A little girl went to primary school one day. While she was gone, her cat got killed. Her mother was very stressed about how she will take the sad news of her dead cat. Upon her arrival home, the mother explained the tragedy and tried to calm the girl saying, 'But don't worry, the kitty is in heaven now with God.'
The girl replied, 'What' will God do with a dead cat?"

Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Spider!
Spider who?
You tried to hide her but I spied her.

A girl had reached five without giving up the habit of sucking her thumb, though her mother had tried everything from reasoning to bribery, even she painted it with lemon juice and pepper to stop the habit. Finally she tried threats, and said, 'If a little girl doesn't stop sucking her thumb, her stomach is going to blow up like a balloon.'
Later that day, walking down the street, mother and daughter saw a pregnant woman sitting in the bus stop. The five-year-old stared her gravely for a minute, then went to her, saying, 'Oh-oh, I know exactly what you've been doing!'

The cannibals are sharing dinner. One says, 'I hate my mother-in-law.'
The other answers, 'Well, then just eat the noodles.'

Q: Is ALITALIA an abbreviation?
A: Yes, it stands for Arrived Late In Turin, And Luggage In Australia.

Q: What were the witches eating at Halloween?
A: Halloweenies, spooketti, booberry pie and devils food cake.

A Mexican traveled to the USA. He spoke no English, but had to buy new socks. He walked into a small clothing store, and managed to convey to the shop assistant that he needs something, but not what.
The shop assistant had an idea and took down boxes and showed to the Mexican what was inside. Shirts, ties, hats, pants, but each time the Mexican shook his head and said, 'No.'
Finally, there was a box of socks.
The Mexican nodded vigorously, pointed to the box of socks and said, 'Eso sí que es!'
The shop assistant angrily blurted out, 'Then why didn't you just spell it in the first place???'

Q: What does a banana make, if a crocodile makes shoes?
A: Slippers.

Q: Why did they stop the leper hockey game?
A: Because there was a face-off in the corner.

A cruise ship sank in the middle of the ocean. Three men managed to get in a lifeboat. They floated around for days without any water or food. One morning a golden lamp floated up to the lifeboat. One man could reach it. He pulled the cork, and a genie appeared.
'I will grant each of you one wish,' said the genie.
'I wish I was home with my family,' said the first man. Then he was gone in an instant.
'I wish I was home with my girlfriend,' wished the second man. He was gone in an instant, too.
The third man looked around, and his face saddened.
'I am kind of lonely now,' he said. 'I wish my two friends were here with me again.'