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Our editors who have great sense of humor are collecting the best jokes since August of 1862, so for now we have more than 1458343 jokes on our webpage! (Yes, onemillion-fourhundred-fifty-eight-thousand-three hundred-forty-three!)
The jokes are here right now. Have a great laugh!
(Last joke update: 2020. July 8.)
A tycoon decided to launch a space shuttle with an astronaut and two monkeys. They trained them for the six months. When they thought they were ready for the space shuttle launch, they buckled them into the seats.
The mission control center contacted the first monkey, 'This is mission control center to Monkey One. Start!'
The first monkey started typing, the shuttle's engines ignited and the shuttle took off.
Three hours later the mission control center contacted the second monkey, 'This is mission control center to Monkey Two. Start!'
The second monkey started typing and the shuttle separated from the empty fuel tanks.
Another hour passed and the mission control announced, 'This is mission control center to the astronaut...'
The astronaut responded, 'I know. Feed the monkeys and do not touch anything.'
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(So far it's 4.2 point, based on 5 ratings)

An elderly lady was sitting next to the Pope on an airplane. They were flying in a storm, above snowy mountain peaks, and the plane was being rocked by some severe turbulence. She was horrified so she turned to the Pope and asked, 'Father, can you do something about this?'
To which the Pope answered, 'Sorry, I am in sales, not in management.'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

A young guy, who wants to travel all around the world, signs on to a cargo vessel to be trained as a helmsman. After mastering the classroom exams, he starts his practical training at the wheel of a vessel. In his first lesson, the helmsman instructor gives him a heading, and the young guy holds to it. Then the instructor orders, 'Come starboard.'
Knowing immediately which way starboard is, the guy hurries to his helmsman instructor. He has a puzzled look on his face. The wheel now is swinging freely. The instructor asks politely, 'Could you bring the cargo vessel with you?'
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

On a visit to New York, I wanted to visit a posh department store. It was so far from our hotel, that my husband hailed a cab, 'The lady wants to go to Barneys.'
The taxi driver looked at us carefully and asked back, 'And the gentleman? Does he want to go to the bank?'
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

It had been a long day, and the seven Founding Fathers were sitting around a wooden table sometime in 1776, working on the constitution.
Father 1: Oh, don't you think that it is getting rather warm in here?
Father 2: Shall I open the windows?
Father 1: No, thank you. I'll just take off my jacket, and roll up my sleeves.
Father 2: Hey, that's a good idea. Let's include that in the constitution.
Father 1: What? That we are allowed to take our jackets off and roll up our sleeves?
Father 2: Yes, but that does not sound very sophisticated. Maybe "Everyone shall have the right to bare arms?"
What is your opinion of this joke? Rate it!
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(So far it's 3.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

Q: How can you tell an extroverted programmer?
A: When he talks to you, instead of his own shoes he looks at yours.
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(So far it's 5 point, based on 1 ratings)

A wife found her husband standing over their newborn baby's wooden crib one evening. Silently she watched him. She saw a mixture of emotions on his face. Amazement, doubt, disbelief, delight. Touched by the deep emotions and this sweet situation, she walked to the baby's wooden crib and slipped her arms around her husband.
'A penny for your thoughts,' she whispered in his ear.
'It is amazing darling!' he replied. 'I just cannot understand how anybody can make a wooden crib like that for only $39,90!'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

A lawyer named Strange died. His best friend asked the local tombstone maker to engrave into his tombstone: "Here lies Strange, a lawyer and an honest man"
The tombstone maker insisted that such a carving would be very confusing. Passers would think that three men were buried under the stone. He suggested an alternative solution. He would engrave: "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer."
So those who are passing by would remark, 'That's Strange!'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

Jimmy and Joanna got married. On their honeymoon car trip they were driving to Seattle, when Jimmy put his hand on Joanna's knee. Joanna giggled and said, 'Jimmy, you can go a little farther if you want to!'
So Jimmy drove to Vancouver.
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(So far it's 4.5 point, based on 2 ratings)

A lawyer had a jury trial in a very complex business contract related case. His client was out of the city when the jury came back with its decision.
The lawyer immediately sent a voicemail to the client at the end of the trial, saying, 'Justice has triumphed!'
The client called him back, yelling, 'Appeal at once!'
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(So far it's 4 point, based on 2 ratings)

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