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Our editors who have great sense of humor are collecting the best jokes since August of 1862, so for now we have more than 1458343 jokes on our webpage! (Yes, onemillion-fourhundred-fifty-eight-thousand-three hundred-forty-three!)
The jokes are here right now. Have a great laugh!
(Last joke update: 2020. May 30.)
A little girl and a little boy were playing doctor. The little boy pulled off his T-shirt and pointed to his nipples.
'I have got two of these,' he said. 'How many do you have?' he asked.
The little girl pulled off her T-shirt and showed him her nipples, 'I have two.'
The little boy pointed to his belly button, 'How many do you have?'
The girl looked down showed him her belly button, 'I have one.'
The boy took off his trousers and pointed to his penis, 'How many do you have?'
The girl raised her skirt, but she couldn't find that particular organ. The little boy started to taunt her. She ran home crying.
After 10 minutes she returned and told him happily, 'My Mum says that when I will be 16 years old, I will have as many of those as I want!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Little Richie wanted be be a cowboy. He lacked any cowboy skills, but he was eager to learn. Taking pity on him, a farmer decided to give him a chance.
'This is a lariat, we use this to catch cows.' he explained.
'I see,' said Little Richie, trying to seem he has some cowboy skills as he examined the lariat. 'And what do you use for bait?'
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A woman was sitting in the pub enjoying a bottle of premium dry red wine with her girlfriends. Suddenly the pub's door opened, and an exceptionally masculine, tall, sexy, bearded guy walked in. He was so striking that all the pub's women turned towards him. The young man noticed the woman's attentive stare and walked directly to their table.
Before she could apologize for being rude and staring, the sexy, bearded guy looked in her eyes and said, 'I will do anything what you want me to do so, my lady, no matter how kinky, for $150. I have only one condition.'
Surprised, the woman asked what the condition would be.
'You have only three words to tell me,' replied the sexy, bearded guy with a smile.
The woman got the $150 from her purse, counted into the guy's outstretched hand, and meaningfully said: "Clean my house."
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

At the computer software engineering course, the participants were given an awkward question to answer.
'Let's suppose that you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software. How many of you would disembark immediately?'
Almost everybody raised his hand. Only one man sat still.
'What would you do?' asked the instructor.
'I am sure that with my team's software the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

Lizzie prepared a pasta dish for her very first dinner party. In her haste she forgot to put the spaghetti sauce into the fridge, and it sat on the kitchen counter all day. She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook something else. She called the local Poison Control Center and told her concern. They advised Lizzie to simply boil the sauce again.
That night, the phone rang during her first dinner party, and a guest volunteered to answer it.
Lizzie's face dropped as the guest called out, 'It is the Poison Control Center. They called to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

The religious cowboy lost his Holy Bible while he was mending the fences of his ranch. Two days later, a bull walked up to him carrying his Holy Bible in its mouth. The cowboy took the precious book out of the bull's mouth. He looked up towards heaven and exclaimed, 'It's a divine miracle!'
'Not really a divine miracle,' said the bull, 'your name is written inside the cover.'
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(So far it's 4.33 point, based on 3 ratings)

A psychologist at the asylum decided to take his inmates to an american football game. He had trained the patients for long weeks in advance to respond to his commands.
When the day of the american football game arrived, everything went smoothly. As the national anthem started, the doctor yelled, 'Up nuts!'
And the patients stood up.
After the anthem he yelled, 'Down nuts!'
And they all sat down.
After a goal he yelled, 'Cheer nuts!'
And they cheered, clapping.
Thinking things were going well, he decided to go get a hot dog, so he left his assistant in charge. He returned only to see that there was a big fight. Finding his assistant was not easy, but he could ask what happened.
The assistant explained, 'Uh, everything was okay, but one guy walked by and yelled: "PEANUTS!"
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money met his lawyer.
'If I lose this case, me and my family will be ruined.'
'Everything is in the judge's hands now,' said the lawyer.
'Would it help if I sent the judge a box of quality cigars?'
'Oh, no and no! This judge is a sticks to ethical behavior. A gift like that would prejudice him against you. He might even put you in jail because of contempt of court. To be honest you shouldn't even smile at that judge.'
Finally the judge made a decision in favor of the defendant. As he and his lawyer left the courthouse he said, 'Thank you for the tip about the cigars. It worked!'
'I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent the box of quality cigars.'
'But, I did send them.'
'What, you did???' asked the lawyer, astonished.
'Yes. That is how we won the case.'
'I do not understand,' said the lawyer.
'It is easy. I sent the cigars to the judge, but enclosed the plaintiff's business card.'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A cowboy was riding through his land when he saw a king cobra. He reached for his shotgun when the snake said, 'Don't shoot me! I am an enchanted king cobra. If you let me live, I will give you three wishes.'
The cowboy answered, 'Okay, first, I want to have a face like Brad Pitt, then I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and finally I want sexual equipment like the horse I am riding.'
The king cobra said, 'All right, when you step into your house, it will happen.'
The cowboy got back on his horse and rode back to his house. He stepped in, and saw a face just like Brad Pitt in the mirror. He ripped off his shirt and had big muscles. The he ripped off his trousers, looked down and yelled, 'Oh, what the heck, I forgot I was riding the mare!'
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 2 ratings)

After hiking all day, a couple returned to their starting point only to find their car has been stolen. They went to the police station to make a full report. After, a cop helped them and drove them back to their starting point to see if there is any evidence. To their amazement, the car was parking there, someone returned it.
They found a note on the windshield: "I am sorry for taking your car, but my wife was having a baby, and we had to rush to the hospital. Please forgive us. Here are two tickets for tonight's jazz concert."
The couple attended the jazz concert, their faith in humanity was restored after all. However, they found their house robbed when they arrived home. All their valuable goods were stolen. And, they found a note on the window: "Well, you still have your car. I am sorry for taking some stuff, but I have to pay the college for my newborn somehow, don't I?"
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

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