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Our editors who have great sense of humor are collecting the best jokes since August of 1862, so for now we have more than 1458343 jokes on our webpage! (Yes, onemillion-fourhundred-fifty-eight-thousand-three hundred-forty-three!)
The jokes are here right now. Have a great laugh!
(Last joke update: 2021. October 19.)
Charlie was minutes away from receiving a vasectomy when his brother and sister-in-law dropped in holding their newborn baby.
'Stop Charlie! You cannot do this!' exclaimed the brother.
'Why not?' asked Charlie.
'Don't you wanna have a beautiful baby in the future? Like my wife and I have here? Come on, I want a nephew. Charlie, make me an uncle.'
Charlie couldn't take it anymore.
He gave his sister-in-law a regretful look and asked his brother, 'Are you sure?'
'Yes brother, I want a nephew, it would be an honor.'
'Well congrats, you're holding him.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A farmer from Texas goes to Australia, to spend there his vacation. He meets there with an Aussie farmer. They talk a lot, and the Aussie shows his big wheat field proudly.
'Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least three times as large.'
Then they walk around the ranch. The Aussie shows him the herd of cattle.
The farmer from Texas immediately comments, 'We have longhorns that are at least three times as large as your cows.'
The conversation almost dies at this point, but a bunch of kangaroos appears, hopping through the field. The Texas farmer asks, 'Wow, and what are those?'
The Aussie asks back with a satisfied smile, 'You have no grasshoppers in Texas?'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

A mother was preparing some delicious, peanut butter pancakes for her little sons, Dean and Sean. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson, so she said, 'If Jesus were sitting here, he would say: "Let my beloved brother have the first peanut butter pancake. I can wait for mine."'
Dean turned to his younger brother and said, 'Sean, you be Jesus!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
A: The Beer Nuts are about a dollar twenty. The deer nuts are under a buck.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 3 ratings)

Q: Have you heard about the farmer who crashed with a car in his tractor?
A: Yes, he plowed right into it.

Q: Have you heard about the cross-eyed teacher?
A: Yes, she couldn't keep her pupils under control.

Q: What is a Foul Ball?
A: A dance for chickens.

Q: Why couldn't Mozart find his piano teacher?
A: Because he was Hayden.

Q: What does the fish ask from the other fish in the tank?
A: Can you drive this thing?

Q: Have you heard about the two baby inkdrops? They missed their mother.
A: Yes, they were waiting for her to get out of the pen. They didn't know how long the sentence would be.

Q: What does the Buddhist say to a hot dog vendor?
A: Make me one with everything.
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 3 ratings)

Two young boys were at their grandparents. They spent the night with them. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers.
The younger brother began praying as loud as he could, 'I PRAY FOR A NEW PLAYSTATION..., I PRAY FOR A NEW SKATEBOARD..., I PRAY FOR A NEW SMARTPHONE..."
His older brother leaned over and asked, 'Hey, why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf.'
'No, he is not, but Grandma is!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A couple was going out for the evening. The last thing they had to do before getting into the taxi, was to put the cat out. The taxi arrived in time, the couple closed the door but the cat ran back inside. The husband rushed back inside to bring it out. The wife did not want the taxi driver to know that the house would be empty.
'He is just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother,' she explained.
The husband got into the taxi five minutes later and said, 'Sorry for this. The stupid thing was hiding in the wardrobe and I had to poke her with an umbrella to get her to come out!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Three engineering students were chatting about the possible designer of the human body.
The first said, 'It was an electrical engineer, I am sure. The nervous system has thousands of electrical connections.'
The second said, 'No, the designer of the human body was a mechanical engineer. Just look at the structure of the joints!'
The third said, 'Guys, I am pretty sure it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste channel through a recreational area?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

The young lady is going to marry. She comes home all excited to tell his mother that she is in love. She says, 'Just for fun, Mum, I'm going to bring over three gentleman and you just guess which one I am going to marry.'
The mother agrees. The next day she brings three gentlemen and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. Then she says, 'Mum, guess which man I am going to marry.'
She immediately answers, 'The one in the middle.'
'That's amazing, you're right. How did you know?'
'I don't like him.'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A young punk and his dog walk into a pub. The punk announces, 'I will bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk.'
'Yes, sure. Then please be welcomed and go ahead,' says the bartender ironically.
'Okay, you will see. Dog, what covers a house?'
'Roof!'
'How does sandpaper feel?'
'Rough!'
'Who was the greatest baseball player of all time?'
'Ruth!'
The young punk turns to the bartender, 'Pay up, man. See, my dog can talk.'
The bartender, annoyed at this point, throws both of them out of the pub. Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at his owner and says, 'or is the greatest baseball player Willie Mays...?'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 3 ratings)

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