. His best friend asked the local tombstone maker to engrave into his tombstone: "Here lies Strange, a lawyer and an honest man"
The tombstone maker insisted that such a carving would be very confusing. Passers would think that three men were buried under the stone. He suggested an alternative solution. He would engrave: "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer."
So those who are passing by would remark, 'That's Strange!'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: What do you get from an Alaskan cow?
A: Ice cream.
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Gavin walked into Dr. Benedict's office and put a paper on the table: "I cannot talk, please help me!"
The doctor was thinking for a second and said, 'Please put your penis on the table.'
Gavin found this weird, but Dr. Benedict was a specialist, so he did as he was told. Then the doctor pulled out a reflex hammer from his drawer and hit Gavin's penis with it as hard as he could.
The man cried loudly in his great pain, 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!'
Then the doctor said, 'Very well, come back tomorrow and we will learn the letter B!'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
Worst :  
  : Best
(So far it's 4 point, based on 3 ratings)

Next 10 Jokes   >

Joke of the Day
You can have a Joke of the Day box on your website, too!
(This one right above!)
It's free and good for you! You only need to insert a short HTML code into your website and the Joke of the Day will appear there right away! (Every day a new joke totally automatically, maintenance free.) (Details...)
TOP 10 Jokes
1)Chinese Laundry
2) God Create Brunettes
3)Don't Drive in Texas
4)Sculptures on Display
5)The Boss
6)Dedicated Republican
7)Very Fast Country
8)Brilliant Bach
9)Stoned Drunk
10)I Started Out with Nothing
Best Jokes
(Joke Toplist)
Send Us a Joke!
Do you know a good joke?
Send it to us so we can put it on the website for everybody to read and laugh! It will be great!